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i'm such a wreck right now. Help.Nonchalance fail.

sfindependent

By sfindependent
in Breaking Up Advice

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ClarenceRutherford Collaborator

ClarenceRutherford

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Posted
Originally Posted by sfindependent

now that i think about it real, it probably is guilt. guilt of whateer including going after some guy directly after

me, i dont know. ugh. really beginning to disgust me and lose my rwspect for her

Man, I know it's tough - but stop over analysing every minuscule piece of communication for a hidden meaning. It's gonna continue to mess you up. I've been there, the early days of my BU - every text would be meticulously over thought in some way for my to find a positive from her.

askltk is right on this.

All this questioning, second-guessing yourself, probing why this happened and why that didn't happen... it ain't gonna get you anywhere. (Yes, I've done it myself).

 

At the end of the day, after spending all this time trying to sleuth why this breakup happened, you're not going to have her back and will only feel worse for yourself.

 

It's not like you can take all this over analysis and wrap it up and place it in a box or a photo album, or make a pic out of this you can hang on a wall?

It's not going to be a tangible possession. Just a mental drag.

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sfindependent Mentor

sfindependent

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i realize that, believe me. thats why im choosing to let go. its not that i dont love her anymore and wouldnt be willing to give my right hand for her. but im just tired of all this mental and physical drain that it just has to stop. and im doing so by now. if u read my above post (the lengthy one) im finding the

reason for the break up, the nc, the self reflection, the imperfections of the relationship. what i jeed to do now is just grow up, grow a pair and quit playing these games. ill just welcome woth open arms what the world

has to give me, and appreciate and acknowledge it.

 

good karma and positive vibes.

 

onward and forward my friends

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Real Deal Enthusiast

Real Deal

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I am confused - so are you NC or not NC? Either way you are correct that it is your choice. I agree 100%. If you can heal/get better by having LC then do so. However, I fear that you are too emotionally charged to not let it have a worse effect on you than doing a hard NC. Time will tell.

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sfindependent Mentor

sfindependent

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i am nc until i am sure of my self, my responses and my life. its 100% her choice too real and i should be able to respect

that if i really care about her. if she meets new friends, good for her. went out last night. 2 girls insisted

i get their number and i got another from a really cute psychologist. heheheh.

 

out of all that i still want to talk to my ex. i really dont know why...

 

ps i didnt take the girls number down on my phone, i asked her to write it down... damn im slick.

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sfindependent Mentor

sfindependent

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just came back from hanging out with my family. helped a bit, but missing her right now. im not going to send call or

do anything so im posting it here. its

saturday and im not going out tonight. not in the mood to go out. sitting at a coffee

shop and reading "the art of seduction" by r.

greene.

 

i need to get these thoughts of her out and move on. letting go of everything is difficult but recognizing these thoughta

are not beneficial to my well being helps a bit. hope these numbers turn into dates. what can she be doing now? who cares? i shouldnt.

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sfindependent Mentor

sfindependent

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I will Florida. I will. Gracefully.

 

I am starting to really detach from all this. I've been learning how to deal with these unnecessary emotions I have. this anxiety. This fear. This is my weakness. This prevents me from achieving power over myself and towards others. I am realizing the value of patience, and life is a game i'd rather learn how to play than be caught up with my drawers down.

 

I am learning how to seduce life and everything around it. I feel like a new man reborn with a new set of purpose. the purpose to do things with passion. Passion with work, passion with women, passion with life. I do not need anyone to celebrate life with me. I feel my aura is different. Sure i'm still a man. still a man who cares about her, about what people think about what life has to bring to me. But i will approach life the same way i approach women. Seductingly. attractively. I am in control of me and me alone and it is, oh my god, powerful.

 

I realize i've a lot to learn about how to live this life passionately, purposefully and correctly. emotions are essential to life, it is to be enjoyed. I will draw people because they want to, rather than pull them forcibly. It is a game i think i will enjoy playing.

 

i feel unleashed. powerful yet weak, and that by itself is the charm of playing the game of life.

 

this is me. this is the person i lost in the relationship. i led a life of undirected passion for the excitement of life. But this time, i have direction. This time, i am focused.

 

I will still have these feelings of sadness, loneliness and weakness, especially towards her. I am only human. but ultimately it is i who has control over the situation. I can turn things around to where i benefit from it rather than suffer from it.

 

Seduction is a powerful tool. Use it in everyday life.

 

Onward and forward. But with purpose, my friends.

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sfindependent Mentor

sfindependent

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ok so after my breakthrough last night, i decided to take the power back and move on.

 

i saw her online. chatted non sense for a bit, felt my way around it.... i wanted the exchange to be pleasant. she was responding well. she was still guarded but otherwise i appeared happy and content. the last few of our convos ended pretty well and on positive notes. much like this one. i asked about her parents and wished them well. also talked a few lines about my new neighborhood being close to the park

 

then i texted her a few hours later...

