When People Say "You Deserve Better".....

[90_hour_sleep]

I think people tend to date others with similar education levels because it's MORE LIKELY that they will be on the same level, but not always a guarantee.

 

My boyfriend is a high school graduate only and I'm pursuing higher education but we do just fine. He's very smart, insightful, and perceptive.

 

so...maybe in the context of the original post...there could be a stigma associated with the lack of formal education. or...perhaps it's a difference in lifestyle?

 

maybe it has nothing to do with those traits you've mentioned, fudgie. maybe it has more to do with a lifestyle. better career...less financial burden...fiscal freedoms (holidays, toys, house, family, etc.). just the perception of an easier way of life?

[Fudgie]

It's possible. I don't know...my boyfriend isn't in debt or anything and makes a good salary, but he doesn't have a really "wealthy" lifestyle. He doesn't take holidays that often, doesn't have a huge house, etc. His life is relatively calm and simple. He likes to keep things that way.

[90_hour_sleep]

It's possible. I don't know...my boyfriend isn't in debt or anything and makes a good salary, but he doesn't have a really "wealthy" lifestyle. He doesn't take holidays that often, doesn't have a huge house, etc. His life is relatively calm and simple. He likes to keep things that way.

 

seems we live in a culture in which we're conditioned to believe that success in life correlates with educational success...and the opportunities that that success provides. but...your situation is proof that it's a bit of an illusion. so many forms of ''success''. your guy lives calmly...and simply...and it works for both of you. pretty cool in my books. think it's something most of us strive for.

[Fudgie]

To be honest, I felt that way too. My goal is just to be happy and have a relatively simple, pleasant life. It took me some time to realize this.

 

I mean, I am working toward higher education so I can work in primary care someday, but that's only because I want to. Heck, even if that didn't work out, I'd be fine being a nurse working with geriatric patients. Because I'd be doing what I KNOW I love. Honestly, as long as I'm making 60k/year so I can support myself and save up for the future (and I might need to be helping my sister), then I am fine.

 

I think I get my views from my parents. They are doctors and make a lot, but we don't live richly. It's all being saved in trust funds for my sister (who needs it, she has disabilities) and education and retirement. I like having a more simple life. It's easier to be happy with what you have when you don't have lofty expectations.

 

I don't attach much self worth to the degree I have. As long as I'm doing what I love, that's all I care about. I see a lot of people at my school who scoff at DOs because "ewww I only want to be a MD". I just laugh. I would be either because in the end, I am doing what I love!

 

If you let go of your pride, realize what you want, and stop trying to make your life like it "should" be according to the TV, then you can be sooooooo much happier!

[tiva1]

In the past, a few of my girlfriends would say, "You deserve better," in reference to some of the guys I've dated. So, for example, if they'd think I was 5 points higher up the physical scale, then they'd say, "But you deserve better! Come on!"

 

Although this "You deserve better" is quite subjective, I'm curious to know what were the reasons behind your friends' "you deserve better".

 

Also, do you think this 'you deserve better' can be equalized? Meaning, an average Joe, but wealthy, dating a model, but poor? The checks and balances system, I think.

 

 

A older woman I just met at a club just met me and my boyfriend. As we got into a conversation, I realized she is an attorney - very career oriented - and mentioned she had gotten divorced fairly recently (at age 54) and is finally free. She asked how long my bf and I had been together - I said "several months" - and she responded "The world is so big. There's so much to experience that you shouldn't get married yet, unless you want to. You deserve much better than him." Then she turned to her guy friend and said, "P, she deserves better, right?" To which I responded, "Yeah, I know I do... but he loves me. And I love him."

 

The man I'm with now is not perfect in the way society would expect. I am a college educated former hedge fund analyst, but I love the creative field and have won a beauty pageant, modeled and am a singer/songwriter/musician who has performed internationally. My boyfriend didn't have the opportunity to go to college but he is very well-read and intellectual. He doesn't have as much money right now as the men I've dated in the past, but he knows how to work hard, be productive and accomplish what he desires. He hasn't had the most cookie cutter, acceptable past, but because of this, he is more grateful for having me in his life. He always tells me that I don't know how deeply he loves and cherishes me. I've never felt this loved ever in my past. I've never dated a man who was as genuine with his emotions and intentions. He's shown how much he wants to be a better man because of my influence in his life. He used to be a social smoker in the past but when he met me and I told him I had respiratory issues, he immediately quit smoking. He shows he is willing to change so that WE can live a better life.

 

It's not about being accepted. The truth is, that woman who told me that I "deserve better", is just projecting her views about men and dating to me. She could've said it for various reasons. Maybe it was because of the way my bf looked or was dressed that night (he wasn't prepared to go out). Maybe it was his straight-talk style that she didn't like. Maybe he just didn't appear as charming as I am because of his straight-talk style. Whatever the reason, I'm just glad I'm not living her life: the life of a 54 year old woman who recently got divorced and is bar-hopping. As much as I've done, am doing and will do in my life - I am not defined by the superficial characteristics. I AM DEFINED BY THE CONTENT OF MY CHARACTER, MY CAPACITY FOR LOVE AND COMPASSION IN THIS WORLD. I may be able to get a "better" man - a richer, better looking, more successful, more prestigious partner. But from my experience, that cannot guarantee a contented relationship. In fact, many people who have more seem to have less appreciation for the good in their lives.

