Starting to heal

[thekid55]

Ex just changed her profile picture to one of her and the rebound dude. Someone just saw him on a date with another girl a week ago. The ex is probably mad that I was hitting on another girl in the bar we used to work at in front of one of her friends while REALLY drunk over the weekend. I am guessing I wont be hearing from her again. I am upset that I still care enough to have it effect me.

 

So all week we are planning on getting dinner next week. She is asking me to meet up with her for drinks and having her little sister call me to tell me she misses me. Then this? It doesn't even make sense.

 

She is ALL over the place man. Like this is crazy. It's crystal clear that she has no idea what she wants..Staying away is your best play right now

[SA2000]

I know man. Right when it seems as though she is getting her head straight she posts that as her picture. I'm not even going to bite. I deleted all of her posts from my page so I wouldn't have to look at that garbage anymore. I'm not trying to play that game. At first I'm like "Ok. We can play that game." but then I thought "Screw it. I'm above it." I'm NOT going to play that game. I'm going to do the opposite.

 

Its been 4 months since we broke up. We have only seen each other once in the last month and it was for like 2 minutes. I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this. Im just surprised she has been contacting me so much and posting things about me and then flips so easily. I wonder if she know he's dating other people. Whatever

[SA2000]

And now she texts me some pointless text. I'm not responding.

[SA2000]

She texted to confirm our dinner plans for Tuesday. Apparently she got me a gift as well. I'm going to eat my free dinner and get my gift and call it a night. It was a strange feeling, getting upset about her picture, but at the end of the day I just have to keep it moving. Keep working on my life and where I want to go. I can't allow her to derail me while I work on my career.

[thekid55]

She texted to confirm our dinner plans for Tuesday. Apparently she got me a gift as well. I'm going to eat my free dinner and get my gift and call it a night. It was a strange feeling, getting upset about her picture, but at the end of the day I just have to keep it moving. Keep working on my life and where I want to go. I can't allow her to derail me while I work on my career.

 

Money before women. Believe that.

[The_Seeker]

Money before women. Believe that.

 

Haha I'll definitely keep that in mind. Good advice, thekid55.

[SA2000]

I am having mixed feelings about going to dinner now. Part of me wants to play it cool like I don't really care anymore just to not give her the satisfaction and part of me wants to say "Not gonna make it tomorrow." and leave it at that. I know now that getting back with her would be a terrible mistake. The next position I am looking at at work would require some travel. I need to be with someone I trust. She is clearly not worthy of my trust. Now the question is is she even worthy of my time?

[thekid55]

I don't think you should go tomorrow. People always want what they can't have and she's all over the palce right not man.

[SA2000]

You are probably right. I feel like she is trying to see if I will get jealous. Now people are asking me about the picture and what is up with her. I keep saying I have no idea and that we arent together and arent getting back together. I feel like I probably would have been open to working things out prior to her posting that but now am thinking otherwise. The funny part is that I know for a fact that the other dude was out with another girl a week ago which leads me to believe the picture is to get a rise out of me. When I dont get jealous and show indifference it sends a completely different message. Now people are looking at her as the fool. She is dating someone that is letting everyone know that he is available.

 

Another part of this that comes to mind is when I first met her she would do little things to try to make me jealous. She showed up at a bar with another guy and thought that that was what got me to want to date her seriously. In all honesty at the time I could care less. That had no baring on how I felt at all. I thought it was funny.

 

So now I am at a crossroads. Do I go and act like I dont give a * * * * ? Or do I call her out and cancel?

[SA2000]

I thought I would play it cool and act like I dont care. But, you know what, I do care. I think texting me and calling me and posting about me and then posting that picture, which is now all over my wall thanks to her many comments is just down right rude. She has some nerve.

 

So I deleted every post she made and texted her saying I wasnt going to make it tomorrow. I didnt go into any detail. Just left it at that. She can throw away whatever stupid gift she got me and exit my life for good. I am not playing the games anymore. You are getting screwed over by a dude and I know it. You can keep your dinner and your texts and your gifts. I dont need them anymore. I hope you like getting treated like * * * * .

 

Done.

[C_Unknown2005]

Good job man

[oasisrob22]

SA2000, I've been reading your stories bro. But I have a feeling you're far from done...

[thekid55]

SA2000, I've been reading your stories bro. But I have a feeling you're far from done...

 

Agree with Oasis

 

x2

[SA2000]

She asked me if Wednesday or Thursday would work. I said No. She asked if Friday or Saturday would be better. I said that wont work either. My mom texted me and asked what her deal was and why she was in a picture with some guy on Facebook. I told her to unfriend her ASAP.

 

At some point there has to be a line. I am usually super lax and never show jealousy but I am not going to stare at a picture of you and another dude. Part of me thinks there is a method to her madness and it means nothing but I guess I have given her far to many opportunities to explain herself.

