When bf told you about his past sexual experiences....

[Unreasonable]

12 or 2 it doesn't matter, its not like you're a totally inexperienced virgin so unless you're worried about STD's its just a number imo.

 

It was tactless for him to go into so much detail unsolicited but what's done is done. This really seems like your problem at this point so if you can't or won't see a counselor I'd just finish it because these feelings aren't going to go away by themselves. I mean, 2 1/2 years is a long time to be holding on to this.

 

Next time don't be exclusive with someone until you know how many people they've been with.

[Oasis_Fan]

If you left him and found someone else similar thoughts would still enter your head even if the new guy told you nothing about his former partners. This is something you need to deal with by fetting some help.

 

I know I have a lot of personal issues. He didn't help me by saying what he said but the fact I can't let go after so long means I definitely got a personal problem. Why can't I let go?? So frustrated.

[Oasis_Fan]

Well, dont be afraid to admit you need a little extra help, research whether you can get referred or whether your school/college offers any counselling. Its perfectly fine to find someone to talk too, someone who can help.

 

Stay strong!

 

I will try and see if I can get some professional help. I hope no one tries to put me on meds because then it will feel like there's something wrong with me.

I have these times where I'm on top of the world, and I am so thankful for the best life ever but then it all goes away and I get like this. Up and down.

[Oasis_Fan]

12 or 2 it doesn't matter, its not like you're a totally inexperienced virgin so unless you're worried about STD's its just a number imo.

 

It was tactless for him to go into so much detail unsolicited but what's done is done. This really seems like your problem at this point so if you can't or won't see a counselor I'd just finish it because these feelings aren't going to go away by themselves. I mean, 2 1/2 years is a long time to be holding on to this.

 

Next time don't be exclusive with someone until you know how many people they've been with.

 

To me, it's not just a number, it's everything that's wrong with us. I hate what he told me. It's like I hate him for even doing it. That sounds so stupid. I think it's just really hard for me to accept the fact that it's true and it's hard for me to live up to all those girls like I want to be better than them.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I hate when guys do that. Keep those details to yourself. Some people just don't have any common sense. But you are also obsessing about it too much...are there any other problems in your relationship? specifically in your sex life?

[Oasis_Fan]

I hate when guys do that. Keep those details to yourself. Some people just don't have any common sense. But you are also obsessing about it too much...are there any other problems in your relationship? specifically in your sex life?

 

I hate that too. They want to seem like their some sort of sex god or something. He didn't impress me at all. Especially with all the grief I'm going through because of it.

 

I am obsessing about it too much. I'm starting to think I need some closure on it. He told me that some things were lies, some were over-exaggerated, etc. He don't really talk about it much and he don't really help me through it. I think I want to know which ones were lies. Although I'm also wondering if that's a bad idea....

 

There are no other real problems in our relationship. Our sex life is fine except sometimes when I'm performing sex with him, sometimes I feel insecure because of all the women he's been with. I want to be better than them but the stories make me feel like I can't live up to them. It doesn't stop us from having sex but it makes me feel bad and insecure when we're doing it.

 

I'm over-analytical and I'm obsessing over it. I wish I could stop. I'm trying my best to stop. This is honestly the most mentally exhausting thing I've ever been through.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Do you have other mental problems? have you always been obsessive about things?

 

I'm just trying to figure out if it is you or him that make you feel this way.

[Oasis_Fan]

Do you have other mental problems? have you always been obsessive about things?

 

I'm just trying to figure out if it is you or him that make you feel this way.

 

I don't have any serious mental problems that affect my life but I do have some anxiety issues and self-esteem issues.

 

I found that I had a little OCD when I was younger, but when I realised it I stopped immediately. I also had some social anxiety, but I've changed from that and I'm almost the opposite now.

 

I have some issues but they're not serious enough that they can't be controlled.

[Unreasonable]

I found that I had a little OCD when I was younger, but when I realised it I stopped immediately.

You still have it hon. These are repeated, intrusive thoughts that are producing anxiety. You can't stop. When you can't stop a behavior, that is a problem. If you are unwilling to seek help, then please, look up everything you can can on thought stopping.

