Crazy girl has been bothering me for 2 years...don't know what to do.

[Fudgie]

Oh god, I know she's ruining my life. You guys are so right.

 

She contacts me via IM and was like "where are you" and I'm like "on earth" and she's like "lol I want to go into your room" and I was like "tough, I'm not there" (which is a lie, I am) ad she's like "when will you be back" and I was like "I don't know" and now she's calling my cell phone but i'm ignoring it.

 

The whole situation disgusts me.

 

I'm doing my best to stay out of her way.

[anggrace]

What are you afraid she'll do if you're direct with her? I don't really see any other way to stop this. The longer you put it off, the worse it will get.

[Moontiger]

Is there an RA in your dorm you can go to and report this behavior?

 

When I was in college, the very first week actually, there was a guy who was acting very creepy towards me. One day he come up to me reached out and stroked my hair while saying, "You have pretty hair." it was super creepy.

 

Anyways, I finally yelled at him, cursing and all. He didn't get it, just asked me, "Are you having a bad day?" I reported him to the RA in my dorm and had a meeting with the RA's boss. Never got bothered again.

[Fudgie]

Well the good news is I'm in an apartment, she can't get to me unless I let her in. Unfortunately, one of the girls here is spineless and will let her in but then I just lock my door and pretend not to be in. Usually works.

 

We don't really have an RA here. There's on the downstairs floor but she's annoying and never around anyway.

 

I feel like if this girl was a guy, I could get something done. Because girl on guy or guy on girl stalking is definitely a no no and you can really get someone in trouble. This girl is just psycho and since I'm a female too, I feel like no one cares.

 

I'm not in danger, I'm just being annoyed.

 

Do you think I should cut her off completely and without warning? I'm scared she'll freak out but ya know, tough. I've had issues in the past with her going through my friends list and contacting all my hot male friends out of the blue. They told her to f off and then blocked her.

[Moontiger]

What is the worst thing she can do if you do just cut her off? She might be extra annoying for awhile be eventually she is will go and find people who will give her the attention she is seeking.

 

Another tactic would be to start documenting all of her behavior towards you (texts, emails voice mails etc) then bring that to your school and say that she is making you feel very uncomfortable and you want something done about it NOW because she will not leave you alone even though you have asked her to.

[Fudgie]

She just is really petty and spreads nasty rumors about people when she gets cross with them. I mean, like, she's insane, so it's not like anyone would believe her. But I've heard her talk to me about people and she really is cruel.

 

Unfortunately, she knows a couple of things about me that I wish she didn't. I don't, I'm very "neutral" on campus, no one hates me and I'm considered likable and someone you could trust in, but not someone you'd "love" or hang out with, you know? I like having that reputation. I like being the "sounding board" for people and giving advice. I don't want her to ruin it for me just because she's crazy and cruel.

 

The big thing she knows is that I have a long-term older boyfriend. My closest friends know and are supportive but other people do not know, because they are "against" that sort of thing and would not understand. I'm totally fine that, because I tend to keep dating life and social life separate. But this girl is such a crazy basket case, who knows what she would do/say. I know another girl who had an older boyfriend with a similar age difference, and someone found out and "reported" her to professor, who REFERRED her to counseling because he felt that it was "abnormal", he told the therapist.

 

Ok, maybe I don't know the entire story but I think that's really messed up and I don't want that to happen to me. I work hard to have great relations with my professors and want to ask them for LOR and I don't want anything to jeopardize that.

 

She graduates this year,thank god. I have one more left for me.

 

Do you think I should tell her that I'm cutting her off or just cut the cord and avoid her? Sort of hard because we're on a small campus. I've seen how she is with people that she hates, she sort of GLARES at them for hours on end and then awkwardly follows them in that vicinity. It's so messed up.

[Fudgie]

What I'm doing right now is I'm being "busy". She calls/texts me and I just take a hard stance and I'm like "NO I'M STUDYING." I'll lie about where I am too. When she goes to look for me and then texts me and says "I don't see you here" I say that I already left. She also HATES the library and that's where I do most of my studying, so when I say I'm there, she wants nothing to do with me.

 

 

(I feel like a delocalized electron )

 

A couple of my friends are aware of her...uh....attachment with me and they cover for me. My old roommate is a flatmate of mine in the apartment and she had me tell the girl that she (my old roomie) was an "antisocial b_____" and my roommate enjoys being curt, cold, and sneering when the crazy girl is around. It makes her leave FAST!!! Deep down, my old roomie is a true friend and is really nice, but crazy girl doesn't know that.

 

 

It's possible that I could just keeping that. She doesn't take non-verbal hints but it will keep her at bay.

[Moontiger]

From what you describe she is clearly mentally unstable.

