Most helpful/inspirational things said to you after a break-up

[browneyedgirl36]

I just posted on the thread about what NOT to say after a break-up, and I thought it might be helpful/fun/uplifting to post some of the best, most helpful, most healing and inspirational things ever said to you after a break-up. So...this question is two-fold: 1) Who said it? and 2) What did they say? You might also post how it helped you.

 

I will start. The best thing ever said to me after a break-up was from a dear friend of mine who knows my long and painful history with my last ex. She has seen me weep over him more times than I can count. Not too long ago, we were chatting online, and she sent me a link to the Bible passage (I am not a biblical scholar, so I don't remember which one it is) that talks about how "love is patient and kind," "love is not boastful," "it does not insist on its own way," etc. Then, she said to me, "This is NOT the kind of love your ex and his previous ex have" (I was lamenting the fact that he couldn't let go of his very toxic relationship with his previous ex). Then, she said, very plainly, "He cannot handle the type of love you are able to give." She wasn't saying it to make me feel better -- she was saying it because she believed it to be true. She didn't cut him down or call him names or tell me how terrible he was for me. She just stated, clearly and succinctly, that the kind of "love" he is used to -- that he has become addicted to -- is of a very different character than the type that I give. It really helped me to get a firmer grasp on the situation and start to move forward in healing.

 

So, others...now it's your turn to share!

[Cognitive_Canine]

"Maybe this heartbreak will really teach you something. Maybe you'll really learn something. Something that you needed to know for your next relationship".

 

My best friend said this to me a long, long time ago. She still spouts such wisdom in present time.

[jimmajam]

The best advice I received went something like this...

 

You really need to just let go, it may be forever, but more than likely it will not be forever because if you truly believe you had a special connection you can't stay away forever. You will more than likely reconnect in some capacity down the line whether it be a hello, friends or try dating again. For now take comfort in that you did make an effort to work things out. You did make an effort to talk. You did make an effort to let her know how you felt and what you wanted. She didn't want that and now you just have to accept it until one of you change and meet on common ground - if that ever happens. You've done all that you can do, now it's time to leave it in god's hands.

[jenna-is-here]

I have a friend that always says to me when I tell her I am sad after a breakup:

 

"Take all the time you need, feel the sad, cry get it out, dont be so hard on yourself"

 

Just hearing that it is okay to cry and be sad is such a relief

 

Also, I have been told, even though it is not for right now and I eventually have to let it go, I never have to give up hope that someday we may be together again (even if it is like in 20 years). For some reason, that gives me a peace of mind. Not false hope but just you NEVER know.

[Carus]

"At least you're still going to work".......said to me by a good friend who knows how bad it can get....*

 

It helped me to realise that even though I live each day in blinding pain, I'm not dead in the water yet.....

 

 

[Dagmar]

I don't know where I heard these but I can think of two very helpful messages...

 

"People are like trees... Some people take root, grow and stay around your whole life. Some are like branches; they bend and then break off. Some are like leaves; here today and gone with the first wind".

 

"People are like furniture... He was like a beautiful oak dining table, hard and strong. She was like a set of gorgeous maple chairs, soft and accomodating . Both were fine, just not a matching set".

[anu1560]

 

"He cannot handle the type of love you are able to give."

 

 

My friends were just there and listened and never said anything inspirational. But I love them. I could get over my first ex because of them. But I loved what your friend told you. I was always accused by my ex that I am too passionate and I loved him too much. And your friends words make me feel so calm. Probably he was not able to handle it. But I am now hopeful someone will be able to handle the kind of love I have to offer. Someone will be able to appreciate my kind of love. Your friend is awesome.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I don't know where I heard these but I can think of two very helpful messages...

 

"People are like trees... Some people take root, grow and stay around your whole life. Some are like branches; they bend and then break off. Some are like leaves; here today and gone with the first wind".

 

"People are like furniture... He was like a beautiful oak dining table, hard and strong. She was like a set of gorgeous maple chairs, soft and accomodating . Both were fine, just not a matching set".

 

I like that quite a lot. It goes along with "he couldn't handle your kind of love". I do believe there is quite a variety. Variety of mentalities about sex, romance, parenting, affection....it all matters.

[WomanWriter]

Take things step by step and don't make any major decisions."

[browneyedgirl36]

Some of my friends just listened too, which was very helpful.

 

There are people out there who ARE able to handle the love we can give. The trick is finding them, but they ARE out there.

 

You're right -- my friend is awesome. We became friends sort of "by accident" -- she's actually a lot younger than I, and the only friend of mine significantly younger, but we just really clicked. Now, I can't imagine my life without her!

[CatsMeeoow]

A dear friend said to me "you'll let it go when you are good and ready"....

 

True enough... we all get to a place whether NC or otherwise where we are just ready to shed the pain and sadness in search of something better... of course some of us do it rather quickly and others of us hang around a lot longer!

