i'm such a wreck right now. Help.Nonchalance fail.

[TomboyMS]

Didn't she move to SF just to be with you? She has no family there and she's unemployed? What is she going to do about work?

[reidqa]

How would your roul, ego, libido feel.

 

link removed

 

I did just that and the issue was completely done.

 

My ex played same game.

[sfindependent]

@MS - Yeah, she originally came here for school. She was accepted to a masters program in a prestigious art school here in SF. A few months into our dating, she and i were talking and she decided it was best for her not to continue with school. I supported her decision but at the same time i told her it might be better if she continued to go to school for something that would be bankable for her in the future (like art therapy,but she didn't like psych (which was a bummer because I am passionate about psych) so she didn't want to go that route).

 

More than a year into it, we went to FL for a vacation. There we talked about moving to FL (since I was unemployed at that time) to see if maybe we can find a better future there, there's a lot of old people there (the population i specialize in) and she'd be closer to family. I said "no" initially but threw a compromise that if i didn't find a job within a certain amount of time, I would be more inclined to see how it held there for us. we would take over her mom's current house. When got back i found a job within a few weeks and so did she.

 

I asked her what her plans were and she said she wasn't applying as of this moment because she was going to TN and FL for a two week vacation.

 

I'm surprisingly Ok. I'm not crying or wallowing in depression. I'm a little irked, just a bit jealous, a little anxious and still a bit wishing we can be together, but i'm not holding my breath. As i mentioned in my previous rant, i'd rather really grow a pair first and uphold what i want and believe in. It's my current mindset right now and sure, maybe later on i'd be able to hang out with her and display a true nonchalant behavior (might not be for months) as opposed to now where there's still some expectations I have of her for putting value in her measly attempts to keep me in her life as a friend, but if she doesn't choose to place value in my relationship with her and chooses to have it with someone else, what can i do, really? Nothing. At least I've confirmed she misses me, thinks about me, and also has that tendency to have random things remind her of me.

 

How do i attract her? I don't know. i know that acting non chalant and being myself is important. Glow Guy here can attest, i'm pretty non chalant when it comes to meeting women, that's just my personality... but there's just some things about her that i'd really like to resolve first before i'd want to even consider her as a friend, much more want a reconciliation. All i know is that i've grown up a bit and know that i'm not going to be the lesser man by compromising things i believe in. If she can't see/appreciate past the "fun and games" aspect of life and start valuing my existence in her life for with my true nature and genuine love, i'm sure there's someone better than her out there for me... THAT i believe.

[twitchyfingers]

 

so long story short, don't knock LDR's until you tried it!

 

I like the story of your ENA LDR (damn that is some alphabet soup right there). Very cool!

 

You know, I actually really LIKE the idea of a LDR, under the current circumstances. I'm kind of an odd bird in that I need a ton of alone time, and I also like going out and socializing with friends or new people (meetups). So, not having a guy in my hair 24/7 is appealing. I could be kidding myself, but we'll see.

 

LA to SF is nothing compared to your x-country "love commute." My lurv interest has a somewhat flexible schedule and can work remotely, so he should be able to cruise down to my area pretty often.

 

But I'm putting the cart before the horse...we'll see how it goes when we actually meet.

 

Anyway, back to YOU:

 

As much as I'm normally Little Miss NC Advocate, I almost get the impression there is just something psychological you are needing to work thru by continuing to interact with your ex, as part of your growth process. So, dunno, maybe this is the dance you need to do right now. What's striking to me, though, is how different you two seem to be in terms of motivation -- you have a LOT going for you, a lot of drive and passion for your work, and she seems to be...a little lost at sea and drifting. To me, I'd think that would be kind of frustrating and unfulfilling for you. There is just something so awesome about being paired up with someone who also has fire in the belly -- to play off each other and cheer each other on. She almost sounds like she could kinda suck the energy and mojo out of you by association.

 

Anyway, random armchair Dr. Phil moment there. Take it with a bucket of salt.

[sfindependent]

ldr is something else by itself, especially if it's a serious rel., the hardest part about it is not knowing the other person's habits and routines, who moves to where (she was willing to move out here for me) and sone people tend to act/speak differently when on the phone and when in person. people lose theor inhibitions when they subconsciously know that they can detach easier if things go sour. she's come out here 3x already. so i guess that was /is pretty serious right? we both would like to have a better life, she's ok to start going back to church (ex hated church) understands my value, takes me seriously when i need to have support and listens to me has the same sense of humor as i do, loves the out doors like i do (ex hated hiking, biking etc) and understands the value of communication, loves psychology and even has an interest in social work (and alot more)...we've always (even now) believed we would still be together if it werent for us being so far away.

