doyathink Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Fear of the reaction- or have you not read the thread at all? I agree with Hex- you grill me like that you get kicked to the curb because you aren't my mother. He didn't have to justify himself to her, he does 'owe' her anything if he wishes to keep it private. When you're on a relationship yes you largely subjugate yourself to the relationship, but at the same time that dosent mean you're not entitled to A little privacy. Then tell her its none of her business. And I do agree....you are entitled to your privacy. Link to comment
doyathink Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Then say, "I don't consider that to be any of your business" and deal with the consequences. Who gets to set the rules about which things are ok to lie about and which aren't? LOL were both thinking the same thing here. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 If there was porn on his computer, you knew he was using it. It's so pointless to lie about that. So pointless. And you knew he was lying from the get go. My husband learned lying early in life, living with a very strict mother and preacher dad. He had to lie to survive there. Hard to unlearn habits sometimes. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Then say, "I don't consider that to be any of your business" and deal with the consequences. Who gets to set the rules about which things are ok to lie about and which aren't? I think that response would have just set the OP off as well. Couples should never set out to lie to each other. Take CS and I for instance. I know if I point out asked him something - unless it was one of those questions that no matter what he said, he'd be in the dog house - he would tell me the truth, every time. However, we both also know that I get in weird moods and ask questions I really don't want the answer to - let me rephrase that. I already know the answer but in some areas I'm still ovelry insecure. So while there may be an area were I ask a question and he gives me response while I believe that response, I also know there is a chance he's 'white lying' it so to speak so I don't go into a mad cow mood. You should never lie about big things but things such as watchig porn? The Op knew he was doing it and if it really didn't bother her she shouldn't have grilled him for six hours. Instead she - who claims to want all honesty - did not tell him she knew and grilled him like she didn't have proof. Link to comment
truegrit Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 After reading thru this whole thread my mind is still saying 6 HOURS.....6 HOURS!! Wow, I agree with Hex and OG and others. If she doesn't mind and she still went and snooped then why in creation would you even bother to ask him and set him up and then do 6 HOURS of total harassment to this poor guy. I would have told her it was none of her business and be gone after 10 minutes. WOW.......... Link to comment
Xylitol Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I am so dissapointed with many of the female reactions in this thread about considering lying as a deal breaker and therefore condemning this guy as the boogie man. Remember he was FORCED to lie. Meaning that under normal circumstances he would maintain his integrity. Imagine you are a drug user and you need a job , you can only find one job and that one doesn't allow drug users to be employed, what are you gonna do, starve to death or lie your way into that job. I tell you why he lied, he lied because females look down on male sexuality, in our culture its 'wonderfull' if you are pregnant, but the guy who had sex with the female is a dirty bastard for doing so. That's why no guy wants to admit it, because male sexuality is not accepted in our society.Its looked down on as dirty,especially in a christian environment. Guys can't help their DNA, and if they are not accepted they will try to hide it. Its only natural that the guy got scared that he would be punished for his sexuality, he has been unecessarily punished in the past already. He is not a liar, he was forced to be one. So if you would have created an open environment where male sexuality is accepted instead of questioned, then he would never have had to be forced to lose his dignity and lie to you in the first place. Link to comment
velvette Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I tell you why he lied, he lied because females look down on male sexuality, in our culture its 'wonderfull' if you are pregnant, but the guy who had sex with the female is a dirty bastard for doing so. woah what? in our culture FEMALE sexuality is waaay more taboo than male sexuality! you banged 10 girls in one night? you go, stud! but those 10 girls? sl*ts! (notice how there's WAY more derogative terms for promiscuous females than for promiscuous males? in fact, the only bad word describing men who sleep around is 'manwhore', which is derived from a female term. oh and look, it's not even considered a bad word on ENA, whereas if I try to type wh0re it will turn into astericks! hmm) Its only natural that the guy got scared that he would be punished for his sexuality, he has been unecessarily punished in the past already. He is not a liar, he was forced to be one. great, so now he has no free will, on top of being the ~poor repressed weaker sex~. seriously though, you just said, he may have been unnecessarily punished in the PAST. which means it's not OP's fault to cater to his problems, they're HIS baggage. SHE is not his past, she's never punished him for viewing porn. So if you would have created an open environment where male sexuality is accepted instead of questioned, then he would never have had to be forced to lose his dignity and lie to you in the first place. but she did. she doesn't think porn-watching is a big deal. she just wanted to know the truth. the problem here is not that he watched porn, but that he had to hide it from her. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I think Xylitol means that women do not accept male sexuality any more than men accept female sexuality. Men understand men and women understand women and that's the disconnect. Link to comment
rocio Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I thought Xylitol makes some great points. Link to comment
Starrgrl Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Wow lol I can't believe you asked him about it. You knew it was his so you should have left it. It's porn. He's a guy. It's normal, you didn't need to demand the truth. I read the other thread about a girl having problems with her bf masturbating... Seriously people? ==" Link to comment
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