Cheating during a long-term relationship isn't as bad as doing it within a marriage.....

[The_Seeker]

You were phony first...

 

;] Phony karma.

[yeawutever]

You were phony first...

No it was for real at first (I really wanted to marry him and share a house, spend my life with him) but it's his fault, I lost interest in him. It's his fault I became phony.

[NightLily]

It's easy to talk like that when you haven't been cheated on. I can tell you now its a devastating thing to happen to a person, based on how I myself reacted to it, and I probably am one of the milder cases. You don't have to have a document to know that when you look in someone's eyes and an intense feeling of love overwhelms you, that you love that person. Then when they cheat, you can see how painful that will be. And we all know emotional pain is much, MUCH worse than physical pain. Stab me with a knife and I'll heal (assuming its not a fatal wound). But when you cheat on me, it never goes away. People have committed suicide over these things. It's not a joke.

 

I'm pretty sure if somebody starting smacking, choking you, or cutting you up with knives it would take you much longer to get over than being cheated on...

 

that being said.. I do think a lot of people turn it into a bigger drama than it has to be. Feeling a great sense of pain is normal but bringing it to the point of acting like it is the drama of your life is a bit much. In some break ups I felt nothing but slightly weird as well and in others way worse. You will have to find out when you break up with somebody you were actually totally invested in.

[Staple]

Umm, Lily, you completely missed the point. In the example you gave that's just as bad as cheating, because there's an emotional element to it. While getting stabbed on its own is all about the physical pain. You go to the hospital and its done. Getting cheated on, you feel that pain forever.

[lavenderdove]

If you can walk away from a relationship in a day or two and not really care, then you were not really bonded to him.

 

Cheating hurts regardless or marriage or not, if you have formed a deep bond with someone based on trust and the understanding that you are together as a couple. Cheating basically is like taking an axe to the ties that bind you to someone emotionally. One minute you think you're a happy couple, the next minute you discover your partner, the person closest to you in this world, is sneaking off and coupling up with someone else.

 

So cheating is devastating if the person has an expectation of monogamy and is invested in the other person emotionally. If it doesn't bother you at all, then it probably means you've never been in love and really bonded to someone, or else you see relationships as mainly for providing other things like money rather than a true emotional bond, or you're a person who doesn't value/care about monogamy.

[Lamour detruit]

Umm, Lily, you completely missed the point. In the example you gave that's just as bad as cheating, because there's an emotional element to it. While getting stabbed on its own is all about the physical pain. You go to the hospital and its done. Getting cheated on, you feel that pain forever.

 

Is this a joke ?..you honestly think getting choked or stabbed has no emotional element to it ?..it isn't just about physical pain, those things could haunt you for a long time. Even if you do not know the person.

[yeawutever]

Ummm ok I'll keep in mind of your post. I'm starting to think what I've experienced with my ex b/f (even after away my virginity to him) was more like an infatuation and never real love. I was 19 at the time and perhaps confused those terms for a long time.

[yeawutever]

Is this a joke ?..you honestly think getting choked or stabbed has no emotional element to it ?..it isn't just about physical pain, those things could haunt you for a long time. Even if you do not know the person.

I think they meant it as in ''emotional pain''. They were trying to explain how being stabbed and going to hospital is different from finding out your spouse cheated on you.

If recovering from wounds in the hospital, you are indeed afraid of what's out there and develop trusting issues but you don't get to experience a deep emotional shock.

 

When a partner cheats on you, then it makes you feel crappy.

 

Either way I would rather have a man cheat on me than being scared for my life wondering who'll physically hurt me next.

[PhilliesFan001]

I just don't really think you can say that for sure until you've been cheated on. If you're in a committed relationship with someone you love, even if you're not married, and they cheat on you - I GUARANTEE you will not see the marriage difference then. Pain is pain, betrayal is betrayal.

[yeawutever]

I just don't really think you can say that for sure until you've been cheated on. If you're in a committed relationship with someone you love, even if you're not married, and they cheat on you - I GUARANTEE you will not see the marriage difference then. Pain is pain, betrayal is betrayal.

I understand that but I've seen some people overcome that faster than others. Those don't even seem to be too affected by this and are able to move on with their lives without becoming stereotypical or dramatic.

 

However some take it to the extreme as if it was the end of the world. This is what I mainly meant when stating how some overdo it with the emotions. Then again, guess everyone is different and there's one telling up to what level this will create an impact on someone.

[arcadefire]

I kind of compare your logic as, "oh I don't think a death of a pet (or anything else) is that tragic, besides, it's just a dog!" People can't really place a determined amount of pain to something unless they've been through it. It's really easy to say that you'll move on from a death of a pet after a day or two - if you're not invested in that pet.

[sweetpea03]

The whole point of dating is to find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, so why would it matter if you have a ring or not? Cheating is cheating. When you are in love with someone and they cheat on you, it's horrible no matter what.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I kind of compare your logic as, "oh I don't think a death of a pet (or anything else) is that tragic, besides, it's just a dog!" People can't really place a determined amount of pain to something unless they've been through it. It's really easy to say that you'll move on from a death of a pet after a day or two - if you're not invested in that pet.

 

That's a really good way of putting it, actually.

[mikem]

When you develop a bond with someone and love them and they betray your trust, it's intense. It hits you at a visceral level. If you've never been through it, it's hard to describe. But if you've been through it, it's intense...Thank God for God's ability to heal a person and His grace during those times.