Unavoidable hurt..got to get through it. Any words or stories of wisdom to help?

[SapphireNoir10]

It seems to be getting worse each day. Im stuck in blaming myself and wishing I'd done it all differently. Trying to get out of it and accept everything. Deep down I know it wasnt my fault, that we WERE NOT happy together but that keeps getting knocked aside by the feeling of loss.

 

Is anyone else feeling a bit lost today, or hurting?

 

What day of NC are you on if so? Im on 7, I think, and I feel better for it. Part of me wanted him to want me back, but that would have made it harder because I CANT go back.

 

Anyone feeling a bit better after a break up or have any stories words of wisdoms that might help me and others hurting at the moment?

 

I guess Im just looking to hear theres hope for me.

 

Logic tells me Im doing the right thing. But am also missing sleeping with someone at night, the comforts of the relationship. But I know that alone wasnt enough to remain in a miserable situation with someone who was emotionally abusive, unkind, a heavy weed smoker and who did not want intimacy with me. I need to keep telling myself that.

[miss bear]

Oh sapphire, I have been dealing with the same emotions. I have been doing the what if's a lot. The worst part is my relationship was on the whole pretty good, except of course he was emotionally all over the place and could not communicate well with me, but I thought it was getting better.

I have not "spoken" to my ex since Oct 1st. And I am feeling worse then I was.

 

I can't possibly list all the things I miss about him, I miss everything good and bad.

I had a huge breakdown yesterday.

 

I know all the things I need to do, I have all the tools to get over this and I know eventually I will, but I just want to be done or at least not thinking abotu him all the time.

I am going to see a therapist next week. I need to get my life back on track and I can't seem to do it alone.

 

I just keep saying to myself I deserve better, he did not deserve someone like me. Eventually I'll believe it.

Knowing why you need to not be in the relationship is a tremendous step, and people like us who love deeply, hurt deeply and it takes awhile to get better.

Just keep doing things stay busy.

 

I hope you get better.

[SapphireNoir10]

Im sorry your suffering too. I always think it must be even harder when they were good people and it just didnt work out, at least I have good reasons to be out of it.

 

Im considering a counsellor too cos I just can't stop blaming myself. It just hurts so much.

[SapphireNoir10]

I find it helpful here to get it out my system ,talking to people in similar situations or people who have go through it helps so much.

[jaydee19]

I am currently on a month and 15 days NC and while I do miss him and think of him every day, I have come to terms with the fact that it is over. I had gone through the same healing process once but was not able to fully move on because he came back. This time around it has been difficult to let go, and it is normal to miss the presence of that person. Especially if they were part of your life for a long period of time. I find myself wondering if the feeling will eventually go away, and I believe that with time it will.

It might not be tomorrow, as we both would like it to be, but it will one day. Or so I would like to believe. You seem to know what is best for you, and its simply normal to feel that loss. I believe that feeling of loss is partly due to the comfort of having someone else there, and getting so used to that. You should take some time for yourself, and do things you enjoy. Even if they are not necessarily very active, but the point of it all is to reconnect with yourself because when one gets involved in a relationship it tends to end up in a loss of self and self reliance.

I have been going through my reclusive period and it has allowed me to grieve, remember, look at the good and the bad, and to finally realize that what I want is not what the past was offering me. If it did not work, there was a reason for it, whether it was me or him or both of us.

Dwelling on the matter is fine at first but it is good to get back on your feet, learn that you can make yourself happy, enjoy the company of your friends and family, and that you have to take care of yourself in order to make any future relationships last.

But I get the feeling you have a good head on your shoulders and you know this. Sometimes you can't help but to feel down, but in days like those take some time for yourself and find a good outlet for those feelings. It will get better with time. I am on the same boat right now, simply enjoying my own company and remembering who I was before the relationship, while also evaluating what I need to work on to make myself happier.

And NC is hard but once you are past the point of a month or more it seems more bearable. The only factor which could set you back is making contact, or him contacting you. I struggle with not responding, but one day I will get there.

You're strong, and you can do this. It just takes some of us a bit longer than others.

 

I hope some of this helped you in some way.

[miss bear]

I agree, I vent on here a lot. And there is comfort in knowing others are going through this along with me. I have gotten a lot of clarity on here and some perspectives that I hadn't even seen.

