Just how horrible is labor?

[Seraphim]

My first son, had cramps the night before he was born. My water broke at 4 AM. I went to the hospital and they said I was only 4 cm so to go home. I returned at 10 am and I was 6 CM. From 7 in the morning I had been having contractions every 60 seconds or so. I went 13 hours with contractions every 60 seconds and then asked for an epidural. I did not feel a thing not the needle nothing. My son did have a problem with the epidural meds though because his heart rate went from 150 to 42 for several minutes and they thought they were going to have to do an emergency C section but his heart rate stabilized back at normal.I was too happy to have the pain stop. Unfortunately only half of me froze. They turned down the epidural so I could push which took almost 4 hours. They finally had to do an episiotomy because I could not pass his head. Once they cut he was born pretty quick. The trouble was he had a very large head, bigger than most infants and bigger in relation to his body size. He was small thankfully, just over 6 pounds. I could not deliver the placenta so they took me in for surgery to remove it and that is where I had a severe hemorrhage. I had to be on IV antibiotics and medications to make my uterus contract so I would stop bleeding.

 

My second delivery was about as hard. My second son was miscarried. The contractions started at 11pm. I knew what they were already since I had had a baby before. They were every 5 minutes. So I went to the hospital. They determined he was already dead so they just let it happen. He was born at 4:30 AM. I think they gave me morphine as it did not matter he was dead already. Once again they gave me antibiotics and meds to contract my uterus. They did not know however that the placenta had not been delivered. Two weeks later I went back to the hospital severely ill. I had a severe uterine infection and put on 3 different antibiotics. After that I had another d&c to remove the placenta which had necrotized.

 

I know some people have had it pretty easy. My sister in law had all 3 of her kids in 4 hours or less and 2 she had at home and they were all over 9 pounds.

[OptomisticGirl]

God, if CS reads this thread he is never going to want to have kids because of everything that can go wrong, lol

 

Victoria-- I'm sorry about your second son. I had a girl I went to HS with who had to do that as well. Something like the baby's heart was developed on the outside of it's body and they told her the baby wouldn't live outside the womb, so she had to go through the birth process. I can't imagine having to go through that knowing the baby won't be alive when they are delivered. It's so sad.

[Seraphim]

It is hard. He was perfect though there was nothing wrong with him. I had a SCH bleed which would not heal and it finally detached enough of the placenta that it killed him. I have too many problems physically to have children, it is a miracle I had my first son at all. I spent 3 months on bed rest to have him and I spent almost my entire last pregnancy in bed only to have him die anyway.

[newwave]

That's sad about your baby. It reminds me of what my brother and sister in law went through when their first child was miscarried at 6 months. Luckily they had a baby several years later and she's now almost 2 (and the love of my life).

[sweetpea03]

It is hard. He was perfect though there was nothing wrong with him. I had a SCH bleed which would not heal and it finally detached enough of the placenta that it killed him. I have too many problems physically to have children, it is a miracle I had my first son at all. I spent 3 months on bed rest to have him and I spent almost my entire last pregnancy in bed only to have him die anyway.

 

I'm so sorry to hear. The same thing happened with my aunt, so she only has her one son and even with him it was a very difficult pregnancy. She lost her daughter at 8 months from a bad bleed/detached placenta. I can't imagine going through that. I had a miscarriage very early on and it was difficult for me, I don't know how I would handle one late in a pregnancy. Her son is now grown up and he has his own family with 4 daughters.

[Seraphim]

I'm so sorry to hear. The same thing happened with my aunt, so she only has her one son and even with him it was a very difficult pregnancy. She lost her daughter at 8 months from a bad bleed/detached placenta. I can't imagine going through that. I had a miscarriage very early on and it was difficult for me, I don't know how I would handle one late in a pregnancy. Her son is now grown up and he has his own family with 4 daughters.

 

Yes, I have my one son too. He is 13 now. I had 2 early miscarriages and then the later one. All of them were after my first son who lived.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm so sorry to hear. The same thing happened with my aunt, so she only has her one son and even with him it was a very difficult pregnancy. She lost her daughter at 8 months from a bad bleed/detached placenta. I can't imagine going through that. I had a miscarriage very early on and it was difficult for me, I don't know how I would handle one late in a pregnancy. Her son is now grown up and he has his own family with 4 daughters.

 

My sister had that, the placenta detaching. She was one of the lucky ones though, they got her into an emergency c-section and my nephew was born two months early weighing 3 lbs. 15 oz. He's not five months old and weighs 14 lbs. 19 oz. A little porker, lol. But it was a close call, when they took him out there was a line of blood on his chest from were the sack was filling I guess. Another thirty mins neither of them would have survived.

[Hope75]

In all honesty you are going to get as many different experiences of childbirth from as many women as you ask, it is so individual from person to person. Perceptions of pain are so individual, everyone feels it differently. I've heard some women describe it as agonizing, others as merely pressure, and I've read accounts of women who actually felt so much pleasure they had multiple orgasms during labor and birth. I find it helpful to read accounts and take them with a grain of salt because each labor and birth is different and yours will be your own experience and no one else's.