 

me: btw ill be removing u from my insurance soon. ill give u a specific date when i find out.

 

her: Um ok...didnt we just talk about that, but whatever

 

me: yeah ill schedule it in the terms we had.

me: i will schedule it for the month of june. ill have the garage clean by then. i know its been a burden for u to be tied to insurance and all.

me: on another note, borders is closing and i thought it would be good for u to know bout their sale if they have any of your patterson books u might not have read yet

 

no response. i feel empowered. sad, but empowered.

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anthony4 Enthusiast

anthony4

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so you saw her online, and initiated nonsense chat? oh my. At least you are being honest here. To be fair, NC is as i have said easier for me - she has a new boyfriend. But doesn't yours have one also, per say? IMO if you are gonna go NC as your previous post stated clearly, any topics such as garage and insurance can be dealt with less personally, as in not live chatting. Keep those other phone numbers, and make use of them brother.

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Imtheretoo Contributor

Imtheretoo

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me: btw ill be removing u from my insurance soon. ill give u a specific date when i find out.

 

her: Um ok...didnt we just talk about that, but whatever

 

me: yeah ill schedule it in the terms we had.

me: i will schedule it for the month of june. ill have the garage clean by then. i know its been a burden for u to be tied to insurance and all.

me: on another note, borders is closing and i thought it would be good for u to know bout their sale if they have any of your patterson books u might not have read yet

 

no response. i feel empowered. sad, but empowered.

 

It feels like "NC" has taken on a different meaning in this thread.

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dramallama Enthusiast

dramallama

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Yeah, I thought that No Contact meant NO contact. When you did remove her from your insurance then you could have sent her ONE text letting her know and that was it. But now you're letting her know that you will be soonish, which is not exactly new information to her. And the reason you're breaking NC is...? You are not above No Contact. You may THINK that you are feeling all empowered, but all of us here plus your ex can see that you are coming accross as needy and desperate. "OMG I just have to contact you so I'm going to come up with yet another lame excuse about the insurance which I haven't even sorted out yet!"

 

me: on another note, borders is closing and i thought it would be good for u to know bout their sale if they have any of your patterson books u might not have read yet

 

That above quote from your super important and essential IM convo that required you breaking NC - I mean... really. If I were her *I* would feel like I had the upper hand. Not only have you NOT removed her from YOUR insurance yet, but you're letting her know boring details of your life such as cleaning the garage, but she knows that even news of borders closing down makes you think of her. The point of No Contact is that she doesn't know details of your life which makes you seem confident and mysterious. Yeah, you COULD be cleaning your garage, but you could also be dating up a storm with hot women. I mean, just stop. It's getting sad now.

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anthony4 Enthusiast

anthony4

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It's getting sad now.

 

I agree. OP, you have written so many drawn out posts. So many that claim - esp. lately how you are doing what is best for you. And of course, you will break ALL ties. But the noticing she was on IM? Another tie unbroken. Just say you can't do it. No harm no foul. Pain is insufferable sometimes, and many of us have been there. But you have gotten so much help here, sincere and well meaning help, "guy" help (no offense Drama) yet you still try to justify every contact with her with drawn out long, explanations that aren't ringing true to you or anyone else following.

Since Real isn't here (he's likely scratching or banging his head) - $h1t or get off the pot man.

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MakeItCount Collaborator

MakeItCount

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Since Real isn't here (he's likely scratching or banging his head) - $h1t or get off the pot man.

 

 

HAhaahahahahhaahah. That seriously made me LOL so loud. Real probably going to blow a gasket when he reads this. Look bogs, don't take us wrong. We like you man, and we care for you. As much as you can care about a random on the internet. We just know what you're going through. There comes a point when we must transition from lovey dovey nice advice to tough love. Don't make me bust out my douchebag responses. And be happy gallop hasn't found this yet. You gotta realize, you're still acting the same way you were before. YOU. MUST.CUT.ALL.CONTACT!!

 

BTW, it goes without saying, but dramallama is spot on with her analysis again. You're come off needy with these messages you're sending her. Keep it business only. Don't give her info about a random bookstore, don't repeat what you've said before. Follow up on what you say!! Cut the insurance, and let her know when it's done. That's it. No more messaging past that, no random info, etc. I know you can do this. Wake up and smell the roses brother.

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Real Deal Enthusiast

Real Deal

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HAhaahahahahhaahah. That seriously made me LOL so loud. Real probably going to blow a gasket when he reads this.

 

LMAO. You guys are hilarious. Nah, no anger here. He is a grown man and as I always say, every table must stand on its own legs. The 'results' he will get will be more of the same. If he is comfortable with appearing to her as if he is pinning over her that is his call. She will be down the road and moved on and he will still be posting on here wondering how she could do that to him. Sorry Bogs but these are the facts buddy. Just like I told a dude in another thread. If you are over her and good with things there is really no reason to post any further on the topic. Congrats for healing so quickly my friend!

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