Uncomfortable conversations

[g84]

A friend of mine wants to do things. I have made it pretty clear that it would not feel right for me (for a couple of reasons). One of the reasons is that i don't want to experience these things with someone that i don't have real feelings for (in that way). I don't want to do this with my friend.

 

I have explained why i feel this way, many times. I've been very specific about all my motives. He said he understood them in a way.

But it keeps coming up in conversations (from his end), and it seems that he thinks i might reconsider.

I am not very blunt about it, but i always make it pretty clear that i'm not going to change my mind. Since he's my friend, this is starting to make me a bit more uncomfortable when we talk.

I don't think he truly means to make me feel that way, but it worries me a bit.

It started off with him being more subtle, but now he says that he would like to try specific things with me. He goes into details.

I have already expressed that it wouldn't feel right to me. I'm not sure what else i should say in this situation.

(I meant to write this with more detail, but for reasons related to privacy i wanted to keep it a bit more general).

thank you

[DrKitten]

You need to firmly and directly tell him to stop bringing these things up. If he does not respect your wishes, maybe it's time to find a new friend.

[agent1607307371]

You need to tell him to back of now because he's making you uncomfortable.

 

And then really think about him being your friend.

[RedDress]

When he starts telling you this stuff you need to get up and walk away. Or hang up the phone. Or go offline. Just say "I'm not having this conversation with you. You know where I stand"

 

One of two things will happen. Either:

a) He will stop because he values your friendship and your boundaries or

b) He will slowly stop talking to you because he's NOT your friend and doesn't give a hoot about your boundaries because he just wants in your pants.

 

Easy peasy. The decision to continue the friendship is not yours. It's his. Let him make it.

[g84]

thanks for your replies

 

I guess i am worried about telling him directly to stop bringing it up; i was hoping that he would just stop on his own after i told him many times that it wouldn't feel right for me.

I think i always hold back a bit because i don't want to say the wrong thing. But I thought that after all that i said, he would get the message.

[waveseer]

In my experience once that line is crossed the man will be incapable of uncrossing it. No matter how he behaves from this point on, it will be an undercurrent in all of your interactions. Sorry, but from my point of view you have already lost your friend.

[MD Geist]

Drkitten probably has given you the best advice so far.

 

I sort of dealt with a simular issue back in 2008 and sadly I had to shot her down. I wish I could have done something else differently but she kept on making physical advances towards me and she wasn't at the legal age or my type and it got the point I just had to bring out my most honest feelings towards this girl.

 

It hurt her but sometimes thats what it needs to be done to get your point accross.

[greywolf]

OP, I have a guy friend that can get like that with me sometimes. Sometimes you just have to be blunt, and let him know that it bothers you when he asks.

[In the Dark]

When t comes up again, just say

"Hey are you still hinting you are wanting to get into my pants?"

"I tell you it's not going to happen okay?"

"So....if anyone is going to do the asking it's me."