Kids or no kids?

[lostnscared]

I feel this way as well. I don't want to have children until I've met my own personal goals, and to when I'm in a place where I've done many of the things I've wanted to, and am in the career that I am happy in and a good financial and emotional place. I think having a child before that would definitely harbour resentment for my children and I'd never want to be that way. I always have broody moments, but I'm a very careful person(for the most part) which I believe is helpful in keeping my eyes on the prize. While I def. feel my calling is to be a mom, I also feel like I have a calling to pursue the profession I'm going into, and to travel, volunteer more, and just live life(while I can do all of those things with children, I'd prefer to do some of them without children).

[Lonewing]

Ah, no. Because to do what I want, I'd have to go to Egypt. Plus, I'll still be working when I'm a mom. School plus kids plus job equals insanity, lol. School is just not for me anyway. I was a horrible student. I'm perfectly fine with working my way up into a company I like and realizing my dream of being a mom. Plus, you have to pay all student aide back in the UK (I believe), and that's just a whole lot more debt.

 

I think you're going about this in the correct order - so many people in the university system are there and they really don't belong there, at least, not yet.But that's not to say they shouldn't be there eventually.

 

Anything and everything about Egypt is one thing but...well, don't be afraid to encounter and discover what you can still do as a mom in England. Once you get the kid into school, you might find you have the time and money to take a class or two on the side, by the time the kid is in high school you may find you have enough credits to finish a degree. You may even very well become a high school history teacher, and do cool things in your summer like sign up for joint programs between dig sites and educators. It all depends on you and how suppotive your husband is through the coming years.

 

The short story is, if there is something in which you have a passion, you shouldn't let your responsibilites completely cancel out the prospects of what you may still be able to do in that field even with kids. Hold onto your dreams - you'll have time!

[OptomisticGirl]

With one child yes, but we want 3 or 4. If I do go back it will be to get a degree so I can teach history (I was going to school for that a few years ago) but that completely depends on how much debt that is going to put on our shoulders. My fiance is very supporitve and is all for me going back to school at some point. It all depends how many and how far apart our kids are I suppose. Like I said, it's a passion but it's one I'm fine with going to mueseums and looking at it. It doesn't create a deep need in me like motherhood does. I don't see motherhood as a responsibility but more of a life long dream. It's weird I know, and I haven't yet met any one who holds the same view point as I do, but having a career is just not that important to me as being a mom. I still have my own identity and I'll still work, but nothing equals that passion to be a mom full time.

[lostnscared]

This is very good advice. So many people think that once you have children you can't pursue your dreams and that certainly isn't true.

[lostnscared]

If I can ask why do you feel that you feel this way? Have you always felt that way about kids?

[OptomisticGirl]

If I can ask why do you feel that you feel this way? Have you always felt that way about kids?

 

I have no idea why I feel this way, lol. Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. I remember being six years old playing house and putting a pillow under my shirt to be the pregnant mom. There is something about the process of creating a life with someone you love and forever caring for them. I have held 100s of babies and a crying baby or a poopy baby doesn't phase me. When my best friend was pregnant I read her baby books with her and half the time she called me in hysterics after Chloe was born because she couldn't figure out why she was crying. It's really somethign I have never been able to explain. I have lots of passion but motherhood tops them. And it's not the whole picture perfect aspect, I know motherhood is a thankless job that is not easy and picture perfect like the movies make it out to be.

[lostnscared]

I was always terrified of labor and kept asking my mom "Do all women HAVE to have kids--I don't want any, I don't like pain". I was good with kids in terms of entertaining them because I've always been told I'm like a big kid myself, but when it came to soothing a child, and feeding and changing diapers I wasn't so good at that.

Nowadays I'm getting better, but still not there yet. I realized I wanted to be a mom, a year or so ago(that's when it REALLY hit me) before then it was always something I knew that would eventually happen, but it wasn't until recently that it became something I really wanted. I'm still terrified of labor. Watching 16 and pregnant and seeing these girls vomit during labor, and look absolutely crazy because of the pain and sweat--is definitely not something I'm look forward to any time soon.

