How can I stop attracting weird creepy men?

[Sparkly Eyes]

And unattractive = creepy...way to stereotype. This is why us unattractive guys don't hit on women, because we don't want to be seen as creepy.

 

It's not all about the level of attractiveness, but it plays an important rule in how your actions are perceived.

 

 

Maybe he has social anxiety?

 

I know that, personally, I get so nervous around attractive girls that I don't make eye contact. However, I'll be holding a crush on said girl (that never turns into anything, because I never talk to her.)

 

Women don't understand the hell that us shy guys have to go through. We have sweaty palms, we get panic attacks, and we physically shake and tremble at the idea of talking to that pretty girl we're crushing on. And then, we go through hell, because we were too shy to ask her out, and so some other guy (who's NOT shy) asks her out, and we have to watch them kiss and hold hands and basically stamp all over our hearts. And then we have to get over our crush, move on...at least until we see another pretty girl, and then the cycle repeats.

 

](*,)

 

I used to get like that when I was younger and I was very shy too. So I know how you feel. I'm still pretty shy around guys I like and don't make any eye contact.

[LightbulbSun]

It's not all about the level of attractiveness, but it plays an important rule in how your actions are perceived.

 

So what hope does an average looking, shy guy have? If I'm going to be perceived as 'creepy' just for talking to a girl, is there any point in trying to talk to her?

 

 

I used to get like that when I was younger and I was very shy too. So I know how you feel. I'm still pretty shy around guys I like and don't make any eye contact.

 

Yes, anxiety issues are not gender limited. I'm not saying that girls don't face issues if they're shy, but they're different issues, since guys are expected to initiate.

[Sparkly Eyes]

So what hope does an average looking, shy guy have? If I'm going to be perceived as 'creepy' just for talking to a girl, is there any point in trying to talk to her?

 

Like I said it's not ALL about attractiveness and average looking is still very good! Just don't be too persistent I guess, don't stare, smile in a friendly manner and if you talk to a girl and get the feeling that she is not interested, stop talking to her.

 

I once had a guy who was pretty much my physical ideal asking me if he can take me to the bar I told him I was going to and I found it creepy. And once an obese guy who I wasn't attracted to at all said hi to me when I was at lunch and sat on my table and I found him nice and friendly. There are many factors that come into play.

 

Yes, anxiety issues are not gender limited. I'm not saying that girls don't face issues if they're shy, but they're different issues, since guys are expected to initiate.

 

Well, sometimes we have to initiate too. Guys don't just fall into our laps all the time,lol.

[galaxy71]

So what hope does an average looking, shy guy have? If I'm going to be perceived as 'creepy' just for talking to a girl, is there any point in trying to talk to her?

 

The average, shy guy should embrace his creepiness. You can't please everybody out there. A confident guy might approach ten women. 6 of the women he approaches are lukewarm about him. 2 of the women think he is weird and creepy. The other 2 women think that he is charming and aggressive. No matter how charming or attractive a guy, there will always be a few women who can't stand the guy. Creepiness is pretty subjective. One woman might find one guy to be creepy. Another woman might find that same guy to be charming and eccentric.

 

Besides, I think that creepiness has more to do with looks than whether a guy's behavior is threatening and dangerous. If a guy isn't Mr. Perfect, he is stigmatized as being "creepy". I find the term so overused.

 

I think men and women have different agendas when it comes to dating. Men need to play the numbers game. Since he cannot avoid rejection, he has to accept the fact that that he to go through a lot of rejections to get a date. Women have the different agenda of choosing that right guy among all the guys that chase her. Being socially savvy increases the value of the guy who could obtain resources from other people.

[LightbulbSun]

I agree with galaxy. Men and women face different issues when it comes to dating. Shyness is attractive in women and is a turnoff in men.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I agree with galaxy. Men and women face different issues when it comes to dating. Shyness is attractive in women and is a turnoff in men.

 

I actually sometimes wish that I was a guy. I very rarely like men that like me/hit on me. At least if I were a guy, I would have to get over myself and ask the girls I like out. But now if I like a guy, I just don't do anything about it and it sucks.

[LightbulbSun]

I actually sometimes wish that I was a guy. I very rarely like men that like me/hit on me. At least if I was a guy I would have to get over myself and ask the girls I like out. But now if I like a guy, I just don't do anything about it and it sucks.

 

Yes, but as a girl, you don't face rejection. Unless you ask out guys yourself.

 

Girls get to pick and choose out of the men that hit on her. Guys get to face rejection and little self blows to their esteem. They also can't show weakness, because it isn't 'manly.'

 

Like I said, men and women face different social issues when it comes to dating.

[GoneCrazy]

Hmm who knew good looks come with a burden. What you wear can really get you looks good and bad. I know come summer time there is nothing better then wearing the least amount of clothing letting the fresh air hit your skin, but if your a very attractive looking person and it sounds like you are supermodel, then you'll get the creeps.

