i'm such a wreck right now. Help.Nonchalance fail.

[sfindependent]

LOL, thanks FL. I just remember how itshy i felt after last tuesday with that other girl. i didnt want to make the same mistake again with myself this time and make myself feel horrible for doing it and make me feel like a * * * * of some sort. It was more for me than anything else.

 

FL, she's an art model, too. very indie, Zooey D look to her. Dark wavy long hair. Giddy as hell and just a little bubble. great personality. So you can imagine me going lkdfjgdksfjgsdjfgkjsdfgjk!!!!!!!!! as i said "i can't".

 

But alas, this is not for the serious.

[Glowguy]

You said it bro. Fun times! I needed that. Woke up in a fog this morning in the same clothes two hours late for work. Good thing I told my boss I was working from home so no one noticed. I was hella surprised you turned that one down and I'll vouch for her hotness. I'm not ready for that either, but I don't know if I could have resisted in that situation.

 

Awesome night, except for the quake. That was unreal. The alcohol kind of wiped it from my mind last night (along with some other stuff lol) but I've been watching the footage all day. I hope they get lots of help over there.

 

You're doing awesome by the way. You had tons of energy and a great attitude, obviously the ladies could sense it Keep it up, better things are ahead.

[sfindependent]

thanks dude..

 

OMG that blonde... Sienna? She was snobby as F but i would plow it like i was in northern michigan.

 

HAAHAHA you weren't bad yourself man. Remember me telling you, "watch this... after he leaves, it's our opening" and that asian chick was feelin you out. Lol.

 

I'm planning on running the GGpark tomorrow if you wanna join, bro. it's gorgeous there in the morning. I'm not sure what's goin on tonight but if there's anything going on i'll let you know. I think people here at work know... wearing the same thing as yesterday, hair a mess and in a fng good mood.

 

we'll be good here in SF man. you've seen the way women looked at us yesterday, that tall blonde Xena warrior princess lookin chick was checkin us out the minute we got out of the cab. LOL

 

Kinda diggin that girl man. I wanna see her again. hopefully i made a good enough impression (she also said it was cool i wasn't getting all up in her face when she was dancing with some other guy, i just went about, insisted she keep dancing with him, then talked to the 3 hotties that you and i were talking to) hehehehe.

[sfindependent]

dammit, im missin her right now. not pining her missing her, but just genuinely missing what we had. but im happy with my life. just a hiccup. i might see model girl tonight, but ill be slowing it down with her... and going to keep my options openz. i might hit up the ex next week and ask her to leave some mail in the garage. i gotta do my taxes... hopefully ill be ok and not act like an idiot. i think so far as self esteem and having a life is concerned i think im doing good. hopefully i am... i am now to the honest point where i am debating on opening the lines

of friendship or not. im in no rush so its ok... im movin on and moving on at my own pace.

[ClarenceRutherford]

You and Glowguy friends in real life?

Wow. That's kinda neat you two going out together to meet women.

 

Don't see much of that kind of thing on ENA or the other boards.

[sfindependent]

yeah FL. met him here and just so happened we live

within a mile from each other. GG's a cool dude man. its his girl's loss. weird how my ex and him lived in the same town growin up. but oh well. he's a cool cat.

[sfindependent]

dhgfghghgfgg

 

missing her and wondering bout her and how wonderful her life is compared to when we were together. ugh, thanks for the support GG. you know we can do better. just gotta keep this self esteem high and going instead.

 

im thinking my energy levels are up, and im doing the right things to better myself, meeting new friends and from other people's reviews, am doing great aura wise. i should be fine, bt damm. it still stings.

[Real Deal]

keep pressing man. Not in a way of using anyone but adopt F.T.O.W. (F**k Ten Other Women). Sounds like maybe you are on a roll with it already. Eventually you will find someone that you are as into, if not more than her. (No pun intended). It is just nature and will take care of itself. Remember - ALL relationships have a shelf life and they eventually go bad or expire. This is not a bad thing or meant to be bitter. It is just a fact and the sooner we realize that WE as individuals are the source of our own happiness and success and that people will come and go in our lives, the better off we are. I know it sounds cold but I can show too many examples of this being true vice anyone can of it not being true. Glad to hear you are overall better SF!!

 

Real

[sfindependent]

ok, having a bad day today... Fk. so please bear through my rant and i can use some uplifting words of advice, fellas.

