rich46 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Hi, Quick recap. Long distance relationship with Japanese girl. 8 months. I lived in Korea but moved to a different part of Japan last August. So still long distance. I was planning to move closer to her next month but she got cold feet and started distancing, asking for "time and space" etc. I told her I couldn't maintain contact and be strung along, so in November started NC. A few blips on both of our parts, but last contact was 1st January when I texted Happy New Year and she replied within 30 minutes. Anyway, straight after the last contact, I deleted her number, blocked her on MSN and deleted all old photos from my phone. I started dating girls and had a couple of dates in Tokyo a few weeks ago. One such girl is going well, and as it happens, this evening I have been arranging a trip with her on MSN for April...as in a weekend getaway. She asked if I was ok reserving a double room, and of course I am happy with that. Now... Within an hour of this, I got a text from my ex! It's like they know you are moving on! It simply said "Hey are your friends in New Zealand ok??" which is because i lived in NZ for one year, and there was a huge earthquake there today. I had to check who it was as I don't recognise her number anymore! I admit that my heart was racing for about 30 seconds, but my gut reaction is to ignore it. It is tough for me and goes against my nature, but surely she isn't that concerend about my "friends in NZ" and is just using this as a chance to keep me dangling/hanging on/test the waters. So any advice? Reply or keep moving on? Thanks everyone, this site has helped so much the last few months. NC is always the way to go. Rich Link to comment
confused24 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Part of her probably cares, part of her also wants to know why she hasnt heard from you. I wouldnt write back personally but if you feel she is truly concerned then maybe you can say something very simple with no questions asking how she is. Dont play into it. My ex does the same thing here and there. They need their ego stroked. You have a new nice girl, enjoy that and keep moving forward. Link to comment
professorplum Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I agree. If you were responding to this as someone else's query Rich what would you say? My guess is almost certainly just ignore it. If this seems callous given the situation in NZ, then just say something like 'My friends are fine thanks.' Good to hear about your forthcoming plans - hope you both enjoy yourselves. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Well done man, good luck with the new girl! Don't reply, there's no need. If you were to, something along the lines of "Yep, they're great, thanks." Honestly though, I don't even think it requires a reply. Let her have allllll the time and space she needs. Link to comment
rich46 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Thanks for the replies, you are right. I'm not going to respond. If I did respond, we would exchange a few texts, then I wouldn't hear from her again for 6-8 weeks. She would have her fix and it would be in my thoughts again. No win situation. And she didn't think about MY feelings when she was pulling away last November. Let the NC continue...... Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Yep, that realization hit me. I didn't think it was a big deal to reply to her after a few weeks had passed, but again, that just shows them they have you on a string. Dammit. Hahah. Keep us updated. Link to comment
Robin2904 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Isn't it funny how they almost KNOW you have begun to move on and that is when the reach out? A few weeks ago I was in the process of going on my first real date since the break up, I finally felt like I was moving on then BAM and the same thing happened to me and the ex texted me. Honestly replying was the WORST decision I could make. It set me back a lot. I wouldn't reply if I were you. I see now that he did that to keep me hanging on, to see if I was still waiting in the wings so he could give me a little crumb and keep me there. It hindered my healing and took me a few weeks to get back on my feet again. If you DO decide to say anything keep it VERY minimal. I almost felt like this bothered him more. You could say 'They are fine thanks' and that would be it. When my ex texted me he said 'Hi wanted to say hi and see are you okay?' and all I replied was 'great thanks' and I KNOW that bothered him because he texted again that night and again the next day. I should have let it end there- if I did I would have had the upper hand. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Do not respond to the text, it's obviously not that important to her that she just texts you out of nowhere asking how your friends are after an earthquake. She should have no reason to contact you unless she wants to reconcile in some way. Why put all of your hard work to waste by texting her back and getting caught up in the tangle of an ex? There's no point. Keep your head held high, stay away from the ex, no use in kicking a dead horse, right? Link to comment
