bluberry Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Hi guys, i just want to get some thoughts on this. I'm 25 and just got out of a 4.5year relationship. He had the qualities i wanted but i guess i wasn't what he was looking for. AM i expecting too much to be expecting the same things while looking for another? Qualities: - Chemistry - Funny - Good looking (to me) - Athletic body - Ambitious with a bright future - Not tight about money, and cares about financial planning - Good family values - Taller than me (i am tall for an asian) - Loves the outdoors - Pushes me to push the boundaries Are these high expectations or should i be throwing expectations out the window? Would that be consdered settling? Or am i just looking for another 'him' (my ex)? Link to comment
DN Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Are you able to offer the same qualities in return? Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Rather than having a list that someone has to conform to, I think that when you meet someone you have an interest in, they will already have some of those qualities because that is what will spark your interest in the first place. Of course there might be things that you don't like about them, noone is perfect but with time, as you grow closer and if he is right for you, you will come to overlook these things and even grow to love them. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 It sounds like you are looking for his clone. Why not throw your list away and just keep an open mind. The next person you fall for may have some but not all of those qualities..and yet they may have a quality that you never thought about before that you end up finding very appealing. Link to comment
dr_styles Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Interesting point with the "clone", so what of those qualities didn't he have then? Link to comment
bluberry Posted July 3, 2010 Author Share Posted July 3, 2010 the biggest quality he lacked: he didn't love me or want to commit to me and include me into his life plans i've been going out and meeting people recently (friends of friends) and guys tell their friends "wow she's a cool chick" but that's it. i'm just that cool chick. I think i've got those qualities to offer, sure i've got flaws too but why aren't i being asked out? I also fear i am looking for a clone but he was what i was looking for? How do you throw away expectations? By just not expecting anything? Link to comment
DN Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Ever been shopping for something special that you wanted - and it had to have this feature or that? And then bought something else that maybe didn't have all the things on your original wish list but just seemed to 'fit' better? That can work with relationships too - if you exclude people who don't have everything on your list you can miss out on that person who just may 'fit better'. Link to comment
wheatgrass82 Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 bluberry..... I totally think it's fine to have an idea in your mind of what you are attracted to and it's good that you know what you need from a partner..... WE ALL DO IT... Everyone has preferences.. But at the same I defs think 'looking'for it or expecting it to happen is bad idea.. Sure you know what you like.... that's awesome..nothing wrond with that. I'm sure if you met a wonderful guy and fell madly in love with him, your heart would take over anyway. Don't stress. It's no problem to have likes and preferences. I have them too and it's never been a problem x Link to comment
cpc28655 Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Qualities: - Chemistry - Funny - Good looking (to me) - Athletic body - Ambitious with a bright future - Not tight about money, and cares about financial planning - Good family values - Taller than me (i am tall for an asian) - Loves the outdoors - Pushes me to push the boundaries Let me put it this way. Do you know anybody that likes: - No chemestry - Dull - Ugly (to them) - Fat - No future - No money - Dysfunctional family values - Agoraphobic (I left out "taller than me" and "Pushes me to push the boundaries" because some people might not like those qualities.) My point is that what you are looking for is not unusual. It sounds like his expectations are a bit high. Link to comment
Troublewithgirls Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Are you able to offer the same qualities in return? This is the correct mindset. Do you yourself have these qualities that you look for in men? All too often do we see people asking for the best of the best, only to see that they fall short of reaching their standards themselves. Btw, I also agree with cpc28655. Your expectations are pretty high (you're pretty much asking for the perfect guy and there aren't too many of those around). Link to comment
cpc28655 Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 This is the correct mindset. Do you yourself have these qualities that you look for in men? All too often do we see people asking for the best of the best, only to see that they fall short of reaching their standards themselves. Btw, I also agree with cpc28655. Your expectations are pretty high (you're pretty much asking for the perfect guy and there aren't too many of those around). I said his expectation are too high. Her's arent that unusual. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 It's a shallow list, but you can find someone who meets all of that. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted July 3, 2010 Share Posted July 3, 2010 Are these high expectations or should i be throwing expectations out the window? Would that be consdered settling? Or am i just looking for another 'him' (my ex)? When you meet someone who will make you go crazy feelings-wise you will forget about this list. 99% of women I know when in love don't care much about logic - only feelings rulez. Let me put it this way. Do you know anybody that likes: - No chemestry - Dull - Ugly (to them) - Fat - No future - No money - Dysfunctional family values - Agoraphobic My neighbor married such guy 2 years ago. He is also drunk every day and beats her but she is soooooo in love. Go figure Link to comment
cpc28655 Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 When you meet someone who will make you go crazy feelings-wise you will forget about this list. 99% of women I know when in love don't care much about logic - only feelings rulez. My neighbor married such guy 2 years ago. He is also drunk every day and beats her but she is soooooo in love. Go figure This goes without saying, buy that is by no means normal. My point was that most people generally look for somebody on that list. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted July 4, 2010 Share Posted July 4, 2010 This goes without saying, buy that is by no means normal. My point was that most people generally look for somebody on that list. I have to disagree. For me, the only things I that list I would even care about would be chemistry and sense of humor. Honesty and kindness would weigh in far more for me than "an athetic body" or "tall" , etc. Even family values is iffy, because we all have different ideas of what that means, exactly. Link to comment
cpc28655 Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 I don't think this is an issue of standards. I think this is simply an issue of compromise. In other words, there is nothing wrong with what she wants, but having a "all or nothing" attitude is going to leave her with nothing. Link to comment
Puddincup Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 It sounds like you are looking for his clone. Why not throw your list away and just keep an open mind. The next person you fall for may have some but not all of those qualities..and yet they may have a quality that you never thought about before that you end up finding very appealing. This is very true and good advice. Link to comment
Puddincup Posted July 9, 2010 Share Posted July 9, 2010 If you just broke up with him, it will take some time for you to believe that you could be attracted to someone different than him. After a breakup, the ex can seem like the perfect guy (or girl) and it seems impossible to find anyone who can compare. But we all eventually do. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.