Destiny2112 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 My ex broke up with me in August in order to be with someone else. I found out, he got engaged within four months and is going to get married to her this spring... I'm sooo hurt and feeling so awful and betrayed about it and I just want to let go and move on with my life... apart from 2 emails I sent him beginning of October, asking him for final answers to my questions (which I didn't really receive in his mails), we have been in NC throughout the whole time. No intention from his side, to see how I am, nothing.... In his last email, he told me that his new gf has a problem with him being nice to me and he can understand her of course. So he wished me good luck for my exams end of this year and all the best. That's it, the end of 3,5 years relationship, no real explanation, no real closure from him... but the fact he is happy with her and soon married, speaks it's own language, I know... I don't believe, he'll ever contact me again anyway, so there would actually be no real need to block his emails... it's just that I'm so hurt by all his actions and I'm scared, IF he'll ever write me, that it'll open up all my wounds again... I know, since he is engaged, he has no interest in getting back with me and I'm not interested in any kind of friendship or his pitty for me... it's all too fresh and I'm too disappointed and hurt...nothing he could say, could fix the huge damage he has caused... I wish, I just could "forget" him, forget about his existence until my emotions subside, I want to cut him out of my life, exactly the way, he cut me out of his....treating me like garbage, just thrown away after "usage"... this is how I feel Shall I block him?? I'm just scared, that I would keep asking myself, what if he tried to reach out and his mails never reach me...but I actually know, he has no intention, so that problem won't occur! Anyways, if I'm honest with myself, why should he contact me, he soon will be a married man, his actions clearly show that he is over and done with me, so what could he possibly do to make me feel better in any way?! NOTHING! Anything he would say, would sound like derision to me, I guess...he has my mobile, my phone (if he didn't delete the numbers), my address, if he was serious about reaching me, there are other ways...I think he knows, he messed up and is to scared to contact me...his actions show, what a coward he was... I don't know, seems I'm starting to feel angry about him....angry about the fact that he is so happy and moved on that quick, while I'm still so down... that makes me angry with him and with myself....and I'm so so tired of all the suffering, of being sad, of crying for him and pining for him... I want to be HAPPY again, I want to move on and for now, I just want to forget him...like the way he seems to have forgotten about me... All advice appreciated, THANKS!! Link to comment
manicdogbert Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 do whatever you need to do to move on with your life. if you feel blocking him, deleting his email, phone numbers, etc, will help you heal (and in my opinion, it probably will), then do it. Link to comment
TidalWave Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 I don't know, seems I'm starting to feel angry about him....angry about the fact that he is so happy and moved on that quick, while I'm still so down... that makes me angry with him and with myself....and I'm so so tired of all the suffering, of being sad, of crying for him and pining for him... I want to be HAPPY again, I want to move on and for now, I just want to forget him...like the way he seems to have forgotten about me... Glad to see your self-respect grow. Keep it growing. And block him. Link to comment
MasterPo Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 I was in the same boat you are in, sucks awful bad when you get left for someone else and they start making life plans. I was angry and bitter about the breakup, for some crazy reason I figured she would be back but that never happened. So I read alot, this if before discovering ENA, and asked advice from the folks I worked with. I was surprised all had a breakup story to relate, you name it they suffered it. They knew my EX and told me that she was coming back, she was just confused and I was the best thing that happened to her. I believed it and waited patiently, stitching up my heart in the evenings and waiting for that stupid phone to ring. When it happened I'm not sure but one day I got tired of waiting. I started deleting everything; changed phone number, email access and I moved six hours away. Yeah it hurt alot wondering if she was trying to find me but it didn't matter at that point, she had left for HIM. Even if she came back, I didn't see myself doing any kind of forgiving. So much anger, so much disapppointment.. all of that. I figured the best thing was for me to "move on" (hate that word) but I cannot and will not be that bitter, life has too much to offer. Working out and keeping busy kept me sane and time, simple time made things better. She did contact me twice within these 16 months but I revert to that saying prominent amongst ENA statements, "if they wanted you they would make the effort to find you". It helped me alot and although it killed me not being able to read her email or talk to her on the phone, I know now that there was a good chance it was a BS guilt contact. I think I'm better for no contact and if she really wanted me, the girl I knew would move heaven and hell to find me. She hasn't and so my healing continues, albeit with some down moments but healing nonetheless. Be strong. You will make it. Link to comment
Karma20 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Engaged after 4 months? That sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen, be glad you got off when you did. Yes block his emails Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Block him and celebrate your start of a whole new year, a whole new life. You'll still need to grieve, but I'm all for grieving with a purpose. Head high. Link to comment
