i'm such a wreck right now. Help.Nonchalance fail.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Ok,

 

I really think this is just me venting, if anyone has opinions, please feel free. I'd really want to have a good idea of what to do. Maybe i'll do nothing. Maybe i'll just say "f it" and go for it. But ugh.

Don't get too rattled if few respond to these threads. That's the nature of the beast.

People get busy, etc.

 

Use these threads as a blog or for venting. That's what I did with one of the threads I started,

[h=3] My long-distance marriage[/h]I find myself posting to older threads I had posted in, with on-point thoughts. One reason, to keep the thread going.

Unlike at Love Shack, where forum posts get "locked" if no new posting in 60 days, the posts here can go a long time...

[sfindependent]

Don't get too rattled if few respond to these threads. That's the nature of the beast.

People get busy, etc.

 

Use these threads as a blog or for venting. That's what I did with one of the threads I started,

[h=3] My long-distance marriage[/h]I find myself posting to older threads I had posted in, with on-point thoughts. One reason, to keep the thread going.

Unlike at Love Shack, where forum posts get "locked" if no new posting in 60 days, the posts here can go a long time...

 

yep. I don't expect people to respond at all if any.

 

I'm just a bit confused about my feelings for MI. I'm affected by her dating other men, and I know she is affected with me dating other women as well. But, it is MY problem and i shouldn't let anyone be affected by it. Again, it's time for me to retract, regroup and re-do my life plan. It just sort of lost itself again somewhere.

 

i'm glad things are looking positively otherwise. Hope you'er doing well, C.

[sfindependent]

ok. thought about it. i dunno what i was on but back to reality.

 

i've been feeling sorta mushy towards MI for the past few days and have resulted with me throwing mixed signals...

 

the beauty of our friendship is that i came home for a minute, saw her and said "why ruin a good thing up, right?" and that was it. i'm feeling a lot better, have a clearer idea of my direction and just keep doing my own thing.

 

the beauty of being single. love it.

 

live positively,

SF

[TomboyMS]

10 women? Sounds like San Fran is the place to be. How's the job market for social workers?

[sfindependent]

@MS- yeah, no winners though. I was going for #11, but meh. Plus i've been needing to take care of business other than women.

 

I've been looking for another job to supplement my income... i've been finding myself broke all the time and still with a lot of things needing to get paid. I'm tired of feeling this way.

 

ugh. needing to vent. Need to get my life in order. need to get my $$ in check.

[wolflovesmoon]

part of what`s happening to you know has happened to me. My girlfriend ( we are having some problems now too) she didnt want to be with me. because i hurt so bad and i did. her boss recommended she date his best friend`s son. he was a chemical engineer. got money a car, me: no damn car, not a good job,, lol

anyway she went on a date ( he toke her to a place i was thinking of taking her there ) next day ( sunday) she posted a pic and a status on facebook saying she had the most romantic night of her life. nice conversation, sweet kisses.. ughhhhh. when i read it i had a fever, i really was about to pass out and i lost my apetit for the whole day. have a headache. all i did i went to the pool right away, swum for a while. toke a cold shower afterward till i relaxed. i didnt call her or anything. next day we talked and i told her she has the right to go on dates and find someone whom she may think if the best for her, but she should also have some consideration to my feelings ( i deleted her from facebook) thats when she asked me why. then i told her how i felt.. later she deleted the pic and the status. i told her if that`s what you want i wish you happiness and i hope he treat you as good as i did. Monday we talked a little and she left to go see a movie with him. after the movie she called and asked if she want to stop by,, i said for sure but i suggested we meet at a nearby coffee. when she picked me up the first thing she said was she missed me, i smiled and i said thanks, we drove to the coffee and started talking,, asked how was the movie, the guy. i told her i was happy she had fun. after talking and looking into each others eyes we kissed and we hugged, the guy was controlling and smelled terrible ( i don`t want to say why not to offend some readers) she tempted to take it a little further than kissing but i stopped her nicely. she left and she dumped the guy right away to the point he texted her calling her * * * * * ..