 

a few things to kind of make my Sunday feel like hell.

 

A) I was supposed to hang with GG last night but being broke and all, couldn't come out and play. So me and my buddy turned around and hung out in the apartment. hungout, and fell asleep on the couch/bed. My roommate knocked on my door at 130am and literally yelled and kicked my buddy out WHO WAS SLEEPING. this morning he threw a tantrum about how he didn't want people over in "HIS" house staying overnight, saying "this isn't a party house". mind you, we were quiet. Like literally, not talking. we were sleeping. we walked home after eating, then crashed. (this is a guy, so dirty minds begone). We weren't partying at all. He threatened that this "isn't going to work out" and all that. I said, fine. and walked away. My lease isn't up till July.

 

I'm not sure about what to do here, i love my place but my room mate is becoming a dk when it comes to having friends at my place. I'm not a "wooot, wooot" party guy so when my friends are over, we just watch a movie and keep to ourselves. QUIETLY. I might have to move again, and this time find a studio or something in the city. so i can have my privacy and not be bothered by people who don't like me cooking or having friends over.

 

2) feeling the effects of weed from yesterday, today. I really don't like it. It's making me feel depressed, anxious and foggy. I gotta keep that substance out of my system. I don't need whatever weed to make me feel like partying. it's simply NOT my thing. Ugh. No more of that nonesense. I'm just not a weed person. The after effects is killing me, emotionally. It's a drain. Give me booze anytime I'll be fine the next day, i know how to work through a hang over, physically, emotionally and cognitively. SOOOO, no thanks. It's literally making me feel depressed at the same time anxious. gjdfghkdg. so much for that.

 

 

3) One of the lesbians whom my ex regularly hangs out with texted me last night, asking for help getting a job. I mean, really?

 

Ok, back story is, is that she's the one half of the lesbian couple that my ex hangs out with. When me and the ex were together, i've always sorta hinted that this lesbian couple whom she has become good friends with are bad news. They're highly dysfunctional and not really a good influence to anyone. Me personally, would only have them as an option if I really didn't have anyone else to hang with for the night, or just stay at home if they were the only people i'd have to hang with. How dysfunctional? Let me define: both of them have DUI's. One is a junior lawyer who drinks like a fish, and the other is just a newly graduated RN who is under a 3 year probabtion because of her drinking. Whenever the two drink (i'm talking this was when me and the ex were together) they would argue, i mean... throwing crap at each other argue. Then both would text my ex saying that both of them hate each other so much. The junior lawyer works as a bar tender, and now, the recently graduated RN is employed in a magazine place and looking for a job as an RN but is having difficulty since she has that DUI probation looming over her head.

 

She texted me asking if there were any openings at my place. i tried to be nonchalant, acted like everything was ok... i'll write her (probably not, just BS'd her) a letter of recommendation and said "yeah, my credentials are pimp" which is true. Now that i think about it, as alcoholic as i think i am, i have a brighter future ahead of me compared to this bag of emotional and dysfunctional mess. I just have to live it up and show em i'm better than them. She ended saying "thanks, i'll email it to you this week, hope everything's all good with you" so i wrote back. "of course, i'm always all good".

 

4) Out of curiosity, i checked HER (the lesbian) FB as well as my ex's. Ok ok, before i get lynched here, read through this first

 

i saw a post of the same lesbian on her wall saying "doing shots while i sneeze coz of charlie the cat is a guaranteed way of getting drunk" and the new guy posting back agreeing and laughing at the circumstance... charlie is my ex's cat so its safe to assume they were drinking at my ex's place. I'm slightly bothered by it, but i've been hearing good things about ME from other people that's helping me realize that im good with who i am and how i'm doing right now...

 

A few good examples of what's been happening to me:

 

1)GG and i met and hearing him say I'm a cool cat from a stranger's perspective is great. i think he's super cool and his support and perspective did mean a lot to me...