 

My advice is try to cover up, if your in a public place go upt to someone and say "hey there is a guy fallowing me and i feel very uncomfotable, mind if i chat with you for abit" or looking for a security guard, if better a police officer. If your in a public place go up to him and yell out "stop stalking me" that will get the lookins of everyone else there looking at that guy.

[dragon lady]

Glucoze, I have the same problem you have. I'm approached by strange men on a regular basis and it bothers me a lot. I actually made a similar thread to this a few months ago. Although I'm not model material by any means The general consensus was that I'm too timid and nice. If someone tries to start a conversation with me I used to be polite and talk back (not in a flirty manner, mind you). Other girls will just ignore the creeps or be rude to them. I've started doing this and it works. It doesn't stop the complete crazies, but it does make the semi- crazies back off.

 

Another thing that seems to help is actually dressing better. I used to dress very casually in an attempt to detract any attention. All it did was make me appear more approachable. Now I dress a little better and it has helped a lot. People jumped on me in the thread I made and assumed I was dressing provocatively. This was not the case at all. Unfortunately I have to wear a uniform at work, so I can't control any unwanted attention through what I wear there and that's where most of it happens.

 

When it comes to what kinds of guys constitute creepy, I do think that many women go a bit overboard. My creeps are not just unattractive. It's their actions that give them the label.

[msDazed_N_Confused]

I am sorry to say this, but most of these guys aren't really interested in you in the first place. They get a kick out of scoring numbers and brag to their friends. About 80% will never phone you. My friends kid brother (well he is 25) and his friends do it all the time, they just approach girls for fun. To wind them up and get a reaction. They pick on 2 types of women, the type that are going to be awkward about it and the types they thing are going to be a challenge. They aren't following girls around though.

 

I had a scary experience with a guy a few weeks ago, so that made me talk to my friend.

Solution, next time they approach you,tell them you are not interested and already in a relationship. Make it sound decisive and not hesitant. They are less likely to approach secure confident women anyway.

[ay0_x]

Eeek! I got a creep like this. Followed me from the train to college twice. Asked for my number. The next time I saw him at the station, I also happened to see one of my big guy friends. Ran up to him and hugged him and was like JUST HUG ME BACK ILL EXPLAIN LATER.

 

He stopped following me ahah!

 

I don't think appearance has anything to do with it. The first time he saw me I was dressed cute-ly, but the second time he followed me I had punky hair, a wife beater, commando's and big black boots. So I don't think looking scary helps either =[

 

Just surround yourself with people I guess! And do your very very best to avoid ever having eye contact with guys youre not attracted to. Just incase lol

[glucoze]

Everyone says "it's the way you dress" it's really not. Because I've left my home wearing really sloppy clothes. I've looked sloppy and lazy. That still didn't stop men from being very weird around me. Remember that security guard? He was staring. I know it's your job and whatnot but he took it to a whole new level. I know for a fact he wasn't hiding behind a damn aisle of books just "looking" to see if there was any unusual criminal activity going on. He was staring at me. Everytime I am at the library on a weekend he does that strand behavior more than 5 times, until I leave. I even CAUGHT him staring and he walked away when I did. Because I'm so sure that my notebook carries secrets of mass destruction!!! Right.

 

It's their actions. I know when I am being followed. I don't like being followed that's such a turn off. Even if he wa hot.. It just gives me the creeps.. And I automaticaly feel very uncomfortable. Then the fact of the matter is you stalk my life. You try to harass my friend? Like come on. That is not cool lol!

 

I do take pride in what I wear and how I look. But again I shot down "maybe you dress like a * * * * ". Because again I have left the house sometimes when I was lazy in sweat pants and bed hair and I still get men chasing me.

 

I'd rather have them stare then come onto me. Don't ask me what im doing where I'm from where I work what I so. Buddy, go away.

[glucoze]

Eeek! I got a creep like this. Followed me from the train to college twice. Asked for my number. The next time I saw him at the station, I also happened to see one of my big guy friends. Ran up to him and hugged him and was like JUST HUG ME BACK ILL EXPLAIN LATER.

 

He stopped following me ahah!

 

I don't think appearance has anything to do with it. The first time he saw me I was dressed cute-ly, but the second time he followed me I had punky hair, a wife beater, commando's and big black boots. So I don't think looking scary helps either =[

 

Just surround yourself with people I guess! And do your very very best to avoid ever having eye contact with guys youre not attracted to. Just incase lol

 

Oh my god. Isn't it frightening?!??

 

And msdazedandconfused lol I tell guys that creep on me all the time "Haha I have a boyfriend sorry" and I look the other way and mind my own business. That still doesn't stop them. They continue to harass me.

Like I used to work at this retail store, and I had to complain to my manager that I couldn't work on the floor for awhile that I had to work in the stock room because guys would come up and see me and my other co-worker and they'd constantly bother me while I am working. "hey cutie, how does this look? So.... Can I get your number?" stuff like that. It really made me angry. What do I look like to you? Like some sex toy?