[Oasis_Fan]

You still have it hon. These are repeated, intrusive thoughts that are producing anxiety. You can't stop. When you can't stop a behavior, that is a problem. If you are unwilling to seek help, then please, look up everything you can can on thought stopping.

 

Your right. I can be obsessive about things. Especially this. I tend to over-analyze things until I get a headache.

[Cheeks18]

There are no other real problems in our relationship. Our sex life is fine except sometimes when I'm performing sex with him, sometimes I feel insecure because of all the women he's been with. I want to be better than them but the stories make me feel like I can't live up to them. It doesn't stop us from having sex but it makes me feel bad and insecure when we're doing it.

 

Obviously you are better then all of them, because your the only one he sleeps with, and from what your saying your all he ever wants to be in bed with. How does that not prove to you that your his sex goddess?? lol

[Oasis_Fan]

Obviously you are better then all of them, because your the only one he sleeps with, and from what your saying your all he ever wants to be in bed with. How does that not prove to you that your his sex goddess?? lol

 

I know I guess I'm thinking irrationally. The stories he told me are just things I can't do so I get insecure. Sometimes when we're having sex, I worry if I'm moving good enough and if there was another woman who was better than me in bed. I don't have a lot of sexual experience because I'm young. Another woman probably had more experience and was better.

 

But your right. Thanks for your post cheeks18 It's true what your saying. He's told me that I'm the best. But I guess I'm just hung up on his past.

[Cheeks18]

I know I guess I'm thinking irrationally. The stories he told me are just things I can't do so I get insecure. Sometimes when we're having sex, I worry if I'm moving good enough and if there was another woman who was better than me in bed. I don't have a lot of sexual experience because I'm young. Another woman probably had more experience and was better.

 

But your right. Thanks for your post cheeks18 It's true what your saying. He's told me that I'm the best. But I guess I'm just hung up on his past.

 

If those things truly happened and he truly liked them that much, then he would be with someone who did that or was into that...but hes not!!

 

Also, no matter how skilled a women is in bed, the more you sleep with the same person the better it tends to get because you learn the In's and out's (LOL) of each other.....Ive slept with girls who have slept around, and the best sex I have ever had was with my ex, because we practiced together for 4 years!! We learned what we liked and didn't like, which translated into BEST SEX EVER!!

Which I am sure is the case in your situation

[Philos]

Tough. I think I'd feel the same way if I was in your shoes.

[Unreasonable]

I will try and see if I can get some professional help. I hope no one tries to put me on meds because then it will feel like there's something wrong with me.

I doubt a shrink is going to put you on an anti-psychotic or any other drug that is going to make you not feel yourself over this. This isn't something you're going to be admitted for. There are mood stabilizers and and anti-anxiety meds nowadays that can help you feel completely normal and not dull your senses at all. Of course, if "normal" is a manic or a depressive state then, yeah, you might not feel like yourself!

 

You can refuse meds, but there is NOTHING wrong with taking meds if they help. Remember that. It does not make you a bad or broken person.

[Oasis_Fan]

I doubt a shrink is going to put you on an anti-psychotic or any other drug that is going to make you not feel yourself over this. This isn't something you're going to be admitted for. There are mood stabilizers and and anti-anxiety meds nowadays that can help you feel completely normal and not dull your senses at all. Of course, if "normal" is a manic or a depressive state then, yeah, you might not feel like yourself!

 

You can refuse meds, but there is NOTHING wrong with taking meds if they help. Remember that. It does not make you a bad or broken person.

 

I don't really want meds because of the side-affects. Honestly, I don't really want counselling either. But I'm considering it.

[Oasis_Fan]

Tough. I think I'd feel the same way if I was in your shoes.

 

Yeah I'm having a tough time. Really, I am. It's bad enough that he won't talk to me to help me through it.

[Oasis_Fan]

The issue came up just a second ago. He got frustrated and told me that I'm just PMSing. I have a real issue and he's ignoring me. He never talks to me to help me through this. I hate when he says stuff like that. He just ignores the problem altogether.