I also have to follow mommy blogs for my job, and reading the experiences and seeing firsthand from when I watch my Godkids has REALLY taught me that being a parent is difficult, and that I'd like to wait a little while longer before taking it on.

[OptomisticGirl]

Labor doesn't really scare me, what kind of scares me is everything that can go wrong during a pregnancy and I know it scares CS as well. We had the whole 'if anything happens chose the child over me' talk and it quickly lead to an argument because he admitted to me in all honesty he couldn't chose the baby over me. I watched my best friend in labor and her's was relatively okay (what made her's scary was she had preclampsia and it shot her blood pressure up). Like I said, there is just so much that can wrong, the pain doesn't scare me, just the thoughts of everything that can happen.

 

Being there first hand with my best friend as she raised her daughter and other babies def. showed me it's not easy. I'm as prepared as you can be (*because you can never prepare for parenthood).

[lostnscared]

I'm terrified of labor. I'm wuss with that. Plus I have a feeling I'd throw up and just be really irritated and ansy because of the pain. I def. am not looking forward to that and get scared about that. That and the breast pain that comes shortly after you have the baby, and the pain of breast-feeding, not getting sleep the first three months, having the baby weight on you--it's just all things that I definitely am willing to "wait" for lol.

[OptomisticGirl]

Don't forget there is the chance you can poop yourself as well. lol. I told CS he wasn't allowed to look 'down there' while I was in labor. He asked why not, his child was being born. I said, "I would still like you to be attracted to me after giving birth to your child. I'm sure seeing their head stretch me out is going to have the OPPOSITE effect. Plus, I could poop myself. I really don't want you to see that." hahaha

 

Pain I can handle, I did tell CS he was to get an epidural in me ASAP.

[SayWhen]

When my mom was in labor with my older brother (her first baby) she said she felt "light cramps" so she went to the hospital. She didn't even know she was in labor...and she was 9 centimeters dilated!!! Then she stayed 9.75 centimeters dilated for ten hours in back labor continuously (the most painful part of labor) and she said it was "a little painful, but not bad at all." I hope that's genetic because I myself am not too fond of pain.

[lostnscared]

Don't forget there is the chance you can poop yourself as well. lol. I told CS he wasn't allowed to look 'down there' while I was in labor. He asked why not, his child was being born. I said, "I would still like you to be attracted to me after giving birth to your child. I'm sure seeing their head stretch me out is going to have the OPPOSITE effect. Plus, I could poop myself. I really don't want you to see that." hahaha

 

Pain I can handle, I did tell CS he was to get an epidural in me ASAP.

 

I'd be sooo embarrassed if I pooped on myself in front of everyone. I would feel so embarrassed. I hate throwing up in front of people too, because I realize how gross it is and how nasty it is to hear and watch nasty liquids be upchucked. Last year I got so drunk over my boyfriends apartment, that while I was laying down, I literally just turned over to the side of the bed that was next to the garbage can and threw up--I couldn't even get up I was so drunk. I threw up on his covers, carpet, and trash can. And went right back to sleep. It was so gross the next morning to smell it and see it. He actually cleaned it all up for me and was fine about it but I was embarassed. I really hate vomitting and I hate period cramps--I just wonder how I'd be able to contend with it all.

 

I was thinking that when I do get pregnant, I'd like to get a doula to help out during labor, and maybe even do a natural birth in water(hot water is the only thing that soothes my period cramps) with a midwife.

[newwave]

You never know. My best friend never wanted kids and could NOT stand the site of vomit or poop. She got pregnant (unplanned), her my niece, and just doens't care about poop or vomit anymore. Children change you in a way you least expect it. I think you have a mindest though of certain moms. I'm sure there are women who sit around and talk about their babies poo but most women don't. They coo at the babies, trade cute stories, but most of the time when they are with friends, they want adult conversation that doesn't involve kids.