 

in comparison to the ex and Mi girl, MI girl is a more compatible woman for me.

 

ex and i are complete opposites and yes you are correct with your observation. a bunch of my friends do believe that she's adrift and not really know what or where to go. im more into LIFE itself. i love new places experiences and meeting new people, doing new things. thats me. i get giddy over trying new food dishes, even! she on the other hand seems stuck. i was frustrated with her through out the relationship that i saw so much potential but cant get out of her shell. i giess i have that white knight syndrome and as MS said, ive codependency issues. i just came from a very undependent, close friend of mine and she reminded me how different and stagnant my life was when i was with the ex and how i gave up so much of myself and who i was and what i was when i was with the ex... now im regaining that back.

 

i dont know why im stuck on her. maybe its the idea of her that im in love with. maybe its ego. maybe remaining in contact with her reminds me of what i dont want and who ive become and motivates me to move away and become a better person overall and be the man who i was when i wasnt single.

 

i am at a loss here myself lol

[sfindependent]

As much as I'm normally Little Miss NC Advocate, I almost get the impression there is just something psychological you are needing to work thru by continuing to interact with your ex, as part of your growth process. So, dunno, maybe this is the dance you need to do right now. What's striking to me, though, is how different you two seem to be in terms of motivation -- you have a LOT going for you, a lot of drive and passion for your work, and she seems to be...a little lost at sea and drifting. To me, I'd think that would be kind of frustrating and unfulfilling for you. There is just something so awesome about being paired up with someone who also has fire in the belly -- to play off each other and cheer each other on. She almost sounds like she could kinda suck the energy and mojo out of you by association.

 

Twitch, I couldn't sleep last night thinking about what you wrote above. you seem to have hit a million nails on point with one paragraph. what you said made me lose sleep!

 

Things may be like that, as you pointed out. I mean, maybe being in contact with her makes me re-think of all the bad things that had happened between us, and about what i lost and what i want out of my own life. I definitely come home at night nowadays feeling good about myself and what i can achieve for myself, from before i met her and up to this date. I'm not worried about finding someone else when i'm ready to really date and give my heart out again. I've found love multiple times and love's not something that runs out. there's billions of people in this world!

 

I get sad and lonely, yes, but i've come to the point where i'm ok with us being separated and her doing her own thing. The funny part is, when i do think about her in terms of "us", i begin missing her. but when i think of all the new people in her life, what she can possibly be doing such as partying with other guys, guys whom i do not know, people she holds drinking parties at home with.... i cringe in disgust thinking "i don't want that anymore...ugh. i don't know who she deals with" and "she doesn't even try to do her part, why should i do mine?".

 

I make it a point to try to avoid people who do not have their tish straight and just spend their lives partying and not live their lives seriously. I do drink, but i also know i want a future for myself like a family.

 

whenever i have a problem, i try to focus and work on it. Not avoid it, ignore it or repress it and drink it away. I'm trying to change priorities and put life into perspective and take partying and celebrating in the back burner and just enjoy a more mellow life style. All this with the thought that things will get better for me. I'm pretty passionate about life. Seriously. I love life in general, and i adapt fairly quickly to situations i'm placed in. I don't think she appreciated my "fire in the belly" kind of attitude. I t didn't compliment her complacent kind of life style... i wouldn't doubt it if there was some resentment towards the fact that i knew what i wanted in life and actively working on it; nor being surrounded by successful friends and people who knew what they wanted for themselves and their lives. Well, at least that's what me and my friend from last night were assuming. My friend is a successful RD, in a great relationship, has her tish together and is into always bettering herself and is surrounded by a great support system. she felt my ex might have some resentment towards those people and will rather surrounde herself with people of similar calibre as hers.

 

My ex never had that passionate "ill be awesome in life" drive... she, as you said.. "drifted". She admits to that aspect too. I asked her several times and she's always maintained her response to be "i just go with the flow"; something to that effect. Don't get me wrong I'm all for that. I cannot begin to tell you how i love the randomness of life. I try to write about it, I take pics of it, even! But then again, randomness is the spice of life but there should always be a backbone of security and end goals that you would fall back onto when you're done celebrating the randomness.

