"women perfer men who are within their leagues,men just tend to choose the best in town"

[Sparkly Eyes]

LBS, you can date whoever you want. Just don't come complaining why you don't get the best of the crowd if you are not the best yourself, that's all we say here. And you say you attract skinny women that you like, so how come you have not dated one before? and how do you know they were actually attracted to you?

[Fudgie]

Lightbulb,

 

The "rule" that CC mentioned doesn't mean that you MUST date 28 year old virgin females who are overweight. It just means that physically, emotionally, and intellectually, you need to be open to someone like yourself, or else that makes you a bit of a hypocrite.

 

Let's take me for example. I have a higher BMI than you but that's going to change soon. Would I date the opposite gender version of myself? Absolutely. I'm not saying that I'm a 10 in my eyes (I'm not) but I'm comfortable enough with aspects of myself that I wouldn't mind seeing them in a partner.

 

Now, I've dated a couple very handsome men (my age). One worked out a lot. He was so strong, he could pick me up in his arms wedding-style and SPRINT. He was pure muscle and I was...well, something else, haha. But still, I was with him for about a year. Just because I'm overweight doesn't mean that I'm explicitly "supposed" to date other overweight people but if I wasn't able to date someone like him, I'd understand. He just happened to find me attractive and liked my personality. I didn't pass it up.

 

Now, my boyfriend is 372 pounds and I'm with him, despite me being MUCH smaller. He wouldn't mind dating a lady his size, in fact, his wife was that size when he met her. But had he NOT gotten with me (maybe I wouldn't be attracted to him) then having his standards set at that level wouldn't leave him completely upset. He would have been able to find someone else, I'm sure.

 

You need to be the person that you yourself would want as a lover/girlfriend. You will have the most success that way. I'm not saying you aren't going to get "lucky" and end up with an 18 year old bombshell who is working on her PhD thesis with a nice car and doesn't care that you're a virgin...hey it could happen. But it's all about "what if that doesn't happen?". What sort of women are you open to?

 

So, my question is, would you date someone who is 25+ (around your age), who is overweight (trying to get fit), inexperienced, a virgin, and insecure with social anxiety? I would answer that.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yeah, Fudgie has it right. It's not that you MUST date someone on the same level. People can date whomever they want. And, a 3 in one person's eyes is a 10 in anothers'. But, if you're not open to it, your standards are too high.

[newwave]

I second this, how can you be a 9/10 and not looking like Pamela Anderson. I think your rating system might be a little off. Besides, I don't think Pamela Anderson is all that hot, she's probably an 8 on my scale.

 

Because looks all vary and no I don't think she's hot either. That's my point. When I was younger people I modeled for told me I looked like a young Brigette Bardot with darker hair. I didn't say I was a 9/10 all the time, I said when I dress up. When I dress up I get hit on by many guys.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I second this, how can you be a 9/10 and not looking like Pamela Anderson. I think your rating system might be a little off. Besides, I don't think Pamela Anderson is all that hot, she's probably an 8 on my scale.

 

Frankly, I don't find Pamela Anderson hot at all. Ratings are subjective. A lot of celebrities look widely different from each other yet are still praised for their beauty. Beauty is not standardized and many models and singers get criticized for being too generic in their looks.

[newwave]

Neither would probably work for you. If I was 18 and a guy who fit your description asked me out I'd be very scared and creeped out wondering why he wanted me. Besides who says all women your age want "financial support?". There are still women your age getting their act together. At 28 I was not looking to get married and certainly didn't expect a man to support me.

 

Btw when I was in my early 20's I dated men much older but all of them were successful. One was a former actor who went into music producing and he had a huge house with a recording studio in his basement. I can't imagine a 18 year old wanting to date someone like you. I don't want to be nasty because you seem like a nice person but I'm just telling you how it is.

[Lamour detruit]

Btw when I was in my early 20's I dated men much older but all of them were successful. One was a former actor who went into music producing and he had a huge house with a recording studio in his basement. I can't imagine a 18 year old wanting to date someone like you. I don't want to be nasty because you seem like a nice person but I'm just telling you how it is.

 

So dating men much older was okay because they were successful and wealthy ?..that is basically all you're saying here. I don't think it matters much. He's going to class and working towards a future, I don't see the problem.

