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I am a 32 Year old Female 5'10", 180lbs, slender/athletic build with no children

PrincessBOT

By PrincessBOT
in Dating Advice

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DN Grand Master

DN

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It is pointless asking for advice and then discounting it. If people in general find something attractive or unattractive no amount of complaining about it will change their way of thinking and pretending it doesn't exist won't help either.

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Etoile Rookie

Etoile

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I think men get more confident as they get older, so it makes total sense to me that they will approach a woman they find attractive and ask her out. especially since it is somewhat common for men to date younger women. 47 is not that old by the way! i know 40 and 50 somethings who are in awesome shape, super energetic, etc... i think it's all about how well you take care of your body and how well you age. i know men and women in their 40s and 50s, and looking at them, you would think they are in their 30s.

 

I agree that men generally get more confident as they get older and are less afraid of rejection. I think that men may actually find it easier to approach a much younger woman because they are expecting to get rejected and therefore, if they do get rejected it doesn't sting as much. I think it is harder for younger men to approach women their own age as at lot of pride is at stake (and I don't mean that in a derogatory way towards men – it takes a lot of courage to make the first move as men are so often expected to do).

 

I agree that men generally go for younger women but disagree that they go for significantly younger women. The average age gap at marriage is still around 2-5 years (at least it looks like that from the office of national statistics document I just viewed link removed). Sure there are young women who go for much older men and young men who go for much older women but they are in a minority and I quite understand the frustrations of the OP and she shouldn't feel bad for not wanting a significantly older man. Most women and most men do not want significantly older partners. I can see that there is quite a lot of negativity from the OP towards older men (47-50) likening them to pensioners but I don't think she means it to that extent – she is just frustrated.

 

I also feel that, proportionally wise, I get a lot more attention from significantly older men than I do from men my own age (not that I get much male attention anyway) and reading the OP's post I think I can see similarities between myself and her that may explain it and they have nothing to do with weight (for the record I am 5ft 6.5 and weigh about 129lbs BMI ~20.5, average attractiveness). OP says that these men pretend to try to be friends with her but have a hidden agenda. I'm like the OP in that I will be friends with anyone I get along with or have something in common with regardless of age. Therefore, if an older man acts friendly towards me and we get along I will reciprocate the friendship. I'm quite an open and friendly person. I'm a good listener, kind, polite, positive towards other people and ask my friends questions about their lives and I guess this may sometimes be perceived as sexual interest on the part of men.

 

I think people tend to meet partners where they socialise or have hobbies. I go to some meet up groups and have found that there are a lot of significantly older men there so it's probably no surprise that I'm getting more attention from older men. Something to consider for the OP – does she put herself in social/hobby situations where she will meet men her own age?

 

Also, if significantly older men approach you at a theatre or supermarket don't feel bad about saying that you are not interested.

 

I read somewhere (sorry can't remember where) that 1/3 women in the UK age 35 are single therefore it surely follows that 1/3 men around the same age are single too – the question is where to find them! Sorry, can't offer you advice on that one (wish I knew myself).

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annie24 Grand Master

annie24

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Well, at 5'10" and 180 lbs, that puts her BMI at 25.8, which is only a little higher than recommended (20-25 is the recommended range). and as everyone has said - a lot of it depends on her frame, how she carries it, etc...

 

right now, i am 5'8" and 195 lbs. I am trying to lose weight and get down to the weight I had a few years ago, 145. (yikes, can't believe i gained 50 lbs!!! ) that said, guys still hit on me, though i have to say, they hit on me more when i was thinner. but i can't say that the quality of the relationships was any better. i got a lot of guys who were interested in my looks, but not necessarily me as a person.

 

i think that the bottom line is that if you want to lose weight, or whatever, you should do it for yourself, for your health, but not to attract younger men. i mean, you might attract more men if you lost 10 lbs, but i don't think it means that the quality of the relationships would be better. My friend is dating a girl with roughly my body type, but they seem happy and in love. i think we all can agree that being thin doesn't make you a better person and that being fat doesn't make you unworthy of love.

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newwave Community Regular

newwave

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So wait a minute...the OP is "too fat" for men her own age but "just right" for older men who may be "desperate so they will take anything"! Her weight is not what is turning off men her own age. It is that men her own age are either married or busy running after the women 10 years younger. If a 47 year old man is running after a 32 year old then it is very possible that the 32 year old men are running after the 20 year olds. Even at age 20 there will be men 40+ trying to date them. At 47 years old there will be men of 67 trying to date them. Weight has nothing to do with it. I have also seen plenty of larger women find men their own age and not all the men were large as well.

