OptomisticGirl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 End of story point is i have every right to know the truth about who am dating and what there about if they won't tell me... I want to know what type of person am with. They may not be right for me and i will never know unless they are honest and share there feelings iwth me. You say its wrong i went through his web history i say its wrong for people to act like children adn lie about who they are and what they are about. Lying is wrong no matter teh situation.. A person can share their feeligns wtih you and still not be brutally honest with you. Would you like to hear about how many women other than you he fantasizes about? Or that he does in fact find other women attractive, not just you? What exactlly would knowing these brutal and honest things do for you aside from destory your self esteem and make you rethink the relationship? Have you ever lied to him about having an orgasm? That's lying if you fake it. Link to comment
velvette Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 *shrugs* To each their own, I just see us all as humans who are not perfect. But if you're willing to end a relationship over even a small white lie, there are deeper issues at hand that has nothign to do with the lying. I have been lied to in a relationship and to my face at that. OP, if you don't want him to lie to you don't ask questions that you already know the answer to. And it might be best if you don't go through his internet history.. that screams that you don't trust him and you are snoooping. you say to each their own and yet in the same breath say there are deeper issues in a relationship which would end over a lie. by the way I don't see lies as "white" or any other color. a lie is a lie, and that's about it for me. I can't imagine a single thing he would need to lie to me about, ever. we've been together over four years, and are always honest with each other. even over the stupid questions (yes, even "do you ever think about other people when you jerk off?"--and I don't really care if he does!). as for the OP, I believe she snooped because she felt a lie, and wanted to uncover the bottom of it. how can she trust him if she feels he's lying to her face? if honesty is important to her, then it is, and now it's a question of whether this guy's a pathological liar OR if he just had this one issue he hasn't worked through. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Just because she thought he was lying does not give her the right to snoop in his personal life. If honesty is so big for the OP is she going to tell him she snooped? Link to comment
LonelyAmaris Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 To optimistic girl : I only care baout thinsg that relate to our relationship in the here and now i never said i asked him 10101000 questions about his whole life. And yes i did think he was lying first of all we share ""share"" the computer its his fault fo rnot covering his tracks if he didn't want me to investigate further. I didn't go into it looking !!!!!!!!! As i just said we share the home computer and he got caught. So yes i contiued to try to trust him after teh first lies adn then realized he is a pathological liar. END OF STORY : A LIE IS A LIE AND NO ONE LIKES TO BE LIED TO. I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO KNOW THE TRUTH IS TEH PERSON AM WITH ISN'T WHO THET ACT SAY THEY ARE. FOR EXAMPLE HE GOES LOOKING FOR PPL TO HOOK UP WITH AND WOULD NEVER TELL ME THIS. SO AM SUPPOSE TO PUT MYSELF AT RISK FOR STDS BECUSE I NEED TO RESPECT HIS PRIVACY BUT HE DOESN'T RESPECT MY BODY AND MY HEALTH REALLY Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 To optimistic girl : I only care baout thinsg that relate to our relationship in the here and now i never said i asked him 10101000 questions about his whole life. And yes i did think he was lying first of all we share ""share"" the computer its his fault fo rnot covering his tracks if he didn't want me to investigate further. I didn't go into it looking !!!!!!!!! As i just said we share the home computer and he got caught. So yes i contiued to try to trust him after teh first lies adn then realized he is a pathological liar. You are calling him a pathological liar but has he lied about other things or just this one thing? A patholigcial liar lies about EVERYTHING so unless he's lied to you about other topics in the past you are generalizing him under something he isn't. He's a man who lied to you about watching porn and instead of finding out WHY he lied you are just going to dump him? Doesn't sound like it was a very stable relatinoship to begin with if you can do that. Link to comment
LonelyAmaris Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 To optimistic girl: End of story : A lie is a lie and no one likes to be lied to. I have every right to know the truth is teh person am with isn't who thet act say they are. For example he goes looking for ppl to hook up with and would never tell me this. So am suppose to put myself at risk for stds becuse i need to respect his privacy but he doesn't respect my body and my health really. If you feel grown enough to be in a relationship be grown enough to deal with one. Lying isn't dealing with problems. If these type of ppl want respect they have to give it. He dind't repsect me by lying adn doing what he did so i have no reaosn to be concerned with his feelings about me watching out for myself with someone who can't handle being a adult Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 And how do you know he goes looking for other people? I like how you keep side stepping all my points - you can keep saying 'end of story a lie is a lie' but unless YOU look at the reasons why you are willing to let a relationship end over this - if it's his only lie - then the cycle will just repeat itself. Link to comment
