averagewhiteguy wants to give lover what he can't

[plainwhiteguy]

hi crowd, i'm new here and i of course have a relationship question. this one is mainly for the ladies but guys can weigh in too naturally. i had major surgery on my penis when i was a newborn (we're talking way more intense than circumcision). as a result, my penis is shorter than it would have been (5.5-maybe six inches) and much thicker than normal (a little bigger than my wrist at base and 2 inches in diameter at the tip).

 

all my life i worried that i was too small to satisfy a woman. then i lost my virginity and found out that being as thick as i am apparently counts for a lot. my first lover loved my and how i could give her multiple-orgasms up into the double digits. my last lover and i had lots of trouble with it though. because of my shape, in order to get the depth she needed to come, my girth would have to stretch her to the point that it was painful enough for her to ask me to stop. it took us a long time to figure that one out but when we did she loved the sex.

 

i'm getting sidetracked but what i wanted to say is that even after my partners telling me such positive things, i still feel inadeqaute sometimes. i know women who have been with guys with really long have said that it feels amazing. and when i find someone else i want her to be able to experience that, cause if you love someone you want to be able to give them the best feelings and orgasms that they can have. i have two rules: 1: i'm NOT wearing a strapon penis-extender. I find those completely degrading. 2: i don't want to use a dildo that's even close to as thick as my penis. Cause otherwise, why should she bother with my penis at all? If figured it could be pretty sexy, me holding her, kissing her lips and neck as i softly stretch her deepest areas with the dildo. My only worry is that, would this dildo play take the spotlight? would she eventually prefer to have her dildo over my penis? Does anyone know how these situations work out?

[Organs]

Well, as I understand it, the vagina has fewer nerves the deeper in you go. The important part is near the entrance (and also a little tough but fleshy part in the ceiling near there ). So, a thicker penis should be sought after instead of a longer one; it's just that discussions about penis sizes don't usually go a route that covers that detail. And for what it's worth, women are usually adamant about stressing the point that size doesn't matter. Some think it matters, but that's probably because they've had so much that their vagina has stretched like one would stretch a water balloon before fixing it to the sink spout, and so they need a bigger penis to feel anything at all.

 

Other than that, look into oral technique. Cunnilingus. Going down on her. If you get really good at this, then they might not even care if you're not as long as they'd like.

 

By the way, I'm just curious, are you saying you would be 5.5" if you didn't have this surgery, or that you are 5.5" after surgery? I don't care, really. I'm just moderately curious.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Well, as I understand it, the vagina has fewer nerves the deeper in you go. The important part is near the entrance (and also a little tough but fleshy part in the ceiling near there ). So, a thicker penis should be sought after instead of a longer one; it's just that discussions about penis sizes don't usually go a route that covers that detail. And for what it's worth, women are usually adamant about stressing the point that size doesn't matter. Some think it matters, but that's probably because they've had so much that their vagina has stretched like one would stretch a water balloon before fixing it to the sink spout, and so they need a bigger penis to feel anything at all.

 

 

wow, insecure much? Some women actually like deep penetration because they get pleasure out of their A spot. Maybe you should get yourself educated on the subject a bit.

 

OP, I wouldn't really worry about your size. 5.5 or 6 sounds fine. So what if you can't please all kinds of women? you just have to find the ones that are good fit for you and can enjoy your thickness.

[civilservant]

Sorry, a little thicker THAN YOUR WRIST? Are you serious?

[Organs]

wow, insecure much?

 

mmm, nope. Believe me, I'm not at all insecure about the size of mine.

[Sparkly Eyes]

mmm, nope. Believe me, I'm not at all insecure about the size of mine.

 

well good for you I guess. You have a thing or two to learn tho.

[Organs]

You could go for multiple stimulation, too. It's hard to do this and press against her, but as you're penetrating her, you massage her clitoris at the same time. It's not deep penetration, but it'll make a difference, trust me!

[plainwhiteguy]

worriedgirl, thanks for replying. i've realized that i'm not the guy with the biggest john but i do believe i could make most women orgasm vaginally, i think i'm a pretty decent lover. i guess what i'm asking is, if a lover let's me stimulate her deeper areas with a toy (can i say d*ldo?), which i would be happy to do (the visual alone is turning me on) would she just lose interest in having sex with me?

[plainwhiteguy]

Organs, like you massage her with your hand or pelvis?

[plainwhiteguy]

ok, what in the world is going on with the moderators? i can't even message them to ask them what's up? how am I supposed to talk about romance and sex if i can't use the names of the organs involved?

[Sparkly Eyes]

worriedgirl, thanks for replying. i've realized that i'm not the guy with the biggest john but i do believe i could make most women orgasm vaginally, i think i'm a pretty decent lover. i guess what i'm asking is, if a lover let's me stimulate her deeper areas with a toy (can i say d*ldo?), which i would be happy to do (the visual alone is turning me on) would she just lose interest in having sex with me?