This whole story is just to show you, you can take control of the situation, i know its very hard when you live in pain and hurt most of the time. you can`t force someone to be with you, women needs strong men, who are able to live without them. desire them and love them but don`t be slave to them. either move or kick her out and change what you can change, from what you say i guess you are a cool guy and you will attract others, the other guy is an escape, someone to fulfill her needs for now. when you are gone, don`t talk to her, stop it right away. move on and enjoy your life

[sfindependent]

@wolf - thanks for the advice wolf.

 

I've been over her for the past few months now the saga's over and I personally don't want to be there anymore for her romantically. I've been dating around and it's been fun. life with 0 ties is amazing.

 

i still want to be her friend if she so desires. I do try and really, i've been living such a crazy life i don't want crazies in my life to complicate it.

 

me and the last ex hang out occasionally. she's still closed off as she's ever been (even more so now that we're broken up) but it's not my loss. as i say... live positively.

 

what i'm struggling now with aren't issues of the heart, and i'm sorry to hear you're going through that. read through my thread. It'll make you realize there's so many people on here that will try to help with their knowledge... my transition back in January till today shows a complete turn aroundm and even more so a newly gained outlook in life.

 

i still love all my exes, even the ones that hurt me. love is given and they have my heart for good. I'm not wanting any back romantically, but hell... love is love.

[askltk]

It is amazing reading back through these threads, especially our own - to really see where we have progressed / made mistakes etc. Put's into context how far we've come.

[sfindependent]

ask, yep. I'm actually proud of myself. My problems/the focus of my problems have shifted dramatically since i've changed my outlook in life and how i see myself.

 

I've found myself slipping again, drinking constantly, meeting random women, dating like mad, blowing money like i had tons of it, and neglecting my health and well being. I need to go back to that lifestyle i lead for a month where i was a few veggies away from being straight edge. no alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, partying... just read a book at the local coffee shop. I think that's my goal this week, not as hard core but just keep it to a minimum.

 

I've stopped dating almost all the women i went on a binge with. I've got only one or two left that i run around with but the one i've been seeing the most as been interesting to say the least. I can guarantee she's not gonna be the mother of my unborn children but she's been interesting to hang with most times. She's raised so many red flags though, it's extremely hard to commit.

 

As you know, i've been seeing FL on a small dose basis and a talking to her online on an alm0st daily one. I'm very curious about what people think of this sitch:

 

she's been drinking a lot. Like crazy, hammered and hungover the next day basis. almost everytime i talk to her, her conversations usually start and end with a drinking story or most times, she's stopped telling stories because most of her conversations are about drinking. I don't know if you all remember, we're both heavy drinkers. Up till this wednesday, she's not had a job in months because she was fired from her job a few months ago (it's going to be part time but she talked about accepting the job like she was doing the world a favor by doing so). since i've known her, she's only had three jobs, one was the one she recently lost, and the other i had to severely influence the program director to give her an opportunity to do so.

 

anyway, my friend saw her at a bar she frequents the other night and he said she was extremely drunk. flirty and sloppy. she admitted to my friend that she's been seeing this one guy and is happy to be so. My friend ended up offering her a lift home and she took his offer.

 

Now, i'm not bothered nor jealous by the fact that she's seeing someone; clearly, i'm quite over her already in a romantic aspect. I do not believe that re-establishing a romantic relationship with her will benefit either of us, and simply put, her lack of motivation to live life and be content with her little world makes the concept of having someone to enjoy "the world with" a bit unrealistic.

 

But there are a few things that bothered me about the entire situation.

