Crazy girl has been bothering me for 2 years...don't know what to do.

[Fudgie]

Okay, I met this girl 2 years ago. I was introduced to her by a friend. Within 10 minutes of talking to her, I knew something was "off" about her, and I mean SERIOUSLY "off". She goes on this weird, wordy rants for 10+ min at a time and you CANNOT get a word in. It was horrid. I ended the convo as quickly as I could and took off.

 

Over the next couple of weeks, she kept "popping" up near me around campus but said nothing but STARED. I then found out from some people that she was asking around about me, borderline stalking me, and trying to "find out more". One day, she approached me at a meal out of the blue, and that's when the madness began.

 

She's freaking insane. Let me explain why:

 

-She has this obsession with people "judging" her or thinking badly about her. This is all that she talks about. She has a really bad reputation for being crazy and she wonders why. Hm.

 

-She is obsessed with herself and doesn't talk about ANYONE or anything else unless it directly pertains to her

 

-She goes on these wordy 20+ min rants. You cannot get a word in. I mean it, you can't. You can't even LEAVE once she starts.

 

My father has met her and he's a dr and he couldn't "take her" after 10 min of her ranting. He deals with nutty people all the time but he said she was definitely one of the most annoying.

 

-She is embarassingly inappropriate. She once dated a guy who was a DOM. I was walking into the library and she followed up behind me (I didn't know) and she screamed "OMG MY BOYFRIEND (of 3 days) bought me a COLLAR for my NECK!!!" everyone heard. She talks about sex loudly. All she cares about is herself, sex, guys, and herself.

 

-You can't say ANYTHING to her without her yelling at you and accusing you of judging her.

 

(example - she said to a guy that she went to a tanning salon, the guy says "tanning is bad" and then she screams at him for thinking it's "bad" and that somehow he must think she's "loose"

Another time, I was talking about one of King Henry VIII's wives and I said that she was a real W-word. She FREAKED out and started asking me if I felt that she was one.

 

-She's selfish and insults people, both intentionally and not.

 

-She screams at you if you don't feel the same way she does about things.

 

-She is constantly judging people by their looks to their faces, insulting their appearance. I am friends with a guy who refuses to talk to her and she had the gall to say "I'm much prettier than you...why is he your friend and not mine? I'm much hotter." She's not the hottest person I know and I know another girl who is much more attractive (and she's nice!) and Crazy Girl turns green with envy when she's around and treats her like crap.

 

-She has had SO many first dates but no LTRs. No guy wants to be with her, let alone be friends. She's pretty and thin but is insane. The guys go on a date, get freaked out, block her on FB, and then she gets a bad reputation.

 

She REALLY ticked me off one time that she came up to my room, wandered in, saw a picture on my desk of me and my (older) boyfriend and promptly told me that he looked like my grandfather and if he comes to visit me, she doesn't want to see us together because the thought of us together REPULSES her, and makes her want to vomit because we are not physically attractive, especially him and WHY DON'T YOU DATE HOT PEOPLE.

(gee thanks a lot for your opinion, hussy. I didn't even ask for it.)

In case you're wondering, my roommate yelled at her, I pretty much picked her up and threw her out because I didn't want her there anyway and all she could say was "is your roommate JUDGING ME?!?! OMG"

 

-She has stalked through my FB friends and messaged my hot guy friends trying to hook up with them, then calls them shallow and petty when they say "No" right away and block her. I have now hidden my friends from her.

 

-BTW, you can't block her from FB because she WILL have a fit.

 

-If you don't remain in contact with her or invite to the movies, she freaks out.

I have not been returning her calls much this summer and she is constantly calling me and telling me that I'm being rude.

 

I am so freaking sick of her guts.

 

Problem: I have 2 (normal) friends at college. Neither of them has the balls to get rid of this crazy girl. Crazy girl LOVES me. I actually listen to her problems and offer advice. I am nice but deep down, I hate her. Oh god, being around her just makes me SICK to my stomach.

 

You can't get rid of her because when she thinks you're mad with her or she hates you, she stalks you. It's a small campus. She also spreads rumors when she's mad. She does NOT react like a normal person. I figure it's better to be on her good side than her bad one. She has a personality disorder and I don't want to make things worse.