 

No I don't think so, although it would also depend on the woman. I lactually like men that are secure in themselves, it's a turn on. Just be secure and show her that you want to please her.

[plainwhiteguy]

really? ugh would just hate to think that anyone would sincerely prefer a long skinny toy to my real thing. but i guess there are all types. i think the hardest part would be explaining why i wanted to use one on her.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

When a woman says "Size doesn't matter." What they are really saying is, "The penis isn't the star of the show." Yes - orgasms do play a part in love making, but it doesn't start and end with the guy's penis.

 

My ex didn't have a massive penis. He was about 6 inches hard, and he was really average in girth. But he was the best lover I have ever had because he was very attentive to my needs and put my pleasure before his own. Sex was FUN, affectionate and passionate. We could be really intense one minute then get a fit of the giggles the next.

 

I have been with a guy who was really small, a guy who was HUGE and neither one of them was good in bed because they only catered for their own needs.

 

They say variety is the spice of life, and you have a unique penis just like every other guy.

[plainwhiteguy]

I think i keep messing up the question i'm trying to ask. is having something long stimulating your A-spot so much better that you would no longer want something really thick of average length giving a lot of stimulation to your vaginal walls and a greater sense of fullness? does that make sense?

[oldenoughtoknow]

I really wouldn't worry about it. Everyone is shaped differently - yes, both men and women. And you're actually in luck, as I've heard most women say girth is more important than length. They like the feeling of being "filled up," which apparently comes from girth rather than sheer length. Even if you can't reach her cul-de-sac, girth can simultaneously stimulate her g-spot and clitoris. If you haven't experienced this before, let her on top and watch/feel what she does. It's kind of a deep grinding motion - you'll get the idea. Then you can try to replicate the motion in other positions. That should more than make her happy.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I think i keep messing up the question i'm trying to ask. is having something long stimulating your A-spot so much better that you would no longer want something really thick of average length giving a lot of stimulation to your vaginal walls and a greater sense of fullness? does that make sense?

 

different women are different. Some women don't care at all about deep penetration and would LOVE your thickness. I hear often from women that thickness is much more important than length. Have you ever had a woman complaining? if not, I don't really see why you are worrying about it this much. Like stella said, be attentive and make the best of what you have.

[maggie_rae]

i have to agree with one of the other posts here. Size really dosen't matter. Its all how attentive the guy is to your our needs and pleasure. I dont think you have to worry about anything you should make the best of what you have. As for the question about the dildo. I think the real thing is always better!

[plainwhiteguy]

how deep is deep penetration? my hands aren't real long but i've had one girlfriend tell me that i was going too deep with my fingers. so really, how long do you have to be to hit a woman's A-spot?

[Jpo]

5-6.5' inches is what like 75% of the male population is, so if a woman isn't satisfied, it is probably just a fluke.

[plainwhiteguy]

alright, thanks for the feedback everyone.

[OptomisticGirl]

No, my guy stimulating me with a toy would NOT make me want to have sex with him less. I enjoy my toy and when my boyfriend isn't around (which is always now due to the distance) it get the job done but I'd pick his hot blooded body over that toy ANY day of the week.

 

There is just no substitute for sex. At least in my book there isn't.

 

Even if she were in the most extreme realm enjoy the toy more then you (which I don't believe she will) that toy is only going to keep her warm and comfortable for so many nights.

 

Nothing can replace a living, breathing guy lying next to you.. unless they make a robot like that, and then I'm sorry all you men are in trouble. Kidding.

 

I wouldn't worry about it plainwhiteguy.

[greywolf]

OP, many girls can orgasm from masturbation and not from sex. Does that make them not want to have sex? Of course not. We still love it. It's not about the orgasm.

[plainwhiteguy]

Greywolf, i certainly don't mean for this to come off as combative, but when a woman says that to me, i can't help feeling like they are lying and condescending to me. How can you honestly say that good sex has nothing to do with orgasms? if i were incapable of giving my girlfriend an orgasm via intercourse, i would strongly suggest that we see other people. i don't mean that small percentage of women who are literally incapable of climaxing from vaginal stimulation (obviously that would be a different scenario), but for anyone else, i would absolutely want to leave that relationship. it's probably due to the culture but if i could only make my lover climax with toys and oral sex, i would sort of feel like a sack of fecal matter (i don't actually talk this way, moderators...) and really, who would ever stay in a relationship that made them feel that way?

[tso]

Actually, I think it's something like 50% of women who can't have vaginal orgasms. To these women it doesn't matter how big your is, to the other 50% you need to be average. And you are about average size in length and above average in girth. I have to say I'm a little skeptical that you're as thick as your wrists. I never seen a in porn anywhere near that thick.

[plainwhiteguy]

well, i can understand you being skeptical, but i'm not lying to you. it'd be sort of self-defeating to lie about the things i'm insecure about. if it makes things more believable, i'm only 5'8" and pretty slender so it's not like i have huge wrists. i'm probably just a little over 7" around at the base.