 

It was unfulfilling tio a certain degree, twitchy. The relationship i mean. That's why i sat there last night just wondering why i want her so much to be part of mine. Maybe i'm idealizing her, or feel that she can do better. But she's not my problem anymore. I'm trying to live my life and become "undependent", which is more difficult that i thought it would be. I'm pretty "independent" on most things, I've my own identity and i am very much rooted to who i am. I've admitted i lost my values and the principles i lived for when i was with the ex but i can reclaim that now that i'm single again.

 

For some reason, i'm very inclined to be co-dependent with human relations, especially during intimate relationships and close friendships. with new i just met people, not so much... I get severe anxiety, constantly seek affirmation and such and it's driven people away... Me and MI girl both know that and agree that we have our own problems to fix if we want to have a healthy relationship later on (she obviously has her own issues to fix).

 

I think a big part of my desire to re-connect with the ex too is that i realize towards the end of the relationship, i turned into someone i'm not, or at least someone i didn't want to become. i've grown into this needy, too available, no hobby, no life other than hers, kinda guy. I'm not. I'm into a lot of things and unfortunately i led myself to believe i should cater to her negativity to make her happy. everytime i would want to do something I liked such as mountain biking, hiking, even shopping in SF (i lived in a different city at the time) and she would say no, i'd end up NOT doing what i wanted and just hang out at home with her doing what she wants, almost 80% of the time. The 15% is she'd miserably grumble along and come with me 5% she'd acutally be excited about doing. Sometimes alcohol would be an initiative (lets go have drinks by the beach!)for her. Don't get me wrong i love drinking, but i would go hiking too even with out the promise of ETOH at the end of the course. later on i turned into drinking as our primary activity, out of routine.

 

I'm not as great as i portray here, believe me; I gave her a reason to BU with me, no? but now, as i told her, and i'm going to stand by what i said about placing value in a friendship if she wanted to, and i would focus on that 100%. even if i'd let her get the whole "hanging out once in a while bit" kind of style of hanging out and feeling each other...i'd still want a healthy relationship out of it. Not a dysfunctional (in a stuck-going-nowhere-non-communicative dysfunctional way) one like we had before.

 

So maybe i'll wait again until she contacts me. Maybe she's having fun with her new friends. How much fun? I'm not sure. but she knows i offered her something real. Something she can actually depend on.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Well since you asked..

 

It's been a month since our first date, everything is smooth so far, ironed out a few differences early on.

We're taking a trip to Va. together next weekend, had Easter dinner as family, very sexually compatible too.

Life is good. Was worth the wait.

my two cents...

(i've been following here, just not any input, hoping all goes well for you SF, and the rest.)

Same here.

I do check-in from time to time (it is a big thread).

 

Don't know if you view the thread I started. I try to update it and the situation is going better now.

 

Good to hear things are going well for your, Anthony.

 

Finding the right one IS definitely worth the wait, vs. jumping into the sack with someone you hardly know.

And yes, I've done that all of 2X (my total sex experience in my 20s), so been there, done that...

 

Yeah, I argue this with other guys and gals on ENA but sometimes to no avail...

They'll have to learn life's lessens themselves...

[sfindependent]

FL! i almost Pm'd you to see how you've been doing.

 

Back a few thousand pages in this thread, i even wrote i chose to become cellibate for a while until i was ready to stand up. i've since taken a break and then well, i'm not cellibate anymore i did experience the whole "going crazy" and just BAM! BAM! but it was empty.

 

yeah, i tend to writ long winded posts. It's my mind. i need to get a filter. lol

[twitchyfingers]

Aww man, I'm sorry you lost sleep last night, but it sounds like you got some good soul-searchin' in.

 

When someone gets under my skin like my last ex did, after the initial flood of emotions and drama recedes, I try to figure out what is REALLY going in on me -- why they keep kicking around in my thoughts. It always seems to come down to them having certain qualities I find lacking in myself, that I sort of glommed on to by association. In the case of the last ex, it was that fire in the belly quality. I don't think I've ever met anyone quite as passionate about life. It was intoxicating to be around, and it got me all fired up and rarin' to take on life.

 

That's why I was curious about your ex's ongoing resonance with you. In keeping with my half-baked theory, I was wondering if she symbolizes or embodies characteristics you want in yourself. But it almost sounds like the opposite -- that she is reflecting what you DON'T want in your life. (And I don't mean that as a dig against her at all -- she's just marching to a different drummer.)