 

Personally I would tell her you are cutting her off. Tell her she is making you uncomfortable and that if she continues in her behavior, contacts you, or follows you, you will report it (even if you don't mean it). I would do this either with a witness or through an email so that there is documentation that you have informed her that her behavior is unwelcomed. If she continues to harass you (which is what this is) then you can consider other options.

 

After you have communicated this to her block her phone number etc. If you see her simply do not engage. If she try to talk to you walk away. Acting as cold as possible is probably your best bet with a person like this.

 

I wouldn't worry about rumors. No one (student or professor) will believe a chick like this who is clearly a few fries short of a happy meal.

 

I think that will scare her off. She might be crazy but I doubt she wants to get into any trouble with just a year left. I do want to urge you to report this behavior in case she does go more off the deep end and her behavior escalates.

[Unreasonable]

I know you don't want to be mean, and she's slightly worrisome, but I think instead of playing games, avoiding her, etc., you REALLY need to tell her straight up that you are not interested in having contact anymore.

 

I knew a girl like this, didn't matter if I completely avoided contact with her, did not initiate any conversation, was very curt and basically was like "yes", "no" in conversations, no eye contact ever, you know, OBVIOUS signs you want them to get lost. Nothing worked. I think she has a mental disorder where she is blind to this and just latches on to anybody who is the least bit kind to her. Well, it's interfering with your life and that's not fair.

 

Set her straight and don't worry about the outcome. If she still persists, contact the appropriate authorities.

[Miss Firecracker]

Maybe you should buy a disguise to wear for awhile.

[Fudgie]

Haha, thanks everyone.

 

Yeah, I know I don't want to be mean, I thought just being "distant" and cutting myself off would work, but it doesn't. She doesn't work that way.

 

Well, in the time since I last updated this thread, I felt like I had "snapped" about this whole situation and made up my mind PERMANENTLY to sever contact. Something happened that made me decide this.

 

See, I'm a pre-med student and I have a tough major and minor. I'm busy and while I get good grades now, I need to KEEP getting good grades so I can get into medical school and reach my DREAM. I study around 5 hours every single day, except for maybe just 3 hours on Saturday. I'll tell you - there's one thing you don't mess with when it comes to me and that's my study time.

(Thing is, I'm not a really stressed out person. I actually like studying and I enjoy it so I do genuinely get angry when someone keeps trying to interfere with that).

 

She came to me during a meal and asked to study with me, which she always asks. I smirked and I told her "sure, I'm on the quiet floor in the library in my own study cubby (table surrounded by wooden panels) so if you came with me, you'd have to find your OWN cubby and we can't talk." That normally defuses the situation and she leaves me alone.

 

instead, this time, she kept pressing me to "move" and get another table so we could study together and talk (yes, she said talk), every day. I said "No, that's not how I do things." she got angry and accused me of "isolating" myself. I told her "That's the POINT of studying. You have to concentrate and learn the material. I usually don't study with others unless it's a group project." She got all huffy and rude. I finally said:

 

"You're just upset because I'M not changing my schedule or study habits to fit your desires. Deal with it. You're being disrespectful. You know that studying means a lot to me and I don't change my habits. You're the one who is being selfish not me. I'm trying to work and you want to socialize. It's not happening."

 

I know it sounds harsh but goddarn it, it's what I felt and I said it! She really crossed a line here with me and I needed her to get that through her thick skull. Then I got up and left.

 

She has been texting me since, so upset that I am "judging" her for being a bad person. I ended up finding an app that allows me to "hide" her texts so I don't have to see them, but the last text I sent was "I think you should see a therapist for your problems." and then I blocked her. I said nothing about judgment. She is probably up at night with her own obsessive thoughts about "what I must think about her" and you know, I don't care anymore. I don't owe her anything.

 

She has seen me on campus and has tried to approach. I took off like a frightened deer, knowing that she won't "go after me" because all she cares about is what people think, and that would look "weird". People run to class all the time so I don't look any different.

 

It will be hard road ahead but after the spring, I don't have to deal with her crazy butt anymore. She just sucks the energy right out of me and I'm sick of it. Finally, I'm on my way OUT.

[Unreasonable]

Good for you! Keep it up and don't cave.

[Fudgie]

She has been harassing me lately, again, but I am ignoring, for the most part.

 

Today, she sent me INCESSANT text messages about wanting to "study" with me. I was sick of all the messages (I can hide them but I still get the notifications, BLAH), so I responded "no, I study best alone. You know that." and she was silent for a bit and then wrote "well I study best with others. So when do you want to get together?"

 

Gosh, she is so stupid. I just ignored her.

[Moontiger]

Wow. This girl really doesn't get it does she?

