Sucessful reconciliation after 8 months- my story

[JoshHimself]

Yeah time heals all man, whether you get back together or not... You have to remember that

[brokenhurt]

John

 

John but one thng that bites me and make me loose hope sometime is that y she has changed her cell number?

 

i heard a lot of breaking up stories but i never red in them any of two person changing his/her contact....is it normal?

 

have you ever came accross with this changing cell number thng?

[Yostina]

I'm so happy for you and you really gave me hope!

God bless you both and best of luck in your life =)

 

I'd love to get help from you 'cause right now I'm going through a breakup and it's just extremely hard for me to accept it and hoping that me and my ex can get back together even if it takes times.

 

Is there a way I can contact you?

Thanks

[Strawbridge]

This is a very good post but how do I have hope when my ex is already seeing another guy?

 

We only dated for 6 months but we had a connection (well I believe we did). The breakup was my fault...I took her for granted, didn't get her a birthday present....lots of little things that built up over time till she finally couldn't take it anymore and broke up with me in May. I have been trying to prove to her ever since May that I am committed to her etc. This new guy has already said that he's willing to marry her after like 2 months. She's 31 and I know she's under pressure to get married by her family. And to be honest that's one of the reasons why she broke it off with me (cause she thought that I wasn't committed enough to get married). We met up this week for coffee. She admitted that there's alot of things she misses about me. She also said that she's attracted to me more than this new guy but he treats her so much better and that's all she's looking for at the moment. All the while she's saying these things she's holding my hand and trying not to burst into tears. She also admitted that she hasn't even slept with this guy yet (and yes I believe her). She's admitted she's confused yet is too scared to give me a second chance because I might go back to taking her for granted again.

 

How do i have hope when she's pretty much saying this rebound guy is filling the void i left and is treating her like a princess and has basically proposed to her already?

[brokenhurt]

if you both are made for eachother,you should n will get back togather no matter what happens...so be optimistic if you really lover her...sometimes breakups are good as they make you know that how imp those people are whom you take for granted n its old saying "you never know what you got,until its lost"

 

i also took my gf for granted by now when she broke up 1.5 mnth ago um really feeling that my life is empty without her,i m regretting but regretting will not help much .its just you can only pray that time will heal the bitterness n she will start thnkng abt the good moments she spent

[Strawbridge]

sometimes breakups are good as they make you know that how imp those people are whom you take for granted n its old saying "you never know what you got,until its lost"

 

Its true. When I was in the relationship I didn't know how to act because I hadn't been in one that had started out in the way this one did. So I was confused and didn't open my heart up to her. She told me after we broke up that she was in love with me from the start but my actions (or lack of) were too much for her to handle and she had to end it. I know that we would be good together and she has had a terrible run with guys in the past cheating on her etc. She's just putting me in the same category as them (guys that are bad for her) when I'm really not. I want to hold on to hope but since I found out about this new guy its really put me back to square one (how i felt 3 months ago when she left me).

 

It also hurts because she is the type of girl that doesn't rush into relationships and from what she's told me has been single for long periods of time in between all her past relationships. So why for the 1st time in her life does she rush into one straight after me? Its so out of character for her. Before me she was single for 1.5 years.

 

How do I prove to her that she can trust me and that I am ready to commit to her. I've told her how I feel, wrote her a letter etc...I've been trying so hard since may to show her the real me.

 

Man I just feel like breaking into tears right now.

[brokenhurt]

well once you lost relationship its very hard for a women to believe upon you coz they feel that you dont actually mean that n are jst saying this for the sake of getting back together.women jst want your attention n always want you to treat them well once you fail its very hard for you to make them trust in wat u r saying is true

 

i use to treat my gf like crap when she broke up i was totally changed n i requested her to come back but she said "now i never trust upon you" i cant bear this attitude for whole of my life

 

jst try to send her flowers,sorry card n chocolates that may help n thn try to give her space to let her thnk abt you if she still have feelings for you she will surely miss you no matter how many other guys she have in her life,ur sudden change in attitude may force her to thnk differently abt you

[bullonparade]

How do I prove to her that she can trust me and that I am ready to commit to her. I've told her how I feel, wrote her a letter etc...I've been trying so hard since may to show her the real me.

 

Man I just feel like breaking into tears right now.