 

As for the epidural, I would advise anyone to do their research before choosing one and go into their decision truly informed. They can be very beneficial (relief of pain, can relax a woman enough to speed labor up), but there are also some very real risks associated with them that are not so rare (dangerous drop in blood pressure, slowing or stopping of labor, inability to move and change position which can stall labor, failure to provide pain relief or only partially relieving pain, decreased sensation to push when the time comes even when turned down, infection) as well as the more rare side effects like chronic back pain or immobility. And I am not speaking as a natural birth zealot when I say this, but I am speaking as a health professional, and one who did choose an epidural with my daughter's birth.

 

Someone mentioned at the beginning of this thread wanting their ideal birth to be in a tub of warm water with an epidural, the only place you have an epidural is in your hospital bed. Once you get it you are immobilized and cannot get out of bed, and absolutely cannot go in the water, the risk of infection prohibits that. There are so called 'walking epidurals' but in all honestly those are pretty much a farse, movement even with those is minimal and most hospitals have a policy of grounding a patient in bed one they are in.

 

My best advice to anyone 'planning' a certain type of labor and childbirth is to have some ideas what you'd like but most importantly remember your baby and body is in charge and be flexible, and open to whatever gets a healthy mom and baby in the end. Labors are known to be unpredictable and going with the flow and accepting change will make that easier to deal with.

[thejigsup]

Your blood pressure, and your baby's heart rate, can drop dangerously low with an epidural. I knew a woman whose child died because she had an epidural. You are basically paralyzed from the waist down and helpless. No thanks. Natural childbirth was painful, but I had a healthy baby and I recovered within 5 hours of his birth and left the hospital less than 24 hours after I entered it. Natural childbirth is what nature intended for women, and barring an emergency (yes, they can happen and then you do what you have to do) is the safest way to go.

[Seraphim]

Yes, my son's heart rate dropped severely because of the epidural and my blood pressure was so low they would not allow me up for any reason. They even had to drag the pediatric resident in because my son's heart rate had gone from 160 to 42 beats per minute. Some people and some babies react badly to the medication in the epidural. It is not entirely risk free.

[OptomisticGirl]

Well yes, an epidural is like any other form of medication, isn't it? Every woman is going to react differently to it. Some women have no problems and others, like you Victoria, who have an adverse side effect because of it. Any decision made about labor is a risk IMO.

[Seraphim]

If I had no issues with my uterus I would have made the decision for no epidural. I am thankful that I did because it partially saved my life by allowing them to operate immediately. I was intensely freaked though seeing my son's heart rate drop like that and thinking I may have made a decision that might have killed him.True this does not happen to everyone, but it is my own personal experience that things can happen.

[OptomisticGirl]

Oh I agree, in the heat of labor all you can do is make the best decision for you and the baby. I'm sure even though I know I will have an epidural from the get-go, that a small part of me will be worried something could happen, even though I know a good amount of cases it doesn't. Same with the thought of dying during labor. It doesn't always happen but ti DOES happen, and I'm sure it's a htought that crosses every mother's mind.

[Seraphim]

I know for me the possibility of death during pregnancy or labour is higher for me,but I did not know till I first got pregnant and they did not know the full scope of my issues till I was having my son. I over heard my OB talking to my GP the day after my son was born. They were talking in the hall way. He said he had never seen a uterus in such bad shape in his life in someone as young as I was and it was a miracle I was able to get pregnant at all. And he had never lost a mother in delivery, but my case was close.......even during the operation I heard him say " oh shyte.. we have a big problem" and he started barking out orders. Not something you want to hear while awake during an operation. It took me about 5 months to get over the blood loss.

[OptomisticGirl]

That's my worst nightmare, something horrible going wrong. CS and I even tried to have the 'if anything goes wrong' talk. I of course told him I wanted him to always pick the baby but he was honest with me and told me he didn't think he could. It's one of those things that can be such a wonderful experience but also worrisome because SO many thigns can go wrong.

[Seraphim]

I was lucky my son was already born and doing perfectly. So it was just me to battle for my life. I can tell you I was terrified though. After it was all over I cried because I had to let the terror out.

 

I am truly terrified to ever try having another one even though I desperately want one. I know the possibility of being able to have one is almost zero for me. I am not sure I could face my own demise in the face again, I already beat the reaper twice.

[OptomisticGirl]

My grandma always said 'when a woman is pregnant she has one foot in the grave and the other on a bannan peel.' I never understood what she meant until my best friend and sister's pregancies.

[Seraphim]

That is definitely true for some women. I know it was true for me. I wanted children anyway and I am glad I did what I did and I would do it over again to have the same wonderful son.

[sweetpea03]

That is definitely true for some women. I know it was true for me. I wanted children anyway and I am glad I did what I did and I would do it over again to have the same wonderful son.

 

The possibilities are scary and I worry a little bit about them, especially with my medical background. I know my pregnancy(s) will be a higher risk than the average, but still do want children. I'm sorry to hear you had to go through an operation awake, I've done that before and it wasn't fun. But when they are needed, well they're needed and have to be done...