 

1) i'm a bit jealous of the fact that she's found someone so quick (BU in Jan, '11), i've been dating yes, but no one to really make me "happy" and attracted. Wholefoods girl (one of the women i've been seeing consistently) is cool but again, she raises so many red flags it's difficult to commit entirely again. Another really close friend of mine just proposed to his longterm gf and it just made me feel nostalgic and wondering about my single-ness situation, as happy as i am being single at the present moment. I'm not too bothered by her seeing a new man It also makes me feel a bit "replaced" for a better model. But how better can he be? If she wasn't happy with a man who was motivated to see the world, hike, bike, explore new things with, aren't afraid of commitment, has a stable career, funny, supportive (but defintiely rough around the edges, i've got a few personality quirks to improve), what kind of man is he? I know he's a drinker, she's constantly leaving at around 6pm to drink happy hour with him and from what i know, he's also a frequent flier at the bar she goes to. he can be fun but i'm definitely more than just a drinker.

 

2) She's been drinking a lot. Now, i know she's not my problem anymore, but almost everytime i talk to her, she's drinking at 2pm to get over a hangover she's had the night before. It'll be hypocritical of me to tell her "i'm concerned about your drinking" because I myself consume alcohol enough to kill a cow, but i do not drink at 2pm on a wednesday to get over a binge session hangover from the night before. And i do not center my life around boozing all the time. she maybe happy but i've always felt she wasn't entirely, and have succumbed to just drinking that something away to forgetfulness. I've tried to talk to her in a sit down way but she's just always denied "i'm happy, this is who i am", but i know she's not. I've known her for two years, long enough to be able to tell that something deep inside of her is wrong, whether she knows it or not.

 

Again, she's not my problem. I know this. I am just frstrated and feeling like i needed to vent.

 

3) As you all know, i've been hanging with FL a number of times. She told my friend that she's a bit uncomfortable with the me a bit becuse she feels i am still "holding on to hope" and a bunch of baloney about her thinking i'm still into her and wanting her back. I'm not. I'm really not interested in her romantically. as a matter of fact, thinking of being with her again just makes me blech.

 

But i do care for her and miss her as a friend. I do miss goofing around with her and all that. I've reiterated that fact with her. but i think she's too deaf to hear it. It's frustrating to find out that after all this time, she thinks i still want a piece of that and is uncomfortable doing anything more than drinking with me once in a while. I've told her i am good on the drinking, want to do something different other than staying and drinking in her town and in the local spots we went to, doing the same thing she usually does and previously did with me when we were dating. i told her i want to go and hit the beach, go to the park take a hike and her response is "that's too datish". It's infuriating how small minded she is, and can't see the bigger picture of things.

 

Again, just to reiterate to ENA'ers. I'm not interested in her anymore, romantically.

 

Oh well. Not my loss. I just get severely frustrated sometimes and need to vent.

I've been trying to make a life for myown. The beauty of distance and self reflection is that i've found myself to be able to live without her. I am my own man. And please, don't think i'm still centering my life around her. This whole incident is just a blip in my radar, I've my own thing going and have a life of my own, i'm becomng more and more happier with as the days go by.

 

thanks for the read, and thanks for the opinions if anyone feels the need to throw some my way.

[MakeItCount]

I had to change my advice when you said she still thinks you're holding onto hope. Cut her off. This girl is a friggin cancer in your life. Seriously, you're not going to get that "friend" back. Find a new girl to goof around with. This has honestly gone on for much too long. I don't care if you want her back or not, but you're trying to change something that won't change and it's clearly still having an effect on you. This is not someone I'd want to be friends with, and it's not someone you should hang around with. I cut people like that out of my life. She doesn't appreciate you trying to reestablish the friendship with. CUT HER OFF.

 

As far as this new guy. She's not happy. She's in a haze of booze and won't come out of it anytime soon. She has fun drinking with him and that's it. Let her be "happy" and run her life into the ground.

 

Seriously dude..forget this girl. Again, SHE IS A CANCER IN YOUR LIFE. I can't believe you stil don't see this.

[sfindependent]

MIC, FLa Man, whoever's been following this thread:

 

I'm Baaaack!!!!