[Cognitive_Canine]

So dating men much older was okay because they were successful and wealthy ?..that is basically all you're saying here. I don't think it matters much. He's going to class and working towards a future, I don't see the problem.

 

Most 18 year old who date much older typically go for established people. Either because they like the status or are established themselves and ahead of the maturity curve. Usually the former. I don't think the former is okay but the odds are against LBS dating a much younger girl.

[newwave]

So dating men much older was okay because they were successful and wealthy ?..that is basically all you're saying here. I don't think it matters much. He's going to class and working towards a future, I don't see the problem.

 

My point was I never would have dated a guy like him. Yes that is being blunt but I'm stating a fact. Men seem to think that younger women will date them but not all women will and being older doesn't mean they are a better catch. I've seen this often on online dating where these guys who are 40 and the are looking for 20 year olds. Sure they MIGHT get them, but not likely unless they are real catches.

[Lamour detruit]

Most 18 year old who date much older typically go for established people. Either because they like the status or are established themselves and ahead of the maturity curve. Usually the former. I don't think the former is okay but the odds are against LBS dating a much younger girl.

 

I can agree with that, just thought it was strange how that was formulated in her post since it just pointed to caring about the money. It is entirely possible for a 28 year old to date an 18 year old, but I agree that it might not be so for him at the moment.

 

My point was I never would have dated a guy like him. Yes that is being blunt but I'm stating a fact. Men seem to think that younger women will date them but not all women will and being older doesn't mean they are a better catch. I've seen this often on online dating where these guys who are 40 and the are looking for 20 year olds. Sure they MIGHT get them, but not likely unless they are real catches.

 

Fair enough.

[newwave]

Most 18 year old who date much older typically go for established people. Either because they like the status or are established themselves and ahead of the maturity curve. Usually the former. I don't think the former is okay but the odds are against LBS dating a much younger girl.

 

Both are reasons I dated older men. Guys my age were very immature at my age and I loved dating guys who could spend money on me. Most of these relationships didn't last because these guys were nasty guys anyway. Yes it was wrong I dated based on status but I wouldn't do this now.

[Fudgie]

As someone who prefers older men, I can tell you that yes, it's because of the maturity issue and more mutual interests.

 

I don't date older guys who claim to be "young at heart" because I don't feel that way about myself. Now, let's say that I preferred men my own age, I felt like my own age, and got along with them. It would worry me to date someone older (let's say, 30 or something), who claimed to me that he was "21 on the inside". There would be a great risk of me outgrowing him and, at least for me, it would raise questions about his emotional maturity and ability to grow. The question is, why is he at the level of someone so much younger?

 

Life experiences are very important but they alone do not determine emotional maturity or your "internal age" so to speak. I understand that you're inexperienced, LBS, but do you feel that it makes you on the same level as an 18 year old? Think many older people out there who have done everything under the sun and still can be really immature and childish. Experiences don't necessarily equal maturity.

[LightbulbSun]

I think I'm at the level of an 18 year old on some things. I certainly don't like getting together and talking about kids, or all the boring subjects that all my friends (who HAVE kids) like to talk about.

 

If it would improve my chances, I'd get a part time job. I'm looking, anyways...kind of hard to find one that will hire in this economy, but I might find out. If I added that into the equation, would that make me more successful at finding a date at college?

 

Oh, and I'm a romantic. So I believe that, if a girl really likes you, all that stuff...doesn't matter. 28, 18, it's all the same. Although most 28 year olds wouldn't date a guy with my experience (as I've stated), one of them might. And an 18 year old might be creeped out by dating a 28 year old guy, but they might not. One of the girls in my lass class, she was 20, and her boyfriend was in his mid 30's. And Fudgie is the perfect example, because she's 21 and her boyfriend is in his late 50's, right Fudgie?

 

Some girls are able to look past all that. And also, some girls REALLY LIKE older men, so I have an advantage there. And it's not like I'm being a player or asking them for sex...I'm trying to start a conversation and be friendly with them.

[LightbulbSun]

Most 18 year old who date much older typically go for established people. Either because they like the status or are established themselves and ahead of the maturity curve. Usually the former. I don't think the former is okay but the odds are against LBS dating a much younger girl.

 

I am more mature than guys who are 18.

 

*sigh*

 

I just don't know the answer to this. I guess...date whoever likes me, regardless of their age, right? As long as they're 18, it's all good.

