Do you think society's ego-feeding is largely to blame for the way we treat others?

[Seymore]

I don't know if you'd blame it on the self-esteem movement or what, but it seems like in the last 20-30 years, there's been an overabundance of ego boosting being taught - things like "You're perfect the way you are", "If others have a problem with you, it's THEIR problem", etc...part of me thinks it's no wonder there are so many failed relationships - nobody believes they can be the reason for a breakup, since they're obviously fine the way they are?

 

Do you think this is the mentality that's keeping people from looking deep inside themselves and admitting their own roles in a failed relationship - the mentality that their own behavior, however bad, should be tolerable, and "if you can't tolerate me, someone else will"?

[Catdancer]

Nope. The ego-feeding that you call it, is in response to the overall opinion that you need to look like an anorexic supermodel to be "pretty" or to be "wanted" or to do anything or have anything in life.

 

I think that in general, people do not own their mistakes. Period.

[Seraphim]

There are a large number of reasons society stinks at the moment, but going into them from my perspective would get me lynched.....

[FarthestEdge]

Oh, I think there's a great deal of truth in what you say- and it isn't limited to failed relationships. There's a HUUUUGGE entitlement thing going on.

 

IMO, it starts with the children.

 

I'm sorry, but if my son is struggling in grade 1 or 2, I WANT him held back a grade. I'd rather him deal with the temporary sadness of seeing his friend pass him by than have him the the illiterate dummy in grade 10

 

Children need to learn to deal with not being picked for/making the team

Children need to learn that the failure doesn't define them. The getting up and trying again and again does.

Children need to learn that no matter how cute they are, they need to treat others with respect.

 

Shielding kids from consequences, hurt feelings and the odd scraped knee does them a disservice.

 

I could go on.. but I think I'd be strung up with Victoria....

[Cognitive_Canine]

"Self esteem" sessions drive me crazy. You actually have to do something to raise your self esteem. I'm tired of rewarding kids for mediocrity. You are basically telling them that they need not do anything to feel that they are special. Special just like everyone else. Parents should make their kids feel special and number #1 but school systems should be focused on math and history, not making kids feel like they are special even though they can't do simple math.

 

You know what over inflated self esteem with no real accomplishment leads to? At it's worst, it leads to serial killers (who almost always have high self importance), at best, to those self important kids you see on MTV.

 

Narcissism is up 20% in this generation. And, can you not see why? Facebook, twitter, sites where you just announce what you're doing and expect other persons to care.

[Seraphim]

Um yeah I am with ya there.......feelin no need to be crucified today...lol...but yeah lots of people with over inflated entitlement.

[Sanesoul]

I feel the same way as most posters. People really need a reality check, and I'll be damned if my daughters grows up the way a lot of these kids are.

[shes2smart]

Do you think this is the mentality that's keeping people from looking deep inside themselves and admitting their own roles in a failed relationship - the mentality that their own behavior, however bad, should be tolerable, and "if you can't tolerate me, someone else will"?

 

I think the thing that keeps people from looking deep inside themselves and admitting/addressing their own character flaws is the fact that it's hard, and painful, and generally means there's changes that need to be made. If you want professional help for this sort of introspection -- like with a counselor or therapist -- it can also be expensive.

 

Humans hate change. We hate the work, we hate the adjustments, we hate the uncertainty and we'd much prefer for things to be familiar and comfortable and conform to our whims of the moment. We don't like realizing that we're wrong or that we've screwed up.

 

It's much easier to delude ourselves into thinking someone or something outside ourselves is the problem than to take responsibility for ourselves.

 

This is not a recent development, IMO....I have a sneaking suspicion humans have always been like this. In previous times we were all probably too busy just trying to get by on a day to day basis and our life spans were much shorter, so we simply didn't have the time to spend pondering it often, if at all.

[Seymore]

lol, I'm worried enough that by the time I have kids, they'll murder me in my sleep when I don't buy them the toy that every other kid has. But when my kid comes home from school with C's on his report card saying that his teacher told him how great he did, I won't be able to say anything to contradict that, or that he needs to study more because it's not encouraging his self-esteem.

[Sanesoul]

lol, I'm worried enough that by the time I have kids, they'll murder me in my sleep when I don't buy them the toy that every other kid has. But when my kid comes home from school with C's on his report card saying that his teacher told him how great he did, I won't be able to say anything to contradict that, or that he needs to study more because it's not encouraging his self-esteem.

 

I'm so thankful that my daughter's teacher isn't like this. My daughter just got grounded for getting a C on her work because she skipped over some of it.

[Seraphim]

You can only raise your own kids the way you feel is best, there is not much you can do about the rest of them.

Like shes2smart said this is not really anything new there have always been people this way, BUT many things have added to it lately IMO.

[Seymore]

I'm so thankful that my daughter's teacher isn't like this. My daughter just got grounded for getting a C on her work because she skipped over some of it.

 

Grounded?!? You can't GROUND a child! How dare you discipline your child...how HORRIBLE of a parent you are!

[Hermes]

Right. Let's see.

One can have high self-esteem, low, or middling self-esteem. Having good self-esteem is not a bad thing, much in the same manner as it is good to have self-respect and self-confidence. That is a very different matter to telling someone he or she is perfect. No one is perfect.