 

Ok, it's been a crazy few months. Last I posted back in august, I was posting about all these random things I've been doing. So, here's an update (And i might need advice on this one, folks, there's a lot)

 

so, after a huge date-crazy months, i've decided i need a break. I was literally starting to $lu t out so hard i'm starting to lose interest in sex altogether. I've dropped most of the women i've been seeing, now i'm down to 2-3, but even that i'm tapering off.

 

WF: she's my biggest problem. Ok, so she's a good girl, wants to be my gf, but red flags just keep coming up. She's selfish of my time, hates women (and super insecure, i've a lot of girl-friends whom i know she'd not get along with simply because she would be jealous of them), and really doesnt know what she wants out of life. She's angry at me all the time (because i can't commit, a part of which i've been honest about for the longest time), starts calling me names, and threatens to never talk to me again if her ultimatum of not being exclusive isn't met. I can see where she's coming from, it's been four months since we started hanging out, but i've not seen something about her i really want to commit to primarily since i don't want to hurt her since i've been dating around. Also, i've known all along that i'm not ready. But to be honest, this ultimatum is sort of throwing me off... "i've moved on" she said. "it was either you be my boyfriend or i'm done, and you f'd up" then called me names. I think her calling me names is a product of her anger towards me, but otherwise when we're together, i have a lot of fun with her and she's supportiveo f me. But sometimes, she gets to be a bit "nose up in the air" gets a bit condesceding, and talks $#it about other people all the time in a negative sense (i'm super positive and she's super negative aura) since she wants to prove herself smart, cover up her insecurities, and all but as a result it just drags my mojo down.

 

Muni: I met her on the bus. slept with her a few times, hung out with her, good dates. But quite frankly, i'm not into her as much as i was into WF. I'm not sure how to tell her this isn't working for me. io'll hang out with her a few more times and we'll see.

 

I'm getting a bit apprehensive just thinking about dumping both of them, but i feel i'm not meeting the right women for me. I tried to contact WF a few times today to try and work it but so far, she's ignored me, told me she's done and has moved on. So be it. I'm not gonna chase after her. i shouldn't, should i? she's bad for me anyway, i feel.

 

I'm also a bit worried about a friend of mine, whom i thought held me as special as i did her, but apparently, i'm the bad guy here and i thought of what you might think what i should do.

 

I've had this friend for years whom i thought i'd always have for the rest of my life. But lately, i think i've been more of a friend to her than she has me, and feel that i've been taken advantage of, hurt and betrayed severely.

 

because of the sensitivity of things, i'll try to be as vaguely specific as i can about her.

 

So, i've been having problms with my friend and i realyl don't know what to do. She's going through a lot of things right now and i've tried to be there for her as much as i can. I've even called 5150 on her just to stop her from hurting herself at some point. I can see her spiraling and making the wrong decisions (and stands strictly by them too, just to be stubborn and prove me wrong). she even crossed the boundaries of having oral sex with my best male friend and lying to me about it. She constantly lies to me. Mostly lies of ommission but lies nonetheless. I've always been open to her and i feel the level of friendship between us isn't the same.

 

 

But because of all the betrayals she has done to me, i've a hard time trusting her, and when i do try, she betrays it by lying to me, and hurting me some more. She'll cry to me, claim "i've done wrong, i'll be your friend and make you trust in me again" but when i try, she breaks it again by doing the things I ask her not to do for herself ie: fights usually come from her drinking and being promiscious. so i'd call her out on her BS, tell her it's not a good thing; but instead she'd ignore friendly advice, get mad and tell me i'm controlling her life. she'd question why i act untrustingly towards her or a bit aggressive towards her but it's mostly a by-product of her ruining my trust in her more than several times.

 

She'd call me names, cuss at me, drink like there's no consequences and sleep with random men. all unhealthy for her at this fragile moment of her life. I try to tell her, get mad at her, and she'd take it as me "lecturing her" of all the things she's doing wrong with her life. I'm her friend and if i do consider you as such, i'm not going to enable you with the wrong decisions you make in life. She keeps dating random men and i've told her it's not a good idea, and yet she pursues them nonetheless. I called her out on her last man that she met at a bar, and she yelled at me for "cotnrolling her life". She lives in a "dry" apartment where she's required NOT to drink but i've gotten a concern from a friend saying she's going home almost everynight drunk. i'm afraid she might lose her apartment because of her drinking.