[sfindependent]

saw this on my google homepage:

 

"You are a bit pushier than usual now, especially if given a chance to tell others about your exciting plans. Your easygoing approach may be thrown out the window as you face the fear of being rejected by a friend or partner. You might believe that turning up your volume is one way to compensate for your uncertainty. Just remember that this impulsive strategy could backfire, motivating others to withdraw. Fortunately, the long-term viability of your ideas is not affected by someone else's acceptance today. The only opinion that matters right now is yours" - my horoscope for today hahahaha.

 

 

When someone gets under my skin like my last ex did, after the initial flood of emotions and drama recedes, I try to figure out what is REALLY going in on me -- why they keep kicking around in my thoughts. It always seems to come down to them having certain qualities I find lacking in myself, that I sort of glommed on to by association. In the case of the last ex, it was that fire in the belly quality. I don't think I've ever met anyone quite as passionate about life. It was intoxicating to be around, and it got me all fired up and rarin' to take on life.

 

I think that's a good sign for someone to have in a relationship. I mean, i believe there's certain qualities that people possess that we want to gain whether it be a personality trait or anything else under the sun, i must add i think that's a part of "attraction" itself. When you seek positive attributes within others and find it, learn from it, and acquire it, its growth and forms some form of symbiotic yin and yang of sorts that builds upon a good foundation between partners. My bipolar ex was brilliant. she was a genius intellectually and her (she was 18, i was 26 or something) drive to be this money making financial guru made me get out of my delivery job and go back to school. I didn't want to be with someone who was successful and me having no future except for what i already had. She inspired me. I had an ex too who was a surgery manager for a major hospital. granted she was also a bit of a mess like me, she had bought a house in MS, and planned to retire by 40. I want that for myself. and being with someone who desires that makes me re-think my own life.

 

I've always been passionate about life. I get up bouncing (literally and figuratively) out of bed and the ex hated it. nothing wrong with sleeping in, but i want to consume the day, not just live it. i've always thought the colors of life provide vibrance to a life worth living. I have energy and most of the time (if i'm not thinking about the significance of being dumped) it just shows. People can't believe i'm in my early 30's because i act like i'm 22 with my enthusiasm towards people. i'm in between a very "who gives a flying F, lets do this" attitude and a "uhm, i'm a little worried about this, i'm anxious and we shoudlnt do this" kind of person.

 

i'm not sure why i'm still wanting to be in the ex's life. I suppose that despite me being naturally a "city kid" and thrives in this kind of atmosphere, i saw the stable, family life in suburbia with her. Pary of when she left was i lost the home feeling of coming home to a good meal, BBQ's on the weekend at home with friends, the close proximity to work, family and friends, the predicatibility and the comfort. I like excitement when i'm not at home but it's best when i know i've got a home and stability of a routine to come home to. I know i'll have that again in time. when she mentioned she had a party at home i felt a little jealous. Her new found coast guard/bar friends live close to her house, they hang constantly, they have parties etc. Now i feel isolated from the people that matters to me.

 

i'm happy that through the forum, i've noticed a change in myself since the BU. I'm more into my life rather than ours or even just hers. I'm starting to really look out for myself. I know my personality brings me a lot of good people and friends and positivity.. It'll happen soon.

 

PS: I was walking home from the restaurant with my buddy and a couple of asian girls walked up to us drunk and were hitting on us. Her words when we left were "man, my game is dead". hahaha. feels good to be hit on once in a while.

 

so twitch, how are u doing with the LDR?

[ClarenceRutherford]

FL! i almost Pm'd you to see how you've been doing.

 

Back a few thousand pages in this thread, i even wrote i chose to become cellibate for a while until i was ready to stand up. i've since taken a break and then well, i'm not cellibate anymore i did experience the whole "going crazy" and just BAM! BAM! but it was empty.

 

yeah, i tend to writ long winded posts. It's my mind. i need to get a filter. lol

PM me anytime. I like communicating with friends here on ENA.

 

No problem with the long posts. I wasn't criticizing you (you didn't take it that way either). It's merely a matter of time. We all can't read everything one posts.

 

You're using this thread like a blog or a diary, where a lot of it is your feelings and reactions.

I get that.

 

That other thread I started, I kind of treat that like a blog.