2) i've been attracting SOME women like the girl here at work (who's super hot but is engaged, told my boss I was cute and was flirting with me in the office), the model whom i turned down sex but gave her something else (she was feeling bad becuase "i got some and now I have to give you some" and i turned that down too), the two consecutive hook ups, the random people who flirt with me at the bars i've been to in the last few weeks, people at work (one said i think you make friends easily, the residents who playfully call me cute, that they will tell their grand kids about me and get excited when i'm in the building), the gay dude telling me i have a powerful aura and the random guys i see on the street in my new neighborhood, buying me drinks at the bar and remembering me OUTSIDE of the bar and inviting me over to their places of work (restuarants and cafe workers) and the guy i met to write music with, the black chick that asked me out on a date and said I had a very positive outlook and smart... it's an awesome feeling right now especially since I JUST moved in last feb and it's the middle of March. But i don't know why right now i'm thinking about how MY ex is having such a good time without me when i'm handling being by myself fairly well on my own... This is really who i am (upbeat, friendly and accommodating kinda guy) and i don't know why i want people like my ex to be around me to bring me down, especially when i know if i keep this "self improvement" up, i'll be in a better of place than where i am right now, socially, financially and personnaly.

 

i don't know why i'm thinking how her life can be better when I've got the personality, the opportunities and the outlook in life that can create a better life for myself. I'm hoping this is just a set back. I need some light here guys.

 

5) model girl invited me to a bonfire and/or a club for saturday night on friday night. I didn't text or call her until late to check in if it were still happening. She picked up after a few rings and said "Hey SF, how you been?" called me by name on my call and told me she was still at the grocery store at 7pm...said she might not come out (it's a trek for her, since she's gotta take public transportation accross town so i really don't blame her, i guess) which i understand. But she did say "but we're still on sometime this week for dinner right?" I said "yeah, for sure, hella looking forward to it".

 

the night we hooked up, i said i was cellibate, and that if i'd get into it with someone, i want to do it the right way. but i made it worth her while... later the next day i thanked her in the afternoon for a wonderful time, said her friends were cool, and she "made a good impression on me". She texted back later saying "enjoy the rest of your work day SF, and yeah me and my friends dig you too". that was friday morning

 

back story to that same friday ( the evening after we hooked up thursday night) is that I called her saying i wanted to invit her out to go out and have dinner this coming week... she said "you're asking me out tonight to go to dinner next week, that's so cute" and she went off on a mini rant about how she has to see on monday or tuesday what her schedule looks like for work that week. said she wouldn't find out till monday or something when exactly she will be free. She added me on FB that same night messaging "now we can be online friends". She also emailed me the pics from our partying from friday night followed by a text "i tried to email it to you earlier but it said it's not working... I'll try to email it to you again after my bath". I told her i was on FB hiatus but she added me nonetheless.

 

Last night i ended our phone convo by saying "for sure, let me know if u come out to the city" "for sure, i definitely will" somewhere along that context...

 

I'm not exactly sure if that's a blow off (her turning me down last night and not coming out here) but i definitely won't call her again. maybe if i don't hear from her by the middle or end of the week, maybe. But no pressure. What u guys think? She said she definitely had fun with me last thursday and we've been texting and calling on and off since then. it'll be difficult NOT to talk to her but i've gotta keep my eye on the prize... Me.

 

6) Coinicidentally, i've been offline the past few weeks, due to the lack of internet connection at home... i logged on gchat today and my ex came online. I had "busy status at work" on and when i saw her came up, stayed for 5mins and logged off. Outta sight, outta mind as GlowGuy said.

 

Also, i've got a few women wanting to add me on FB, 2 that i haven't approved yet, and maybe i can add a few more that i can add both men and women (including the jamaican girl i hung out with a few times). i've not done so, just yet. My ex still has our pics up but i'm not assuming anything other than maybe either she's too lazy to take em down or waiting for me to take them down out of pity. I don't know why i havent added them but some of the women that i can add are HOT.

 

Overall, i'm confused as to where i am right now and maybe need some clarity coming from the board. On one hand i'm great, on the other my ego/id is still hurting from the rejection i got from my ex. maybe someone out there can help me redirect my thoughts?

 

On one hand as i mentioned here on the boards, i'd really like to be her friend but i'm still aware of the disappointment that i'd feel if i don't like the way she's living her life. i don't want to be around to condone the mess she's placed us in by everything that has happened between us and everything that she's turned her back on when she dumped me. I don't want to know who/what/where about her, who she's seeing and who she's newly friends with. I wonder if she's missing me or how she's feeling about me lately.

 

On the other hand, she's probably all good with herself right now and i'm the only schmuck that's feeling like this between the two of us, and frankly i feel pathetic for feeling like i'm the only one who held my relationship with her and her life with value. I'm not ready to see her, i realize. i thought i'd be stronger by now given the positivity that's been going on in my life lately but that positivity seems to be dwarfed by someone who shouldn't even be significant in my life at this point given the circumstances of what happened between us (meaning my ex), but it does and i hate it.