 

You're missing the point of Gambits story. It's not how to get them back, it's just one example of sometimes it can happen. Re-read the story and pay attention to the details of the pain and the time it took - not the end result. The depression, the crying, all the pain that the OP went through. Months or pain. 4 months of NC, 4!! There is no letter, no phone call, no text that can work. The more you cry and push and beg the further they are going to run away. Just reading what you're feeling makes me feel awkward, imagine how your ex feels. Smothered. All I can picture is you crying outside her door in the rain and her hiding under the covers calling the police. Let it go for now and move on with your life. When you calm down and get a hold of your emotions you will know what to do. Congrats to gambits by the way, awesome story.

[bullonparade]

 

jst try to send her flowers,sorry card n chocolates that may help n thn try to give her space to let her thnk abt you

 

Do not do this, this is psychotic. She didn't break up with you because of neglect or lack of chocolates. Do you think Clint Eastwood sends sorry cards and teddy bears? No way man.

[brokenhurt]

Do not do this, this is psychotic. She didn't break up with you because of neglect or lack of chocolates. Do you think Clint Eastwood sends sorry cards and teddy bears? No way man.

 

his situation is different from the story posted ....his gf has feelings for him but she thnks that he does not have care for her and she cant trust him anymore.....n her new man can treat her better thn him

[bullonparade]

his situation is different from the story posted ....his gf has feelings for him but she thnks that he does not have care for her and she cant trust him anymore.....n her new man can treat her better thn him

 

I disagree. All break ups are the same at the core. She doesn't want him. She's got another guy and that's not because she didn't know she wasn't wanted. She knew, she just wanted someone else. Chasing ex's will only get you further away from them. Chococlates and love letters only work in movies. If she wanted this guy at all she would of stuck it out.

[brokenhurt]

I disagree. All break ups are the same at the core. She doesn't want him. She's got another guy and that's not because she didn't know she wasn't wanted. She knew, she just wanted someone else. Chasing ex's will only get you further away from them. Chococlates and love letters only work in movies. If she wanted this guy at all she would of stuck it out.

 

dont you thnk the kind of breakup you had also effects the chance of ur ex getting back as far as i know 90% of breakups end with begging,requesting,crying stuff and alot of nasty stuff is also involved in such breakups

 

do you think its easy for the dumper to forget abt the nasty stuff the dumpee said to him after 2mnths or so?

[bullonparade]

 

do you think its easy for the dumper to forget abt the nasty stuff the dumpee said to him after 2mnths or so?

 

I think it takes longer than 2 months, see the first post where the OP recommends a time frame. We're getting away from the main subject here.

[brokenhurt]

I think it takes longer than 2 months, see the first post where the OP recommends a time frame. We're getting away from the main subject here.

 

in her case it was 8 mnths but dun you thnk it varies

[gambitismyhomy]

for everyone on this thread looking for advice:

 

I'm not really sure what advice to give for specific situations. My point of posting was really just to give everyone hope and to remind everyone that everything takes time (sometimes 8 months of time). I wanted everyone to keep things in perspective. A break up doesn't mean the absolute final end of your relationship and if you still care deeply for your ex it is possible for the two of you to reunite. BUT, there's no quick fix, there's no one way that will get them back. No letter, no phone call, nothing you can really say that will change their mind. If they care about you enough and still love you it's possible that given time, they will have the chance to realize their own mistakes and to realize how important you are to them. If they know you are open and forgiving and still care about them, then they will contact you and you can take it from there. : )

 

Also, even if that reunion never happens, you will be okay again one day. And being single is not the worse thing in the world, it just takes some adjustment. it's a great time to work on yourself and grow as a person. It gives you a great opportunity to become more independent and develop your own interests and personality. I wish i had used more time during the break up just being happy to have that opportunity without worrying about losing my boyfriend forever. Once you're back in a relationship, you have NO time and trust me you do miss some aspects of being alone with the challenge of making your life the best it can be.

 

 

It's been a while since I was in that desperate state of mind but I do still remember how it felt, I remember researching for hours, on this forum and other places for "ways to win back your ex". None of that stuff really works in my experience, its a waste of time and money. Time you can be spending just living your life.

 

So here's the best advice I can give you. Let go for now, don't contact your ex especially if the break up is recent. Any contact will hurt the both of you and won't work. They need time. In my case, it's not like the break up came out of nowhere, I had hurt him, things were bad for a few months and just getting worse. I know it doesn't matter, any break up is going to be a shock to the system and leave you devestated ( in my case I myself even thought of leaving him, and even told him that I thought we should see other people). And I still felt totally betrayed and angry and heart broken when he made the final decision to leave. I wasn't even thinking of how hurt he must have been to actually decide to leave a 4 year relationship.

