Just how horrible is labor?

[OptomisticGirl]

I remembver when my best friend was in labor, before the episural, when a contraction came she wanted to be left alone and no one talk to her, lol

 

I will most def be bringing an ipod or something. I can see CS sneaking in Battlestar Galactica music during the labor. :s

[Lonewing]

Oddly enough when I'm in pain I'm a very mean person, and don't want to be touched, talked to, at all. For instance I had bad cramps today, and just hearing my bosses voice p**sed me off. I needed to get away and be by myself so I could deal with the cramps. I wonder if I would want to hold my hubbie's hand during labor or if I would be too angry and in pain to.

 

This is something good to be aware about, and perhaps to see it as a challenge you wuill have to work on overcoming in the next couple months. Anger management is a skill, not a gene. So too is learning to let others in while you are in pain - toning down your meanness, in a sense. If you don't ever practice these skills, you will not develop them.

 

And there may indeed come a day when you need these skills - in my instance, my brother's death has negatively affected my father because he is so untrained in public etiquette that he is having difficulty in sharing the news with people, or with dealing with sympathy in general. Planning the funeral service was one headache after another with him at the helm, and the first service only went so smoothly because I made a series of phonecalls to set things on the right path.

 

So while you know about these deficincies in yourself, rather wait until the heat of the moment to discover you can't deal with things, take a step towards greater maturity and nurture yourself! You may never lose that "lost" part, but at the very least the "scared" part can be partially cured!

[lostnscared]

This is true. But I don't have anger issues except for when I'm in pain. For some reason being touched, talked to, or even breathed on makes the pain worse for me. I have no issue letting people no I'm in pain. I've even been told I'm melodramatic when I'm in pain--but touch me and I'll be very nasty toward you. I think everyone deals with pain differently.

 

Haha--I liked that the two sentences about my name. I actually want to change my screen name to something more appropriate. I'm no longer lost n scared and haven't been 4 a while.

[Lonewing]

See, that's where practice comes in - the next time you have a lot of pain, find some poor soul and ask them to be your emotional punching bag for a bit - that is, you have them touch you, which you know is going to be something you won't like, and then let yourself react, having them remove that touch when it is too much, and then reapply it, until you no longer react. If self taught, through experience, you can reduce the expression of nastiness.

 

I learned most of what I know through the book, The Education of Little Tree. My greatest lesson was when I stopped being ticklish - I taught myself how to do this, as my littlest full brohter used to like tickle games - a nonstop tickle or be tickled sort of game. One day I decided I didn't want to play any more, and since i knew he would not stop, I realized that I would have to teach myelf how not to react. I will say there were some very really squirlies running up my spine as I went through this training, but about a minute later I no longer reacted to being tickled. And then I just sat there in the crewcab next to my brother and laughed at his futile attempts. He then stopped tickling me, because it wasn't any fun anymore...

 

The true benefits of this experience came when many years later I had my girlfriend - her touch aroused me, but I never recoiled in reaction to her touch like she could recoil to mine - she was Quite ticklish and it was so NOT a turn on for either of us!

 

There might come a day, heaven forbid, when you get in a car wreck and you alone are the least injured, though injured enough to be reduced to anger and nastiness. And in that case, the things that trigger your emotions may be the very things those around you need to be comforted and supported with to survive that scene. Just a thought.

[sweetpea03]

you stopped being ticklish??? Hmm... I need to learn how to do that. I am VERY ticklish and pretty much everyone knows it. I've tried hard with the mind over matter route, but have had no luck. Just can't stop it.

 

As for pain, I have gotten good at blocking it out. I am in some sort of pain on a daily basis, so I have learned to tolerate a lot. I think having someone there to help sooth the pain is awesome. Getting a back rub for example, is great. Maybe you can try that. The next time with cramps, have your boyfriend give you a massage and try to be nice..

[Lonewing]

It indeed took a lot of willpower, and I felt a lot of squirmy stuf in my spine - perhaps even a wave through my body/spine. But then there was this switch, almost like a discharge of static electricity - where basically my tense body stopped being tense, like my polarity swapped, and I relaxed. And that was it - I learned it that quick - it took a couple deep breathes, but...I dunno how.

 

I will say that if you can learn how to manage your ticklishness, the bounty will be much when it comes to sex and being touched - a lot of the fun areas to touch on a woman, areas that really arouse a man when he touches them, turn out to be quite ticklish on a woman...which is unfortunate, becasue instead of being aroused, she gets squirmish and withdraws instead... I will say I'm not perfect - you can still sneak up on me ad get me once in a while, particularly if you're a girl I'm particularly attracted to and it's still in the early stages of courtship...while I'm still shy!