 

In this day and age of the liberated female, we can afford to settle with any man we want unlike the women before us who may have settled for security. It's all about who can make you happier, fill your days with love, who can be honest with you, respect you, be your best friend and companion who you can explore life and have fun with, and who is willing to dedicate their life to you (and vice versa). Of course, having a great sexual chemistry is part of the equation too! That person who appreciates you as you are (and still think you're "perfect" in their eyes) and who will be faithful. In an time when the world is filled with negativity, where infidelity, promiscuity and divorce occur at higher rates, my relationship feels like a fresh breeze... And my boyfriend is noticeably different from those of my past, who may have looked good to others but who've displayed less-than-perfect character after getting to know them better.

 

So, my friends, that's it. Look into the soul of your partner. That's why we call it "soul mates". It's not about the status, looks, money, etc... It's really about the love. And some people will live their lives and not appreciate or experience what may be in front of your very eyes.

[Thorshammer]

In my case, its because her friends are stupid. My ex's always talk about the issues with them, they wont talk on and on about how i have sex as much as how she is hurting over an argument we had. So, they throw up stupid comments like that, this goes for guys too. People complain to me about their gfs and wives, and i tell them to tell me the good, since they are building such a strong case about how they are "bad"- that its becoming way too one-sided.

 

Also, some friends are jealous. My ex's friends talked a lot of bs about me. They were all single party-women, my ex was the only one with a boyfriend that wasnt using her or playing games, and they all knew they would give up all their friends for a decent guy. In my experience, single party-women friends are something to watch out for, especially if this lifestyle pops up out of nowhere. I have heard "you can do better" a lot (both for looks and behavior), yet from their very own mouths i was their "better"- it was just their friends talking bs.

[Sportster2005]

In the past, a few of my girlfriends would say, "You deserve better," in reference to some of the guys I've dated. So, for example, if they'd think I was 5 points higher up the physical scale, then they'd say, "But you deserve better! Come on!"

 

Although this "You deserve better" is quite subjective, I'm curious to know what were the reasons behind your friends' "you deserve better".

 

Also, do you think this 'you deserve better' can be equalized? Meaning, an average Joe, but wealthy, dating a model, but poor? The checks and balances system, I think.

 

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Beyond that you are just dealing with entitlement issues.

[Stay_home]

Sometimes it's genuinely shallow when people suggest that you deserve better. In my experiences, it was in reference to looks. Like she's not attractive enough or something. Then again, sometimes I think that people are just plain ol haters and they don't want to see you happy.

[itsallgrand]

You deserve better...

 

usually take it to mean one of a few things...

 

*the person saying it doesn't really like the person you are with, or who you just broke up with

*the person saying it thinks you are lowering yourself as a person by being with this person, or who you broke up with, that they in some way were not healthy for you

*the person saying it thinks you have low standards or bad taste in men/women

 

 

 

It's up to you what to glean from what they are saying. It really is more helpful to say it more specifically if you are going to say anything at all, like "I don't think he treated you well" or whatever the thought may be. IF a person is going to say anything at all.

[epsilon2x]

You are way too caught up in this whole league and ranking system. I would say that at 23, "you should know better".

 

This.

 

Usually when people say "you deserve better" they aren't talking about the way a person looks physically. It's usually referring to the way the person is being treated.

 

The quote has an implied "you deserve better [treatment]"

[Sportster2005]

This.

 

Usually when people say "you deserve better" they aren't talking about the way a person looks physically. It's usually referring to the way the person is being treated.

 

The quote has an implied "you deserve better [treatment]"

 

I wish that were true. I've seen it used too much in other contexts. Be it physical looks or financial status. I know a woman who is close to me who is in love with her boyfriend. She is very happy. Her friends? tell her she deserves better because he doesn't make a lot of money. Quite sad.

[epsilon2x]

I wish that were true. I've seen it used too much in other contexts. Be it physical looks or financial status. I know a woman who is close to me who is in love with her boyfriend. She is very happy. Her friends? tell her she deserves better because he doesn't make a lot of money. Quite sad.

 

I can see what you're saying. In regards to looks and financial status, I've heard people say "you can DO better" as oppose to "you deserve better". I think there's a major different in the do vs deserve. Those are the 2 words that I see the distinguishment (apparently that's not a real word) in.

 

Deserve = better treatment

Do = looks/financial status

[happpybear]

I wish that were true. I've seen it used too much in other contexts. Be it physical looks or financial status. I know a woman who is close to me who is in love with her boyfriend. She is very happy. Her friends? tell her she deserves better because he doesn't make a lot of money. Quite sad.

 

wow that IS really sad.

 

I have always told people "they deserve better" when their SO is displaying really bad, disrespectful behavior, and I am trying to get my friend/relative to see that they need to value themselves more. the people I have said this too have chronically low self-esteem, and self-respect issues, basically, really damaged people. I have never said it in reference to looks or money.