 

onward and forwards. slight set back but hell. Hopefully i get around and stad back up again. i'll be all good.

[sfindependent]

addendum on #5

 

model chick just texted saying "i never left oakland last night". 30 mins ago.

 

so, i texted back after 30mins saying "it's cool. I got busy i hope you're smiling today tho. it's a pretty sunday to waste not doing so". and left it at that. i thought sendin her positive vibes was a good idea.

 

i'm at work anyway. i've a life. And GlowGuy, if you read this; man, i wish i couldve joined that hike. Oh well. We'll see next time. stupid work, but gotta earn that dough.

[sfindependent]

ok, get this. i mentioned this engaged 21yo hottie that i work with who's engaged... last week, she and i were (i think) flirtin in her office. My boss said this chick told her i was "cute".. ok.

 

so today, she's at work again. came in for a few minutes. right before she left she stopped by my office... there was a trash can behind me and she took out a piece of gum wrapper, walked up and leaned over hovering on top of me and threw it in the receptacle behind me. (whuuut) she then proceeded to hang right beside me in the corner of my office standing over me while looking at my phone... i'm like... hmmm. but nope. never mess with another man's woman.

 

I hate to sound cocky and aggorant, gentlemen, but....

 

anything to help boost the ego tho. sigh. stupidly, i still miss the ex after all the good that's been going on in my life. geez what is wrong with me?

[sfindependent]

laying in bed, just listening to a song called motown never sounded so good. it goes

 

"Well I say it to myself all the time,

"Stop living half and a life and stop feeling like I'm half alive."

 

[Chorus]

[Roger

I can't get enough, I'm not satisfied, I've wasted my time with this daily grind, in single file line, is this real life, I've been telling myself sometimes, what matters is on the inside.

 

just an epiphany. im not like my ex at all. i want the most out of life and experience the world... not get stuck in the same cycle... im not satisfied with life.... i want more. i was unhappy in a way because i wanted more and i out grew her. i love the domestic life but at the same time, i was thirsty for more out of her and of life. i have to remind myself of what i want amd not waste my time anymore...

[sfindependent]

ok.

 

I think i'm doing a bit better today. Yesterday was a mess. The roommate, the ex's lesbian friend, money probs, it just spiraled into a stress ball. Any of the other stimuli that came up (girls, friends, etc) was just pulled along with it. I'm glad that i only vented here rather than outside. whew. I'm still feeling/missing the ex. didn't sleep well in the beginning of the night dreaming about her, woke up, reconvened, then slept another 7 hours. needed that.

 

got home last night and said "whats up" to my roommate. then i said "sorry bout this morning, i dont like starting the day with an argument". and that was it. I guess, the pressure is on me to fix my credit by July and get the hell outta there. I want my own pad. Bachelors pad. Lol.

 

At work right now on a break. feels good, done a lot of things already. Still have loads more. Focusing my energy on listening to music while working... keeps me upbeat. love it. have to write lesson plans, do assessments, file reports, schedule community services and start volunteer groups. Hell, if i do a good job here, i can get a job literally ANYWHERE in the US (as long as it's in my field). long term goal is to become an Alzheimer's specialist making hella bank.

 

I'm still thinking about the ex today, but not in a depressive state. I've got a heavy heart, pushing it out isn't easy but it's doable. I've been reading a lot of books, threads and sites mentioning Buddhism as part of their healing. I browsed through some pages and printed the 4 noble truths and the noble eightfold path... I'm not necessarily looking to change beliefs but having the mindset of peace and the guidance of calmer thoughts and direction helps remind me there's a bigger world of peace to be attained rather than

dwell in the pain. I'm trying, but it's difficult. I'm trying to "let go" and "accept" her new friends and accept that she's who she is. I'm still debating the possibility of friendship but again, i don't like the idea of condoning things i do not like, but understand if that's how she wants to live her life. I just won't be there to be part of it. Part of me still wishes things were the same, but then i'll start thinking "there was no direction there and i'm sick of just being stagnant in life". she must have had her own personal reasons why she was stagnant; depression, anxiety, lack of motivation, not with the right person (me) or any other one. fact of the matter is it was a dead end relationship. have to keep reminding myself that.

