How can I stop attracting weird creepy men?

[Cognitive_Canine]

I'm sorry this is happening Glucoze. I vote that it is also your aura or your vibe that is attracting these men. I think you're just too nice to them.

 

It's scary when men do this. I've been stalked before and I don't enjoy it when strange men think it's okay to follow me when I'm alone and it's evening or night. That is not player behaviour, it's rapist behaviour. I'm not saying these men are bad men, but they are giving off that vibe by putting you in that situation.

 

They could smile at you or try to start a conversation with you. But, instead they opt for following you around. Now, I understand that it's nerves that make them wait and wait until they finally approach you. But, I don't think men understand how scary it is to be followed and approached by a man when you are alone. Pretty much the opening scene to most horror films.

 

I would opt for stop being nice to these guys. As soon as they start following you, find a public place to stay at. If they continue to follow you or stare, give them a mean look. Don't leave a public place to try and get away from them. Because one of them just might be dangerous or won't take too kindly to your rejection.

[NightLily]

Was he a friend of yours?

 

No he wasn't. He was just a random guy from school. When he started obsessing though he tried to make friends with my friends. I just generally feel bad hurting people even if it is needed for my own happiness or safety.

[glucoze]

You summed it up perfectly. It IS scary. I was telling my friend about what happened yesterday and she had the look of horror on her face. She said "Britt. the next time you are alone even in broad day light on a train with a guy like that get off the train. Because he could have pressed the emergency stop button and raped you." That scared me. because that was why I didn't move. I was kind of stunned. It is terribly scary, i am a wuss when it comes to men and their creepy behavior. Especially when this is happening at night lol.

 

Gotcha thanks for the great advice. It is really scary. What disgusts me is some of my friends told me what a * * * * * i was being. How ungreatful I was? That I should be lucky men creepy or not even want me? What the hell? That is SCARY. lol This is my life we are talking about.

Think I am really going to look into taking some self-defense classes lol.

It's worse because like every guy is taller than me.

I am only 5'2. SO i take that into consideration how easy it is for guys to attack me haah.

[NightLily]

It might sound extreme but I think going around at night by yourself might be part of what is causing this. You are a very easy target. I don't know how possible it is but is there some way for you to not go around the city by yourself at night?

[glucoze]

No. I meant i'd come home from work lol. I'd be a little more cautious of my surroundings,

i;d turn my music off.. walk a little faster especially if i notice a guy following me lol.

[LightbulbSun]

What if the guy is unattractive, but is genuinely a nice guy? Respects your space, etc. Would he be considered creepy then, too?

 

Just wondering. I've found girls unattractive before, but never found them 'creepy.' Maybe it's a gender issue?

[cazmoore]

I wouldn't give them any attention. I'm sure it's happened to many women on these forums but what I am aware about is, these men what any kind of attention even if it's not good attention - either way, you're allowing them to be noticed.

 

Don't listen to your iPod when you're alone, have your keys easily accessible in your hand bag so you can at least pull them out to use them in defense, and you need to say to these men in a firm tone "You need to BACK off" and don't fall into a conversation with these guys. Stay in a public place. Men prey on certain kinds of women who seem unaware and distracted; don't allow yourself to be one of them. For all you know, that guy who followed you could have been working with ANOTHER guy. You could have been that focused on that perv looking you up and down and following you to distract you, meanwhile he's working with another guy who you haven't even noticed yet.... then you get nabbed up and thrown in a trunk of a car.

 

That's how animals even prey on their victims in the wild. I believe most people work in 2's. Be more aware.

[ProtestTheHero]

Ok, after a week plus break I'm chill enough to answer this question. There is nothing you can do to prevent you from attracting creepy dudes. Obviously, the type of guy you attract can change based on what you're wearing or your location, but there are still going to be guys who will approach you that you can't stand if you're attractive. Guys have to deal with rejection and girls have to deal with the fear that the dude might drag them away some where. There's not much we can do to change that dynamic. Guys have to recognize one girl is one in a sea of many. Women learn to be more assertive in how they brush these dudes off. I think women take for granted just how much rejection is an art. How you reject someone is all the difference in the world. Say you're in a social place and you do it rudely, strangely, or are weird about it. That dude you like who you were checking out might tune in just in time to see you blow a dude off ice cold and then all of a sudden he isn't so interested. Too passive and you're playing hard to get. Too forceful and you're a sunny-place-where-people-go-to-tan.

 

As far as avoiding the creepy label, humor is you're greatest weapon as a guy. Understand that a below-average/average dude can't look to the hot guy on how to act. Attractiveness changes how women perceive you. You get more leeway when you're hot. This means you can't afford to bs around, screw up, stutter, act nervous or any of that.