 

I will say that on an earlier date about a year before [i was about 13-14 at the time I learned to stop being ticklish] my dad used to take a belt or stick to me up until I was about 11. And me and him had a sort of unknown agreement where he swats me twice and I let loose with a loud roar letitng him know I got it - in some ways I had him more trained than he had me trained! Anyhow, this was the year my mom read that book to me and my brothers, and the very next time after she read the chapter about Little Tree being swatted until the headmaster's sticks were broken and he was panting hard, I put it to my mind that if that little boy could stand up to that marathon of beating, I could stand up to my dad's beating.

 

Afterall, in all those years of growing up, I never really resisted - so the next time he did, I tried out little tree's method - the first swat sucked like it always did, but this time I did not prepare myself to cry after the second swat - I just let it come and made it my goal NOT to cry. Low and behold, the second swat came, and I still did not cry. My dad realized the change in me and he was not at all pleased, as he growled something to me, but he knew I wasn't going to cry and left it at that. And he was a huge and loud man when he used to get angry - 6'7", 250 lbs, huge black beard and a long braided ponytail that would make most bikers jealous. It was a real turning point in our relationship, I do believe - for from then on he couldn't lay a finger on me in order to illict obedience and he knew it. His yelling, matter of fact, also became a null issue as well, for I learned how to simply stare back with a blank stare, and let it roll through one ear and out the other. And the piano would hum once he stopped yelling, the chicken wouldn't make a sinlge peep, and the very air itself would be quiet for minutes afterwards. But I learned how to be strong!!

[LostLeo42]

It really is scary, isn't it? I know I couldn't go through it without a devoted husband. Adoption is looking better and better.

 

I went through it without a husband or boyfriend. We broke up before I even knew I was pregnant. My mom and my best friend were there. I had the epidural, no big deal, no back pain. My baby was fine. I ended up with a c section so no episitomy.

 

To those of you that this it isn't worth it to have a child, you probably shouldn't have kids. I would endure the most excruciating pain in the world for my son. I think it was totally worth it. I love being a mom, he completes my life. You forget about the pain after its over. I would have done it again but I decided to only have one child for other reasons.

[LostLeo42]

I think I would try to "tough it out" but frankly if it gets unbearable there is no way I am refusing pain medication. When I got my tattoo done I almost threw up from the pain, and I got extremely bad cold sweats and almost passed out. That was only for 2.5 hours of pain FAR less bad than labor...so it's likely I'll need the epidural. Though I'll admit that huge needle in my back isn't all too appealing either

 

I have a tattoo - I didn't think it hurt at all, in fact I fell asleep while they were doing it. Labor pain - way, way, worse.

Get the epidural - you don't see or feel the needle.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I went through it without a husband or boyfriend. We broke up before I even knew I was pregnant. My mom and my best friend were there. I had the epidural, no big deal, no back pain. My baby was fine. I ended up with a c section so no episitomy.

 

To those of you that this it isn't worth it to have a child, you probably shouldn't have kids. I would endure the most excruciating pain in the world for my son. I think it was totally worth it. I love being a mom, he completes my life. You forget about the pain after its over. I would have done it again but I decided to only have one child for other reasons.

 

There is a difference here though.

 

Such as, my mother loves me and my sisters and is very thankful for us. However, we were all mistakes except for the middle child. Before we were concieved (both physically and as an idea), my mother could not have said that she'd do anything for us. How could she?

 

This probably isn't making any sense...

 

Sort of a, after you have the child, you'd do anything for them but how can you say something is worth it and you'd do anything for that thing (or person) if they don't even exist yet?

 

For instance, I cannot say it is worth it as I have yet to get the result (and am hopefully a few years away from even being in that position). So, I can't say that it's worth the enduring (although I know it will be once I have the child) at this moment.

[lostnscared]

I can understand this.

 

For me, as much as I realize it's going to be a b**** going through labor, I'm perfectly okay with it if it means I'll have my baby. But that is because I really want a baby lol. But I can easily see how some people wouldn't be able to justify the pain for a feeling, and for a child they have not seen or bonded with yet.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I can understand this.

 

For me, as much as I realize it's going to be a b**** going through labor, I'm perfectly okay with it if it means I'll have my baby. But that is because I really want a baby lol. But I can easily see how some people wouldn't be able to justify the pain for a feeling, and for a child they have not seen or bonded with yet.

 

I don't want a baby yet. I know I will (in fact I know I'll want three but we'll see how I feel about that after the 1st and 2nd ones. haha) but that urge hasn't kicked in yet.

 

I know it'll be worth it but I can say it'll be worth it until I have my baby.

[lostnscared]

I don't want a baby yet. I know I will (in fact I know I'll want three but we'll see how I feel about that after the 1st and 2nd ones. haha) but that urge hasn't kicked in yet.