 

Agreed. For some reason many men of certain ages believe the myth that they can get anyone no matter their age of bodytype. I've seen countless obese older men on internet sites looking for considerably younger and thinner women. Sure, some of them might be able to pull it off, especially if they have money or fantastic personalities, but in most cases it's them being delusional (and likely explains why they are single). I've seen so many people find partners later in life with people their age to know that this is possible. I've actually had people on various sites tell me I should open my possibilities to men over 55, but that is far too old for me now. Not everyone wants people much older or younger, and luckily that means both men and women.

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PrincessBOT Collaborator

PrincessBOT

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You look sexy as hell to me. I don't think weight is your problem. Where are you meeting there men? You should hang out where the young guts hang out.

 

Thank you. I agree with needed to hang out in places they are. The older men were from work and church mostly, but also when I was just out, like at the movie theater. I thought it was because I was in close proximity to the men at work and church, but when it started happening outside of those places I begin to wonder what was attracting them to me. I've been single for 3 years and it seems like somebody flipped a switch and I am no longer attractive to men my age or atleast they don't approach as much. My male friend said they are intimidated and I disagree because most guys will go after what they want, even if it seems out of reach, right....

 

You look great in your pics and that physique would attract men of all ages but I don't think you wiegh 180 pounds at least I don't think you did in those pictures.

 

LOL, I was between 178-181 lbs in each one of those pics. I weigh myself every morning when I get out of the shower. But thank you! I don't look 180 lbs, but remember at 5'10" my bones are bigger, but you can't see the bones. And the body weight is distributed accross the tall frame.

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CSLX9 Newbie

CSLX9

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In my opinion, I think you hinder yourself when you say you don't

like younger or older men. Because that's alot of potential partners

you're missing. I know a girl who said she was attracted to/wanted

an older man. But she ended up getting together with a younger man

and found she was just as happy.

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BriarRose Community Regular

BriarRose

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I date only men in their late 40's early 50's and none of them have matched what you describe here (ointments? hip replacements? feather hats?). Not that there is anything wrong with those things, but perhaps they are actually older than they are saying? In fact, I find men in their early 50's pretty hot (depending on the guy, of course).

 

If you are attracting them, it is just because you are attractive. You probably get hit on by younger men, too, but maybe you don't notice it as much? And where are you meeting them? If you are on-line and have no age parameters set, you are going to get older guys hitting on you.

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PrincessBOT Collaborator

PrincessBOT

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In my opinion, I think you hinder yourself when you say you don't

like younger or older men. Because that's alot of potential partners

you're missing. I know a girl who said she was attracted to/wanted

an older man. But she ended up getting together with a younger man

and found she was just as happy.

 

If I thought in the here and now then maybe I would be okay with it, but I think 10-15 years out, when they will be 57-65 with little kids. I may be dealing with kids and having to deal with spousal aging issues. Also, I have seen a pattern of these men at the point of caring for their elderly parents, financially and time wise. I am not being shallow here, I am looking at what my life would be like. If I had my choice I would rather deal with that stuff in 25-30 years then 10-15 years.

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bostonbruins44 Apprentice

bostonbruins44

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I date only men in their late 40's early 50's and none of them have matched what you describe here (ointments? hip replacements? feather hats?). Not that there is anything wrong with those things, but perhaps they are actually older than they are saying? In fact, I find men in their early 50's pretty hot (depending on the guy, of course).

 

If you are attracting them, it is just because you are attractive. You probably get hit on by younger men, too, but maybe you don't notice it as much? And where are you meeting them? If you are on-line and have no age parameters set, you are going to get older guys hitting on you.

I agree,that particular age group[early 40's to early 50's ]is hardly over the hill..Daniel Craig is within that range and I do think he would be attractive to women of all age groups.

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PrincessBOT Collaborator

PrincessBOT

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I date only men in their late 40's early 50's and none of them have matched what you describe here (ointments? hip replacements? feather hats?). Not that there is anything wrong with those things, but perhaps they are actually older than they are saying? In fact, I find men in their early 50's pretty hot (depending on the guy, of course).

 

If you are attracting them, it is just because you are attractive. You probably get hit on by younger men, too, but maybe you don't notice it as much? And where are you meeting them? If you are on-line and have no age parameters set, you are going to get older guys hitting on you.

 

I agree,that particular age group[early 40's to early 50's ]is hardly over the hill..Daniel Craig is within that range and I do think he would be attractive to women of all age groups.