My long-distance marriage

 

Some good women there have responded and provided input (like your friends in your thread), but they don't always reply so I make a new post after a while. If for no other reason than to express my feelings, much like you in this thread.

 

One day, you'll look back on all of your writing and be amazed how far you've come....

[sfindependent]

just a quick hello on a friday night. have my good guy friend at home with me watching cirque du soleil on my big screen... cooked dinner (just a healthy turkey meat sauce with cappellini pasta) wine in beer mugs and keepin it low at home. feels damn good. in the process of cooking and just the chill atmosphere of just hanging at home, i keep thinking about the ex and how awesome i lived with the ex and how beautiful she is and how simple life was in some aspect. i miss her. so much. but i am moving forward. i will get better.

 

just lonely tonight and miss her.

[sfindependent]

gaddamnit i miss her. woke up this morning from a good mellow night dreaming of her. her face was so real. while i realize this is part of the BU process of waxing and waning, ive not missed her like this in a long time. i guess im doing things that i used to take for granted. bfast, friday nite company, home made dinner. things i got use to and now having to do it all over again... without her. i keep thinking "i used to do this with her and she did it lovingly". how could i jave missed te cues? fudge. fudge fudge fudge.

 

in all other aspects im moving on. i look good, i get checked out fairly often despite my skinniness.i could use a bit

more weight but otherwise i feel sexy, hahaha. i have great personal style... i have a great career, its both rewarding and pays ok. i just got 2 job offers in the past 2weeks and occassionaly get those job recruiter calls... i have a

great personality and i exhude confidence. a lot of people look up to me as the cool guy, to take my self talk a bit further hehehe... i think for the most part i have a great future ahead of me for myself... i have a good support system from my family. i am truly blessed. why cant i see shes not given me any solid proof that i can rely on that can make me just not want to be with her?

 

i think part of it too is the whole her rejecting me an all that i just outlined is what makes me wanting to prove i can be better too.

 

im better than crumbs. im better than what she wants from me. shes not made any indication she really wants to be anything at all except for small tish. im actually surprised last we chatted i jokingly asked her to go hiking with me (in going with my "i want a healthy relationship" with her line i told her i wamted from her, of course i didnt point that thought out) (she hated strenuous activities like hiking biking running etc but ok with camping etc) and she replied with "ok". she always said "nah, im good maybe 90% of the time to activities like that.. her personality is completely different from mine. why do i bother trying when im worth more than this?

 

hot damn. not missed her this much in so long.

[twitchyfingers]

Dang, you too? I've been full emo the past 24 hours.

 

You know, I have this feeling that when we each fall in love with someone new, we're going to be shaking our heads and thinking, "Wow, ok, THIS is what it's all about! What was I thinking?!" and the ex will lose their spell.

 

It sounds like you have all your ducks in a row, and it's only a matter of meeting someone. Or being open to meeting someone. I know you said you've been dating. Are you holding back on it a bit these days?

 

You asked a few posts back about my LDR-in-the-making: I'm still enjoying getting to know the guy electronically, but we all know there's no guarantee till we meet. I'm keeping it "from the neck up" for now in our convos. Been feeling a little clingy lately, which is odd for me, so I'm being mindful to pull back a bit and be chill, and let the sitch play out naturally. Thanks for asking.

 

BTW, the lean look is IN these days, so work it.

[sfindependent]

HAHAHA, thanks twitch. appreciate the pick me up. Yes, i am very curious about your LDR... it is both of a convenience and a hassle to have such relationships because of what it lacks/has. Proximity is a factor. I hope you keep writing here to get your thoughts out and maybe get some helpful advice. Sometimes we all need a 3rd person to see how we're doing in life.

 

I've been on the fence lately with the ex. On one hand, i know i'm idealizing the ex a lot and only seeing her wonderful qualities and the possible unrealistic essence of our relationship.I'm looking at myself and recognizing that she's not good for me. On the other, i keep thinking there can be a better thing between us that can be built if i really get my tish together. Either way, when i do get my tish together, i'll be in a better position to have a good relationship with her or meet someone even better than her (or rekindle an old flame). Who knows? Life is what we make of it.