 

other than letting it go and not contacting your ex I think the following worked for me. I realized that despite what he said and the break up that we both still loved each other so I let go of that desperation and realized we just needed time away from each other.

 

I also recognized my part in the break up and even went as far as to write everything down, I wrote down a lot of things i thought contributed to us falling apart, all the unhealthy patterns we had fallen into( just for myself to read). Then I forgave him for his mistakes, I forgave him for leaving, whenever I got upset I tried to think of things from him perspective to get a better understanding of why he left. I was able to miss him without being angry or hurt or rejected. It made me feel better, it made me hold on to my love for him and realize it was worth waiting for.

 

I also think its very important to let go and stop contacting your ex because it only upsets them as well as you. They were unhappy in the relationship and were hurt too. You contacting them only shows your ex that you're STILL disrespecting their feelings. Keeping yourself open to some contact but not contstantly calling begging and pleading makes them feel like their decision and feelings are being respected. I haven't talked to my bf much about this ( who wants to keep bringing up the hurt from the break up now?). But he has mentioned that he thought i was acting crazy and that it didn't look good.

 

When he finally called me on my birthday I approached the contact in a completley different way then I had in the past and I think it really helped. It had been 4 months since the intial break up ( enough time for him to stop being angry and hurt but still not enough time to be ready to open himself up to getting back together). For the first time since the break up I talked to him with NO ALTERIOR MORTIVES. My voice was calm and friendly. I apologized for hurting him, told him I finally understood why he left and that I didn't blame him. I also told him that I still cared deeply about him, told him I still loved him ( w/o asking if he loved me..and for the FIRST time since the break up he said he still loved me, when I DIDN't ask).

 

I think I was also able to finally get through to him that I understood what I needed to change within myself in order for a relationship to work with him or anyone. I then told him to go out and date and see his friends and finally get a chance to be young and on his own and that I would do the same. And said that we should just give each other a few months of space and see how we both felt about seeing each other. ( I also apologized for acting like a crazy ex and calling him on christmas eve, he was very understanding)

 

Then I finally went out and lived my life and didn't contact him. It's funny that even AFTER that converstation where I told him I still cared about him he was nervous about me not wanting him back.

 

I have no clue when he first decided that he wanted to get back together, the way he talks about it, it seems like a couple months went by with him feeling this way and that he was about to call me right before I contacted him but was still very nervous about it. Which goes to show you that even when they do realize they want to get back together and even when they KNOW you still love them it still takes time. And it HAS TO BE THEIR DECISION!

 

So if you want, after a few months of NC to contact them and be friendly and let them know the door is always open I don't think it'll hurt to do so, and might even help. BUT you have to make sure your head's in the right place first which is why I advocate waiting at least a few months. Get past the desperate " must get them back" stage first.

 

That's really all the advice I can offer. Really, if the two of you loved each other and still do, nothing is going to make or break getting back together. I know this from experience trust me ( i emmm might have slightly keyed his car when we broke up). And if your ex is truley done and doesn't still love you then there's really nothing you can do to win them back.

 

My advice is to just stop worrying, time does heal all. A break up is going to be heart wrenching enough as it is without the added desperation and obsessing over getting them back. Take time to enjoy life and improve yourself ( they will notice the improvements trust me, my boyfriend LOVES that I cared enough about him to take the time to stop smoking and learn to cook, and he was super impressed that I landed a great job and bought a new car. Those things aren't as important but it does show your ex how much you're willing to work on yourself which makes a great impression when you first see each other again)

 

Sorry for another long post but I am trying to add any advice and insight into my own story if it helps anyone without answering specific questions ( which I dont' feel comftorable doing since, who am I to really give relationship advice? all i can do is share my experience) .

 

I hope everyone reading can learn to hang onto hope for the future without trying to constantly fix their relationship. Fix yourself first, it's all you can do at this point, let them know you still care and then give them space and time. Hopefully, if there's still love, everything will work out for the best.

 

Good luck to everyone! : )

[brokenhurt]

gambitismyhomy

 

i want you to ask some questions

 

during break up have your bf said things like this

 

1) He dun have feelings for you

 

2) he dont love you anymore n if he its very little

 

3) he will not com back ever

 

4) his decision is so strong etc

 

and have you guys had messy kind of breakup including begging n nasty kind of thngs?

[gambitismyhomy]

Oh and just a side note. It takes time. I know you've seen that posted here a hundred times but it does. I know even a month without the person you love can seem like forever but when you look back it'll seem so much shorter. What's 4 or 6 or even 8 months out of the course of a long term relationship? Or out of your entire life? Learn to relax and not stress out about the time frame. It'll only make it pass that much slower.

