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Anybody else find they're happier when they're single?

benb

By benb
in Relationship Advice

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benb Newbie

benb

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I'm going through a touch separation and likely divorce. I've done a lot of thinking lately. It occurs to me that I was always happiest right BEFORE I got a girlfriend. My wife's been gone from the house for a few weeks and already I feel much happier and more relaxed.

 

Anyone else in the same boat? I think I should just stay single unless someone totally bowls me over backward.

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PrincessBOT Collaborator

PrincessBOT

Posted
Posted
I'm going through a touch separation and likely divorce. I've done a lot of thinking lately. It occurs to me that I was always happiest right BEFORE I got a girlfriend. My wife's been gone from the house for a few weeks and already I feel much happier and more relaxed.

 

Anyone else in the same boat? I think I should just stay single unless someone totally bowls me over backward.

 

I was happy being single and dating before I met my last ex. About 10 months before I was introduced to my ex, I'd gone through a final break up with an on again off again ex. I was just doing me, taking classes, dating a few people and spending time with friends and family. However, it seemed like my last ex drained that happiness then once every ounce was gone he left and I have not been as happy as I was before I met him and that has been 3 years ago. Also the good times we had for 1.5 years we were together were not good enough to make it worth the 3 years its taken me to get over the relationship so that he is the first ex that I wish I'd never met. With my other two exes I felt like I at least got life lessons, but the last one was just a complete waste and the source of my being unable to get back to that level of happiness. But that has changed due to recent events and I plan to get back to that level.

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sophie274 Mentor

sophie274

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I've never been divorced (or married), but I hear it's very common for there to be a honeymoon period post-separation where you feel a big relief, because at least the fighting and tension and arguments that led up to the separation are over. (I don't mean to imply the separation wasn't the right decision.)

 

Honestly though, no, I'm not happier when I'm single. I'm able to be perfectly happy, but I love the companionship that comes from being in a (good) relationship, and I find it easier and more enjoyable to go through life with a partner in crime. A relationship doesn't make my happiness, but it certainly adds to it. I'd say a long, happy marriage is one of my deepest desires and highest life goals.

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DN Grand Master

DN

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Good question. When I figure that out, maybe I'll have figured out life. Perhaps it's that I thought I was in love but I really wasn't.

In that case, since you can make a mistake like that about one emotion perhaps you can make a mistake about another, and think you are happier when out of a relationship but really you are not.

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Thx Rookie

Thx

Posted
Posted
I'm going through a touch separation and likely divorce. I've done a lot of thinking lately. It occurs to me that I was always happiest right BEFORE I got a girlfriend. My wife's been gone from the house for a few weeks and already I feel much happier and more relaxed.

 

Anyone else in the same boat? I think I should just stay single unless someone totally bowls me over backward.

 

Um, here's something that might relate...

 

I was definitely happier to be on my own than with roomates.

 

I think it is that sense of "closure" that gives you a feeling of exilleration, freedom?

 

Getting free of my last relationship was like a weight off my chest, but I really don't count that as she was such a pain feeling good after getting rid of her goes without saying.

 

Hey man... the end of something that failed...

 

Can't start anew until you shake the past.

 

Take what you might have learned from your last relationship and use that to make the next one work.

 

(But go have a couple beers with the blokes first. )

 

Thx

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Speranza Newbie

Speranza

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I'm far happier alone than in an unhealthy, imbalanced relationship. I am also far happier in a healthy, balanced relationship than alone. That's why it's still worth the risk to try having relationships.

 

I agree. Right now (single for a long time) I am sure I have totally forgotten just how good it feels to be in a good relationship.

 

I hope to find out again soon!

 

I do think it's a good thing to be able to be happy alone, cos you simply can't know what life will bring. It is so easy to think you can't be a whole person alone, and then you project unrealistic expectations onto the other person which eventually kill the relationship dead. Someone wrote on here, "If only I could be with him, I would be happy..." To me, that is a denial of responsibility for one's own happiness. And an enormous pressure on someone else to make things good for you.

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Hermes Collaborator

Hermes

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Great, Speranza!

I do think it's a good thing to be able to be happy alone, cos you simply can't know what life will bring. It is so easy to think you can't be a whole person alone, and then you project unrealistic expectations onto the other person which eventually kill the relationship dead. Someone wrote on here, "If only I could be with him, I would be happy..." To me, that is a denial of responsibility for one's own happiness. And an enormous pressure on someone else to make things good for you.

 

H

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