LonelyAmaris Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 to optimistic girl: ask me before you assume i hope one day you experience this so you can get some life experience and maturity. lying is wrong . you make it seem like its ok to be a liar....is this what your saying. and for your information yes he has turned out to lie about everything. Am sorry you don't expect much from the person your with but i know what i deserve and that is to be with someone who is a honest person. Link to comment
LonelyAmaris Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 You have proven my point how can you work on anyting or find out when the person lies about it Link to comment
LonelyAmaris Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 And for your information yes there is proof he is looking for flings with people.. Its his fault we share a computer and he is not good at covering his tracks its not like i have to dig deep. He just wants to do what he wants to do with me still standing by him Link to comment
velvette Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Just because she thought he was lying does not give her the right to snoop in his personal life. If honesty is so big for the OP is she going to tell him she snooped? I'm assuming she did tell him she snooped, and that's what brought him to finally admit it? if she hasn't, and honesty is as important to her as it is to me, I'm sure she would tell him eventually. if not already. in my relationship, sometimes we snoop on each other by 'convenient accident'. ie my mailbox was just open or I needed to use his computer. but we always tell each other right after, especially if we found something (ie once he read a mail I'd sent to a friend talking about a recent relationship problem). but really we don't care. he doesn't mind telling me all his passwords, and he's the only person I allow on my laptop unsupervised. also psst OG, LonelyAmaris is not the person who started the thread. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 to optimistic girl: ask me before you assume i hope one day you experience this so you can get some life experience and maturity. lying is wrong . you make it seem like its ok to be a liar....is this what your saying. and for your information yes he has turned out to lie about everything. Am sorry you don't expect much from the person your with but i know what i deserve and that is to be with someone who is a honest person. Hunny, I have hte life experience and maturity. My ex cheated on me twice and lied to my face for the entire four years we were together. I have plenty of life experience, enough that tells me a relationship in the end can not survive on 100% honesty nor can it survive on 100% deciet. Lying about big things is wrong.. lying about whether you watch porn? That's a stupid thing to end a relationship over, yes. My fiance respects me and is honest with me but I'm an ADULT and realize that people tell white lies in order to spare your feelings sometimes. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 You have proven my point how can you work on anyting or find out when the person lies about it It ain't just that person that has to work on it.. it's YOU too. Link to comment
DrKitten Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Edit: My bad. I thought LonelyAmaris was the OP. Link to comment
LonelyAmaris Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 I am done with this conversation. But you proved my point. How can you work on things and find out why when the person keeps denying the existence of a issue. AND also for your information I happen to be a very respectful person and calm when we talk he is the wo yells and avoids talking. I won't fight with you anymore. Lying is wrong and people should tell the truth. Maybe its something you won't know until it happens to you...? Goodluck kid Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 I'm assuming she did tell him she snooped, and that's what brought him to finally admit it? if she hasn't, and honesty is as important to her as it is to me, I'm sure she would tell him eventually. if not already. in my relationship, sometimes we snoop on each other by 'convenient accident'. ie my mailbox was just open or I needed to use his computer. but we always tell each other right after, especially if we found something (ie once he read a mail I'd sent to a friend talking about a recent relationship problem). but really we don't care. he doesn't mind telling me all his passwords, and he's the only person I allow on my laptop unsupervised. also psst OG, LonelyAmaris is not the person who started the thread. I hope she does.. otherwise that's incrediablly hypocrtical. CS and I have each other's passwords to everything and it works for us. We never 'check up' on each other but it's an emotional thing for us since both of us has been cheated on. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 I am done with this conversation. But you proved my point. How can you work on things and find out why when the person keeps denying the existence of a issue. AND also for your information I happen to be a very respectful person and calm when we talk he is the wo yells and avoids talking. I won't fight with you anymore. Lying is wrong and people should tell the truth. Maybe its something you won't know until it happens to you...? Goodluck kid For the last time hunny, I have been lied to. Probably in more decietful ways then you have ever been lied to. So even with having my ex lie to me about drinking a beer and I'm sitting there SMELLING the stuff on his breath, I still think white lies can keep a relationship going. You on the other hand have it dead set that anyting one that disagrees with you is wrong. And for the last time, there is a difference in an issue in cheating and one with wathcing porn and lying about it. If you're willing to break up with someone because they lied about that fact alone, you need to look at yourself and realize you aren't a perfect person either. Link to comment