 

My ex is basically a good person, but he had a lot of issues when we met and I think he just couldn't handle being with someone like me. It still hurts a lot. He put me up so high and dropped me so far and never really gave me a real reason why. I don't think he is capable of giving me that.

 

PLease let me know if there is anything you need, I know how hard this is.

[johnm3]

I've been doing a lot of researching and learning about coping with loss since the loss of my first love and the one universal immutable fact is that time is the only thing that will heal you and you can speed up the process by exercising, seeing a therapist and keeping active in any way you can

 

for me, I find it very helpful to work hard as hell in school, exercise, eat right, so I can imagine in 5-10 years living a life of luxury with someone amazing by my side and thanking my ex for doing this to me instead of resenting her for it. Even though I feel well (I have good and bad days, but the bad days aren't unbearable) I still made plans to see a therapist, just so I can heal through this as holistically as possible

 

It's only been about a week of NC, so I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but I am assuming the worst (or best in the long-run)... I still hope she'll text/call me even though I know it will just be a set-back in my healing process, so I still have a lot of healing to do, but keep your head up and positive events will follow

[LarsWB]

It's not easy, for some of us. I'm coming up on six months and can't for the life of me figure out WHY I still hurt over this woman. Seven days a week I wonder if she misses me, does she think about me, why doesn't she call or tx me, etc. There are up and down days...and I can say that there are more up days now than months ago...so it DOES get easier, but time is the one and only true healer. You can use lots of different tools to make yourself feel better in the meantime. Good luck to you, you're not alone.

[SapphireNoir10]

Thats the worst bit. Thinking 'WHY the heck am I missing them?' You know? Like what did he do for me. The only plus I can think of is he made my sandwiches sometimes, gave me the odd compliment and piece of attention. Like throwing a treat to a dog every now and then. Not cool!!

 

So when I feel that overwhelming sense of loss im just trying to think about the people going through worse, and how brave they are.

[jaydee19]

My ex is basically a good person, but he had a lot of issues when we met and I think he just couldn't handle being with someone like me. It still hurts a lot. He put me up so high and dropped me so far and never really gave me a real reason why. I don't think he is capable of giving me that.

 

I was in a similar situation as you were miss bear. He did it with no warning and no explanations. I thought for so long it was something I had done, or something wrong with me, or any possible wrong. But it was his choice, and the only thing I could do was accept it. And that took the longest because I went through my denial period. I was devastated and thinking of that day still makes me sad. Even though it was a year ago. It's hard to work through it if the person is present in your life. Which I have had to realize in the past weeks. I would like to be able to maintain a friendship but I know that will not be a possibility for a long time.

There is nothing wrong with feeling the sadness and sulking for a period of time because it is a way to let that initial emotion out and move on to the healing process.

[Bobbadoo]

I miss my ex tons. Our relationship to me was perfect up until the very end. I did not know why my ex left the relationship other then she said she has lost that feeling of love for me but to tell you the truth its her loss. So my problem is that I was very happy with my ex and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her until she ended it. Not only that, after the break up she immediately started a new relationship with her coworker and that hurts a ton.

 

As of right now after almost 2 months after the BU I do feel better but I am kicking myself for breaking NC a few days ago so I got to restart that process again. I think the more you care about the person the more you will miss them. My ex was close to perfect and the flaws that she did have can be overlooked easily so it really sucks that I let her walk away from this. However, you have to show some dignity and respect. Have that mindset that you are better then they are and hopefully that will help you move on.

 

Everyday I tell myself I am very close to finishing my studies and I am going to have a successful career and my ex will live to regret leaving me cause she will. She will never find a person that is as loving and caring as I was and its her loss. That is what keeps me going everyday.

[lia86]

There is nothing wrong with feeling the sadness and sulking for a period of time because it is a way to let that initial emotion out and move on to the healing process.

 

Good. Because that has been exactly how I've felt lately, despite all my efforts at focusing on myself and "moving on." I keep forgetting this is a long process and it takes time.

 

I'm coming up on six months and can't for the life of me figure out WHY I still hurt over this woman. Seven days a week I wonder if she misses me, does she think about me, why doesn't she call or tx me, etc.