 

Trust me, if I could say "F you" and leave without long term consequences I could, but she is insane and will do everything she can to ruin my life as well as my 2 friends'. That is why we cannot get rid of her.

 

But she stalks me anyway! On campus, I study a lot. Only when I study, I can tell her (when she asks if she can be with me) "sure you can study with me" but it's on the 3rd floor of the lib where it's 24 hour quiet. Of course, she doesn't go and I know that.... She's always trying to "track" me to find where I am. It's freaky.

 

She has NO friends but me. Everyone, girl and guy, on campus is afraid of her and refuse to talk to her because of how she is. I don't want her rep rubbing off on me. I'm sick of listening to her. I'm sick of how she makes me feel.

 

I have TRIED non-verbal cues. They don't work.

I have TRIED to cut convos short. Won't work.

I CAN'T be direct because she's psycho.

I have TRIED the cold shoulder. Doesn't work...she's psycho.

 

She approaches me when I am alone and when I'm with others. She follows me everywhere.

 

I'm scared for next year. She found out where I will live through my wishy-washy friend. She knows I have a single in an apartment. She told me "plan for me to be there a LOT." Last year, my roommate and I both hated her so we agreed to use the "my roommate is antisocial" excuse. It worked well but now I can't use that anymore.

 

She is there for 1 more year. I can't take anymore of this crap.

 

Should I do something, or just hunker down and wait it out?

[vertigoxo]

Holy moly, do you have quite the psycho on your hands.

 

Well, if everyone indeed does hate her, then nobody would believe her rumors if you and your friends decide to flip her off and walk out of her life. She is toxic and you need to put your foot down on her, or else she'll keep running your life and make you into a depressed person. Don't let that happen!

[waveseer]

Confront her about her stalking and rumor spreading behavior. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you will report her to the police, the campus security and the dean of students. If she starts whining about being judged, agree with her!

[Fudgie]

That's the thing! My 2 friends are miserable with her as well but they don't have the gall to stand up for themselves! I have talked with them and I told them...I would put my foot down and get RID of this girl but I need your help. The 3 of us need to band together and stick with it. It's harder for her to pick on us because there's more than 1.

 

They are still scared to do it. Also, both of them are your typical "nice" people and don't want to do anything to hurt anyone. Good intentions yes, but I can't take anymore of this!

 

Crazy girl likes me better than the other 2 anyway because apparently, I give good advice and she feels "safe" with me.

 

The guilt factor is another thing. I know she really cares about me but I'm miserable!

 

(BTW, I told my boyfriend about the "picture" incident and he said "Well next time you have problems, just let me know and I'll come over and kiss you and she'll leave you alone forever! LOL)

[Fudgie]

Confront her about her stalking and rumor spreading behavior. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you will report her to the police, the campus security and the dean of students. If she starts whining about being judged, agree with her!

 

Can I do that?

 

She has not spread rumors about me, exactly. She DOES stalk me though. She often "shows up" where I am. I feel annoyed but not threatened. Can I still tell someone?

[waveseer]

Can I do that?

 

She has not spread rumors about me, exactly. She DOES stalk me though. She often "shows up" where I am. I feel annoyed but not threatened. Can I still tell someone?

 

Absolutely you can. Her behavior is overstepping quite a few boundaries. If your roommates aren't ready yet, bring your bf to the "meeting".

[vertigoxo]

Sadly, this is going to be your own battle, you and her, alone. Confront her about the stalking and if she freaks out, just say you're done with her and walk away. Ignore her. What she's gonna do, shoot you?

 

It's your life and she's being a pest. Nice my butt, you have to create boundaries with people and if they keep overstepping them, get rid of them ASAP.

 

I really don't think she can do anything to you. Honestly.

[Fudgie]

My boyfriend can testify how much this girl makes me miserable. He has not met her in person and honestly, I don't want him to because she'll insult him to his face like everyone else.

 

I wonder if I'll be taken seriously though...since this is girl/girl stalking. Sort of out of the norm, right?

[Fudgie]

Sadly, this is going to be your own battle, you and her, alone. Confront her about the stalking and if she freaks out, just say you're done with her and walk away. Ignore her. What she's gonna do, shoot you?