 

If anyone deserves a creepy label it's me, but I talk my way out of it. I was sitting near a girl in the food court on campus one time. We were near a guy and a girl in line and it was pretty obvious that the guy was hitting on the girl in front of us, laying it on thick big time. I asked the girl near me if she saw them and she said yes. I asked her how she thinks he's doing based on the girl's body language. She said she wasn't sure, she didn't look overly interested or unimpressed with the dude yet. I told her the guy was making a mistake. She asked what the mistake was. I said he was laying on the compliments too thick. She said compliments are fine. I told her most women can't give or accept a genuine compliment in a normal way. She tells me she can. I looked at her for a second and said fine, you go first, lol. So now she's in a position where she has kinda walked herself into having to say something positive about me because she knows I'm going to say something about her right after, so bashing me isn't a smart option.

 

I wasn't trying to get her number or anything, she just laughed and I told her it was nice meeting her and I left. It's basic social stuff. I used to be so scared of talking to ANY female around my age until I realized it's like talking to a dude who happens to be pretty, lol. The more you do it the less you care. When you walk in with no expectations you can never let yourself down, it's the self-imposed pressure that causes normal dudes to look creepy. I'm like the opposite of a ladies man but you being a good conversationalist doesn't require that.

[glucoze]

What if the guy is unattractive, but is genuinely a nice guy? Respects your space, etc. Would he be considered creepy then, too?

 

Just wondering. I've found girls unattractive before, but never found them 'creepy.' Maybe it's a gender issue?

 

I wouldn't find him creepy at all. I can sense the creep factor off of guys.

If he smiled at me, i can tell when a guy is genuinely smiling or when he is being sleezy.

 

Yeah I think so too. Haha.

[glucoze]

Rejection is an art? Hah see I don't turn guys down like that. Ill say "Thats sweet but I have a boyfriend." Or "I am not interested" or i will ignore you.

It hasn't gotten to the point where i will literally * * * * * in public. I think that is just way too cold, and i don't want others to perceive me as some 5 rated * * * * * . Cause I am not.

[ProtestTheHero]

Rejection is an art? Hah see I don't turn guys down like that. Ill say "Thats sweet but I have a boyfriend." Or "I am not interested" or i will ignore you.

It hasn't gotten to the point where i will literally * * * * * in public. I think that is just way too cold, and i don't want others to perceive me as some 5 rated * * * * * . Cause I am not.

 

No idea how old you are but rejection is definitely an art that plenty 18-24 year old women would do well to learn. It's a coin flip around here whether or not you get crapped on after asking. "No" and silence is a step up from what most of these "women" do.

[glucoze]

I am 18 years old

[Cognitive_Canine]

No idea how old you are but rejection is definitely an art that plenty 18-24 year old women would do well to learn. It's a coin flip around here whether or not you get crapped on after asking. "No" and silence is a step up from what most of these "women" do.

 

Yes. I agree with you.

 

The biggest thing is to be humble and honest.

 

The two great mistakes that people make when rejecting someone is either they are "Too nice" or too full of themselves.

 

Too nice are trickier to teach not to be that way. They give false hope. They say things like 'but I don't want to ruin our friendship' and 'I have a boyfriend' or 'I'm getting out of a bad relationship right now'. Things like this make the man think 'in a few weeks, she'll be good'. Now, if you actually are in a relationship, you should say that. It's a darn good reason why you are saying no to them. If they hang around in the wings, then you need to tell them to it straight that you don't have an interest in dating them. Don't lie about your status. You never know how things will work out. They may be friend of a friend or you'll bump into them later and suddenly you're caught in a lie. If 'Curb Your Enthusaism' taught me anything, it was that it's a small world and not being upfront will bite you in the end.

 

The 'too full of themselves" rejection people are the people who feel that potential courtiers are a dime a dozen. They actually get insulted when someone they do not think is attractive approaches them. 'How dare they!" they think to themselves. Obviously these people need a boot to the butt and to realize that they are lucky to get such attention.

 

In Glucozes case though, I don't think the attention is that appropriate. There is a respectable way to approach someone, which anyone should be happy to receive such attention and then there is unwanted, threatening attention.

 

People throw the creepy word around a lot. They also throw the stalk word around a lot. Now it's just words used to describe interest from people they do not like back. It's completely warped how men and women think about approaching.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think that's a very important thing for people to learn. I can honestly say that there isn't much difference between men and women. All of that is just social expectations that people either try to live up to or project on others. I don't do that so women typically don't know what to do with me. Men think of me as a breathe of fresh air though. I'm one of the guys but attractive.

 

And, honestly, witty and competitive banter is very very attractive. Especially if the man understands what book/movie/song I am referencing when I bring it up in conversation.

[glucoze]

I think that's a very important thing for people to learn. I can honestly say that there isn't much difference between men and women. All of that is just social expectations that people either try to live up to or project on others. I don't do that so women typically don't know what to do with me. Men think of me as a breathe of fresh air though. I'm one of the guys but attractive.

