My ex of only a few months invited me to his wedding...

[Flyby]

My ex and I called it quits in March of this year, after a year of long distance dating. We got along great. His family liked me, my family liked him.

 

The only foreseeable issue was religion. a Month after the relationship ended, he told me he had a new girlfriend and he told her that I am one of his good friends. He never told her about our history and that I am his ex.

 

We agreed that we would remain friends. We do still care about each other. (Personally, the way I feel about him has changed. I truly care about his as a friend).

 

I help him with work related issues. I don't contact him for any personal reasons because I think that it would be disrespectful to his new girlfriend and also because I needed to move on.

 

Every time he has contacted me, he was very flirtatious. He would make sexual remarks, which I found just confused matters. He told me even before we started seeing each other that he is a flirt, hence I don't read anything into it.

 

This morning I see that I was invited my himself and his girlfriend to attend their wedding in December.

The wedding is in Dubai and right now, with the short notice, I doubt I would be able to attend.

 

I am just a bit confused - could he really have moved on so quickly? Is it safe to consider myself his friend? Maybe he just wants to rub his marriage in my face? Spite? Or am I reading too much into it?

 

This is a very awkward situation to be in.

 

I always hear and read that exes can't be friends. I just wonder how true this is....

[annie24]

what a jerk. ugh.

 

no, i wouldn't go to their wedding. i wouldn't go to an ex's wedding, especially if it were just a few months after WE had broken up!! geez. don't waste your time or money. send in your 'regrets.' what a weirdo.

[OptomisticGirl]

Yeah, I mean, I got engaged shortly after my ex and I broke up but I would NEVER invite him to our wedding. One there is no reason for him to be here and two, it's just wrong! Especially if he was acting like yours was. I would honestly cut all ties with him.

[1guygirl]

is this guy for real?

 

you two split up, but he finds a fiancee pretty quickly and gets MARRIED 9 months after you split (red flag)

 

he tells his fiancee about you but not your history (lying to her in other words) so he can carry on being all fwendly with you without her getting (quite rightly so) pissed

 

he flirts with you and makes sexual remarks...you may not read anything into it but its inappropiate and disrespectful to his fiancee...but then what does she know, you two are jus good friends huh.

 

i feel sorry for the fiancee to be honest...i guess she will find out when its too late just how her quick decision to marry someone after a few months is gunna cost her

[Flyby]

Thank you very much for the replies. I was starting to think that I am the weird and inconsiderate one for not wanting to go.

 

This has been a real lesson in life for me; it has made me rethink the way I see relationships and even marriage.

I wonder now what type of person I got myself involved with. I was perhaps very lucky to get out of the relationship the time I did. Who knows what skeletons I would've found lurking in his past.

 

1guygirl, you are right - I can't help feeling sorry for the girl. Anyway, it is not my place to set any records straight. And personally I don't think it is appropriate for me to be there. Although I adore his family very much and would have loved to spend more time with them, I wouldn't want them to feel uncomfortable at his wedding. They should enjoy it without any awkwardness.

 

Thank you very much, I feel much more relieved getting it all out and reading the replies. Atleast I know I am not the crazy, insensitive one.

[RedDress]

I kind of disagree, actually. What was the guy supposed to do? He was between a rock and a hard place.

 

1) He told the fiancée you were just friends (remember - you knew about this and went along with it so that you could be friends). You invite friends to your wedding. How was he going to now explain to his fiancée why he didn't want to invite you?

 

2) If he does invite you, he risks THIS (is it out of spite, etc). If he doesn't invite you, you risk thinking the offer of friendship is not genuine.

 

I agree that he's not a great catch and that you should be happy to be rid of him.

 

One more thing... You also mentioned Dubai and religion. Was this an arranged marriage? It may not be as scandalous as everyone thinks.

 

Edited to say - you still shouldn't go, though.

[annie24]

you are not the crazy one, he is. i advise you cut off contact, he can find someone else to help him with his career concerns.

 

imagine it is your wedding day. do you want your husband's exes at your wedding??? i wouldn't.