 

I don't see myself having much in common with an 18 year old party girl. But an 18 year old bookworm, who's mature for her age and kind of sexy in a geeky way, THAT I would find incredibly attractive.

 

I guess I should just put dating on the backburner, and try to get to know people at my college. If they're receptive, we'll become friends or something more. If they're not, it's no skin off my nose, because I already have a social circle.

 

And a 28 year old CAN be friends with an 18 year old. It's not like they put an age limit on friendship. My mom went back to school, and she was in her 50's...she made lots of friends that were in their early 20's. That's no more weirder than a 28 year old wanting to be friends with someone 10 years younger.

[Fudgie]

Yes, that's right, LBS.

 

Getting a job will get you some extra money and maybe improve your confidence a bit. Just make sure it doesn't interfere with school too much.

 

If you are looking at the younger (18-24ish) girls in your class, you may want to seek out the ones who are mature for their age. It may balance you guys out a bit. And of course, be sure to improving yourself. A successful relationship is when both people are growing together. Heck my boyfriend and I learn new things together all the time. Make sure you're not "stuck" at that 18 year old maturity level.

 

I have a feeling once you get out more and experiencing life on a whole new level, you're really going to kickstart your development as a person, part of which you may have missed out on before.

[Fudgie]

As for you "freaking out" the younger folks, I wouldn't worry. Just don't advertise your age at first and then they will get to know you and it's not a big deal. Don't make age to be a "big thing" because it's really not, not at the level you're looking at.

 

You say (I haven't really seen a clear pic of you so can't tell) but you say that you are often mistaken for younger. I'm betting this will help you a lot.

[LightbulbSun]

I actually am not stuck at that 18 year old maturity level. I am past the party stage; I now prefer to settle down at home with a good book, a movie, or my guitar or keyboard. I don't like beer pong or all that 'vodka shot game' drinking games...I ALREADY DID ALL THAT IN MY EARLY 20'S!

 

I've discovered that I really don't care much for drama in my life as well. And older women aren't necessarily mature. I tried to be friends with this girl who was my age at the time (27), and it was constant drama. Calling me crying in the middle of the night, saying that she was going to kill herself (I almost took a bus out to her apartment, even though it was 2am in the morning, because I was so worried about her), making everything about her instead of realizing that SHE was the problem. In the end, I had to end that friendship, because as much as I liked her, the drama and the constant "poor me, poor me, look at poor me!" mentality that she had going on was too much.

 

Oh, and I also was attracted to her, but it didn't work out, because she liked older men. Like in their late 30's. And she usually got them, because she was a very pretty girl.

 

I guess I would be receptive to having an 18 year old as a friend, if she was into all those drinking games. Just as long as she didn't drag me to them. But as I learned today from that yoga girl, there ARE cute looking younger women who are mature for their age. She didn't strike me as being the partying type, she seemed quiet and kind of geeky in a cute way.

[Fudgie]

That's good that you're not "Stuck" there, that's very good.

 

There are people out there who are mature for their age and not into drinking games and whatnot. Heck, I'm 21 and I've still yet to experience beer pong (don't want to) or any of the other things. (Did you know you can get herpes in your mouth from it, depending on who you play with? It's risky!). I think of my high school friends and they are just like me as well - we drink very occassionally but none of the funny business.

 

There are definitely girls out there like that. BTW, can you form a study group? That's a good way to meet people.

[LightbulbSun]

That's good that you're not "Stuck" there, that's very good.

 

There are people out there who are mature for their age and not into drinking games and whatnot. Heck, I'm 21 and I've still yet to experience beer pong (don't want to) or any of the other things. (Did you know you can get herpes in your mouth from it, depending on who you play with? It's risky!). I think of my high school friends and they are just like me as well - we drink very occassionally but none of the funny business.

 

There are definitely girls out there like that. BTW, can you form a study group? That's a good way to meet people.

 

I've thought about study groups, however, the only class I'm in that would require it is the public speaking class, and since we're all doing individual speeches, I don't see how that would tie into us meeting after class. I mean, you don't really "study" to give a speech, you're pretty much of a lone wolf there.

 

And yeah, studying yoga? That would probably freak out any girl in yoga class that I tried that with. It's akin to hitting on her.

 

The funny thing about beer pong is, I only did it a couple of times, and I didn't really like it all that much. I mostly did it for social reasons. But now? I wouldn't do it if my life depended on it. I like knowing where the closet and bathroom are, and not waking up in some strange house and feeling drunk.