 

As you can tell, i started ranting about the engaged chick and the model chick. i was just trying to get an ego boost, that's all. feeling wanted even if it's just a one sided feeling (i'm only assuming that they wanted me, lol) is a good feeling nonetheless. Hope people don't misconstrue this as me being arrogant or bragging about my conquests. Just sharing my brief yet appreciated happiness. lol.

 

 

 

model texted me last night saying "aww, i hope u are having a smile filled day as well, SF". i left it like that last night and haven't texted her since. Last we talked about when to hang next she said she'll check her schedule on monday (today). i'm trying hard not to text her so i've found myself posting here and texting GG (thanks for the slap in the face brutha). I'll wait until she calls/texts if so, then i'll take it, if not oh well. No loss. I am not really interested in her per se, but it would be nice to connect with someone even non-commitedly. i might meet jamaican sometime this week too (she called and checked in). all this change makes me feel good. model's not really a catch. i was more stressed out about everything else that was out of control yesterday that she just got siderailed. I'm glad i ddnt say or do anything embarrasing, lol

 

i'm anxious about st. patty's day since i know M is gonna party at the irish pub she goes to with her new friends, but guess what.... I too, got invited by this guy i met at the bar one night to meet up with his friends downtown on SP'sD. he's married no kids, young, medical professional.. seems like he has his tish straight. i like those kinda people. so i'll hit up GG and hang with these new guys downtown. I'm meeting new people, and it's kinda cool.

 

all is well. Brush off the thoughts of the ex, accept reality, and live with it.

 

onward and forward.

[anthony4]

ok, sort of off-topic but want nonchalance opinion. don't wanna start a new thread, much guy help here already.

 

 

I added a mom (shmexy) of my boys friends on Facebook. she is single, and we've briefly met in the past.

 

sent her a thanks for the add:

 

"Also saw you on POF or Cupid.. Would be nice to have a drink sometime. I've been wanting to go to the D on Thurs nite for trivia, need a few peops for a "team". R and K were gonna try and make it last week. Let me know if you're interested, K? "

 

The D is a local bar. Trivia nite people get together and compete, table by table for some lame prize.

 

her response:

 

"ha well it must have been cupid. If I could figure out how to delete it, I would. I can't say I had much luck with it. I'd love to go have a beer sometime but weekdays get a bit busy. Maybe another time?"

 

mine:

 

"Well, of course, I'd love another time too. I started a new job recently and get up at 5:30ish. Nights go fast. The boys said you were a sort of home-mom, i think that's great. We love ours, don't we? I'm open for suggestion Wendy. until later then.. "

 

was she blowing me off? she did use "love" in saying she'd like a beer sometime, hopefully meaning at least interested?

 

i'm gonna lay low.

 

was i cool enough?

 

suggestions from the best of the best welcome here, my attempts at dating have been two years in the past.

 

thanks guys.

[ClarenceRutherford]

Hard to say, Anthony. She did say some other time, but.... didn't suggest another time.

Maybe you should have suggested a weekend nignt...

 

Maybe contact her again and suggest a weekend night. If she acts the same way, then let it go.

[sfindependent]

Hard to say, Anthony. She did say some other time, but.... didn't suggest another time.

Maybe you should have suggested a weekend nignt...

 

Maybe contact her again and suggest a weekend night. If she acts the same way, then let it go.

 

 

yeah, wait a few days though. you don't want to be pushy.

 

is she a mom of one of your friends? did i read that right?

[sfindependent]

take your time with this one. It seems you would/could have the opportunity to see her, even on non-pre planned terms, meaning she would be able to come out during trivia nights. it's good you have similar social interests and common friends. But i don't think she was blowing you off. She said she didn't have any luck with it so i would assume she is still single. it's good you put the ball on her court. If she doesn't say anything, actually GO to trivia in a few weeks with your friends, then invite her. If she doesn't come out to play, tell her how fun it was and definitely come out the next time. lead her to the mouth quenching oasis so to speak...

[sfindependent]

i'm still feeling kinda low, depressed and lonely. the weather doesn't really help either.

 

I went out again yesterday, met with GG (thanks G, had a lot of fun again. See ya on St. Patty's) but before that, met with my guitarist who i had a blast just listening to music and BSing. I think when we find a drummer, we would definitely rock. Think rhett miller, social d., elvis costello rolled into one.

