bluberry

what the **** was wrong with you when you sent me that email. was it because that new chick you are dating left you alone for 5 mins. i know you are doing ok. you don't need to rub it in my face you ass. that was just mean and cruel. I know the 4 years meant nothing to you since its not even 2 months but that doesn't mean it didn't mean nothing to me. and who gave you the right to feel pity for me. You know i'm hurting and yet you sent that cruel email and this stupid clause to drive in the fact you don't want me. so what are you feeling huh. lonely? go find that chick you are now seeing. guilty? you should be. needing an ego boost? go screw yourself. when you walked out of my life you gave up your right to be part of it and i let you. so just let this burn. you wanted freedom and now you got it. so go use that freedom and stay out of my life.

i hate you. **** you for getting together with that chick you cheated with. i hope she breaks your heart.

Ok! I'm starting the challenge. I broke it yesterday because i was stupid and stupid and stupid. DAY 1 - i feel like i'm back where is started 3weeks ago. Why am i doing this to myself? Only i can control my actions and how i feel.

dear i miss you so much today. my ibs came back and i remembered how comforting it was when you were there to hold me. i know this relationship is over because you left and never looked back. you didn't even have the decency to inform our mutual friends. maybe you assumed i'd alrady told them. whatever the case i hate that you never looked back. how could you just leave like that. i've given up trying to understand the situation and just accept it. but i still can't stop missing you. i miss calling you at random times of the day to see what's up. i miss talking to you about my day at the end of it. i miss falling asleep with you. but i know this relationship's death was partially my fault. i knew you were pulling away and i clung on harder. i became the shell of the person i was and i took it out on you. i lost myself. But you had your part to play too. I thought you could see through my 'shell' after all those years and past my comments and moodiness. But you just stopped looking at the positive and just the ngative. I know what i say sometimes comes off as mean and insensitive and i agree they are but i thougth you could see past that. Yes i tease you about ytou receeding hairline but i don't actually care about that! You say i always withheld the love and it made it seemed like you were always forcing me. But did you forget it was just the circumstance? You did the same when we were at your parents house. But you didn't think that far. You just concentrated on the negative. i wish i can say i want us to be friends but i can't yes i miss you and our friendship but i dont think i can or want to see you happier without me in your life. i dont want to see you dating other people. i know i will date other people too and get married to an awesome somebody one day and the fact you can stomach that makes me even sadder. i know it just boils down to incompatibility and the long distance but the love makes it so hard to just pull away. How can love not be enough? But it wasn't and taht's hard to swallow. Because i love you. but you just don't love me back the way i wish you would. You once said as long as the good outwights the bad, we'd be alright. When did that ever stop? you were everything i wanted and not everything i needed. so why is it so hard for me to to just let you go? i know you are happier now, i'm just sad i'm not there with you. you know, i go through so many emotions a day. resignation, anger, happiness. but at least i'm no longer crying. Did you even feel anything other than guilt? I wish i knew what you were thinking but i dont think that would do me any good. If anything it'd just cause me more harm to know how i no longer live in your mind. well, you are my karma, and one day you are going to meet your karma too but i hope you never feel the way i do. i really do wish you all the best in whatever you do and i really hope you find the happiness you are looking for. I'm just sorry i'm not the one there with you.

why did you have to drink dial me last night. i was having a great day and your stupid missed calls had to ruin it all when is saw them this morning you selfish pig. i hate you so much because i miss you and you are just stringing me on. i hate you gave me false hope. i hate myself for feeling hopeful. i hate you have that power over me.