[hannah_k]

Yeah. That sounds quite a bit strange to me. And I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I wonder just how new his fiancee is? Maybe they've been "seeing" each other for awhile, since you guys were long distance?

 

I dunno. But I do know that the guy sounds more than a little selfish. So much so, that he would omit (read: lie) something that she has a right to know. All so he can keep a flirtatious friendship going with you. Your head and heart may be in the right place, but if it was you in her place, how would you feel? When you get engaged, your past is supposed to take a backseat. She should be number 1 to him.

 

I wouldn't go. Moreover, I would tell him that he's not being fair to his fiancee, and that I don't want to contribute anymore. If he's honest with her and she ends up ok with it, then great. If not, then that's his mess.

 

But that's me. It just sounds like drama waiting to happen. Maybe you should avoid it while the going's good?

 

EDIT: I took my time typing this, sorry I didn't see your reply above. Good luck!

[Flyby]

Yes, I do see his side of the matter too. Though the Rock and Hard place he created himself. With his ex before me, he told me that if we got engaged he would tell her that they couldn't be in contact anymore. I didn't even make a fuss about it, even though they were still in contact.

 

1) I didn't think it was my place to tell him how to conduct his new relationship. I have never met his finacee, and I didn't want to involve myself in his personal affairs any longer. I didn't think he would get married so quickly. We don't talk often, very seldom actually, hence I didn't think we were such close friends. I deliberatly kept my distance hoping we'd lose touch till everything has settled down a bit.

 

2) I do appreciate his friendship and if he genuinely invited me because he wants us to remain friends, I wouldn't want to mess that up. I also don't want him to feel bad about anything which happened in the past. Bygones are bygone - water under the bridge. I'm just graciously going to decline the kind offer and wish them all the best for the future.

 

I don't think it was an arranged marriage. His immediate family knew about me, I even spent December holidays with them. To this day his father will tell me that he loves me and that I am his daughter.

[lavenderdove]

Just politely decline, then delete his number from your phone and send his email to Spam folder!

 

Who needs a 'friend' like this? The world is full of people for you to be friends with, and a flirtatious ex who is getting marred to someone else isn't one of them. Spend your efforts on finding someone new, and totally ignore him and don't take his calls/texts/emails etc.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Thank your lucky stars it is not you getting married to him! Sounds like he wants the status and perks of being married as long as he doesn't have to really commit to the relationship. I think this "friendship" has come to its expiry date. Wish him good luck on the marriage and that you won't be able to attend. Then don't respond to any more of his contact.

[BellaDonna]

I wouldn't go if I were you.

 

Just out of curiosity- did he invite you, alone or did it seem as if you were able to bring a date of your own to his wedding?

 

Either way -don't go.

[Flyby]

 

Just out of curiosity- did he invite you, alone or did it seem as if you were able to bring a date of your own to his wedding?

 

Either way -don't go.

 

Well, the invite was only addressed to me, there was nothing said about a partner. He knew my parents too and they weren't even invited.

 

Anyway, I thought it would be impolite to respond back with an immediate No. I just sent a return mail, telling them that the invite was happily and humbly received, thanking both for their kindness and generosity.

 

I'll decline the invite in a week or two - afterwards, I really don't mind staying their friend, but as a couple only.

 

Thank you so much to everyone for all the replies and good advice, it certainly helped getting a level objective on the situation

[Flyby]

Thank your lucky stars it is not you getting married to him! Sounds like he wants the status and perks of being married as long as he doesn't have to really commit to the relationship.

 

You absolutely hit the nail on the head. He has a chance of having a prominent position in his community / religion, but he cannot be nominated unless he is married and married to someone who share his beliefs. That is the main reason why our relationship ended in the first place.

I am scared he wants to keep me around in case it doesn't work out as he planned.

[CRCfem]

heh, so he wats a lover, and a wife? slimey jerk, hope u didnt go

[michelle21689]

Lmao, my sis went to her ex's wedding. She didn't have feelings for him anymore and they've always kept in touch. I would go if the bride was okay with it and if you didn't have feelings for him. Of course, I'd bring someone to come with.

 

Then again, it also helped that her ex was close friends with my family and we were all there too.