 

I wish i can take care of her but i know i can't. I'm just sad our friendship had to end this way. I took her off FB, stopped talking to her, and just wish she'd come to her senses and take care of herself. I told her a long time ago, if she wants to be friends with me, she has to act like one. i wish she'd get her act together and we can be friends again but right now, i don't see it changing unless she changes herself. I'm not perfect either but it's difficult to see someone ruining something completely great but not seeing the worth of what she's wrecking.

 

I love her as a friend but i doubt if she feels the same way towards me. last i heard fromher she wanted me out of her life. so i did.

 

Anyway, i'm taking a lot of negative energy out of my life. I've been spiraling myself with the drinking and the sleeping around and i dont like it. I'm a bit upset i've taken out two people whom have made me smile and laugh and made me feel good about myself, but i can't be around people who bring me down, or tell me how much of a horrible person i am for doing the right thing, and tell me to get out of their lives.

 

Anyway, i'll be over it. just wanted to vent. If it doenst make sense i can elaborate a bit further. But as of right now, i'm turning 32 this week, and maybe it is time to start putting more positives in pretty negative bowl of soup.

 

i'll have better people to be around once i get better myself. No one wants a doozy.

 

I hope everyone's doing well.

 

forward and onward

SF

[sfindependent]

gargh. I'm not even sure why being broken up with WF is bugging me. If i really wanted to commit to her, i would've committed to her a while back, right? I can't see her future Mrs. SFindependent but i suppose it's the anxiety of being "dumped" that's getting to me. I would've done the same thing in the future if i find someone better so i guess it's a good thing that this has happened to us now. I just feel so stupid for letting her get under my skin.

 

Pah.

[TomboyMS]

OMG that made my head hurt. Lol. WF sounds like a hot mess.

[sfindependent]

Just to be clear, WF and the friend arent the same. BB (my friend) and WF hate each other. And for a while, i was caught in the middle of both of them arguing because one was convinced the other was still in love with me, and the other thinks that she's a bitc# because of how she acted towards ehr the first time they met.

 

I really want the best for BB, but i don't think she wants to hear it from me what and how she's doing things wrong. But i couldn't help but call her out. The last time we spoke we were supposed to hang out one sunday, and come to find out she's been drinking all day already with someone else, and i really don't want to hang with her when she's already very drunk. I called her out and she berated me with cuss words, and called me names i don't really deserve.

 

WF, is well, i don't know i'm tired of following her around. fromt he sound of it TomBoy, its best i just cut my losses, right? god, i don't know what's wrong with me. i can't see what's bad for me if it robbed me, shot me and painted moustaches on my face doing it.

[sfindependent]

Plan:

 

Get back on my own horse. Dust the dirt off my shoulders, remember not the do THAT (whatever it is that caused my recent relationship fall) and keep on moving. I re-started reading again. I'll be going downtown today to pay for a cable bill i've not paid for in months and restart my service again. If i'm gonna meet mrs. Sfindependent, i'm going to have to clear my own closet. If future mrs. sfindependent decides to peer into my figurative closet, the less clutter in there, the more room she'd have space to move into.

 

thank goodness i'm jacked up on coffee right now.. HAHAHAHA.

 

how're the folks been doing around here? Twitch, Real? anthony? whoever i've not mentioned...?

 

thanks for the follow you guys.

[Ms Darcy]

Soo.... I'm not trying to make you the bad guy here, but you aren't the good guy. Yeah, you may be positive, but your sleeping aroud with lots of folks, not committing and being emotionally unavailable. Not saying their behavior is great, but yeah - that does tend to make people feel nuts. I think you have a lot of inner work to do my friend. I think you are a good person, but you should consider acting with more integrity with women.