 

It's your life and she's being a pest. Nice my butt, you have to create boundaries with people and if they keep overstepping them, get rid of them ASAP.

 

I really don't think she can do anything to you. Honestly.

 

You're absolutely right.

 

And you were right before...everyone hates her, so would her rumors being taken seriously? I don't know.

 

I have seen her with other people she hates though (who have stood up to her and told her to f off). She still keeps "tabs" on them, STARES at them, tries to talk to their friends and turn them against them.

 

she's such a personality-disorder basket case I wish I could send her to North Korea but she's so bad, I don't even think they deserve that sort of punishment.

[vertigoxo]

My boyfriend can testify how much this girl makes me miserable. He has not met her in person and honestly, I don't want him to because she'll insult him to his face like everyone else.

 

I wonder if I'll be taken seriously though...since this is girl/girl stalking. Sort of out of the norm, right?

 

Hmm.

 

I think you should talk to the police about this matter. Girl on girl stalking does happen, I'm sure, it's not always a guy doing it to a girl.

[Fudgie]

Sadly, where I am, the police don't really have authority on campus unless something bad happens. That is up to the campus police/security guards.

 

The thing is too, she WORKS at the security place. It's also a very small campus so I would probably have to see her again anyway, but probably not as much as now because she seeks me out so much.

[vertigoxo]

You're absolutely right.

 

And you were right before...everyone hates her, so would her rumors being taken seriously? I don't know.

 

I have seen her with other people she hates though (who have stood up to her and told her to f off). She still keeps "tabs" on them, STARES at them, tries to talk to their friends and turn them against them.

 

she's such a personality-disorder basket case I wish I could send her to North Korea but she's so bad, I don't even think they deserve that sort of punishment.

 

Did she successfully ruined their lives, though?

[Fudgie]

Did she successfully ruined their lives, though?

 

I guess...not because they'll still here LOL

 

I guess I am just worried. She has managed to find out a lot about me.

[vertigoxo]

I guess...not because they'll still here LOL

 

I guess I am just worried. She has managed to find out a lot about me.

 

Wait, she has? How?

 

This is all too weird. There has to be some other police department around for you to report her in...

[Fudgie]

Wait, she has? How?

 

This is all too weird. There has to be some other police department around for you to report her in...

 

Through my 2 friends...

They met her and everything before things got really bad. this is what she knows about me:

 

1) She knows I'm with an older man. My 2 friends know this but are uncomfortable so I don't talk about him around them or bring him around. Still, she knows.

 

2) She knows my major and what I want to do with my life.

 

3) she knows a little bit of my "stories" and the sort of person that I am.

 

I know it sounds REALLY stupid but I wish that she did not know about my boyfriend. I care very much about it him but people are judgmental and I don't see it as something that I would share with the world outside of people that I know and trust. He's 38 years older. People at my college have been ostracized for dating just 10 years older. I just don't want to deal with it.

 

Normally, I'd take a more "who cares" tone but I have to live there for 2 more years so I'd rather keep my private life under wraps. None of their business anyway. I am very happy with my boyfriend and spend time with him on breaks and go to his house when college campus gets too crazy.

 

The last time I was aware of a girl dating someone so much older (I knew her, she was 18+ and he was from OUTSIDE the college scene), she got hauled into COUNSELING. A PROFESSOR referred her. I am not kidding. It makes me ill that the college thinks that these sorts of relationships require mental health services.

 

I already freaked at my friends when I found out that they told her. I guess they didn't see anything wrong because SHE ASKED. Weird. Well, they learned their lesson.

 

I am worried about her going around and smearing me if I get rid of her.

I have a rep to uphold and I don't want anything about this to be getting around to people who I want to ask for a recommendation later.

 

If only she didn't know anything about me, then I would have told her to go to hell already.

[vertigoxo]

Jesus... I'm really sorry you have to go through with that.

 

Well... Since this is a "no way out" situation, I'd try my very best to either ignore her or put up with her but only for a few minutes and then tell her you are either busy or have to go. Basically, put some emotional distance between you two...

 

Can you do that without her going American Psycho on you?