 

I have a couple of friends that once they became moms that's all they talked about. So much that our friendships were strained. I suppose it's hard to say how I'd be but I've never been one of those women who cooed at babies. However since my niece was born I've become a doting aunt.

[OptomisticGirl]

My mom was in active labor with me for 7 mins. No lie. She had light pains all through the night and I was 2 days over due so they went to the hospital. Admitted at 9 AM and I was born 7 mins later, lol When she had my sister she was in 48 hours of hard labor.

[lostnscared]

I'm not too worried about the complications during pregnancy but I do worry about having a miscarriage or needing a c-section.

[lostnscared]

I also worry that I'll be pushing forever, or won't push right.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm not too worried about the complications during pregnancy but I do worry about having a miscarriage or needing a c-section.

 

C-section I could some what handle, miscarriage I couldn't. I'm so afraid of not beign able to have kids, it's like someone being afraid of the dark for me.

[OptomisticGirl]

I also worry that I'll be pushing forever, or won't push right.

 

My ex's best friend's wife was like that. The baby was too big and they not only had to cut her but use the forceps to get him out. No thank you.

[newwave]

Don't forget there is the chance you can poop yourself as well. lol. I told CS he wasn't allowed to look 'down there' while I was in labor. He asked why not, his child was being born. I said, "I would still like you to be attracted to me after giving birth to your child. I'm sure seeing their head stretch me out is going to have the OPPOSITE effect. Plus, I could poop myself. I really don't want you to see that." hahaha

 

Pain I can handle, I did tell CS he was to get an epidural in me ASAP.

 

I will admit labor and childbirth scare me. I want my husband there, but to hold my hand, not to watch. I've heard from women that gave birth that they took an enema or laxatives before birth and that helped. I am very squeamish about blood (I pass out from needles even) so I wouldn't want to watch.

[SayWhen]

I've decided on a water birth as well but I AM getting an epidural. I am all for going natural but I know what my pain threshold is and if there is something that can make my birth experience more pleasant (ie- less painful) then I'm going to go for it. I do still like the idea of not lying on a hospital bed though, and most hospitals do have hot water tubs for birthing.

[OptomisticGirl]

I want natural with an epidural. CS's first job is to make sure they get it to me ASAP and hope I"m not too far along with way. If I am, I feel sorry for his hand, lol

[newwave]

I'm not too worried about the complications during pregnancy but I do worry about having a miscarriage or needing a c-section.

 

c section scares me (I even created a thread about this here). Awhile back when I was talking to my sort of ex he said he's pretty sure I'll need a c section and that will be gross (he did say without a doubt he would expect to be with me even at a c section). I know I shouldn't worry but it does scare me because surgery freaks me out. He said he thinks I'll grab his hand so hard I'll break it.

[lostnscared]

C-section I could some what handle, miscarriage I couldn't. I'm so afraid of not beign able to have kids, it's like someone being afraid of the dark for me.

 

Me too. I get scared I'll be trying to conceive and can't or that I'll be barren or that I have some disorder that prevents me from having kids. I get worried that my kids may have fatal "rare' disorders.

[OptomisticGirl]

Well with a c section you won't feel anything from the neck down but natural labor you could def. squeeze. c section is really a last ditch effort unless you are small and having a big baby. My sister weighed 120 lbs. while she was pregnant and they told her she would never be able to give birth naturally (I got the birthing hips in the family, lol).

[lostnscared]

c section scares me (I even created a thread about this here). Awhile back when I was talking to my sort of ex he said he's pretty sure I'll need a c section and that will be gross (he did say without a doubt he would expect to be with me even at a c section). I know I shouldn't worry but it does scare me because surgery freaks me out. He said he thinks I'll grab his hand so hard I'll break it.

 

I'm the same. I hear c sections are painful. I just dont even like talking about labor lol--its such a gloomy thing to think about to me--so much pain, and work. ugh.