 

Frankly, the prime motivation for LC or minimal contact with her nowadays isn't to heal (although it is up there as priority) but mainly because there's really nothing i can talk to her about. she's not been too engaging nor doesn't show signs of interest in my life or rebuilding anything and it's not motivating me to do my part either. I'm recognizing that we might never get that bond that i want from her again, simply because she's not doing her part in trying to even have a friendship with me actively. I'm pretty sure if i reach out to her, she'd reply back. She almost always does. But her coldness and her distance with her responses makes me feel quite discouraged to want anything more out of her other than a periodical hi/hello triviality. I maybe putting more expectations on this than i should seeing i may be the only one playing the "hope we reconcialiate" game, but i'm slowly getting weary of it.

 

It's too bad. I've come a long way from being the needy, selfish guy who catered to her every whim and did his own thing at the same time. To be bold, i could say i did the catering to her not out of desparation (she knows i've always been good with the ladies), but because i wanted to... out of love. When we were together, women would buy me drinks and give me their numbers. I didn't do it to piss her off or make her jealous or anything. I just talk to people a lot and i suppose as GG said, i'm flirty by nature so it comes off as that despite me not try to do so. But i'm putting a lot of the negative characteristics that i have behind me, and putting things i've learned on the forefront.

 

I wish she can see that she's truly inspired me to become a better person. I've never told her that but she has. I wish she can see that i'm finally putting my words into actions. something she rarely saw me do. I want her to see the good qualities in me too, if it's possible. (if not, oh well, can't do much about it, right?)

 

i've changed. A lot. I realize that there were characteristics inherent in me during our relationship that could have added to our Breaking up. I'm not blaming myself anymore nor am I blaming her for it either. I'm still a little mad that she found it easier to break up with me than face reality that her beliefs of "losing the tishts and giggles after a few months is an indicator that we're not meant for each other" and "working on our relationship is for people who've been together for years, not like us who've only been together for several months". I'm mad she wasn't realistic with me. But for me, i'm learning to practice sensitivity, listening skills, and genuine interest to lead a good and healthy relationship with people, friends and family. I've lost weight, i've moved into a very "single" kind of apartment and living life without her AND without the begging or crawling to get her to come back to me. I'm not sure if she sees the changes i'm making nor what kind of impact it does to her... I wish she's part of it every step of the way... love inspires and she's inspired me heavily.

 

we do LC, mostly all conversation i initiate. Mostly. It's been suggested to me that I do NIC for a few weeks however, i don't expect her to do so given her avoidant and repressant personality. I'm not rushing into things with her (i am sort of enjoying the single life, not dating and just kind of doing my own thing) and rebuiilding valuable relationships but i do miss her terribly. I'm continuing my healing, i'm continuing all the lessons i've learned from her and trying to apply that in my life.

 

I'm also seeing the otherside of her behavior as : maybe I'm not her one of her priorities anymore. she's not interested at all. she's just not there. I take that into consideration as well.

 

where do i go from here? How do i become "visible"? She's admitted to checking my FB and my other social networks regularly as well...

 

Right now i'm not sure what i want from her exactly. Recon? For sure not like this. Friends? She has to put more effort into it. Acquaintances/hang out buddy? I've got a lot of those. i don't need one that can break my heart.

 

btw, as much thought that i put into this on ENA, i don't spend the day sitting around on my thumbs. I'm making things happen. i'm making things work.

 

PS ENA ex maybe coming to town this week. I'm excited! we're both excited to see each other. It will be a great visit from her.

[anthony4]

Update:

Seems Facebook and too many male friends that post quasi-disrespectful crap on a taken woman's wall have become a major issue.

I complain, i get the boot. I like a woman to respect what she is in, and not allow so-called friends to post innuendo.

So many times people allow cyber crap to infiltrate face-to-face reality.

Beauty is, i'm no hypocrite about it. So things are off for the moment. Hot to cold in the course of a few hours.

Life goes on.

[sfindependent]

Update:

Seems Facebook and too many male friends that post quasi-disrespectful crap on a taken woman's wall have become a major issue.

I complain, i get the boot. I like a woman to respect what she is in, and not allow so-called friends to post innuendo.

So many times people allow cyber crap to infiltrate face-to-face reality.

Beauty is, i'm no hypocrite about it. So things are off for the moment. Hot to cold in the course of a few hours.

Life goes on.

 

what happened? I'm assuming you said something you didn't like to your SO about her FB wall and she chose them (for whatever the reason is) over your POV? it's a irate, nothing significant. Agree that life goes on.