LonelyAmaris Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 I have been though a lot with him and everything makes it worse. I didn't post this thread I just commented and someone responded to me not the thread poster. Some how me and OP just started going back and forth. And to the other chick my point in saying what I said was not to make the focus porn or even his other stuff but that LYING is not the right road to take. A person should be allowed to do what they want as long as its not hurting or going to hurt someone eles. I told him if he wanted to go on those sites porn and esp the fling and be a bah-lore he could but that was not the type of relationship I was looking for. I told him he is free to do whatever he wants but I want to know where we stand and whats going on. I don't want to be with someone I can't trust and can't be honest with me. There are more issues we have ranging from his drug abuse to other stuff more far out so next time focus on the originally poster. I wasn't trying to have a conversation with you like this. I just wanted to share my opinion with the originally poster not all this. Link to comment
LonelyAmaris Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Again am not the person who posted this thread you aren't paying attention Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 There is a difference in lying about somethign big. If I found my fiance was looking to hook up with someone and lied to me about it Hell yes he would be out the door, that's an important and fundamental thing to lie about. Lying about whether or not he watches porn? No. That's small compared to the other scenario. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Again am not the person who posted this thread you aren't paying attention I am paying attention.. I'm responding directly to your posts which you direct at me. Don't exactly see how I'm NOT paying attention. Link to comment
LonelyAmaris Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Don't judge my situation when you don't know me or the person am talking about. YOU SURE TALK ALOT but it seems you have a problem with anyone that disagrees with you. AND YES I HAVE Told him cuz am a honest person lol WOW sum ppl Link to comment
LonelyAmaris Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 I never said we broke up and I never said I was thinking about breaking up with him on the porn fact alone THE PERSON WHO STARTED THE POST SAID SOMETHING LIKE THAT NOT ME ! YOU ARE NOT PAYING attention we have two different situations with one base in common. Different relationships. Link to comment
velvette Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 what bothers me here is the blatant lying. I can understand a 'small lie' (off-hand, casual lie). but 6 hours of continuous denial over such a small subject (yes 6 hours of grilling is intense too, but if I were in her shoes I'd probably do the same--out of disbelief that this guy I love and trust could just keep lying to my face!) makes me question the amount of trust in the relationship. as I said though, it probably has more to do with his problems with his self-identity about porn than it has to do with a need to lie. my boyfriend, at one point in our relationship, tried to 'cover up' the fact that he watched porn. for example, he would only watch it when I was away. it didn't concern me so I didn't ask, but one day I came home early and he was blushing beyond belief even though he'd already closed the video! I asked him what he was doing (it was so cute) and he admitted to watching porn (very funny!). so we got to bond a bit more, because he was honest. he got to learn that I'm fine with him watching porn, and I got to learn he's an honest blusher, lol. and now we watch porn together for fun! win-win. also, you can say what you want, but my relationship thrives on 100% honesty. different people, different boats? don't knock it just because it doesn't work for you. I'm sure your relationship works with white lies, and I'm not saying it's any worse or better than mine. just different. and I know I'm not perfect. and I know he's not perfect. but at least we can be honest about our imperfections, and trust the other to be understanding. I just like knowing that if I asked him a question, I can get his honest reply the first time around. and I can just take it at face-value. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Don't judge my situation when you don't know me or the person am talking about. YOU SURE TALK ALOT but it seems you have a problem with anyone that disagrees with you. AND YES I HAVE Told him cuz am a honest person lol WOW sum ppl The only person judging people is you. Just because I state that ending a relationship over lying about porn is stupid does not mean I am talking about your situation. There ARE other situations in the world other than yours and I was directing that to the OP. And yes, it's a forum. You post. Hence, people talk. If you don't like what I have to say then leave the thread. Link to comment
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