 

I understand that you are upfront about it, but if your behavior is hurting people then it's best to exit those situations (as you have).

[sfindependent]

I don't think i'm such a bad guy here. I'm only having fun and i'm pretty clear on the up front on my issues and what I need to do to deal with it. I tell them upfront i'm not ready for a real, straight relationship (which i was honest about) and hang with them.

 

But fast forward to now, I've moved on from most of not all the women i went date crazy about. I guess i needed to get it out of my system, you know? some women have their "crazy days" and a lot of men don't get to have that. i'm happy i've gotten to experience being "crazy". I'm only seeing two people now but even now, i'm distancing myself from the other one.

 

I've met someone awesome. we get along really well, i'm attracted to her, she's got a great personality, religious, intelligent (has her master's education) and a bunch of different things. We've made it clear to each other we like one another and while i'm not ready to fully commit to her and be in a relationship with someone, she's very much someone i'm really liking. She's been a positive influence to me too. Hardly drinks, doesn't do drugs, great sense of humor and a view of life, supportive of my career (and she's said she appreciated my support too)... so far i know this is only the honeymoon phase so i know not everything can be red roses in the long term, but she seems to respect what i do and i respect a lot of what she does.

 

who knows? but in the bigger picture, who i was when i started here and now are two different people. I was hurting then, but i realized the value of my relationships with people, the importance of my contribution to a rlationship, and where i really was in life that affected my relationships with others.

 

career wise, i'm focusing a lot of my energy in improving my life.

 

i've to be Mr. Right to find Mrs. Right, right?

 

Hope everyone's doing well.

 

and thank you. I'll keep errryone updated.

[MakeItCount]

You do what you need to man. We can tell you all we want what WE think you should do, but in the end you decide how to lead your life. Have fun, get it out or your system, make mistakes, learn from them. That's what it's all about. When you think you're ready for a relationship, you enter a relationship.

 

Sounds like you've found someone who's a very real possibility, so keep your head level and keep doing what you're doing. Don't rush, don't drag your feet, go at a pace that's comfortable to you. If that doesn't suit her style, too bad. I think you realize now that you can be in complete control of how things develop. Keep making yourself better, and the rest will fall into place.

 

I just met a girl like you describe of sorts, and we've both agreed basically on the same thing. So, we'll see what happens.

 

LIfe is good.

[sfindependent]

thanks MIC...

 

yeah, she seems to be an all around good girl. Seems to be fairly into me as well... she actually threw an awesome small dinner party at her place with all 2 her roommates and i brought 2 of my own friends which turned out to be an overall good weekend topper.

 

I've also found myself to be really inspired to improve my life. It's not about meeting her, nor am i basing my "what i need to do to improve my life" thought around the idea of spending it with her but rather, i realized that the more i improve my life and my career, the better the people who enter my life become. If i am to meet mrs. right, i've to become mr. right first.

 

hope everyone's been well.

[TomboyMS]

thanks MIC...

 

yeah, she seems to be an all around good girl. Seems to be fairly into me as well... she actually threw an awesome small dinner party at her place with all 2 her roommates and i brought 2 of my own friends which turned out to be an overall good weekend topper.

 

I've also found myself to be really inspired to improve my life. It's not about meeting her, nor am i basing my "what i need to do to improve my life" thought around the idea of spending it with her but rather, i realized that the more i improve my life and my career, the better the people who enter my life become. If i am to meet mrs. right, i've to become mr. right first.

 

hope everyone's been well.

 

Awesome! It's good to hear you sounding happy!

[sfindependent]

ugh. I feel like such an Ahole.

 

So I've been dating Muni for a few months now. She's super sweet, super genuine and all around very very very thoughtful woman.

 

But i'm not attracted to her. I waited a few weeks to see if it was just me, or if it was her or what... but i just can't. there's just something about her that doesn't just feel quite right and now i know I have to break up with her. She's more of a friend to me than anything and i feel that way about her.

 

I don't know how to do that without hurting her feelings. I know it inevitably will but ugh. I just feel horrible about it....