rich46 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 Great...thanks for your replies! I haven't replied. And I have no intentions of doing so if she texts again. I found it quite an arrogant text message to be honest. No "Hey Rich, how are you? I know we haven't contacted for a while but I saw the news about the earthquake and I was worried about your friends..." I might have acknowledged that briefly, but thanks to your replies, I am now convinced I have done the right thing in ignoring it. I have a lot to look forward to in the next few months (parents coming to Japan, meeting the new girl, cherry blossom season here in Japan, etc) and I don't want to get embroiled with my ex again, and her mind games. I'll update this thread if she contacts again at any stage... Rich Link to comment
thekid55 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 I'm going to disagree with everyone in this thread. I think if you sent her a text saying, 'Everyone is fine. Thanks' then that's sufficient. Flip the roles in this situation. Say you heard there was an earthquake and some of her friends were in that location. Wouldn't you feel the need to reach out and ask her, only in a friendly way? Remember, you guys were a big part of each other's lives at one point. I think she was just trying to be polite and I always believe in taking the high road in these situations. By not responding, you are showing her too that you are so into her that you just can't even respond to a text. Texting her back would take literally 5 seconds and that'd be it. Ultimately it's your decision, but I think she was just triyng to be polite in this instance. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Wow, I can see both sides here... My parents live on the Mississippi coast, and if a hurricane had just hit there and my ex (well...my ex ex, lol...we reconciled 5 days ago) wrote me asking how they were, I'd probably send a friendly message back basically saying what thekid said, "They are doing alright, and thank you for asking." However, rich, if you feel it is in YOUR best interest not to reply, then by all means, do not reply. Yes, it will stir up feelings again...and yes, she could have shown a little more concern about you, as well. Link to comment
rich46 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 I can see what Thekid is saying, and usually I would feel the same. However, the last time she initiated contact with me was in mid-December. She sent a text one Saturday night that simply said "Good night but I didn't reply. The next day in the afternoon, she sent another one saying "how are you?" to which I replied in an upbeat manner. She sent another text, and I replied again in an upbeat manner, but then...nothing. No text on Christmas Day. Nothing. So she disappeared again basically. I thought a lot about it and decided to send the final text on New Years Day and I wrote "Happy New Year M***, I hope 2011 brings you happiness" and she replied saying how she hopes I have a great year too. Then I deleted the message, her number, our photos and blocked her on MSN and since that day I have made great strides. One other point: I don't actually have any friends in Christchurch, where the earthquake hit. My ex knows I lived in New Zealand for a year, but it's not like I have a best friend in Christchurch who I always used to talk about. It's simply not the case. Therefore, on this occasion, I am going to disagree with thekid. I remember in November when she was pulling away, and we were chatting on MSN (as we were long distance). We always finished our conversation with "huggggs" or something similar, but she just ignored mine and that is what prompted the start of the end. She had no qualms ignoring me that night, so why is she bothered about these friends in NZ that I don't even have? Time to stop worrying about her feelings, and concentrate on my own. Link to comment
italiannmf24 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Thanks for the replies, you are right. I'm not going to respond. If I did respond, we would exchange a few texts, then I wouldn't hear from her again for 6-8 weeks. She would have her fix and it would be in my thoughts again. No win situation. And she didn't think about MY feelings when she was pulling away last November. Let the NC continue...... Good to hear that you know what's good for you. Keep it up, you can only go forward from here. Link to comment
rich46 Posted February 26, 2011 Author Share Posted February 26, 2011 Good to hear that you know what's good for you. Keep it up, you can only go forward from here. Thanks, I appreciate your support! Link to comment
rich46 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 So she just texted me again..."Hey Rich did you change your number??" Any change in philosophy? I am tempted to reply otherwise she will keep trying, maybe a quick "Nope, same one." Link to comment
Scotty123 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Exs are so good at knowing when you've begun to get on with your life ! If I was you and you don't want to get involved in a conversation I would just carry on ignoring her. Just my thoughts. I was in a LDR too and got a text on friday saying she was moving house ... around the corner from where she lives. I managed not too text back " So what ?? " I think the exs are just fishing, looking for an ego boast. Link to comment
confuseddotcom Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 So she just texted me again..."Hey Rich did you change your number??" Any change in philosophy? I am tempted to reply otherwise she will keep trying, maybe a quick "Nope, same one." I'd reply with "Yes". That'll confuse her! Link to comment
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