[SWEET_J]

If this was a guy...who you were trying to break up with and he acted like this..the first thing you would do is get a restraining order. Why is this any different??? You owe this person NOTHING. Block her number or change yours, block her on Facebook, and get a R.O.

 

Otherwise YOU are inviting this into your life.

[Fudgie]

Jesus... I'm really sorry you have to go through with that.

 

Well... Since this is a "no way out" situation, I'd try my very best to either ignore her or put up with her but only for a few minutes and then tell her you are either busy or have to go. Basically, put some emotional distance between you two...

 

Can you do that without her going American Psycho on you?

 

I am going to try...start making a list of "excuses".

 

I am going to let my friends know of my plan. They have been doing things without her and will include me but I'm going to let them know to tell that i'm "busy" and they haven't seen me. A lie I know, but oh well.

 

She's only here for 1 more year.

 

Luckily, I'm in an apartment this year so things are more "locked down" and private. She cannot gain access to me.

 

SWEET_J

 

You're right. I am partially to blame for this mess. I should have seen this psycho coming and nipped it in the bud but I didn't.

[Bunney]

Has anyone ever tried to sit her down and calmly talk to her about her behavior? Like in a nice and normal tone without trying to make her feel bad or something.

Sometimes people open their eyes and change once someone has told them what their flaws are and what they are doing wrong and what they can do to make people like them more.

 

Instead of 'running away' from her and rejecting her, maybe she really just needs someone who helps her. You are in a good position for that since she cares about you. Maybe tell her how her behavior is affecting people and how much happier she & all others could be if she changed her attitude. If she starts screaming try to calm her down, I'm sure that works somehow. Clearly you are not her therapist but teaching her how to be a normal person may be really helpful for your situation.

[Fudgie]

I am a very calm person and tried to talk in the nicest way about her behavior. It didn't work. I wish it did. She can't take any criticism, no matter how gently. We were talking about her bad rep and about what people thought about her. She sees nothing wrong with her actions/words and won't take anything back or have regrets. She says she's just "quirky" and people should respect that. Push anymore and I'm accused of being "judgmental" ugh.

 

This is the same girl who freaks when she asks me if I think she's beautiful and I say anything less than "the most gorgeous girl ever." Makes me sick.

 

At this point, I say anything to make her shut up and leave more quickly.

 

I'd love for her to listen to me and get help, but she can't do that because she has no desire to change. She's a happy person, actually...she just makes people miserable. She thinks very highly of herself. She won't go to therapy because they feel they "judge" her.

 

I am thinking of blocking her totally from FB, my phone, and pretending to have amnesia when she comes to me. I swear to god, I can't take this anymore. Once she leaves school though, you better believe I'll cut her out of my life and squash any attempts at contact.

 

I have no love in my heart towards her and just want her to leave me alone.

[Cheetarah]

Hi Fudgie,

 

I know I'm a bit late to this thread, but I have experienced girl-on-girl stalking. It actually all started from a freaking SUPPORT GROUP(!) of all things. She called incessantly, dropped by unnoticed. When I started to put distance between us, she tried even that much more to wedge herself in my life. 4am text rants, angry emails and letters left at my door(admitting things like she kept a 'portfolio' of our email exchanges to comfort her thru the night since I haven't been around, creepy crap). She started reaching out to those I knew and contacted my then boyfriend(with whom she had no prior existing relationship of any sorts, never met him) and tried to get him to pass on messages to me. That was pretty much the last straw.

 

When people are completely ignorant of any kind of social boundaries, what helped me was basically acting as a broken record. "It's not ok for you to do X. When you do, I'll leave/hangup/sign off." And then I had to do it. It used to infuriate her, and she'd work that much harder to push her way into my life, in any way possible. So many times I wanted to defend myself to her when she'd blow up and insult me, but I knew that is exactly what she wanted. Negative interaction is still interaction, and they will thrive on it. The key really is NOT RESPONDING. In any form, if you can help it. Not to defend yourself, not to call her out on her issues, nothing. If she can't respect that boundary(as that woman could not with me), then cutting all contact is necessary for your well-being. It's not anything to feel guilty over, either.

