woman denying you of sex when they are angry

[jazzpur]

what gives?

 

im curious to hear from women who do this.... lets say you get into a fight with someone you are dating, you invite the guy over after youve made up, but you make a comment like "dont expect youre getting laid."

 

i dont know a guy in this world who would say that to a girl and mean it. so why do you females do this crap in spite, as if youre protecting yourself, denying him of a prize? is sex ever that much of a chore?

a woman whos openly admitted i was the best lover shes had, straightout said this to me after and argument...and this same issue brought a lot of friction to my previous relationship...

 

cant all women enjoy sex for what it is rather than seeing it as a prize for the guy??

[guynextdoor]

Bro its best we leave it as is after a fight. Grab a kleenex for our alone time and try at it again tomorrow.

[-Sanguine-]

Haha, I'm definitely not a girl who does that. In fact, there are times when I wish I'd have held out but I like sex too much.

 

We had a huge fight and I was still mad at him. But we did it anyway. I would never hold out on sex and it's not just a prize for him, it's one for me too.

[DN]

Well, one woman i know said that when annoyed with her husband she will "have sex with him but no kissing"!!

 

I don't think it's unreasonable not to want sex when still trying to deal with resentment. If it goes on too long or is used as punishment that is a different thing altogether.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I don't think it's unreasonable to not want to have sex when you are angered with your partner. I have to like the person that I'm enjoying sex with. I don't see it as a prize or holding it from them. It's an act that we both enjoy and both engage in. Not me giving him something. Like talking or kissing, you don't want to share that act unless you are on solid grounds.

 

My guy isn't exactly in the mood after a fight either.

[DrKitten]

Sounds pretty absurd to me. Not that I provoke fights but angry sex is one of my favorites!

[rosephase]

I love sex but if I'm angry or hurt I don't want to have sex with the person who those feelings are directed at. I don't want to have sex with someone I'm not feeling safe with. It's not because sex is some gift I'm granting to my male partner it's because I'm dealing with emotions that don't make me want to have sex.

 

But not everyone likes sex. Not everyone has the same sex drive and when one partner has a lower drive then another then yeah it can feel like a chore to have sex. Also women are taught to think of there sex as highly valuable. We are told this thru movies, books, tv shows, the fact that men pay women for sex and you don't see a lot of women paying men for sex. We are taught that having a lot of sex makes you less valuable (I'm not saying a agree with any of this but it is in our culture) women are losing value by having sex with a man while they are gaining value by having sex with us. Our culture is telling us that sex is a currency to get what we want. It's not surprising that a lot of women feel that way.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It depends what sex is to a person...if sex is strictly about being horny and getting an orgasm and has nothing to do with emotions then I can see why it would be puzzling. However, there are plenty of people who just don't want to get physically close to someone they just had a rip roaring fight with because the sex is tied in with emotions. Some people who are stressed eat a lot and some people lose their appetite. However for those people who are stressed and eat a lot, it is not so much about feeling hungry, it is more about how the brain deals with stress...it is comfort eating..typically high calorie, high fat, tasty comfort foods as opposed to healthy foods. Same with anger sex (which some people call make-up sex)...it has more to do with animal instinct and relieving tension than about the other person. Anger sex is a more self-indulgent and has little to do with the other person.

[doityourself]

Because men get over things way faster than woman.

 

I think personally sex is great after an argument.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Because men get over things way faster than woman.

I think personally sex is great after an argument.

 

Not necessarily. There are plenty of men who don't get over things so quickly. It is just that for many people any time is a good time for sex. How many couples don't get along, have a miserable relationship and yet still have regular sex together....lots of couples. For some people sex is about bonding and for others it is just entertainment and it doesn't have to be with someone you have warm fuzzy feelings for even if you are in a relationship with them.

[CatsMeeoow]

For many people there has to be an attraction present to want to have sex... an argument is a big detraction from attraction!!!! The partner is just not simply attractive after an argument... hence the lack of wanting to have sex.

 

There are people however, who hold onto issues for whatever WAY to long and try to hold their partner off for months... not a good move... its more of a control issue at that point rather than a particular feeling after a disagreement.