 

And, honestly, witty and competitive banter is very very attractive. Especially if the man understands what book/movie/song I am referencing when I bring it up in conversation.

 

This..

 

Its a way to break the ice and make me laugh.

I like guys like that attractive or not. I go for personality anyways lol.

 

And guys that harass me, well I obviously won't like you. WHen i said leave me alone. It means leave me alone.

[JulianaF]

Learn to ignore them. I mean really ignore them, like they are not even there. You do not hear them. You do not see them. Your expression does not change.

 

My mother taught me. It really works.

[DaBladeRoden]

I don't even talk like that to other guys

[glucoze]

lol.... so how do you talk like?

[LightbulbSun]

I don't talk like that, either.

 

Whenever I talk to a girl like I do my male friends, I end up with her as a...friend. I can see how that cocky type of humor would be attractive to a girl, however, it would be stepping outside of the way I usually treat people. I usually don't use cocky types of humor, I use silly types of humor.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

I like what you had to say about the “too nice” and “too full of themselves” assessments. I think I have probably been the victim of the “too nice” thing. It’s hard to tell with some girls because what they consider being nice can be misinterpreted as attraction.

 

I have wondered if I have been thought of as a creep. I’ve certainly been made to feel like one at times. However I usually never approach anyone especially if I like them. I have been burned so many times that I have actually began to believe I’m just plain ugly and that women just think I’m something fun to play emotional games with. I have honestly lost virtually all of my confidence in the last couple of years.

 

My problem is that women seem to take my quietness and shyness as a beacon to approach me. They initiate our friendship and they are the ones who often initiate the thought of it turning into something romantic. They will flirt with me. I even had one girl get jealous, or at least she appeared to get jealous because she thought another girl liked me, and this same girl even told me she wanted to date me. Yet when I finally lowered my guard enough to try and find out if she really liked me she changed her tune and acted like I had misinterpreted her intentions.

 

The point is I feel these girls give me all the signals that they like me. Yes some of them have been in relationships while others have been totally unattached. In the end they end up not being interested and some have even turned on me completely and treated me like garbage once I actually started to get interested and got a little confidence to put myself out there. It was ok when they flirted but then it wasn’t ok when I got interested and flirted back. Suddenly they wanted me to leave them alone or at least they acted like that’s what they wanted. Can you imagine how that screws with someone’s head?

 

Anyway I’ve wondered if some of these girls were being “too nice” to me and then got completely disgusted once they realized that I was actually starting to like them. It was fun when I was the quiet guy they felt they could play with. Most women don’t seem to realize how crushing playing with and then rejecting a shy guy can be. Most of us are shy because we have low self esteem and do not think we are attractive to the opposite sex.

 

That’s why we don’t approach or try. Having a girl build false hopes up and then reject us crushes us and confirms that we really are too ugly for any woman to want. It’s far more devastating than just missing out on an opportunity to be with that particular woman. It makes you feel very emasculated, ugly, undesirable and grotesque, and causes you to throw up your defenses even more. I have honestly found myself getting angry now when a woman tries to talk to me and seems to be flirting because I know she will do what the last few have done to me. That’s just how I think now. I’m tired of being hurt and toyed with. :sad:

[Cognitive_Canine]

^^^

I think the women liked the idea of having an ego boost but didn't actually want to date you. Don't be friends with women you like. Ask them out in the beginning. If they say no, don't be friends with them.

 

I think you are being too nice to these women.

[NightLily]

Sorry but.. this is..

 

cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute

 

If you show your honest self it doesn't matter how the relationship starts. If both of you feel a connection it can go somewhere at any point. Friendships *can* develop into relationships but the thing is if a girl acts like she is ONLY a friend it can be a sign she is not interested. Other times feelings develop of they are just waiting for you to make a move.

 

These girls might be actually attracted to you but there are social things going on at play that make it so that they don't date you. It is just silly politics.

 

There are plenty of women who would like you regardless of how you look if you are a kind sweet guy.

[glucoze]

Yeah just dont be friends with women you like.

It doesn't work.

[Ginger1]

What do you wear? If you're wearing stuff that is designed to attract attention then it will do that - especially if you're already attractive... I am not saying you need to change your entire wardrobe or dress like a monk but just give it some thought to wear something more modest if you're going to be traveling in public for a few hours (Eg. jeans vs short shorts) ... if in fact you do dress this way of course. It couldn't hurt?

 

I'm not sure what your your wearing but if you changed some of your clothes it might help.

On an everyday basis I don't get dressed up. I wear lose jeans, t-shirt, sweaters. Hair tied back. I don't get attention from men-which is good for the most part because I can get uncomfortable with that kind of attention.

BUT when I get dressed up and have my hair down- not even talking about makeup or low cut dressed, just regular dressed heels, thats when I get way more looks. Which I expect b/c I'm dressed up and single, but I wouldn;t want that everyday by any means.

[Longblackhair]

how I wish this would happen to me more often