 

 

Over the hill doesn't apply to all, there was a 50 year old I went out with (I felt that's who was asking me out so I gave it a try) and he still lifted weights, played in basketball leagues with 30 something year olds, rode his bike 30-40 miles. His friends were in their early 30's and he was a 50 year with no children, but taking care of his elderly parent. This was the opposite end of the spectrum in which he 50, but literally thought he was 35. When I finally made him go to the doctor for the pain, the doctor said he was crazy for pushing himself that way and told him to stop it all until his body healed. So he will be able to continue some of his activities, but not at that level. I don't consider him over the hill, just a little too ambitious

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PrincessBOT Collaborator

PrincessBOT

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I don't see why this is still a matter of debate. You need to do two things:

 

1. gently reject men who are attracted to you but in whom you are not interested for whatever reason.

2. ask out men in whom you are interested.

 

Agree with #1 and number 2 says easy to get into bed. My male friends in every single case they have told me this is what they think when a women ask them out or if one were to. They basically say I could live it down, but that is what will be on the man's mind.

 

So it's still a debate because I feel, like most women that the natural order of things, at least for serious relationship is boy see girl, boy goes after girl. I want to know how I can make a boy under 40-42 like this 32 year old girl.

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theartofruin Contributor

theartofruin

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Princess-- okay so when you first wrote that you were 180lbs but athletic I was just thinking what the hell, that's pretty heavy & you must be some bodybuilder! But then I saw the photos and oh my god, I don't believe your body is the problem at all!!

 

You need to hang out in younger environments then I guess. I have the opposite problem -- at 29 I still find myself hanging around in bars and towns where all the girls are early-twenties because most of my social circles are recent uni-graduates. But if fifty year olds kept asking me out and I wasn't interested, I would just decline them!! You already know you don't want an older guy, so don't waste your time with them. Perhaps you come accross as really intimidating because you are quite tall, I don't know, and maybe youngish guys don't have the balls to approach you.

 

Btw-- count me in as a guy who loves it when a girl hits on me. Doesn't cross my mind at all "she just wants to get laid". I think it's attractive and brave and makes a nice change, so don't be afraid of making the first move now and again (so long as it's just slightly-flirty talking, and not over the top drunken skanky giggling and touching!).

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newwave Community Regular

newwave

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Posted
In my opinion, I think you hinder yourself when you say you don't

like younger or older men. Because that's alot of potential partners

you're missing. I know a girl who said she was attracted to/wanted

an older man. But she ended up getting together with a younger man

and found she was just as happy.

 

I get what you're saying and sort of agree. I am 39 and while talking to several people offline (including my mom) they also said I should consider slightly younger men as well as slightly older. I loosened my ages to 35-45 from 40-45 and the choices doubled. There are many single men even into the early 40's who don't have kids and never married. This is something the op should consider. However, I think when women open the range of older men, some men are just too old. I don't want a 55 year old man or older. I know many successful age gap relationships, but most I've seen not work (I used to date men 10-15 years older).

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galaxy71 Enthusiast

galaxy71

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Agree with #1 and number 2 says easy to get into bed. My male friends in every single case they have told me this is what they think when a women ask them out or if one were to. They basically say I could live it down, but that is what will be on the man's mind.

 

So it's still a debate because I feel, like most women that the natural order of things, at least for serious relationship is boy see girl, boy goes after girl. I want to know how I can make a boy under 40-42 like this 32 year old girl.

 

You didn't talk about how you act around guys your age that you are attracted to. Do you even flirt with them? This one woman who holds traditional views about dating says that it is the men's role to pursue women, but that women are supposed to flirt with guys that they are attracted to. I am really curious about what type of vibe you give whenever you are around guys. Some women are friendly and approachable. They are always smiling and laughing. Other women put up a shield whenever they are around other people. These women never smile and don't express any emotions. If you don't look approachable, a lot of guys will assume that you are actively trying to avoid unwanted attention. There are plenty of women who find it annoying to be approached by some guy, unless it was some attractive guy who is already part of her social circle.

 

I go to a lot of socials and parties. Many times, I see women who look completely cold and wooden. They don't show any emotions. They don't talk that much unless they are around their circle of friends. I always get the feeling that these women would rather sit pretty than try to be their most attractive selves. And I can't blame them because these women still get approached by guys, even though they are not flirtatious at all.

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Sparkly Eyes Collaborator

Sparkly Eyes

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lol, I love that you posted your pictures and you're sexy. Men are so quick to judge weight and most of the time, they don't really know what they're talking about.

 

Reject those men, don't even go on a date with them. You'd be surprised to know that even some 22 year old girls attract older men. Also like DN said, get a little more active and ask out men who you are interested in.

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