lonelyheart2 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Well done and congratulations on getting back together Link to comment
jodie86 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I know this is a bit late in the day but i found this post has give me if not a tiny bit of hope. and well if you still check this site was hoping you could give me some advice? please. My story is - I was with my boyfriend for three years, we had lived together for eight month. We had talked about being engaged and children. He used to cry he loved me that much saying I was the love of his life,, he wanted to grow old with me. Five month ago he came home and said he was leaving me because I constantly nag and moan and go on. We left our home I went back home to parents and he got himself a flat. I did the wrong thing by contacting him constantly as I couldnt understand why he could be so cold with me and ignore me constantly. I then got diagnosed with post traumatic stress because of what had happened. And I did something stupid. I knew my friends Social network password, so I logged in as her and messaged him and his twin brother asking them to help, and realise it was a mistake. They found out and first off I denied it (Looking stupid and delusional) But then admitted it. I was just so desperate for him to see He had made a big mistake. Since he left he has openly said he really loves me so much but isn't going to be with me!? Why is he saying this? Surely if he loves me that much 1. he wouldnt have left me and 2. he couldnt live without me? He has now blocked my number because of the social networking thing! But I honestly didn't mean any harm and was so messed up. Will he ever come back to me do you think? If he loves me. Im 25 and hes 29. I don't want to let go. Something inside me tells me not to. I've spoken with his mum and she doesnt know anything but feels we should be together. There is noone else involved. He just sits in his flat playing his playstaion according to his mum. I have not seen him now for 3 month and have had no contact now for 5 weeks since the social network thing. im lost i feel my life has been ruined. What makes it harder is that when we were together i lost contact with my friends and because of the social network thing i have noone now. I just want the person i love back. Any advice of how or if he will come back welcome. I need hope. Link to comment
kuteknish Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 jodie- you may want to just start your own thread in Breaking up - you'll get more chance of responses there. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 i like bumping up!!! loulou x positivity breeds positivity Link to comment
tazz Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Yes, great OP and subsequent discussion and a happy and inspiring story. Ever since I got out of the utterly desperate/catatonic phase at the beginning I came to understand that if I really love her and want her back and if I have a chance of getting her back, I have to accept I'm in this for the long haul. However, I still hold two big fears: 1) that she'll never know I've changed and honestly, no matter how much she loves me, I don't see ANY reason for her to come back to the same old me, the one she knew. Truth is I wouldn't want her to go back to the old me, knowing how much I hurt her and knowing (yes, KNOWING) that part of me is no more; 2) that she'll now try to compensate with this new guy, move in with him and for better or worse, stick around like she did with me and we'll never see each other or talk to each other again. Anyway, for those interested in my story, here it is: GF shuts me out of her life. She already has a new BF. It's a long one, I know. And yes, I know how I sound, especially when talking about how I've changed. Surely nobody can change so much in so little time. Yes, in most cases that's true and probably in most cases people never change at all. I've certainly said I'll change before and it failed, but as cliche, romantic and idiotic as it sounds, I know this time it's for real. It's happened to me once before, as a kid, not on this magnitude, but it was like now... a semi-conscious decision and need to change. I remember it literally took maybe a few seconds, it only took a "click" somewhere in my brain and it did stuck with me until now. Matter of fact, what I felt then was only the tip of the iceberg. It changed the course of my life, quite literally, and the irony is it was one of the things my ex loved about me. Since then, I never felt that much needed click again. Until now. I tried changing things, for myself, for her, but it all failed and it failed until almost the very last moment when she left me. For this, I feel an immense happiness that I'd like to share with her, but I can't because she shut me out and she's got someone else. Truth is, while I'd certainly accept it in a heartbeat, if I were to choose, I wouldn't want her to simply come back to me one day and us to start over again from were we left. I would really like some time to get to "know" each other again and to ease back into a better relationship. I do miss holding her, kissing her, being intimate with her, hearing her voice, but all these pale in comparison to the pain I feel knowing how much I hurt her, if that makes sense. Don't even know why I posted this here, but I don't feel my friends can fully understand what I feel, because they're not in this state of mind. Everything I hear is about NC (which I'm in anyway, imposed by her) or how there are other girls. Well, what happens when you know there are other girls (I'm hurt, but I'm not an idiot!), you know that probably one day you'll meet one as good or better than the girl you're not thinking of, yet you're STILL not interested in all that, because you want her? What then? I'll end this with a quote from a bodybuilder (and a smart and insightful one at that, not just "all muscle, no brains") that I read once and I think it applies to much more than just turning your body around. I certainly feel it applies to me now. "People will usually stay the same until the pain of staying the same become greater than the pain of changing." Link to comment
loulou37 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Nice and positive huh? love these stories!!! You never now, we might be here posting our own recon stories...stranger things have happened on the way to the bank eh? lol.... loulou x Link to comment