 

If this is something that happens to you frequently enough, then it's not just luck of the draw(or bad luck of the draw in this case). Boundaries are CRUCIAL in any relationship, even more necessary in ones of this nature. And yeah...These types will definitely get on a smear campaign. There's a couple ladies in the support group who think I'm a mean person who turned my back on her poor, victimized self. But these aren't close friends or even friends for that matter. It'll happen. The people who matter will see the situation for what it is. And if she has a rep for being a nutjob...Well...

 

Don't let the 'what ifs' stop you from living well, the way you want(free of her). You keep her at arm's length and she's going to freak out just the same, in time.

[Fudgie]

Mintiya,

 

Thank you so much for responding to my thread. Sounds like you had some really crazy, weird stuff going on with that woman. Sounds very similar to the girl I'm dealing with. You're right - no contact is key.

 

When I try to pull away, she really does push harder to come back into my life. I can't deal with it and it's impossible to set boundaries with her. You're so right - I need to keep her away.

 

Her reputation couldn't possibly get worse. I've seen her clear tables when she sits. I don't go to a "mean" college either...everyone of all types is accepted somewhere and people are pretty friendly. But everyone can't stand her. If she feels you're "judging" her (perhaps you looked at her wrong), she will stand near you and stare at you until you leave. It has happened IN A BATHROOM to 2 people I know.

(She glared at them while they brushed their teeth/did their hair)

 

Crap, I don't care if she spills the beans on my relationship. It's not like I bring my boyfriend onto campus so it's not verifiable. Her rep is so bad, no one will believe her.

 

I am prepared to REALLY distance myself.

 

I am currently at the bf's house. She's mad that I'm not calling/texting her. She has said that she wants to come up to my city to meet some random guy (that she met elsewhere) who is staying there and she wants to stay with me while she "dates" him. (apparently, he hasn't gotten the memo yet that she's NUTS). I told her no, I'm at my boyfriend's and I'm in town. She gets all mad. Ugh...

 

I am not going to take this crap anymore.

[Fudgie]

I'm REALLY sorry to resurrect this thread but something BAD happened last night with Crazy Gal last night.

 

So she pretty much shows up at my dorm. I was hard at work on crap. It turns out, one of my friends pretty much dumped her on me. Someone else answered the door so she pretty much burst into my apartment and then my room. It sucked.

 

So she sits there and annoys me the whole freaking time and just was really rude. She told me I looked fat (thanks). Then she asked me to read her essay to grad school. No one else has read it. To be honest, it was convoluted and nutty-sounding, just like her. I decided just to tell her it was perfect (for her) even though I highly doubt any logical person would follow it. She always writes like crap. She beamed and kept talking and I just ignored her.

 

She then started nagging me to go to a fast food restaurant and I told her no about 5 times because it was 11pm and I just wanted to be left the FUDGE alone. I don't eat that late. She's like "but it's EXCITING to go out." and I said "uhm yeah, not for me. I'm staying here." So she got all huffy and was like "well I'm SKINNY unlike some people so I can whenever I want." and left in a huff.

 

I can't take this crap anymore. I'm sick of my friend basically backstabbing me and dumping this basket case on me. Look, I understand my friend can't stand her either but DON'T dump her on me.

 

I'm 3 seconds from going nuts, blocking her off of FB, blocking her #s/texts and just DISAPPEARING from her life. What do you think?

[SpiritofFire]

Woah, I really would like to meet her in person. I've never met anyone that resembles her personality, but it's very interesting to me how do they think, and what goes in their head. Have you ever considered tell her in a peaceful, sarcastic, don't give a poop attitude. "Thanks for telling me, I really care." I would wonder very much what would her response would be. Aha. the only defense I would assume from her chatter attacking is to walk away and don't look back, as if you care less. Thank you very much and have a nice day type of attitude, tell someone who cares." Yeah, I think that will do the trick. o.O rather mean I know.

[Unreasonable]

She's ruining your life already! Can you not see that??

 

I knew a girl kind of like this where I work. Thankfully she got fired before I flat out had to tell her to stay the hell away from me.

 

You are going to have to be extremely firm and stern with her, and tell her if she keeps harassing you you will contact the authorities.