 

1) i had an epiphany last night, with the help of GG. I was stressing too much about model chick. But in hindsight, i really don't think it was her herself i was diggin..it was more the idea of her and the ego boost i felt knowing i was wanted by this hot woman. So, depsite her "positive" reactions, i decided to call off dinner plans, told her to call me when she wants to party and left it at that. Maybe i'll invite her to an art show on the 1st just as friends if she'll still be down by then. But right now, i don't think i can handle anything in my crazy life.

 

2) I was texting an ex. this is the ex that i've been super good friends with after our break up. we never really had a reason to break up other than the distance (LDR) and texting with her last night, revealed some very sensitive topics. we both admitted we still mean the world to each other. we cared about each other genuinely, and wanted the same things out of life. we both admitted that when we were together, our relationship had substance, value and an "end" where we both wanted to be with each other for the long run, like a future together. a good future. It wasn't like my last ex. M and i didn't have any substance. Didn't have any future together and had very different values altogether. M and i had to compromise and change for each other (a lot) where as my ex ex, we had the same things already.

 

3) i've noticed that i'm already going downhill on a very slippery slope and it's making me feel even more depressed. Somewhere along the way after the break up, i was doing really well. I've renounced several things that I thought were hindering me from achieving my full potential and taking up activities and resources that can improve myself and even doing the things i never thought i'd do (read books, gym etc) picking up my bass again. But i feel today, i'm back to square one, maybe even further back.

Along the way since the BU i've met a lot of good people, including GG, my guitarist and other potentially new friends. I am great with meeting people. But there's a voice in the back of my head asking "what's the point of putting myself out there?" i feel very isolated from my real friends. Most of whom live on the other side of the bay. As a man, i'm inclined to think that since i've up rooted my whole life to move to the city, i can create a new one here but truthfully i loved my life back in my town. Unfortunately, a lot of things involved my ex. the comfort, the security and monotony of having a domesticated life and a regular routine (as bad as that routine was) had its comfort. I miss the parties we would throw, our growing amount of quality friends, random barbecues, holiday barbecues. coming home to good food. coming home to her and knowing what we would be doing that night.

 

i feel so down right now from missing that, i almost feel like crying. Almost, lol. I miss having security of having that life. i feel very unmotivated right now to re- create security for myself again. i feel like i'm drifting with no direction as far as emotions are concerned. brain wise, i know all the things i need to do for myself. but honestly, my heart isn't up to it right now.

 

I miss our life together. and i can't help but think SHE's getting to continue that life and i feel like the guy that was uninvited to the party of a lifetime. i miss her, and the life i had before all this mess. then i have to remind myself we were not good for each other, that behind the parties and the "fun", i was missing the essentials from her. the love. the intimacy and the genuine desire to be with that person. she became more of a platonic friend and roommate at the end whom i was good friends with rather than a lover whom i would share my innermost thoughts with. I have to keep thinking i have the chance to make MY life better and live the way i want it to. Sadly, part of my inability to detach is because a big part of how i want to live my life is how i was living it when we were together. I do not want to come crawling back "wanting to be friends and include me in your life please" pathetic. but dammit i miss her and our life together. i don't know what she's doing now (and it doesn't really matter) but i can't help but think she's living the same life we lived before, only now without me, and probably happier with the new/same friends we had together. the life I built for myself and us back when we were together.

 

but then, i'm a man!!!! I have to keep telling myself in such a short while i've made a lot of positive changes in me that has helped me become a better person and potentially a better lover and friend. if i want to have BBQ's and parties, i will throw one myself. I've gotten quite a few invitations with these new friends to go to events such as St. Patty's, an art show, dinner, new Fb friends adding me, hang out and i KNOW there's more people to meet that will definitely make this life more interesting. as GG said (thanks bro, no homo, lol) i seem to attract people and it's a quality that i love about myself.

 

it's my fkn emotions i can't control and my lack of motivation to improve my life financially that keeps me from living a potentially rockin rich life. that and my willingness to compromise so much of myself and short change what i expect from life (like, i'm willing to lower my value to enjoy comfort and security vs lack luster love life). By simply wanting M, i am looking at it like it personifies how i am willing to devalue myself and i must change that...