 

Boundaries and what we stand for is what we can have as men, and a misplaced bowing to the whimsy of their emotions seems more damaging that standing up for what we believe in, i'm learning. you're an inspiration anthony. you're teaching me to stand up for what i believe in and the boundaries i'm not willing to break.

 

fist pumps to my chest, dueces to you, anthony

[anthony4]

thanks mon. sometimes standing up means getting shot down. but we need to - for what we believe in.

and exactly, my POV meant nothing. The dude is a dirty old man, and ironically just today some of his friends called him that.

but i'm "wrong"..............not!

[sfindependent]

it's good to show a little bit of a back bone especially in the early stages of a relationship. The times i've shown my ex a backbone and not back down from an opinion i have was often misconstrued as nothing more than an arrogant gesture from her POV. she mentioned during our BU that she was "never right" wherein i only challenged her to prove me wrong, or i was merely showing my side of the coin. That's how some healthy discussions start, right? Two people with two different opinions discussing a topic of interest... i was searching for her to merely stand up for her beliefs, and the fact that she wouldve stood up for it, i wouldve still respected that. No matter now right? Too often miscommunication leads to "stalemates" and therefore preventing the forward movement of a relationship.

 

I digress.

 

Anthony, a lot of times people here on ENA would suggest "leave her alone and forget about her", but i don't think this is the case here. I think leaving her be and just letting her think about the sides she chose will make her think of her actions. Seems to me you're holding on well with the idea that she's not your priority and as i've mentioned above, i look up to people who can detach easily such as yourself with the idea that "sucks for her" with such nonchalance and candor.

 

If my ex showed signs of being upset at me, i'd be in a tizzy trying to fix it, which in most cases, seems to be the worst idea to have as opposed to just letting things be.

[anthony4]

It is always tempting to try and fix things. I sent a few texts today. Can't be kissing her ***. tho. It's in her court. Frankly, i'm not so sure i like the hit and run method she uses.

[anthony4]

Damn. Just spent almost two hours chatting with some new gal in this small town, and another old contact from years back added me on FB, we're gonna have coffee in a few days. I almost feel guilty, we were exclusive - but I'm not even being fed crumbs to this point. A guy oughta have something to hold onto if he's gonna do just that, eh?

The boss told me today to hang in there, it's a big world with plenty of fish.

Righteous dude that he is.

 

edit: just got the green light.

full steam ahead.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Update:

Seems Facebook and too many male friends that post quasi-disrespectful crap on a taken woman's wall have become a major issue.

I complain, i get the boot. I like a woman to respect what she is in, and not allow so-called friends to post innuendo.

So many times people allow cyber crap to infiltrate face-to-face reality.

Beauty is, i'm no hypocrite about it. So things are off for the moment. Hot to cold in the course of a few hours.

Life goes on.

Sorry to hear that.

 

Started to post this but responded to an incoming PM...

 

See you now have the green light. The green light from the woman you're IM'ing -- not the woman who you thought you were exclusive with -- right?

[anthony4]

See you now have the green light. The green light from the woman you're IM'ing -- not the woman who you thought you were exclusive with -- right?

 

The green light VIA the leave me alone email, lol.

Funny how opportunity knocks twice in one day even.

Karma

[sfindependent]

Anthony, man, you're reeling em in! lol. man, seriously, i wish i had a bit of your nonchalant attitude to the people you're dating... i've got attachment issues i've been trying to work on.. i'll get there some point!

 

FLMan, i hope things are well brother. hope you're keeping yourself busy.

 

as for me, ex will come and visit me this weekend for a week. can't wait. She's one of the very few people who really knows me for who i am... so someone familiar will be nice. We talked about it (a nice change from the avoidant ex who refuses to communicate properly the entire time we were together and post BU) that we're not going to "get back together" and if ever we do decide to, will fix our lives first and THEN see where it goes. VERY refreshing.

 

i'm finding myself just missing the ex's body, now. Not the essenceof the relationship, because damn. that woman had the body of a.. whooooo. not model skinny, not chunky big. even my friends tell me she has a slammin body. perfect. anyway...

 

good luck on those dates anthony. ain't no sense in sitting at the light when the light turns green. Gun it!

[sfindependent]

oops. meant to say that the ex i'll be seeing this weekend is the ex from MI. She's always been a big support for me and we've not stopped caring about each other, and have been open about that since we've known each other. Anyway, i'll be enjoying her company for a week.