[browneyedgirl36]

I like that quite a lot. It goes along with "he couldn't handle your kind of love". I do believe there is quite a variety. Variety of mentalities about sex, romance, parenting, affection....it all matters.

 

Yep. No matter how much we might love a person, sometimes, it just isn't a "matching set." That can be hard to admit to ourselves, but it can be a relief, too.

 

I like the furniture analogy also -- the idea that there is nothing wrong with either person, but that they just aren't suited to one another, ultimately, and that there's something else out there that will better complete the "set."

[browneyedgirl36]

A dear friend said to me "you'll let it go when you are good and ready"....

 

True enough... we all get to a place whether NC or otherwise where we are just ready to shed the pain and sadness in search of something better... of course some of us do it rather quickly and others of us hang around a lot longer!

 

Yes. My friends have been infinitely patient. Not ONE of them has said, "Good Lord! Move on already, will ya????" They know thatt I will, eventually, in my own time. It has taken me a LONG time to even get to the point where I am now, and they have all very kindly and compassionately stood by me throughout.

[anu1560]

I love this thread.

[shes2smart]

He wrote me a blow-off/"Dear John" letter. She looked at it and said, "You know, he's doing you a favor....seeing as how this (waving letter) is the kind of person he is."

 

Trite, cliched, and I didn't see how it was supposed to help.

 

Fast forward 3 years. He and I cross paths. He is now married to someone who started working where I was working. Oddly enough, I end up being friends with his wife. She catches him cheating, divorces him, and I hear about that and his drinking and his prescription drug problem, his spending/debting problem, and his laziness, and a lot of other things.

 

And I realized my letter-waving friend from 3 years earlier was right. He did do me a favor, and I dodged a bullet on that one.

[Cognitive_Canine]

He wrote me a blow-off/"Dear John" letter. She looked at it and said, "You know, he's doing you a favor....seeing as how this (waving letter) is the kind of person he is."

 

Trite, cliched, and I didn't see how it was supposed to help.

 

Fast forward 3 years. He and I cross paths. He is now married to someone who started working where I was working. Oddly enough, I end up being friends with his wife. She catches him cheating, divorces him, and I hear about that and his drinking and his prescription drug problem, his spending/debting problem, and his laziness, and a lot of other things.

 

And I realized my letter-waving friend from 3 years earlier was right. He did do me a favor, and I dodged a bullet on that one.

 

I said that to one of my friends when she thought about getting back together with an ex. As soon as they broke up, a light switched. He was nasty, petty, and overly dramatic. And he was the one that broke up with her.

 

When he decided he wanted her back, he changed back to his "sweet, thoughtful self".

 

I had to grab her by the edges and shake her until she realized that the mean side of him didn't just not matter now that he was sweet again.

 

In a way, I'm sort of happy that I've broken up and gotten back together with my boyfriend. I've seen him at his worst and he was still extremely considerate and kind to me, even when he was breaking up with me. You don't really know someone until you divorce them (or, on a lesser level, break up with them).

[digger11]

"Why would you love someone who does not love you back? You give so much and get nothing in return. Don't you think you deserve that too?"

[Catdancer]

My best advice was "put your clothes on and leave...we're done".

 

Now THAT woke me up and made me realize that I was dating narcasistic losers who were prettier than me. Nothing like a slap in the face to snap you out of it.

 

It's probably not the type of post OP is looking for, but it's the first thing that popped into my mind when I read the thread.

[Live-N-Learn]

Best advice I ever got was go NC. Second best was to if someone can walk out of your life they were not right for you, someone who loves you would not do that.

[loulou37]

i think this is a little different but when my ex split with me i was at his for vacation, he was preparing some food, asked me if id like something to eat...i said "no, i cant even eat nothing" he said "sorry i forgot your in mourning!!! was he taking the piss or what!!

[FarthestEdge]

I clipped this out of an Ann Landers column when I was a teenager. Carried it in my wallet for years..I still love this piece...

 

"Comes the Dawn"

 

After awhile you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes open,

With the grace of a woman

Not the grief of a child

And learn to build all your roads

On today because tomorrow's ground

Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have

A way of falling down in mid-flight.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine

Burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate

Your own soul, instead of waiting

For someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

that you really are strong

And you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn.. .

With every goodbye you learn.

[Brigadoon]

That was so beautiful that I just copied and pasted it into my facebook notes

[DrKitten]

"Break ups are one of the best things that can happen to you because it means you didn't marry the wrong person."

[quirky]

My best friend just told me "you will get through this"

 

I felt reassured because at that point I just felt dead so I thought "hey, my friend must know something so I'll believe him" lol

 

Also finding NC out. Never heard the concept of that before.

[surfNski]

I have had a couple people tell me some inspirational things, "soldier on" , "the best revenge is living good", and " I am never down, I am either up, or getting up"