What's worse is some of these men had CHILDREN TOO!!!!

 

Now I try my best to avoid sidewalks - I know that's stupid - in heavy traffic because that's mostly when I get guys turning around their heads while driving whistling at me or shouting things out or honking.

It's disturbing. I hear my friends complain that they want that attention. I think they are crazy because it's not something to WANT. it's really not.

[dragon lady]

It sounds like it's purely a case of you being very attractive. There's not much you can do unless you want to make drastic changes to your appearance. You can't change the way other people respond to you but you can work on not letting it bother you as much. Just remind yourself that one day you won't be getting much attention at all, so enjoy your looks while they last.

[msDazed_N_Confused]

I didn't get that you literally had men troughout the entire spectrum being creepy to you.

Cause i was just talking about those 20-something playerdudes.

If you are turning heads you must be either really pretty or very trampy and from your other posts i gather it's the first.

That also kinda makes me understand better why your crush from the other threads is having a hard time approaching you, you probably scare the hell out of him.

[ay0_x]

I don't think trampy girls get approached as much as casual, girl next door types, just putting this in. Around 80% of my friends are guys and I watch their err.. courting habits. They will stare at the trampy girls, but they will be like "ay0_x, that girl in the blue tee and black jeans cute. Be my wingman?". Just adding this in.

 

Appearance again has nothing to do with it. I think the actual thing is 'aura'.

[glucoze]

Aura? Of what..

I dont dress skanky at all. haha

[glucoze]

I didn't get that you literally had men troughout the entire spectrum being creepy to you.

Cause i was just talking about those 20-something playerdudes.

If you are turning heads you must be either really pretty or very trampy and from your other posts i gather it's the first.

That also kinda makes me understand better why your crush from the other threads is having a hard time approaching you, you probably scare the hell out of him.

 

About him.. I try to look more approachable. Maybe i just don't talk to him enough and he thinks i'm playing games with him. Maybe he thinks "there's no way she actually likes me' I have to prove him wrong. Im still waiting i'll see him today and ill ask him how he is and why hes been acting weird with me.

[chelsea13]

 

Girls get to pick and choose out of the men that hit on her. Guys get to face rejection and little self blows to their esteem. They also can't show weakness, because it isn't 'manly.'

 

Well consider those that don't get hit on at all, like me, I don't even have a choice

[chelsea13]

Hey OP, sorry about your experiences.. I never knew that good looks can come with such burden... have you tried wearing sunglasses and a hat so that they won't be able to see your face? I know that can only happen in outdoors though... cos you wouldn't exactly be wearing sunglasses in the library, lol.

 

But on an interesting note: is it just me or do you guys think that there seems to be quite an abundance of attractive women on ENA??

[glucoze]

Hey OP, sorry about your experiences.. I never knew that good looks can come with such burden... have you tried wearing sunglasses and a hat so that they won't be able to see your face? I know that can only happen in outdoors though... cos you wouldn't exactly be wearing sunglasses in the library, lol.

 

But on an interesting note: is it just me or do you guys think that there seems to be quite an abundance of attractive women on ENA??

 

 

I wear sunglasses now. I love it. That's how I can see when the guys are really staring at me. For example yesterday. I wasn't uncomfortable. I was flattered. He was shy and cute and I found it adorable. He could barely sit still. If I see him I'll go up and say hello.

See I'd rather him to be shy and quiet and staring then have him loud and annoying with cheesy pick up lines. Seriously you don't even know me? The first thing you can ask is what's my number? Not even a hello or how are you doing?

 

 

[NightLily]

That is the million dollar question. If you think these situations were bad I attract REAL creepers. The types the physically threaten you and will stalk for years.

 

In my case I think it is because I treat people equally and I hate to say it but I am starting to think it might be best to stay away from some guys. Like, not talk to them

That seems to be all it takes to invite them to became massively obsessed. One guy stalked me for *six* years.

 

I have no clue what you look like so if you are sending off the easy target, showing too much skin, or just really pretty vibe. If it is the easy target thing I would say walk with confidence and purpose and for all the others dress slightly more conservatively if you don't want that attention.

[glucoze]

Wow. Stalking for six years..

Incredibly terrifying.

Did you talk to the police?

[NightLily]

I was young when this all started and stupid. I thought I could handle it on my own and tried everything to get him to stop. The harder I pushed away though the harder he held on. It got pretty bad but I was about to move accross the country so instead of risking him being kicked out of school and ruining his life I thought I should just deal with it.

 

Looking back, I should have come down on him hard. He continued to stalk me via the internet and still sends messages sometimes when he will convince people to send me these emails through them. I did threaten to contact the police but he is now so far away and seems to be calming down so I just don't bother. There isn't much they could do anyways.

 

I'm pretty convinced at this point he is suffering from schizophrenia or something. Not meant as an insult just.. reality.

[glucoze]

Was he a friend of yours?