 

4) I had to leave my car yesterday at work. my junk car. I hate my car. it has holes on the roof, floods when it rains, the shocks are so bad, and yesterday it sounded like it was about to die. it is the personification of my current life, i feel. i woke up today, late. took the bus to work and made it on time. But i'm realizing, as cool as this is to experience living in the city and live as a single guy and have the resources to do so, i'm not quite to where i want to be just yet. I'm "undateable". I cannot win any favorable continued interest if i'm driving around a beater car with the passenger side floor flooded, similarly, i cannot walk around meeting and having fun with people when i come home after that depressed and feeling unfulfilled and not really have anything substantial to hold on to. I have yet to really get over the BU, but moreso, get over this feeling of depression from not having to have achieved the desired life i wanted by this time. I'm old enough to have achieved what my friends have, what am i doing wrong that i can't do the same thing? I think i'm over her as a gf, but the life she represents is something different entirely. i think that's something that i have to detach from and live a life i create for myself. Real Deal's post about alpha males is posted on my office wall... i shall have a great life and do my own thing. everything else will follow.

 

admittedly, this is not where i really want to be or who i want to end up being. I want a stable life. I want a good, financially secured life with an emotionally secure partner and family, a favorable standing within the community (i want to be well known in SF professionally) and a great relationship with my friends and family. I guess that's why i cut myself off from everyone i know both electronically (FB) and personally. i've not talked to my family in months, have put up a face in front of most friends; I don't want to be known as the "depressed" guy who brings the party down. i want respect from my friends and family, not pity and disrespect. I don't want to feel depressed anymore. I need to get back up and start my life again so when i come back in the picture, i'm better and have had moved on rather than them seeing me the same alcoholic (i've come to terms with my alcoholism) who hasn't done any better with life, with or without M.

 

whew. strangely i feel a little bit better after putting all that down. i still miss her but realizing i'm not up there just yet to be an admirable man, puts things somewhat in perspective that i have bigger things to do before anything or anyone else.

[Glowguy]

Hey sf,

 

thanks G, had a lot of fun again. See ya on St. Patty's

 

Me too. Let's do it again!

 

Point number 3 really hit home for me too. That's mainly what I'm struggling with. I love San Fran, but it doesn't feel like home and all my closest friends and family are thousands of miles away. It sucks and it gets really lonely, but we can use that as motivation. At least now I'm getting out more and actually talking to women instead of hiding in the background. It's difficult to build a meaningful social network from scratch.

 

I think you're just having a bad day and focusing on the negatives. You're not backsliding and it's normal to feel lost and confused after a breakup (which is still fresh). If you back and re read that there is a lot to be excited about. Your ego took a hit with the new chick and you got in a bad frame of mind. I could see it last night - it was physically affecting you. Mine took a hit too. That chick was all over me at first and then when I mentioned my job, it was a complete 180 and was instantly stonewalled. Those two we met were just pretentious and I shouldn't let it affect me, but I have been dwelling on it today. I know I don't want to surround myself with people like that and I know it will pass in a day or so.

 

Somewhere along the way after the break up, i was doing really well. I've renounced several things that I thought were hindering me from achieving my full potential and taking up activities and resources that can improve myself and even doing the things i never thought i'd do (read books, gym etc) picking up my bass again.

 

I think focusing on these new activities is the way to go and then meeting new people through those. That's what I'm trying to do with the hiking meetup. I'm really into that and it's a great way to see the same people over and over again. Everyone there was really friendly and it was really easy to strike up conversations even with my social anxiety.

 

And don't let your car define you. Mine sucks too, but at least you have one in the city. A lot of people don't. I used it my advantage this past weekend to give rides and meet new people for that hike. They were so happy to just get out of the city for a day and didn't even mention the car (and I did warn them).

 

Remember what you told me last night: own your weaknesses. That was good advice. I think just by doing that you're already starting to make progress.

[sfindependent]

Point number 3 really hit home for me too. That's mainly what I'm struggling with. I love San Fran, but it doesn't feel like home and all my closest friends and family are thousands of miles away. It sucks and it gets really lonely, but we can use that as motivation. At least now I'm getting out more and actually talking to women instead of hiding in the background. It's difficult to build a meaningful social network from scratch

you so are dude! i'm psyched we both are doing well in social settings. right now, my lovely town is only 20mi away. it's a super small town and my family, my friends are all there... but then, my ex is there too so i've made it a point to avoid them entirely, unfortunately. i'm not as strong as i would like to be.

think you're just having a bad day and focusing on the negatives. You're not backsliding and it's normal to feel lost and confused after a breakup (which is still fresh). If you back and re read that there is a lot to be excited about. Your ego took a hit with the new chick and you got in a bad frame of mind. I could see it last night - it was physically affecting you. Mine took a hit too. That chick was all over me at first and then when I mentioned my job, it was a complete 180 and was instantly stonewalled. Those two we met were just pretentious and I shouldn't let it affect me, but I have been dwelling on it today. I know I don't want to surround myself with people like that and I know it will pass in a day or so.