 

I know it'll be worth it but I can say it'll be worth it until I have my baby.

 

Believe me I get it. I was where you were, a few years ago. At 19/20 I was not too keen on the idea of having a baby, or labor. I even stated at one point that I was probably going to adopt, to avoid the pain of labor, and the 9 months of pregnancy. But now three/four years later, it just "feels" worth it without even having the child in me. Like you, I know that I will probably have 3 children, maybe even 4--knowing my so. I know I want a child, it's just a matter of "when". I feel that at my current age I am too young and not in the greatest emotional or mental state to have a child, but could certainly see myself having a child in a few years (my biological clock is getting stronger with each year) because of this I guess I feel the pain is worth it even though I'm not pregnant, have no baby to speak of, and have never been through labor pain.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Is it a slow increase in want?

 

Or do you just wake up one day and think "wow, I really want to have a baby".

 

Or does it start when you are around babies and pregnancy more, like when friends are starting to conceive and talk about children?

[lostnscared]

Is it a slow increase in want?

 

Or do you just wake up one day and think "wow, I really want to have a baby".

 

Or does it start when you are around babies and pregnancy more, like when friends are starting to conceive and talk about children?

 

When I was 19/20 My friends were having babies lol. I still didn't want one. I would say it was a "slow" but "sure" type of thing that crept up on me. I'd say that I started feeling better about the idea, when I graduated school, got a good full time paying job, moved out on my own, and accomplished a lot of milestones(that I felt if I didn't accomplish would have made me a resentful parent). It also started when I began spending more time with my friend's children, and getting used to them--watching my boyfriend interact with the kids, and us talking about children, really opened my eyes to the idea. And then around the end of last year, I started to feel "ready" so to speak to really consider having a child. This year it's no longer "considering", it's "wanting". And I'd say that I can't pinpoint when the considering went to "wanting" but it did, and it's there, and it's darn annoying because even though financially I could afford a child, emotionally and mentally I still have growing to do. I don't think my biological clock is so strong that I can't be rational and practical which is a good thing. But if it gets any stronger, then I am very afraid lol... And at the rate it's going, each year it's becoming a stronger "urge"

 

 

I sort of rambled, but I hope that makes sense. It wasn't something that I just woke up and felt, it crept up on me, and it seemed like it became stronger, the more I felt accomplished--so it was a mixture of time, being around babies, and being more secure in my career and in myself.

 

Maybe the reason it isn't as strong for you is because your still working on your career and in school? When I was in that zone (schooling and building up skills to land a career) I didn't want a child yet either. I knew I would have one, eventually, but I had no biological clock, even when I was around babies it didn't click.

[OptomisticGirl]

It has always been there for me, from the time I was a kid. But I think I'm weird becxause of that sometimes.

[lostnscared]

Ironically a friend of mine is in labor right now. She is 6 cm dialated. She has still not asked for the epidural, she is trying to go for a natural birth. Her mom sent me a text saying that she is just breathing her way through it. If she makes it to the 10 CM dilation than I'll be proud of her for sure. I'm sure that I would ask for an epidural the moment I get to the hospital.

[Lonewing]

It has always been there for me, from the time I was a kid. But I think I'm weird becxause of that sometimes.

 

You're not alone. But I'm the oldest of 8...so you see, raising kids became a way of life, even if it was helping my parents rear theirs. The natural progression for my life was to then grow up, go to college, get a super good job, and thus use those resources to find a superb wife and together have that nuclear family. Some day...I made that commitment to them yesterday, and I still live it today, even though they are not here yet!

 

I completely understand the issue concerning people who cannot commit to something until after they have it though, as this is a very common sentiment in our society.You see it in attitudes towards relationships [mr. right versus mr. right now], financial spending [credit!], jobs, etc and so forth. I suppose obligation is the most powerful force over humanity, particularly when the obligation is Blood.

[lostnscared]

You're not alone. But I'm the oldest of 8...so you see, raising kids became a way of life, even if it was helping my parents rear theirs. The natural progression for my life was to then grow up, go to college, get a super good job, and thus use those resources to find a superb wife and together have that nuclear family. Some day...I made that commitment to them yesterday, and I still live it today, even though they are not here yet!

 

I completely understand the issue concerning people who cannot commit to something until after they have it though, as this is a very common sentiment in our society.You see it in attitudes towards relationships [mr. right versus mr. right now], financial spending [credit!], jobs, etc and so forth. I suppose obligation is the most powerful force over humanity, particularly when the obligation is Blood.