 

Yes, exactly. No matter how much better I feel on any given day, I am still plagued by these exact thoughts. Every single frikkin day. Oh for the day WAY into the future to not think them anymore...

[SapphireNoir10]

I cant imagine how much it hurts to have someone who was generally nice just leave without warning. Im so sorry thats happened to some of you.

 

We're obviously all people that love deeply and care deeply and its a wonderful trait and hopefully we'll find people worthy of this deep love and affection who wont leave us.

 

Sometimes I wonder whats the point of love if it just ends. And im sick of picking the wrong men, they all start out so nice.

[SapphireNoir10]

Since we split up hes re added two of his ex girlfriends and a girl who used to flirt with him while we were together who he deleted for being innapropriate.

[30yrold]

Since we split up hes re added two of his ex girlfriends and a girl who used to flirt with him while we were together who he deleted for being innapropriate.

 

If you mean facebook, BLOCK HIM! you don't need to see all of that, and it makes it much harder on yourself, trust me! I have first hand experience!

[woodst0ck]

It's not easy, for some of us. I'm coming up on six months and can't for the life of me figure out WHY I still hurt over this woman. Seven days a week I wonder if she misses me, does she think about me, why doesn't she call or tx me, etc. There are up and down days...and I can say that there are more up days now than months ago...so it DOES get easier, but time is the one and only true healer. You can use lots of different tools to make yourself feel better in the meantime. Good luck to you, you're not alone.

 

I'm at nine months and Lars pretty much covers how I feel except I don't really feel the WHY as much. Instead , I feel a hole in my life which is like a wound that never heals. It sounds somewhat dramatic but actually, I've got used to it In all other areas, I've moved on, I'm in control of my life again so as Lars says, 'time is the one and only true healer'. That doesn't really help with the now though.

 

The pain I felt was unlike anything I had ever felt before (we had been together for a looong time) and I found the only thing that helped me get through that was to occupy my mind with other things and consciously avoid thinking about her all the time.

 

It does get easier, hang in there.

[SapphireNoir10]

If you mean facebook, BLOCK HIM! you don't need to see all of that, and it makes it much harder on yourself, trust me! I have first hand experience!

 

 

It made me feel better like 'really, your that desperate for female attention?!?!' Even though he told me such horrible stuff about these poor girls, now hes bessie mates with them lol.

 

I need to get the rest of my stuff, then I will be blocking and deleting as will the rest of my family.

[SapphireNoir10]

I'm at nine months and Lars pretty much covers how I feel except I don't really feel the WHY as much. Instead , I feel a hole in my life which is like a wound that never heals. It sounds somewhat dramatic but actually, I've got used to it In all other areas, I've moved on, I'm in control of my life again so as Lars says, 'time is the one and only true healer'. That doesn't really help with the now though.

 

The pain I felt was unlike anything I had ever felt before (we had been together for a looong time) and I found the only thing that helped me get through that was to occupy my mind with other things and consciously avoid thinking about her all the time.

 

It does get easier, hang in there.

 

Glad to hear your doing better.

 

Im busy busy trying to find a job (had to move back miles home) and sorting out all sorts of things. So its good to be kinda busy and I cant WAIT to find a job so I can take my mind off all this rubbish.

[SapphireNoir10]

Good. Because that has been exactly how I've felt lately, despite all my efforts at focusing on myself and "moving on." I keep forgetting this is a long process and it takes time.

 

 

 

Yes, exactly. No matter how much better I feel on any given day, I am still plagued by these exact thoughts. Every single frikkin day. Oh for the day WAY into the future to not think them anymore...

 

 

Not hearing from them hurts, cos i assume hes happy and doesnt miss me. But hearing from him would make it harder and hurt even more.

 

Its weird because if he did come back, I wouldnt take him back, so I have to go through this either way.

[engraved2008]

Do not stay friends with him....and if he contacts do not answer right way...do not answer unless he wants to get back together....i stayed friends with my ex for the past 19 month....and i did not heal for that reason.....

[SapphireNoir10]

Im not going to stay friends Im going to remove him as soon as possible.

 

He was so horrible to me so I dont get why I miss him. It really hurts.