 

Do it for too long and the partner being held out on starts to question their attractiveness... and if that goes on long enough if someone starts to fill that void of making someone feel attractive... then it can certainly lead to an affair.

[Jd1983]

If you already made up - then make up sex is the best.

 

However, if nothing has been resolved, and you're trying to get laid, then I can understand why they won't want to get intimate. It's as if someone pissed you off, why would you feel the need to make them happy?

[Cognitive_Canine]

Even after we've made up, I don't feel comfortable being intimate with my partner for a day or two. It takes a lot for that to happen though. Maybe once or twice and he was completely in the fault.

 

If it was a mutual problem and my trust isn't hurt, then I feel comfortable with being normal.

[jazzpur]

well this relationship is still just playful... id call it a 5 night stand as of now haha. nothing too serious, just a good connection.

 

shes already coming back for my attention with a long apology after i gave her quiet treatment last night and never showed up.

 

im just going to reply back with her same game, ill tell her im coming over but she shouldnt expect to get laid. i think shell get a kick out of it.

[doityourself]

Not necessarily. There are plenty of men who don't get over things so quickly. It is just that for many people any time is a good time for sex. How many couples don't get along, have a miserable relationship and yet still have regular sex together....lots of couples. For some people sex is about bonding and for others it is just entertainment and it doesn't have to be with someone you have warm fuzzy feelings for even if you are in a relationship with them.

 

Thats true

 

When me and my H gets in an argument it always takes me longer to get over it, "hes like what your still mad"

 

as a woman I also hold grudges I wont lie, so yea maybe I have held out one or twice but I always make up for it, so that should count, right.

[Sparkly Eyes]

well this relationship is still just playful... id call it a 5 night stand as of now haha. nothing too serious, just a good connection.

 

shes already coming back for my attention with a long apology after i gave her quiet treatment last night and never showed up.

 

im just going to reply back with her same game, ill tell her im coming over but she shouldnt expect to get laid. i think shell get a kick out of it.

 

Yeah, right! I'm sure it will be VERY hard for her to get sex from you.

 

Like others said, many women don't feel comfortable having sex with someone who they just had a fight with.

[doityourself]

well this relationship is still just playful... id call it a 5 night stand as of now haha. nothing too serious, just a good connection.

 

shes already coming back for my attention with a long apology after i gave her quiet treatment last night and never showed up.

 

im just going to reply back with her same game, ill tell her im coming over but she shouldnt expect to get laid. i think shell get a kick out of it.

 

I think this would be funny, just make sure you throw it in there at the right time.

[jazzpur]

haha it worked

[doityourself]

haha it worked

 

Yea, but could you hold out, thats the test.

[jazzpur]

Yea, but could you hold out, thats the test.

 

Who me? No not a chance in hell

[Kenzie76]

For me and many women sex is an emotional thing more than an actual physical need.

 

I have to be mentally in the mood for sex otherwise, it just ain't happening...it doesn't mean I am sulking or bearing a grudge, it just means that I can't get into it in an emotional sense. The times I have wanted sex but not actually felt like it deep down have been totally unrewarding for me and my other half.

 

If though, you think she is with-holding sex as some kind of control issue its a totally different story.

 

I think many blokes see us not wanting sex as something personal to them when its actually about our mindset at that time, which can cause problems if you don't talk about it.

[In the Dark]

It all makes sense to me.

 

If I know I am in the right but having to say that I am in the wrong just to end an issue I am not really into having sex either.

 

Although sometimes make up sex does happen depending on the severity of the situation.

[Fudgie]

I have to be happy to want sex. If I'm not, then it won't happen with you.

 

It's nothing personal against the guy. I just want to let things blow over and feel better before I do it again.

Sometimes, I think it's kind of odd how some guys are ready for a romp right after a big, unresolved fight or something.

[greywolf]

Why would I want to have sex when I'm mad or hurt? I don't even like masturbating if I'm mad or hurt. I just can't get into it.

[none2good]

Women who use sex as a weapon to win their point, don't really like the sex they are getting from their partner. They secretly feel that sex is something he is doing TO them rather than FOR them. Anytime I was ever "cut off", I let it ride out until the lady decided to come around. If she didn't, I got mine, elsewhere.