 

Why not tell her, VERY bluntly, that you have no desire to study with her or see her or talk to her. She is not going away on her own so you might have to get really harsh if you want freedom from her.

[Unreasonable]

Wow. This girl really doesn't get it does she?

 

Why not tell her, VERY bluntly, that you have no desire to study with her or see her or talk to her. She is not going away on her own so you might have to get really harsh if you want freedom from her.

No doubt, I would add, "I've done EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to let you know this in a way that would allow you to keep your dignity, but you are too DENSE to figure it out on your own."

[Fudgie]

I wish there was an easy way to get her to hate me and leave me alone. Sadly, she doesn't operate like that.

 

See, she got involved with this guy once (not at my college, but she brought him here once). I met him and he's very sketchy...total player. He also was into a LOT of dominance stuff, which isn't bad within itself BUT he bought her a collar after they dated for 3 DAYS and wanted her to be his "pet" forever. He expressed desires to make people bleed/scream and all this weird stuff. He compared himself to a serial killer. He was very disrespectful to everyone, particularly women.

 

Needless to say, I wasn't impressed by this guy (to say the least!). But she's so stupid, she didn't see it, and not because she was in love with him (she wasn't) but because she thought it was "bad" to judge people. She once lambasted me for being JUDGMENTAL for saying that I won't date someone who I know is a sociopath because, well, I prefer my men to have a moral center. Apparently, that's being too picky. I also said I would never date someone who had a history of torturing animals in his childhood. Again, I'm a judgmental person for wanting someone with a soul. It's the most ridiculous thing ever.

 

Anyway, he somehow made death threats or something. She ignored that and got mad because apparently she *felt* he thought she was a hussy. They stopped talking. She says she never cuts anyone out of her life and that she feels that he's a "good person" because he's never done anything wrong or sketchy. Wha?

 

So apparently, Mr. Future-Ted-Bundy is A-OK on her list...what is it going to take for her to hate me and stop contacting me? Ugh.

 

I saw her today but got out of there before she saw me. I'm going to continue to ignore and hope for the best.

 

I forgot to tell you, the last time she made contact with me, she asked me about making a car trip to visit my boyfriend. Ok, she didn't ask, she said we'd do it. I told her no but she persisted. I told my boyfriend, and he laughed and told me to tell her to FORGET IT, that he has no desire in meeting her. He said if I made him out to be the "bad guy" she'd leave me alone. So I told her that at and she flipped out. She tried to find him on Facebook to "explain" herself why he should want to meet her.

 

I don't get it - she called him "repulsive" because he's older and balding. Why does she care so much about what he thinks if she thinks he looks "repulsive" (which he does not). She has given up on the idea now, settling on the fact that my boyfriend is a mean, nasty, disgusting old man who has issues because he's dating ME but yet won't meet her even though "she's very beautiful" so he must only like "average" women. She just doesn't understand - people don't hate her because she's pretty...they hate her because she's INSANE and a mean person to boot!

 

What a mess.

[greywolf]

Uh, she's into BDSM but she's judging your relationship? Ok...

 

She's just the kind of girl that's not comfortable with anything about herself, so she constantly thinks people are judging her (because she judges herself), and has to look down on other people to make herself feel better.

 

Fudgie, what you are describing is harassment. Tell her that you no longer want her to contact you, and if she continues to do so, report her. I know you said that you're afraid that you won't be taken seriously, but it doesn't hurt to try.

[Fudgie]

If I were to report her, I'd go to campus police and see what they can do.

 

My "last resort" is to send her a message and tell her to BACK OFF and if she does not, I will report her, and she'll get a nice smudge on her record, and that will come up in jobs and people will JUDGE HER and think she's a terrible person.

 

I have no idea if that's true but I doubt her intelligence at times and I think if I consulted the campus police and let her know in my message, along with the note about "JUDGING", she may just get scared and back off.

 

If I need to use scare tactics to make her go away, then I will.

[Fudgie]

Well, crap, she's back.

 

She basically hunted me down. UGH.

 

It doesn't help that she comes over to my apartment to see my roommate (another person who doesn't like her). I just lock myself in the room and pretend to be dead.

[greywolf]

Well, crap, she's back.

 

She basically hunted me down. UGH.

 

It doesn't help that she comes over to my apartment to see my roommate (another person who doesn't like her). I just lock myself in the room and pretend to be dead.

 

You've got to report her.

[Fudgie]

I am so sick of this. I need to do it.

 

She gave me a lecture about how we're "frrriiiiennnds" yeah right! I can't stand her! She can go to heck as far as I'm concerned.

 

The police have no real jurisdiction over here, I'm told, I need to go to the campus police. Which I will do.