 

It feels like the 8 month break up was just a drop in the bucket now that we're back together, compared to the 4 years we spent in a relationship. ( we're celebrating our 5th anniversary in 2 weeks!) And I'm sure in a while this break up will seem like nothing compared to all the good times spent together.

 

Something that helped me: Every holiday, birthday, etc I spent without him I'd get depressed but then I would just have hope that the next one would be spent with him. It helped instead of thinking " alone on valentines day" I'd think what how I just had to get through this one and look forward to the next spent with him. I know it can seem delusional ( what if that never happens) but trust me at the time it was much better than dwelling on being alone w/o him at the moment. It allowed me to let go and have hope for the future and to be okay with my life.

 

And look, for me it came true. : )

[gambitismyhomy]

gambitismyhomy

 

i want you to ask some questions

 

during break up have your bf said things like this

 

1) He dun have feelings for you

 

2) he dont love you anymore n if he its very little

 

3) he will not com back ever

 

4) his decision is so strong etc

 

and have you guys had messy kind of breakup including begging n nasty kind of thngs?

 

YES! To all those things. He said he HAD to say those things because he didn't want to seem weak, he didn't want to allow himself to even feel like he still loved me because it would mean going back to a relationship that at the time, he thought wouldn't make him happy.

 

He told me he no longer loved me, didn't miss me. He told me things were over and that I should go date someone else.

 

This is why it's important to just not contact them in the beginning. No mater what they truley feel, they won't let you know, they might not even let themselves feel it at first.

[brokenhurt]

YES! To all those things. He said he HAD to say those things because he didn't want to seem weak, he didn't want to allow himself to even feel like he still loved me because it would mean going back to a relationship that at the time, he thought wouldn't make him happy.

 

He told me he no longer loved me, didn't miss me. He told me things were over and that I should go date someone else.

 

This is why it's important to just not contact them in the beginning. No mater what they truley feel, they won't let you know, they might not even let themselves feel it at first.

 

my gf said same thngs to me...i knew at the first moment that she is doing this to satisfy herslef that she had 100 reasons to leave me n to show her self strong

 

she even said that she will make herself so strong that she will never miss me but i dont thnk feelngs are under your control are they?

 

my gf got her number changed so i have no means to contact her...do you thnk i still have possibility of getting her back after messing up evrythng n ths number changing thng bites me alot

[kennyc90]

I have one question. Did he block you from facebook and all that?

[brokenhurt]

I have one question. Did he block you from facebook and all that?

 

yeah she have blocked me from facebook,changed her id's of hotmail n yahoo n at the end changer her number

 

 

same happened to you as well?

[Polarbear00]

I intially read this the other night, but didnt have the time to respond... Im really happy you posted this and more so that things have worked out for you guys!

I have been praying for us and asking for some kinda of sign on what I can do in my own situation and upon reading this the other night. I got the feeling that at least on the short term this could be the right thing on my part and allow her to deal w/her internal conflicts...

[brokenhurt]

um still wondering and asking that how much time i need to give my gf ? can anyone tell me?

 

she broken up coz she got fed up by the fights/arguments we had few days before breakup,n i started to begg her n txt her coz of which she started getting more n more rude n changed her number

 

its already been 20 days

[kennyc90]

YES! To all those things. He said he HAD to say those things because he didn't want to seem weak, he didn't want to allow himself to even feel like he still loved me because it would mean going back to a relationship that at the time, he thought wouldn't make him happy.

 

He told me he no longer loved me, didn't miss me. He told me things were over and that I should go date someone else.

 

This is why it's important to just not contact them in the beginning. No mater what they truley feel, they won't let you know, they might not even let themselves feel it at first.

 

Dang I was told the same things with my ex too. But I can understand why, just like you said.

[kennyc90]

um still wondering and asking that how much time i need to give my gf ? can anyone tell me?

 

she broken up coz she got fed up by the fights/arguments we had few days before breakup,n i started to begg her n txt her coz of which she started getting more n more rude n changed her number

 

its already been 20 days

 

20 days? I don't think that's enough. I went NC for a month and I thought my ex would forgive me after a month. So I contacted my ex through phone and the talk went great, but then when I went to chat with her online, it went BAD. She didn't want to forgive me and she told me that she's being cold because I'm talking to her. So I went NC once again. So don't break NC yet. I would probably wait a few months, like no joke. I learned the hard way.