gallop30 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 let me ask you something SA. does she have jealous friends,i mean single or in unhappy relationships? my ex had plenty of those cougar friends,or older married women who were in relationships and unhappy. and i felt that it was influencing my exs behavior lately. it just felt that they saw she was happy with me ,and were sabotaging my relationship,always telling her how awesome it is to hook up with whoever you want etc(desperately looking for a long term relationship,but they failed all the time). you know that wrong people around you can have a very very bad effect on a relationship. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 So the more I date the more I find myself missing my ex. I set up profiles on a few sites or whatever but I am not remotely interested in anyone. I just want my old ex back. The way she used to be. Missing her like hell today. This sucks. I know that we can only move forward but what I wouldn't do to go back. We were so happy and great together. For a long time our relationship was awesome. I really miss that. yes you do find missing her,because you compare every other girl to her. you don't give them a chance,and you can't because your mind won't allow it. the ex i still high up there. Link to comment
SA2000 Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 Either that or the factvthat these new chicks suck. My ex was my best friend. You can't replace that over night. There were times where I started to hang out with a new group. So she made new friends. Her new friends would always want to party all night. I'm sure she thought the party life was more fun at the time which started the rift. I just miss te day to day stuff and her really caring. Link to comment
johnm3 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 it sounds like you need to have some alone time -- become happy with yourself before dating. as it stands now, you're looking for ego-boosts from others, not yourself; until you're 100% back to normal, feeling confident and unconfined by thoughts of your ex, I wouldn't date. many think that dating is the ultimate proof that you're getting over a breakup, but as you're experiencing now, it can just leave you in deeper nostalgia for your ex, primarily because you haven't dealt with the underlying reasons you're unhappy. every girl you go out with is being severely scrutinized and compared to your ex, because you miss her so much you won't settle for anything less. obviously, this is no way to find a long-lasting partner. take some alone time, just because you're not going out with girls doesn't mean you're not getting past your breakup, it means you're learning to be happy independently from anyone else; reaching a state of indifference toward anyone who is not you. once you feel comfortable with yourself, then you can start dating. true love will always hit you when you least expect it, so don't worry about it too much. oh and yeah pictures really are a huge setback, throw them away, accept them as being nothing but memories of the past. Link to comment
thekid55 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 SA, I think we are both experiencing a bit of the same thing right now. Our exes had huge influences in our lives. We are both man enough to admit that they were our best friends/lovers and it's tough losing that person from your life. As you know, I've had my fair share of ego boosts over the last month or so. Am I happier? Yes. Just from reading the beginning of my journal, you'll see massive progress on my part. But I'm still working at it everyday. The gym helps, which a lot of the stalwarts on this site recommend. I've gone everyday this week and my body is letting me know about that. I really need to take tomorrow off to watch the Bears and Steelers advance to the Super Bowl. Maybe some time off to study and just get yourself together will help. I'm debating doing that now because I just can't take the drama right now. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 that's what i was saying to SA and others,that it's just a distraction from the pain. when you accept that it's over,then and only then you might be able to date. if you want to date but you don't accept the previous break up as being over,it'll just put you and the other person in a weird situation,making the healing process difficult. i also miss my ex at times,but honestly don't want her back,and she was also beautiful,caring,funny,smart and whatnot. nostalgia sucks,i wish they have anti nostalgia pills somewhere on ebay. but life is life nah nah nah nah when that song came out,Kid was -3 years old,lol Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 So the more I date the more I find myself missing my ex. I set up profiles on a few sites or whatever but I am not remotely interested in anyone. I just want my old ex back. The way she used to be. Missing her like hell today. This sucks. I know that we can only move forward but what I wouldn't do to go back. We were so happy and great together. For a long time our relationship was awesome. I really miss that. When these thoughts come into your mind, try to remember that what you want is the past. People grow and change and so has she. She's not that person anymore, and ideally you wouldn't want that either. If you both can't grow together, then it doesn't make sense to be together. Link to comment
SA2000 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I agree with you Ms. Darcy. The problem is that we did grow together. At some point we started to regress to who we were before we started dating. We got very selfish and stopped caring about our relationship. We were more concerned for ourselves as individuals. I think we both just got really scared that we were going to end up old and unhappy not realizing what we had. That what we had was actually really good. But I think the growth that we had while together is what makes this all so hard. I feel as though we both went through some crazy maturation phase. The difference is I didn't pull the trigger when I wanted to break up. I just endured to see what would happen. Or maybe I pushed her to a point where she would leave so I wouldn't be the bad guy. But now I feel as though I have come out the other side and she is in the middle. I miss her a ton but I know that I need to continue to find myself. I am just upset that the first girl I dated after the break up wasn't perfect but that is to be expected. I just wish we could come together and rebuild because what the ex and I had for a long time was something pretty damn special. Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 its tough, because even though you have moved on and put the relationship in your "rear view" so to speak, they are still in the back of your mind and cant help but think of them.. i cant wait until the day i no longer have that lingering thought of my ex.. I know its for the best we broke up, i just cant wait to see how much better the next one is gonna be.. the gym does wonders bro.. there is nothing like the control you have of transforming your from a spud to a stud.. i should post some before and afters.. u guys would think i was lying! Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 haha i know i know,i put on one of them (no gay),lol poor guy he's thinking about the ex,he misses her very very much. Link to comment
rosarioT Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 i wish they have anti nostalgia pills somewhere on ebay. they do, xanax j/k Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 they do, xanax j/k u sure? i'll look them up,see where i can buy them. i don't trust anything that spells the same way backwards ,just weird xanax Link to comment
