justaglimmer Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 My ex had become so controlling and so verbally & emotionally abusive, despite my best efforts in the relationship. He's been making offers to me that we could be together if I'd just do things his way. Unfortunately, his way makes the relationship all about him entirely, and most of my needs go ignored. Got to a point where he didn't even tell me he loved me anymore, he said he shouldn't have to say stereotypical things like that, that I should already know that he loves me. Yeah right. How could I possibly know that he loves me when all he does is make me feel like I'm not good enough? Is this man insane? It makes me so angry because if he wasn't such a d***, I could have been happy with him. The attraction is strong, and he has many qualities that I love, but so many other qualities that seem so cruel. I thought he was going to be the one. I thought he was my knight in shining armor. Its like I'm a little puppy who gets kicked around. I know this isn't healthy. Even when we were together, every few days he'd find something to blow up about. He'd shut off for days, and I'd lock myself up in my bedroom, not eat, not sleep, not shower, not function. I can't live a life like that, right? I gathered the strength to tell him exactly how I feel, how he is abusive and doesn't even realize it, and he hung up the phone on me. He said that he will not be talked to like that and told me to just go away. He really thinks he does no wrong and doesn't see how he is hurtful towards me. I felt better after telling him exactly how I feel, yet at the same time, I know this means its really over.. there's no turning back now. Can't keep doing this. So why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel like I'm going crazy and miss him so much and long for those amazing days in the beginning so badly...and absolutely everywhere I turn there is a reminder of him...and the thought of him with someone else is torment… the fact that he blames me for the failure of the relationship is torment. Link to comment
JoM Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I know it seems difficult, but this will be ã cycle that repeats itself. He will never change into the person you want him to be. It doesn't sound like he loves you, and you know this already. Ultimately, yes, he will most likely end up with someone else, but he will treat that woman the same way. His behaviour stems from his childhood I'm assuming...it is usually the case. Ã good indicator would be what he thinks of his mother. In ã few weeks, you will realize this is the best choice for you and be grateful you got out of that hot mess. I can personally relate to How you feel, because you are seeking closure...he was mean and unfair, but he doesn't play by the rules. He will not be fair to you. You need to accept that and move on, or be desperate and tormented. Good luck to you Link to comment
justaglimmer Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 I guess thats what makes it so hard to deal with, asking myself how he could be like that if he really loved me. Then I have to come to the realization that he must not have really loved me. I'm just so angry. Link to comment
Tyra Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 This is like looking in a mirror for me! I'm in the exact siutation. I broke up with my ex for all the same reasons and in my heart U hope dthat he would magically relaise what he had done and fight for me back but in my head I knew he wouldnt. I was right- and I have come out of this the bad guy and he thinks he has done nothing wrong. And my fear? Him getting otgether with somebody else and me being on my own. Its so so difficult. We have been texting back and forth and on Sunday I just asked him not to contact me anymore as it was too hard. He hasnt contacted me. Its a very sad situation Link to comment
JoM Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 You have ã right to be angry...then sad...then happy again. It's unfortunate but at least it was ã learning experience Link to comment
justaglimmer Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 This is like looking in a mirror for me! I'm in the exact siutation. I broke up with my ex for all the same reasons and in my heart U hope dthat he would magically relaise what he had done and fight for me back but in my head I knew he wouldnt. I was right- and I have come out of this the bad guy and he thinks he has done nothing wrong. And my fear? Him getting otgether with somebody else and me being on my own. Its so so difficult. We have been texting back and forth and on Sunday I just asked him not to contact me anymore as it was too hard. He hasnt contacted me. Its a very sad situation Thats exactly how I'm feeling, Sorry that you're having to go through this same thing.. it's awful. I too just want him to come back and apologize and promise to do better. I don't think thats going to happen, he's very set in his ways and very stubborn. And the thought of him being with someone else is probably the worst. I personally am going to do everything possible to NOT find out if he starts seeing someone else, like refrain from facebook and avoid the places he usually goes. Out of sight, out of mind. Link to comment
delsolar16 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 JoM is right, he is going to treat every future girl the same way as he did you. I can't see my ex ever being happy in a relationship, she just likes to tear people down and make them feel as bad as possible. I just got done writing a letter to her future boyfriend she hasn't met yet, telling him how sorry I was for him and telling him all of the nasty things he is going to have to endure once things get serious. I know you feel weak right now, but always remind yourself how important and special you are, and that you deserve a loving, healthy relationship with a partner who appreciates exactly who you are. If he comes back, don't let him. Link to comment
MissyMolly Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I just got done writing a letter to her future boyfriend she hasn't met yet, telling him how sorry I was for him and telling him all of the nasty things he is going to have to endure once things get serious. Wow. Powerful. I am going to do this tonight. Yes, that is the fear we have that if we let them go, they go and treat someone ELSE the RIGHT WAY. Nope, it ain't gonna happen. And I too have found myself feeling sorry for the next woman that steps into his trap. OMG - he is SO wonderful in the beginning - he really is - and that is the man I fell in love with. Only to sadly find out that he was just a MIRAGE. It wasn't REAL. It wasn't AUTHENTIC. Sigh, it's a struggle, it is no doubt a struggle, and you feel "bad" because you are mourning the loss of a partner that you didn't have all the information about. NOW, you have more information, and it is indeed heartbreaking to know the truth. I struggle with the "truth" of him every day. Hang in there. ♥ Link to comment
justaglimmer Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Well said, MissyMolly. That is exactly the fear I have - that he'd treat someone else better. In the beginning, wow, like I said.. I really thought this was going to be the man I'd marry. Me and my best friend had it pinned that I would have an engagement ring from him by Christmas this past year... Boy, we were so wrong. He was so amazingly sweet. He made me feel so alive, and so confident. I laughed in his arms, I cried in his arms. People would comment and say that I was "glowing" all the time, and I was. It was the glow of a girl in love.. something so precious that was taken from me. I think back to last summer when we first started going on dates. How he would spend the entire day with me, always trying to find new places to go just so that he'd have more time with me. Ah, I'm a bit of a sap tonight. I pray that one day I'll meet someone who is sweet in the beginning, and STAYS that way. Even better, someone who gets even more sweeter with time. I'm honestly considering taking this whole entire year to be single, as I don't think I'll be able to trust another for a very long time. Link to comment
MissyMolly Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I don't feel ready to date either. I have had ONE date since I met him in December of 2009. ONE. And I knew I wasn't ready to go out there again. I know how you feel - taking time to heal is the most important thing to me right now - not to get involved with someone else who might, MIGHT provide a temporary band-aid on my struggle. It is so hard. HUGS. Link to comment
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