 

My bf is similar to you. He is the oldest of 6(would have been 8 but his mom had two miscarriages) and raising kids, and being a part of a family was a way of life. His grandmother had 13 kids, and each one of her kids had a lot of kids. It's just the way things were. Growing up my bf always knew he was going to have children, always knew he wanted to have a big family, and always loved children, even when he was younger. As he's gotten older, I do think that his biological clock(if men have one) has grown in some ways, but also has changed in many ways(for instance at one point he was perfectly okay with having kids in less than good circumstances, now he only wants children in good circumstances).

Some people are just raised, or JUST have always wanted children. I was not like that. I didn't like kids growing up. Was uncomfortable around them. Didn't care for them. And never really saw myself having kids. It wasn't until recently that I began to want children.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm the oldest of 3 but have held babies for as long as I can remember. My biological clock starts ticking all the more widley when I'm around kids but it's always and always has been ticking. I have always wanted to be a young mom and hopefully by 24 CS and I will be parents.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I am the oldest of 3 but there is a large age gap between my sisters and I, so, I was alone with the children about as often as my parents were.

 

I'm the opposite though in that it fueled my reasons for waiting to have children much later in life. I just know that I'm not ready yet and won't be for a few years financially.

 

I've never been a huge fan of babies but absolutely adore little kids. My boyfriend is better around kids than even I am and it's one of the things I really love about him.

[lostnscared]

I am the oldest of 3 but there is a large age gap between my sisters and I, so, I was alone with the children about as often as my parents were.

 

I'm the opposite though in that it fueled my reasons for waiting to have children much later in life. I just know that I'm not ready yet and won't be for a few years financially.

 

I've never been a huge fan of babies but absolutely adore little kids. My boyfriend is better around kids than even I am and it's one of the things I really love about him.

 

I like little kids better than babies too, to be honest. My boyfriend is better with kids than I am too. He is good in changing my diapers, giving bathes, feeding, burping, friends have nicknamed him the "babysitter". If you need someone to watch the kids, people call my boyfriend. He is just good with kids period. He actually used to mentor and tutor kids when he was in military school. I'm okay with babies, good with kids(I love toddlers), and even better with those aged 8 and older.

[newwave]

I went through it without a husband or boyfriend. We broke up before I even knew I was pregnant. My mom and my best friend were there. I had the epidural, no big deal, no back pain. My baby was fine. I ended up with a c section so no episitomy.

 

To those of you that this it isn't worth it to have a child, you probably shouldn't have kids. I would endure the most excruciating pain in the world for my son. I think it was totally worth it. I love being a mom, he completes my life. You forget about the pain after its over. I would have done it again but I decided to only have one child for other reasons.

 

 

That's just sad. I can't imagine finding out I was pregnant after I broke up. Did you tell him?

[newwave]

Is it a slow increase in want?

 

Or do you just wake up one day and think "wow, I really want to have a baby".

 

Or does it start when you are around babies and pregnancy more, like when friends are starting to conceive and talk about children?

 

Until 35 it was non existant. I was a workaholic and work was the only thing that mattered (though I hated my job). At 35 I even went to get my tubes tied and the doctor said I might change my mind. Then last year it got very strong. I'm not sure if it's because my niece was born, because I reconnected with the one guy I always thought I might consider kids with, or maybe because I've been thinking a lot of mortality. In fact today I broke down crying in Target while in the baby department. I had to tell my mom (luckily no one else was around) that I wanted a baby desperately. I wish this feeling had happened 10 years earlier because I'd have time to find someone and have a baby.

 

I know now I can't afford it, but I am terrified I will never have a family. I am almost 40, single and unemployed, and am afraid a baby will never be something I have. This keeps me up at night. I'm trying on at least working on the job situation (trying desperately to find a job) so I could afford a baby as a single mother, but really hope time doesn't end by the time I find another job, and find a guy.

[lostnscared]

I'm sorry Newwave. That's unfortunate. Though my situation different from yours, I have cried in frustration before about not being able to have a kid(it was actually REALLY weird). Anyway I really hope it works out. I would try to freeze your eggs while you can(if you can) or look into adoption once you have a job.

[newwave]

I'm sorry Newwave. That's unfortunate. Though my situation different from yours, I have cried in frustration before about not being able to have a kid(it was actually REALLY weird). Anyway I really hope it works out. I would try to freeze your eggs while you can(if you can) or look into adoption once you have a job.

 

Thanks. Yeah I didn't realize how much this meant to me until now. It really does scare me and I would be happy adopting if I can't have a kid. Once I get a job (and I know I will eventually) I'm checking into freezing my eggs or even if I can have kids. If I can't then why freeze them since they can't be used. Then again there is surrogates. My doctor did warn me that most women in their late 30's-early 40's (or right before menopause) go through this, sort of like a last chance. Even women that don't want kids go through this somewhat.