 

2 weeks ago she wanted to start to work on things. Last week she was texting me every day. This week she wants to take me out to dinner and meet for drinks. Had she not posted that picture we would probably still be going out for dinner and talking on a regular basis.

 

I just dont get it. Why would you want to stay in contact with an ex? Why would you continue to initiate contact with them? Why would you text them every day for weeks and post things that directly pertain to them on Facebook? Her actions say one thing and then she does something that is totally out of left field.

[thekid55]

I honestly think she's completely nuts.

 

I had an ex act like this one time. Granted, we were teenagers, but some of the behavior was the same. She would ask me if she could come visit me at work. I'd say yes and then she'd say 'Oh, I'll just have my boyfriend bring me'. And that would dig at me. She would ask me to go out with her, but would cancel last minute.

 

She'd call me up crying, begging to meet me, yet her profile picture was of her and another guy.

 

Needless to say, it took me a good four-five months to get over her and she was the girl that brought me to ENA originally.

[SA2000]

At first I thought of playing the same game. Post a nice picture of me and another lady that she doesn't know. But then I thought "Nah". I am above that type of behavior. She is still trying to play games and I'm just not cool with it. I am going to be mature and walk away. It seems her emotional swings and actions are getting more extreme. A week ago she was texting me like we were still together. She was telling me she missed me and what not and calling me 14 times on the weekend. Now, as she makes plans to see me, she is posting this nonsense? SA doesnt put up with that mess.

[thekid55]

You gotta think that maybe this new man was treating her bad and she wanted to run back to good ol' SA.

 

Pull the rug out from underneath of her.

[SA2000]

Oh I know he treats her bad. That's why I think it was all a game. But SA doesn't want to play games anymore. Time to be what they refer to as an "adult". Just gotta stay focused on my new job and let the time pass. It'll be funny in 6 months when SA is the ideal candidate and the one that got away. Enough of this silliness. Right?

[SA2000]

At 4:30 am I messaged my ex on Facebook. I said "Nice pic. Hope it works out for ya." I got like 5 texts this morning about how she posted it because she liked how she looked and it was taken by a local magazine that promotes bars and it's no big deal. I like how she feels the need to explain herself. Either way it was in poor taste. She knew what she was doing.

 

And now she says the following: I need to hear from you or I'll be sick until I do. When can u talk? And when can u meet face to face? Enough is enough this needs to be ironed out.

 

No idea what that means.

[Griffey]

SA why do you keep contacting her like that?

[Ariel85]

Um, sorry to say, but I don't think the pic was directed at you. I think it was her reaching out to this dude. If what you say is true, that he dumped her, then it makes sense that she was rebounding to you, but she's still hoping to be with this other guy, which is why she posted their pic. Really - she had you in the palm of her hand if she wanted you, so she had no reason to bait you.

 

Wouldn't have recommended a 4AM message about her and her new guy. She explained herself because it's clear you were very upset about it. Her reaction is normal in that situation, I think. Most people would explain their actions if they knew it upset someone else.

 

PLEASE go back to NC with this girl.

[SA2000]

Normally I don't contact her. She had been posting things on her Facebook all week that were inside jokes between the two of us and she's been texting or calling me all week. But you're probably right that she is trying to reach out to the other guy. I don't know what happened there but it's clear she didn't post that to get my attention.

[SA2000]

I thought I was doing a good job of healing. I thought I was doing better with my focus on my career. I thought I was finally letting go and moving on. I was wrong. The ex messaged me saying "I see you deleted me again." to which I responded that I wasnt going to have her posting on my wall and have to stare at a picture of some other dude. I know this wasnt the cool calm SA I have become. I responded too quickly and let my feelings get the best of me.

 

The problem is that I almost never put my foot down. I am usually cool and "whatever" all of the time. I have a feeling there will be some NC in my near future. I have a lot going for me right now and really need to focus. I don't need any additional stress in my life. Too many games have been played. She has been flakey for too long. I was doing too well before I allowed this to happen.

[GotMyLifeBack]

SA, you are doing a good job of healing. Just remember that it's not a continuous upward trajectory. Healing is more cyclical. We revisit the places that need more healing, but over time, we revisit those places less often, and the visits are less intense. At the same time that you buckle down on your healing strategy, give yourself credit for the progress that you have made. Otherwise, you're just another critic of yourself. Don't waste the energy.

[SA2000]

Thanks Agonizing. I meant to check in on your situation. How are things? Been on any dates? I was recently at a work event and caught one of the new ladies giving me "the look". She's probably the most attractive lady at the office too. Too bad she is involved. I am not going to be "that guy" since I know what its like to be on the other side but it was good for the ol' ego thats for sure.