SA2000 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Everytime I'm hungover I spend the first hour of my day missing her like crazy. One of my buddies randomly showed me his FB and it said she checked in at the bar where her new guy works. What a * * * * . Like I want to see that ess. I am starting to realize that I am not going to be over her for a long time. It really sucks. I keep having dreams where she says "sorry, but the feelings just aren't there anymore". That's a tough pill to swallow from a girl who adored you for years. I was her world and now we can't even speak because I an still in love with her. Damn you alcohol! Link to comment
hermano Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I hear that... going out is a ton of fun, and then the next day it all comes crashing down. Friday night was killer for me, went to a couple awesome bars (Lady Gaga's boyfriend was bartending at one of them), was getting the right kind of attention from the right kind of women, lots of crazy stories, etc. But then yesterday I woke up at noon, struggled to do anything worthwhile or meaningful with my day (other than limp through a trip to the gym), and I felt like I was missing the ex more than I had in a LONG time. So last night I turned down a couple offers to party, did a little reading, cleaned up the place, did laundry, and woke up today feeling like a million bucks. Powered through the gym, found some great piano sheet music online, and caught up with the family. Funny how the days that sound the most boring can be the best ones for your mood. I'd go easy on yourself, man. Really, you're only now starting to go through the process of getting over it. Like a million people here, life has shown me that until you go NC, it's really hard to accept the situation and move on. It takes time, but everyone gets there. Link to comment
thekid55 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Yeah I agree with hermano. Just take it a day at a time right now. Drinking always seems to bring out the worst of us when we are still hurting. I think SA has dealt with far more than any of us can relate to. He's been through his ex saying that she wants to reconcile multiple times, yet not showing the appropriate actions. They've also spent time together, she hasn't gone away until recently, etc. If there was ever a time for vacation, right now would be it SA. Get out of that cold Midwest and go somewhere warm, if possible. Link to comment
SA2000 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I was actually just looking at tickets to Miami over the exs bday which is in a few weeks. Man this NC * * * * sucks. It's been 2 weeks and I miss her like crazy. But once I get up and move around I know I'll be ok. I drank a little too much last night after Fridays dissapointment. I'll be taking it easy for the Packer game tonight for sure. Link to comment
SA2000 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I wish I could move to another city. Just get out of town for good. I'm probably about a year away from that tho. Link to comment
rosarioT Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 u sure? i don't trust anything that spells the same way backwards ,just weird xanax ha ha I don't know if is the backwards spelling but u are right about not trusting them... They can be very addictive. I get them from a Dr for my anxiety, but I try no to take them because I feel they are like a little bandage covering a big wound... kind of like alcohol I guess... Link to comment
SA2000 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 I'm feeling better now. When I wake up hungover I feel pretty depressed for a while. The new girl texted me to say she was going to meet me at halftime but I told her I wouldn't be around. I need to get away from her. Link to comment
hermano Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 The Packers win has to lift the mood as well! Congrats from a Bears fan Link to comment
SA2000 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 That helps but as soon as they win I get excited and want to share my happiness with a person that isn't there. I honestly thought I'd be over her by now. Link to comment
hermano Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 That helps but as soon as they win I get excited and want to share my happiness with a person that isn't there. I honestly thought I'd be over her by now. Ugh, I hear ya man. It's an ENA cliche but you gotta let NC run its course. Just hang in there Link to comment
SA2000 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 I don't know what it is but I have been STRUGGLING lately. Maybe it's because we are at our longest NC point (2 weeks) or because I havent gotten any contact through 3rd parties like she usually makes but this sucks! I think she is finally letting go which will allow me to heal properly but I don't know how to just turn it off. I'm one of those people that has been best friends with the same people his entire life. I don't just walk away easily. That's what is making this so hard. Plus it's BY FAR the longest relationship I have been in. I just don't get it. Why are we here? But at the same time I cannot dwell for ever. I can't keep allowing myself to be stuck here in pain. I have to start to progress and move forward. I realize that dating is not the answer. I thought that I would feel better with the attentions of others but I don't. I don't want to play the whole see if you can make your ex jealous either. I'm not dating for her I'm dating for me. And if it's not for me then I don't want to date. I think I could really start to care about someone else if I found a good match but all of the ladies I've met have not been a good fit for one reason or another. Usually I am nit attracted to them that much or they are not smart enough or don't have the same passion for life. I know I am still comparing them to the great fit my ex was but if I were tower someone I had general interest in I think that would change. I feel like I am trying to force it though and it never works that way. When I think of my struggles I think my ex is probably out there really falling for someone else. That's a difficult thought to have. I really miss her friendship and level of caring during the good times. But again I have to consciously stop this dwelling. It will get me nowhere. Link to comment
22n32 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 ^^^ im feeling the exact same thing buddy.. i feel like its getting harder each day.. i feel like i will be in this rut for 6months or longer and i will always be comparing her to other girls.. i miss my friend and lover we got along so good.. but she is young and wants to explore what else life will bring her.. and im stuck picking up the the broken heart.. i too fear soon she will have guys all over her and she will be outhere dating and i will just be a past memory.. my girl was perfect combo of what i wanted personality and looks wise we could of went the distance.. maybe if she was older and ready but i feel she wants to play for many yrs to come.. and she totaly dismisses all the good we had and could of had, and trade that for new fun and excitment.. blows my mind how easy it is for girls just to throw all that on the backburner.. i guess they know they have tons of options.. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 stop thinking too much bro. wait for 1 month to be over,it'll get better i promise. Link to comment
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