 

yeah, thats why i had to do it and cut it off like that. I can't afford to lose anymore of myself and seeing how i was acting, my emotions are still in a flux, so i can't pour orange juice in my cup until i've cleaned the milk it had in it last, so to speak.

 

i know you know this but: don't dwell on it man. I told you, your dedication and your knowledge and passion with your career puts a definition you have about yourself and your purpose in life. remember that convo? by thinking that she was TOff'd with what you do robs you of your definition. you maybe a fry cook for the krusty krab, but gosh darn it, you are THE ONLY fry cook in bikini bottom. for all you know the dudes she was with are unemployed or have no purpose or have no specific skill set other than bar lounge and waste tax payer's money and breathing space. you are gold brother. i agree with you, you should surround yourself with quality people, not snotty, snobby, think they have it all, piece of work.

I think focusing on these new activities is the way to go and then meeting new people through those. That's what I'm trying to do with the hiking meetup. I'm really into that and it's a great way to see the same people over and over again. Everyone there was really friendly and it was really easy to strike up conversations even with my social anxiety.

 

yeah man, for real, i want to come out with you. it sounds like a good way to meet people other than the bar, lol!

 

And don't let your car define you. Mine sucks too, but at least you have one in the city. A lot of people don't. I used it my advantage this past weekend to give rides and meet new people for that hike. They were so happy to just get out of the city for a day and didn't even mention the car (and I did warn them).

 

lol yeah, there ya go. but no seriously. you should see my car. i have a lake inside it. when i brake, water gushes to the front side. it reeks of mold, stale water and tobacco and for some reason, liquor. the seats are tattered, and you can hear it from a mile away.

 

but i'm not really defining myself with my car. I'm just saying that i'm using it to personify my life right now. it's not complete, it's broken, needs a lot of new parts. it's an awesome car and i love it to a certain extent, but then it reminds me that i've a lot to do before i get to drive a better car. or in this case, i've a lot to do with my life in all aspects.

 

Remember what you told me last night: own your weaknesses. That was good advice. I think just by doing that you're already starting to make progress.

 

yep. own it and use it. it will get better. thanks mang.

[sfindependent]

so? u decided what to do?

[anthony4]

I'm just letting her think on it. No big deal. Who knows if we're even a match. Just glad to be making the first move, and not sounding desperate. It's a start. I will def post if something happens. Normally "maybe another time" would just sound so bogus. She did add the question mark. I dunno.

thanks

[sfindependent]

I'm just letting her think on it. No big deal. Who knows if we're even a match. Just glad to be making the first move, and not sounding desperate. It's a start. I will def post if something happens.

thanks

 

too bad you're not near where me and GG are, or else we'll be tearing this place up! my boy GG right now is turning out to be a ladies man, for real.

 

i find it to be such a rush to walk up to women... its like a game of sorts. i dated a chiock with major social anxiety just because it was a challenge, lol.

 

u didnt seem desperate... it was a good edge. So, if she blows you off the next time, make sure you mention to her in passing how great trivia was and how she's missing hanging out with the other people that you're with... like "i had such fun with R and J". it throws the pressure off her going out exclusively with you as a date, get?

[Real Deal]

I'm just letting her think on it. No big deal. Who knows if we're even a match. Just glad to be making the first move, and not sounding desperate. It's a start. I will def post if something happens. Normally "maybe another time" would just sound so bogus. She did add the question mark. I dunno.

thanks

 

No she's not interested and you should have not replied (at least right away) when she did.

[Real Deal]

SF - you need ZERO interaction with women for a while. I think you already know this but I mentioned this a few weeks ago - you are basing your "happiness" on other people's opinion of you. I am too tired to go back and read the posts but you mentioned three times that some gay dude said you had a "vibe" or whatever. So what? Shouldn't matter if Mila Kunis was digging you. Sure, we all want to be loved, but that should not be the desired end state. Get good at being alone (as in without women for a few weeks at least) before you fall in the same trap. Your pain need for validation shows through in your long posts brother. Be well!!!