[Sparkly Eyes]

The issue came up just a second ago. He got frustrated and told me that I'm just PMSing. I have a real issue and he's ignoring me. He never talks to me to help me through this. I hate when he says stuff like that. He just ignores the problem altogether.

 

See, that's what I was wondering. He isn't really being helpful here and likes to think it is all YOUR problem. Whereas, if he had his mouth shut in the first place, all of this wouldn't happen. I wonder how would he feel if you told her you had a threesome with two men or something.

 

Maybe this relationship is just not as great as you think it is. Maybe it isn't all your problem and he is doing other things that intensify your worries and bad feelings.

[Oasis_Fan]

See, that's what I was wondering. He isn't really being helpful here and likes to think it is all YOUR problem. Whereas, if he had his mouth shut in the first place, all of this wouldn't happen. I wonder how would he feel if you told her you had a threesome with two men or something.

 

Maybe this relationship is just not as great as you think it is. Maybe it isn't all your problem and he is doing other things that intensify your worries and bad feelings.

 

Well this is what usually happens when I bring it up or want to talk about it:

 

1. I bring it up, he rolls his eyes and sighs and sometimes leave the room. (Or says something about me PMSing. Which I'm not currently, just to clarify.)

 

2. I try confronting him about how he never helps me through this and it's not all my fault (like you said.)

 

3. We end up arguing and he says he can't say anything to help me because he'll end up saying the wrong thing. (Which is usually true. He says something either comes out wrong or is really rude that makes me extremely upset.)

 

4. I'll get upset and cry to let my frustration (that I've been holding in for a long time, because I usually try not to bring it up to avoid a fight like this.)

 

5. He'll try to talk to me again, we'll fight and get frustrated with each other and then he usually goes off and does something.

 

6. He comes back and we try talking about it somehow. Seems like when he gets his mind occupied, he comes back more able to talk. If it goes well, he'll usually say something amazing and beautiful and then we're madly in love again (although secretly, I'll still feel uneasy because I know the feelings will come back again.)

If it goes bad, we'll continue arguing and then we usually stop talking for a while until we make up later on.

 

We just did this today. Actually we just made up this second before he had to go back to work. We go through this everytime. It continues because I can't let it go.

[greywolf]

You've probably brought this up a lot of times, so I'm wondering if he was ever understanding in the beginning, or has he always been this dismissive of your feelings?

[DN]

You are going to drive him away. He can't alter a fact in the past. He can't undo all those sexual experiences and he can't unsay what he said to you about them.

 

So I am not surprised he is reacting as he is since there is literally nothing he can say or do to make this better - only worse.

[Oasis_Fan]

You've probably brought this up a lot of times, so I'm wondering if he was ever understanding in the beginning, or has he always been this dismissive of your feelings?

 

Your right! He was understanding at first but then he got sick of it. I think I've exhausted it. I think I'm really holding a grudge. He just put me through a lot and I'm having trouble forgiving him.

[Oasis_Fan]

You are going to drive him away. He can't alter a fact in the past. He can't undo all those sexual experiences and he can't unsay what he said to you about them.

 

So I am not surprised he is reacting as he is since there is literally nothing he can say or do to make this better - only worse.

 

I agree with you. I need to accept it. For me, being so soft-hearted and everything, it's really hard for me to accept all of this. But if I don't I guess it just won't last...

[greywolf]

Your right! He was understanding at first but then he got sick of it. I think I've exhausted it. I think I'm really holding a grudge. He just put me through a lot and I'm having trouble forgiving him.

 

OP, there comes a point when you've reassured your partner over and over again, that you just don't know what to say anymore, and you do get tired of it. Not only that, but every time you bring it up, you're basically judging him for his past, and no one wants to feel like someone is judging them. Think about how that must feel to him that you think of him as a bad person.

 

Who cares about all the partners he's had in the past. He's with you now! and he's with you because he wants to be. Tell yourself that every time you start feeling that way.