Would you have no strings sex in this situation

[f1r3f1y3]

Hello, this is a little graphic:

 

Now that I am properly separated (wife cheated on me), I have started to reflect on what went wrong.

 

Sex with my wife was never great, we lacked passion, it was like having sex with an object. I remember sex with my ex gf before marriage, it was passionate, we turned each other on. Not so with wife.

 

It was her that was missing passion/attraction to me. I wanted to be passionate but got no reaction. She always wanted to have sex regularly but it wasn't passionate sex. She never complained about that though, for all the years of our marriage she never complained about sex. I always knew it wasn't good but I guess it was "good enough" for me.

 

I can understand why she cheated. I know what she did was very wrong, but I get it.

 

Not only did we lack passion but I often ejaculated too quickly. I wanted to do other things to satisfy her like oral sex but she hardly ever wanted that from me. She said it was tickly. Maybe that was her issue. I actually like doing that to a girl. She used a vibrator to get to orgasm but at the end of our relationship expressed dissatisfaction at having to use that every time. I am totally open minded about sex. Myself and my wife did do sexy things but I now feel that was to make up for the lack of passion.

 

ANYWAY, I now have the opportunity to have some no strings sex with a very nice looking girl. I am terrified of it all going wrong and reinforcing a feeling that I am just crap in bed. If it all went right though, I'd feel great.

 

It has only been 3 weeks since my wife and I separated but I would never ever go back to her after what she did.

 

I am 29 and have only had 2 sexual partners, my ex gf (3 year relationship) and my wife.

 

So far from the friends I have asked, all the girls have said don't do it and all the guys have said do.

[regular joe]

I guess there is only one way to find out. I am going to side with your guy friends and say go for it.

[midnightrambler]

no strings attached makes it sound like you are with a prostitute....i say wait for a romantic fling. your performance in bed wasn't the problem, it was your wife's problem

[Jd1983]

How do you feel about it?

 

Do you want a fling or are you looking for a relationship?

 

Perhaps, a fling is what you need at the moment. Just to ease the tension?

[jaywalk]

give it a go. hate that about your wife and at least you can walk away with your dignity. No strings? not even a G? What have you got to lose

[f1r3f1y3]

my gut feeling is I want to do it. This girl is nice, and not a friend

 

So in theory if I messed up I wouldn't actually be in a worse off situation, other than to feel crap which I already do.

 

She may teach me some stuff that makes me feel better.

 

I think I have some oats to sow before I have another LTR

[Jd1983]

Then go for it! What have you got to lose really?

[pinkelephant]

If it's strictly for sex, sure... but this isn't about sex. This is about your bruised ego and your need to prove something to yourself. You won't find that in another body.

[f1r3f1y3]

She's drop dead gorgeous and I know for a fact she's pretty highly charged sexually, so it could be over pretty quickly! I have ways to mitigate that.

 

I would regret not going for it though

[f1r3f1y3]

pinkelephant: guys don't get ego from sleeping with good looking woman?

[AndiD]

I say go for it. Better to regret having done it than not having done it. You can't grow if you never take risks, and even mistakes are better than stagnation. That's my take anyway.

[midnightrambler]

pinkelephant: guys don't get ego from sleeping with good looking woman?

 

I never read that in any book on building self esteem

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sure that the idea of sex with this girl sounds enticing, but make sure that you don't use this as a substitute, as in avoiding the loss of your marriage, and the healing process, which you have to face.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Seems to me like you really want to do it and you are just afraid of what she might think of you if you are bad in bed, right? Like others said, there is one way to find out. Or you could wait for someone who you are more comfortable with.

[itsallgrand]

Well it depends on you. Even if it goes well, as you say, and it's hot and she is super into it. If you are using this to try and perk up your sagging ego or self esteem or sexual prowess, it could back fire on you. You could end up feeling emptier and uglier and less sexy than you do even now. So there is that.

 

I like midnight ramblers suggestion. That if you going to go for a sexy situation and some fun, go for someone where there is some sweetness there too...some sexy little fling or something. Something where you can at least believe the woman isn't just about the sex but actually likes the guy attached some too.

[Stay_home]

Personally, I would.

 

But it's probably not going to make you feel any better about your situation. Either way it's a lose-lose so techincally you have nothing to lose.

[Day_Walker]

I think that as long as you know its just sex and dont try to make it something it isnt then I would say go for it. See if it is something that you can handle.

[perth_man87]

If you find yourself damaged by this going wrong then at least you will know that you have a problem. Will this bad feeling you have ever go away even if you were to have sex in a steady relationship? No, it's still going to come back around. Your wife made you feel like you were bad at sex and that won't go away until you do something proactive about it.

[timlondon]

Well you had a great sex life with your previous girlfriend which makes me think the problems with your wife weren't necessarily down to you. I think hopping into bed for a bit of action with a hot girl will do wonders for getting over your ex...

[none2good]

I'd go with a prostitute or two before getting with a "nice" girl. In this way, you can figure out if there's really some sort of problem with you. ALL the pros I have ever been with managed to fake passion in order to earn their pay.

[perth_man87]

I'd go with a prostitute or two before getting with a "nice" girl. In this way, you can figure out if there's really some sort of problem with you. ALL the pros I have ever been with managed to fake passion in order to earn their pay.

 

If prostitutes always at least overstate their pleasure, let alone faking all of it how could he tell whether he's the one with a problem or not? Or do you mean it would be a good confidence-builder or something?