 

I found this:

 

"Self-esteem is developed largely through interactions with important others, especially parents, siblings, peers, teachers, mentors, children, employers and romantic partners. As we mature, self-esteem hopefully becomes anchored more from an internal compass, a sense of whether or not we are aligned with our true purpose, and whether or not we are living according to our values. This requires a certain degree of self-awareness so that one can be aligned body, mind (conscious and unconscious!) and soul.

 

Many people have unresolved painful and/or traumatic experiences in their pasts which are inconsistent with one's intentions and higher self. ""

 

Self-delusion is a different thing. If you tell yourself you are not at fault for this that or the other, when it is obvious you are, then you are deluding yourself. In a relationship break-up, I do not really think it is entirely just one person"s fault. It always takes two to tango.

 

I notice that far more people seem to be suffering from low self-esteem, and a faulty perception of their own worth and value as human beings.

 

Hermes

[Mauxly]

I think there are quite a few reasons for the uptick in failed relationships/perpetually lonely people:

 

-Our culture of greed, ’me first’ mentality.

-Overall lack of introspection (I don’t think this is new)

-Disposable society, everything can be replaced by the next bigger and better thing – including people.

-Instant access to new people through the internet. There is no perception of scarcity of love anymore. It is easier to simply ditch a relationship once the glow wears off and becomes work. Most people would rather not look inside themselves and make the necessary changes in order to salvage a relationship. They’ll just move on to the next one…and there will always be a next one…sad shallow existence.

-Misplaced feminism – women feeling ‘empowered’ through overt sexuality. Sex and the City/Girls Gone Wild…etc…

-Massive change in family dynamics, women working, men having lost importance, feeling devalued, looking outside the family for sense of self worth.

 

It may sound like I’m some sort of K streeter here. I am about as far from right wing conservative as you get, and as much as I hate labels, I suppose the feminist label applies. I am thrilled with the progress that women have made over the past few decades. However, with equality comes societal change that I don’t think we’ve quite come to terms with yet.

[g84]

I guess there would have to be a balance. Owning your actions and responsibilities, while not taking on everything that another should be owning up to.

The ones that make me angry are the self-entitled people who think they can do no wrong, and give themselves the permission to step on everyone else. They don't own what they do, they try to pass off the blame to the person that they're disrespecting.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I just think that education needs to be a parental responsibility. It just really makes the difference when parents are involved.

 

I was lucky enough to have a grandmother who spent all day with me while my single mother worked. I'd do puzzles, read, and play chess all day. When I wasn't at school or with my grandmother, I took piano lessons and participated in some sport. I was always on a sports team growing up.

 

Quite lucky indeed.

[Sanesoul]

Grounded?!? You can't GROUND a child! How dare you discipline your child...how HORRIBLE of a parent you are!

 

I know, I know...lock me up lol.

[Seraphim]

Society is lacking balance.

[Hermes]

I agree with you Farthest Edge.

I think the points you enumerate are an outline of what constitutes good parenting.

Cannot for the life me see why you would be crucified for common sense.

 

Best wishes

Hermes

[Day_Walker]

I think that people have always had the same attitude however, society's perception is what actually seems to be changing. I think that people are content being the people they are and many people dont want to face difficult issues because they do not want to deal with the result. I dont think that this has anything to do with ego-feeding.

 

Personally, I think that people need to be more objective in their observations concerning all aspects of their life.

[Seymore]

Definitely agree with the bolded (and everything else) - it's so easy to simply find a new person who will "accept" one's most unacceptable flaws until the next one comes around. The internet has turned the world into a billion "clean slates" for one to take advantage of - why look inside when you can jump from lily pad to lily pad of acceptance?

[teabee]

YES!!! Thank you.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I don't see many kids in my life, but it seems (from what I have seen) that kids are either entitled, evil little brats from the constant fluffing and hovering of their parents or they are emotionally hobbled wrecks. It is so sad!

 

People have NO coping skills. This is the real problem, imo. Immediately following a challenge or hardship, people try to find something to blame to make sense of it instead of accepting it as part of life and moving forward. So many people are stuck in the past, looking for vindication where it won't exist.

[itsallgrand]

I think helicopter parenting was a bust.

 

Each generation seem to have their own trendy mistakes. Each seems to have its hallmark forms of neglect, too.

[Blue Spiral]

I personally think that the real problem is that we can't accurately gauge how we should feel about ourselves. There are egomaniacs that should feel horrible about how they treat others, and there are completely nice people that hate themselves for ridiculous reasons. The former group has way too much self-esteem, and the latter doesn't have enough.

 

I think the self-esteem movement overall is irrelevant--it was just a reaction to what came before, the illogical guilt-tripping over things that don't warrant guilt. ("We'll shame you into conforming!") It was a natural overreaction to a problem that's no longer much of a factor.

 

That said, I think the anti-self-esteem movement is part of the problem, because it's tied into the "You want praise for being mediocre?" mentality. People are good because of who they are inside, not what they've accomplished. If we'd stop heaping praise on people for morally-neutral accomplishments--whether in business, sports, whatever--people would get out of the "only success matters" mentality.

 

So, I think that ego-feeding is less of a problem than self-awareness and the ambition-obsessed mentality.