lanaa Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Nice and positive huh? love these stories!!! You never now, we might be here posting our own recon stories...stranger things have happened on the way to the bank eh? lol.... loulou x Oh well! i am certainly convinced after hearing a friend got back with her ex.....that girl was a hopeless case if anyone.When i heard she got him back first i thought was " no situation is without hope!" hehe Link to comment
ashblaize Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 This is a great post. I am actually initiating NC with my ex right now. We work together, so that will be hard, but I will just keep my distance and stay out of his life and not put myself into situations to get hurt. I know that we love each other, but we have both poisoned ourselves and our relationship. I think some time to heal myself is exactly what I need. I hope that one day I will have such an amazing story to tell... Link to comment
kateychitt Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 hey guys i have been through a break up myself obviously why im here and this story is so good i love it i wanna keep reading it haha but i was wondering if there are any stories simular to myn where people have gotten back together. see i was dating this guy for 10months we were so close and got along so well and i was his first love but suddenly he decided he lost feelings for me and just wanted to be friends because he lost the feelings, i could not believe it i swear it happened like over night and we were so happy together and everything and its now been three months apart andi miss him terribly and i love reading these storys because thats what i want is him back but to me i feel hopless kinda but i some reason dont wanna give up. ive never chased an ex but this one i want. although saying this and thinkin oh he wont come back and being all sad about it, i must say i thought about it today and ive actually had two ex come back to me after 1 yr and maybe 2 yrs and i didnt even realise because i was over them then so i guess they do get back together but please any stories simular to myn Link to comment
kierasmum89 Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 This is a great congrats! I think its the first story ive heard that the ex has said I dont love you anymore more than once but has come back. My ex has said that to me, im not looking to get back with him because he has a personality disorder and so it just wont work. But it just goes to show that sometimes they can think they dont or are just being stubborn! Best thing we can do is accept that at the time, let go and grow into a better person. If people want to hold onto hope I dont think thats a bad thing as long as they arent putting their hole life on hold. Link to comment
BB2412 Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Thank u so much for this! I can relate to the entire first paragraph or so of ur post! My breakup is only 4 days old with the love of my life. Im just starting no contact and havent left my room in 4 days, barely eating and only sleeping, crying and praying. It hurts like hell, especially since the break up is over him not communicating when hes going thru hard times and going silent, and me saying WAY too much due to not understanding this is how he deals. Other than that, we were beautiful! I pray we can get back together. I adore this man Link to comment
rebellefleur Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Your story sounds so much like mine- the way it ended/reasons it ended...how he behaved, my ex behaved the same (maybe meaner), and i'm just now on my first week of NC which i feel is the start of a long period of NC. I hope so much that he'll be back one day but i'm not sure. I heard a lot of the "i don't love you anymore, it's not like it was before" type of things and it sounded like he really meant them. I'm gradually losing hope day by day. It's sad to think that someone i loved so much is gone, i really thought he was the one. But love your story, i'm glad you learned some really valuable life lessons, that's the best thing you could ask for! Link to comment
MagicForest Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 For the record, not to be a wet blanket, but sometimes when people say "I don't love you anymore," they really mean it. When I left my ex of 12 years, I knew it was over FOR GOOD. There were no debates--I'd already been working on getting the connection back for close to two years, and it was all dead for me. Sometimes, when it's over, it's really over. I think it's less hopeful when someone tells you that they don't love you or have no sexual desire for you. With my most recent ex, he professed that he still has feelings for me and that the breakup is "for now." And even though that gives me hope, I still realize that's a long shot from us getting back together. Link to comment
rebellefleur Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 For the record, not to be a wet blanket, but sometimes when people say "I don't love you anymore," they really mean it. When I left my ex of 12 years, I knew it was over FOR GOOD. There were no debates--I'd already been working on getting the connection back for close to two years, and it was all dead for me. Sometimes, when it's over, it's really over. I think it's less hopeful when someone tells you that they don't love you or have no sexual desire for you. With my most recent ex, he professed that he still has feelings for me and that the breakup is "for now." And even though that gives me hope, I still realize that's a long shot from us getting back together. Truly heartbreaking to think that they really could mean it. Sucks to still love someone who could fall out of love with you. Link to comment