[Fudgie]

Ok, nix on the study group idea!

 

I've never done peer pong and I don't want to. I think it's kind of weird, honestly, not to mention unsanitary.

 

I usually drink by myself, in private. Either a couple glasses of wine OR a few screwdrivers with vodka...all while watching crime shows. Good stuff. I know a couple others who consume alcohol in a similar manner, but they spend time with friends while I prefer to drink alone (I'm embarassed to get drunk in public). But yeah, there are lots of non partiers out there.

[Philos]

I posted this in the Age Gap subforum... I thought it somewhat relevant to repost here.

 

 

I find that life experience teaches you things that maturity never could. I won't even date an 18 year old now, I think I'm drawing the line at 2 years younger or older than me.

 

With maturity when you're younger - I feel that you act a certain way, but you have not real reason to act that way. Life experience and time teaches you the reasons behind maturity and the ways you act the way you do and how you want to act in the future, and when life happens, the reasons make all the difference. It's just like math for example. Sure I can go read some Algebra Word Problems and reason out an answer mentally, but that's not the point. The point is being able to change the word problem into math and then solve it mathematically. More mature young people are really the type who can reason out an answer mentally, but not those that can figure it out with algebra (if you understand the analogy).

 

Of course there are exceptions to almost everything, and some young people really are mature, but that's few and far between the ones that seem mature. You don't have to be a drug addict to see why it is bad for you. I find though that going through such experiences let's you apply the lessons to other things though. I won't be at risk for getting sucked into a life style nearly as much as other people with no relative experience. That's why, I believe, you can have people who just become alcoholics in their 30s when dealing with loss or a problem starts and gets out of hand. They may have never had a reason to drink or play beer pong before, but now...

 

Look at me, I'm 23, I've been through so much life experience, I'm still learning so much and will for years and years to come.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I think LBS wants to get with younger girls to make up for the things he thinks he should have done when he was younger but never did, e.g. having sex with college hotties. And perhaps he is also a little bit intimidated by the experiences the girls his age have, Being with a younger girl can make him feel like he is starting all over again and he can just forget the fact that he is 28 and inexperienced.

[LightbulbSun]

I think LBS wants to get with younger girls to make up for the things he thinks he should have done when he was younger but never did, e.g. having sex with college hotties. And perhaps he is also a little bit intimidated by the experiences the girls his age have, Being with a younger girl can make him feel like he is starting all over again and he can just forget the fact that he is 28 and inexperienced.

 

Bingo!

 

I feel like I missed out on so much. It's unbelievable how old I am now; I still feel like I'm 23, or something like that. Not approaching 30.

 

It would have been so much easier if I had taken up a sport when I was younger, lifted weights, and gotten with the girls that showed interest in me. Now I'm a running joke, because if I pay for sex, I'm a loser, and if I remain a virgin, I'm a loser.

 

It's a no-win situation.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Bingo!

 

I feel like I missed out on so much. It's unbelievable how old I am now; I still feel like I'm 23, or something like that. Not approaching 30.

 

It would have been so much easier if I had taken up a sport when I was younger, lifted weights, and gotten with the girls that showed interest in me. Now I'm a running joke, because if I pay for sex, I'm a loser, and if I remain a virgin, I'm a loser.

 

It's a no-win situation.

 

Getting with younger girls for you is escaping from reality. I think It depends on what you want right now, a real relationship or just sex. If you want a real relationship, like other posters have mentioned, I highly doubt you can get that with an 18 year old. Yeah some of them might give you a chance and even stay with you a few years before they dump you at 22 for another guy who really sparks their interest. If you just wanna be able to say that you banged an 18 year old in your life, then yeah, good route you chose. I'm guessing it's the latter.

[LightbulbSun]

I want sex AND a relationship. That is what is so frustrating, because I can't get either of them.

 

I guess I just want to experience sex just once. Whacking off...well, it feels good, but I'm sure it doesn't compare to real sex. And I want to experience a blowjob, footjob, and handjob (with a girl's hand, not my own.)

 

And I definitely want a relationship to go along with that. Are you seriously saying that an 19 year old girl wouldn't be interested in starting a relationship? I see so many girls with boyfriends, that it's obvious that they want relationships as well, not just sex. If you just wanted sex, you'd go have one night stands.