 

oh and just to clarify, muni is different from this new gal.

[sfindependent]

update again:

 

I hung out with Oprah last night for happy hour. Had a great time. I've been spending a lot of time with her, and she's been very vocal about how things are doing well and how much she likes me. well into the honeymoon phase, i must say. I'm enjoying it as much as I can... I'm happy but i feel i need to slow things down a bit, despiet my actions dictating not. I want to make it where i can balance my "friends" time, which i've been thoroughly enjoying lately, and her, just to establish boundaries. i've been brutally honest bout my past as well as my current. when she asked me if i was seeing other people i said "yes, but havent seen them in a few weeks" which was true. I also want to get my life together finally (i'm trying to get into an additional program post Master's), so i can't be TOO distracted... na'mean?

 

Anyway, i met up with Muni (i'm only seeing her and Oprah by now) and after we sat down and ordered dinner i finally gave the news up. She seemed very udnerstanding and it ended well. I know she was disappointed with the entire thing but i think it was for the best. no tears were shed, no begging, no crying, nothing. We hung around for another hour, drove her home and said "when we're ready to be friends, we should hang out and BE friends, i think you're one of the most admirable women i've met (which is true) and its nice to live around such a positive influence".

 

time will tell. I didnt BU with Muni to be with Oprah exclusively, i must reiterate. I honestly believe that I should get my ish together before i truly date someone exlcusively with the idea of building a future together...

 

i'll update.

 

forwards,

SF

[sfindependent]

how's errryone doing on this thread?

[sfindependent]

god, i didn't realize how long this thread has gotten. Me and Oprah stopped seeing each other a few days ago. I'm not too excited about it. Matter of fact, i've actually been affected by our separation more than I thought it would.

 

I'm a firm believer that friends see things you probably don't see. The way we behave towards others, the way we think, our patterns and our unconscious ways. My friends, as much as they supported my relationship with Oprah, also said splitting up was probably better for me and Oprah. It wasn't that we were fighting nor had different ideals. We actually were quite compatible. Same ideas, beliefs, morals, want for the future. We always laughed, when we had a problem, we took the time to say it without arguing about it.

 

But there were a couple of things. First, i didn't want to commit. Even after 7months. I had no intention of leaving her, but the commitment part, i couldn't give up. I don't know if this is a valid reasoning, but here they are:

 

When we first met, she said "i think i met the man i want to marry" to that effect. It set my mind on overdrive, making ME think and look for perspective with my life. Am i ready to commit, that much? Am i ready, financially, emotionally? Have i done what i wanted to do with my life, if this is the woman I want to marry? The idea of settling down with someone was great... With her? Of course.

 

I didnt think I was ready. It wrecked my mind, and whenever she would pressure me to commit, the idea of settling down was the first thing that came to my mind. Can you blame me for that? I'm not financially ready, i've not gone to japan, or tour europe or go out of the country with my friends. None of that. yes, i'm over 30, but i don't think i've done, seen and tasted them all. There was a lot of pressure. and i don't respind to pressure well.

 

Also, there was a slight loss of attraction towards her. I couldn't help it. But i feel horrible. Is it GIGS? Am i being over zealous? I feel guilty for being attracted physically to others when i have such a great woman on my side.

 

I don't feel that I've gotten anywhere near where i want to be in life before thinking of settling down. People ask me, "why does it matter if you're not financially ready for a commitment? Its just your excuse to not commit to her". But I do. When people tell you they see settling down with you in the long run, i believe that you should be more than damn ready to provide your loved one a damn good future.

 

She doesn't understand that, that it was a lot of pressure to put on me. LAst i talked to her, she lashed out her anger and towards me for thinking the way i did.

 

i myself am unsure if i did the right thing, and not chase after her when we split. All i know is, i'm upset and just wanted to share.

[sfindependent]

I just looked at the two last posts I had, with the last two great women i've been with, within the last 10months. why do i keep losing attraction towards them?