maybelater Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 I loved the OP's story so much. It gives hope, but in the best possible way. It allows you to understand that things happen when people break up... it isn't easy for either party. I really resonated with the line she used when she realized how hard it must have been for HIM to break up after 4 years. I understand that now, with my ex. I am sure it wasn't an easy decision and I saw the tears and heard the pain in his voice. I know there is love there. But humans are complex individuals. This story just shows the humanity involved. People are human. Everyone makes mistakes. We do and say things we rationalize in our minds because we hurt, but our hearts still care. The OP's story is about realizing our faults, forgiving ourselves, forgiving the "ex", and acknowledging the love that existed and for her (and turns out him) continued to exist. But love can't be forced, pleaded, or shoved back into fruition. The point of the OP's story is to acknowledge all stages of the break up, accept that pain DOES exist on both sides when ending a long term love relationship, acknowledge your faults (this is where TIME comes into play-because you can't see in an emotional haze) and work to become a better person (not just for them but because deep down you know you should have done it earlier), and honor the love you feel for this person in your heart. Love is a peaceful, blissful, warm feeling not one of jealousy, hate, anger, or bitterness.... chances are if you are still in those stages you just feel wronged and you don't quite understand what it means to love someone. Because loving someone doesn't stop when they walk away and it doesn't stop when they stay away. Love for someone, real love, will always be in your heart, even if there are tears in your eyes. Bottom line: OP's story is a great great story that took dark empty nights and days, some hard soul searching, forgiveness, and growth and all of those things take TIME and a clear mind, not one in the early "oh my goodness my life is falling apart stages" or "I hate that a**hole" stage... because as you read the OP went through that... and that isn't when she got her ex back. It was after all the pain, the crippling loneliness, a good heart look in the mirror, wrestling with forgiveness, and owning her faults...it is hard when you first break up. I didn't want to hear it but the ONLY thing that will work is TIME. Your heart has to heal and you can't depend on someone else to heal it for you. I am so happy for the OP, some random, keenly aware soul somewhere in the world, understood love for her ex for what truly is, he is a lucky man to have such a great girlfriend and she is a neat person to realize she wasn't perfect and he wasn't either, but sometimes realizing everyone is human is the first step. Loved the story. Link to comment
Lightning87 Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 I'm so happy for you and so glad to hear a successful reconciliation story all the best for your future together and well done for making the positive steps whilst you were broken up to 'find yourself' x Link to comment
ZhaoZilong5 Posted September 1, 2012 Share Posted September 1, 2012 This is one necro'ed thread that I actually enjoy. Link to comment
Reflective82 Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 this gives me hope Link to comment
Reflective82 Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Gambit- did you feel your ex was happy during the times you split? I feel even though mine was crying when he ended it he seems to be going out and being super happy now, which makes me think hmmmm is he even missing me? your story is so cute though and i really hope it is the same for me and my ex Link to comment
LawGirl101 Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Gambit- did you feel your ex was happy during the times you split? I feel even though mine was crying when he ended it he seems to be going out and being super happy now, which makes me think hmmmm is he even missing me? your story is so cute though and i really hope it is the same for me and my ex I need some advice as well. I have pretty much the same situation as the OP. it's been almost two months and I've been on no except to exchange stuff and have one "catching up" coffee, which he initiated. A mutual friend invited me to a b-day party being hosted at the ex's place, and I can't tell if I should go or not. I still want him back, so I don't know if I should go looking amazing or just continue to avoid him. Link to comment
mtski Posted November 11, 2012 Share Posted November 11, 2012 I sincerely appreciated that you made it a novel and didn't leave anything out. I think it's great. Once you made yourself the center and remembered to keep it there, you were you and he was him and then you were able to be separately together happily bringing more to the relationship. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful story detail for detail. I hope to one day be able to inspire hope in others with my success story I have to say, exes always come back. Usually by the time they do, I am over them and want nothing to do with them in that way. This one is different. He touched my soul. I saw my life with him and how it would be. I want to wake up and make breakfast and have coffee with him every sunday for the rest of my life I know I have work to do though, so I hope while hes working out of the country I am able to become the most complete individual possible. Link to comment
joeyb13 Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Thanks for posting. I come here to see success stories in hope that I will be able to post one down the line. My ex and I broke up 3 weeks ago and had the best relationship out of everyone I know. We were really best friends and now that she is gone there is this void no and I don't have my best friend to talk to anymore. I just hope I can have the success you had and get back with her some day. No contact has been a challenge for me though. We have been in super limited contact but have talked on the phone twice since breaking up. Link to comment
AnnaRachel Posted December 3, 2012 Share Posted December 3, 2012 This post is over two years old...interesting how things are now...are you still together?? Link to comment
bison67 Posted February 16, 2014 Share Posted February 16, 2014 I really enjoyed this post. Im 2 months since the BU and 3 weeks of NC, been hard but im starting to feel a bit better. Not letting go of the hope that we may be back together again one day, 6 months, a year, something like that. I have given up the hopeless need to do something about it though, just focusing on myself and letting fate happen. I do believe our love is meant to be, its just how my heart feels, i love her and care for her so much. We were both just young and inexperienced, we are right for each other, just not right now. This story is what i hope to be like in a few months. Gotta stay strong and be patient. Thank you. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.