Daisy11 Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Yes, block his e-mails, his phone number, anything you can! When my ex and I broke up for the first time I just blocked his phone number but left it open for him to send me e-mails (I was secretly wishing he would write me that me missed me). Well he first sent me an e-mail about how sorry he was how things ended but didn't say he wanted to reconcile and it hurt like heck and sent me backwards in my healing process. Then a few months later I received a string of e-mails about how he wanted to try things again. LSS we tried and our second attempt didn't last. Letting him back into my life was a big mistake and only caused more heartache. I know your ex is engaged so the chance for reconcilation isn't there, but my point is, even when he was just writing to say he was sorry it still made me think of him and made me take a big step backwards. I know now that letting him back into my life, even if its just through e-mail and even if he's just trying to check in on me, it would hurt me to see his name in my Inbox and no matter what is written in the e-mail it would make me think of him constantly. Don't put yourself through that, block him. Do what's best for you right now and don't give him the chance to contact you even if he wants to. If something happens or he absolutely NEEDS to get in touch with you for some reason, he'll find a way. But for now, I'd block him. Link to comment
Seymore Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 My ex broke up with me in August in order to be with someone else. I'm just scared, that I would keep asking myself, what if he tried to reach out and his mails never reach me... Er...what in the world could he possibly write that would make you think any better of him - a guy who dumped you to be with someone else? I would hope that even IF he were to write "I was wrong to leave you and a total idiot", you still wouldn't take him back. He left you for her, AND he's telling you his gf doesn't like you being around and he understands, so he's made it clear where YOU stand. To hell with this guy. I know it's been 3.5 years, but were I in your shoes - even though I'd be hurt - all that time spent on someone and them just up and leaving...man, my anger would really help me get past a person like that quicker than usual. Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 Thanks to everyone for you advice!! Yes, I blocked him and felt kind of relieved It's the best for me and that's what is most important! You are right Seymore, there is absolutely nothing my ex could say to change my opinion of him, he definetely f**** up! Like I said, the problem is not that he ended it, not that he fell for someone else... it's the way he ended things, treating me like "garbage"... you are right, he made his point more than clear, his new gf is important to him and me and giving me any final explanation, well, that doesn't count anymore for him... and IF he ever changes his mind, well, it's too late, he had his chance with me and no one deserves to be treated the way he treated me- disrespectful... Daisy, yeah, you are right, even if it was a email to say sorry for his behaviour, that doesn't change a single thing, it would only set me back and make me sad again. Fact is, he is gone, he left for someone else and he is already engaged to her... so there is nothing he can possible do to make me feel better about the situation...what is done, is done and there is no real way to fix, what he had destroyed...and yes, if he truly wants to contact me, he would find a way... MasterPo, I'm sorry you had to go through something simiar, it really really sucks Although I keep telling myself, stop waiting for an email, deep, deep inside me I'm still hoping, he would admit, he made a mistake and comes crawling back. But i KNOW, he is engaged, he will soon be married and he will definetly NOT come back to me, so it's a waste of time to expect something that won't happen anyways... blocking him is the best I can do, he can't erase the pain he has caused and obviously he doesn't seem to care anyways... what is most important for him, is his own happiness, he is very selfish And yes, he would move heaven and earth, if he wanted to be with me again...but he just doesn't care...it hurts to know, but that is the harsh reality... sticking to NC is the best!! Thanks!!! Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 Engaged after 4 months? That sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen, be glad you got off when you did. Yes block his emails Yes, that is what I think as well, but only time will tell what is going to happen with them and I won't find out anyways...I hope some day in the nearer future I just won't care anymore... My ex is old enough to know what's best for him... Link to comment
Destiny2112 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 I deleted my ex from my fb friends list pretty soon after the break up, yet I caught myself checking his site again a few days ago -I couldn't see much (luckily), only that he had changed his profile picture- it was nothing "bad" just a new photo of himself and guess what, even this made me upset again for that day Stupid me, it's always the same, doing this always made me sad, but sometimes I can't help myself and I'm doing the same mistake again, ahhh curiosity killed the cat.... So, for my own sake, I finally blocked him on facebook! Even if I feel the urge to check on him, I won't be able to see anything at all and this is what I need... Actually I have blocked him everywhere else already (emails, IM) and that is absolutely for the best. The less I know/ see/ hear from him/ about him, the better for my healing... his life is none of my business anymore and mine is none of his... I don't ever want to hear from him again...it would only cause more pain and I finally have enough of it... Link to comment
damagedatbest Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Good for you! I think you did the right thing. My ex doesnt even have a fb account which I've been so thankful for because I know I would have done the same and checked it. It is easier not having to even know anything about them in order to move forward. Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Good for you! I think you did the right thing. My ex doesnt even have a fb account which I've been so thankful for because I know I would have done the same and checked it. It is easier not having to even know anything about them in order to move forward. Destiny.....i do not know about blocking the page....u may resent later....now i do not check his websites and stuff cause he may post something and that will bring pain,i do not have pc contact allways,but do what u feell its best..... Link to comment
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