Husband not wearing his wedding ring.

[Miss Firecracker]

I have no idea if my husband has on his ring or not. I don't even look to see. lol

 

I'd be more upset if he got rip roaring drunk and drove the car.

[fLuiD]

I agree with most of you that this smells very very fishy! But, OP should not jump to conclusions without asking or finding out for sure! Like I said, it is wrong of him to let his buddies get to his head, if that is the case. A real man will walk loud and proud with his ring. He will always have a witty defense for when his buddies start trashing him for being married. If he lets his friends get to his head to the point where he feels embarassed to have the ring on while they are around, then he has a very serious problem. It needs to be addressed. All I am saying is that you need to ask him or find out exactly why this is happening, before jumping to conclusions.

[penelope13]

I wouldn't jump to conclusions either without having spoken to him and without any other kind of indication.

 

Personally while working, I tend to take my rings off, because it irritates me; since it happened a few times that I took my rings off and forgot to put them back on, I just don't wear them anymore when going to work. My point: there are people who just don't like wearing rings in general, without any sinister motivation.

 

Your relationship and the health thereof should not be defined by him wearing his ring or not.

[top bloke]

Firstly a ring is just a ring...the man makes the decision to play with other women.

Secondly while a ring makes a clear statement of marriage there are quite a few women who do pursue married men aggressively. They want the unnattainable.

His intentions dont seem good by his actions. I think you have a right to express your feelings thoughts to him as he is your husband so just ask him.

[shessofly]

ok, so everyone has an opinion, some telling OP to quit making a big deal of him wearing his ring and some not. the bottom line is, it bothers the OP and i see absolutely nothing wrong with expecting your SO to wear their wedding ring, ESPECIALLY if he has been in the habit of wearing it for the time they've been married up til now.

 

i guess to me, implying that she should just be 'ok' with it is pushing YOUR beliefs on her. it is important TO HER, and as her husband, it shouldn't be that painful for him to wear his ring if she has already asked that he do it. it is a symbol that is VERY important to SOME people.

 

my ex started exhibiting this kind of behavior toward the end of our relationship. unfortunately he actually was out running wild, hanging out with his single buddies at strip clubs and God only knows where else. BUT...i tell you what - if it even looked like i was about to leave the house without my ring on, there was a major problem.

 

i'm not saying your hubby is cheating on you, but if it bothers you especially coupled with heavy drinking since it's something you say he doesn't do often then you do need to address the situation.

 

anyone telling you to basically get over it, well - for those who don't feel the need to wear rings - if someone told YOU to get over that and start wearing your ring would you? not likely, just like it's not likely that this suggestion will just suddenly stop the OP from being bothered by the situation.

 

ask him about it and go from there.

[FarthestEdge]

I don't think we're saying 'get over it'. I at least, am simply saying that his not wearing a ring is not proof of anything. The first reply to the OP was "Sounds as if he may be cheating" based soley on the fact that he neglected to wear his ring. I'm just saying don't jump to conclusion...

 

Context matters. Which is why I said I get that it is important to some and not so much to others. If he wore it every day for 20 years and suddenly stopped wearing it, then, yeah, I'd be asking him about it. But as he is in the habit of removing it for various reasons, it is just as likely that it is purely innocent as it is that there was some diabolical plan. Which means, that it, in and of itself, proves nothing...

 

Which is why I asked if she trusts him...Because THAT, not whether or not he wore his ring, is the real issue.

 

It's easy for us here online to jump to conclusions about what something 'means' based on what someone's partner tells us. But we are going on a small set of hand-selected facts that the OP has chosen to focus on. We are in no position to say "yeah, he's cheating", so it isn't helpful or fair to the OP or her partner to raise alarm bells with so little information.

[shessofly]

^^very true, i did notice that the first response was "he's cheating"

 

OP, i'm not in anyway trying to imply that your husband is cheating just because that's what mine was up to. there were A LOT of other tell tale signs.

 

just ask him about it. if it's bothering you because the symbol of it is very important to you then hopefully it won't take much to resolve it. if, on the other hand, you suspect something else then you do have a problem and shouldn't wait much longer to talk to him about it. try not to start off with accusations though.

[thejigsup]

If a man is going to cheat, it doesn't matter what he has on his finger (Tiger Woods?). I have never had a man wear a ring I have given them. Jewelry is a female thing. I love jewelry and love the ring my bf gave me years ago. I also love all my other rings. Men and women are just different when it comes to wearing a ring. Many men don't like to wear them and take them off whenever their wives are not around. It has nothing to do with cheating.

[Ac143]

Just ask him about it, I know my husband doesn't wear his ring when he works out or showers & I know he isn't crazy about about his ring because its uncomfortable for him BUT its important to me that he wears it....so he does. Maybe your husband just dont like the way it feels? Dont jump to conclusions.

[live.laugh.luv]

Sorry for the delayed reply to all these wonderful posts! Thank you.

 

First off, let me clarify that he was not drinking and driving. His buddy picked him up and dropped him off. Second, it's not every weekend that he goes out and drinks. However, he is a grown man and he is allowed to go out and get "hammered" should he choose. I went out with my girlfriends the night before for peets sakes.

 

His drinking isn't my concern. His not wearing his ring while going to his buddies house for poker is my concern. He doesn't have a drinking problem, my father on the other hand has a drinking problem. I know what an alcoholic looks like, my father is an alcoholic. Really though, that's besides the point.

 

Do I trust him? I do. I've never questioned his loyality, obviously until now. Do I think he's cheating? I don't want to think he's cheating, but I cannot pretend it hasn't crossed my mind. Especially after reading all the replies.

 

There are days when he isn't wearing his ring. It just never struck me like it did on Saturday given the situation. There are times where I have to ask, "where is your ring?" While other days I do not. When we first married, he didn't even want to wear a ring because he didn't like the feel. Later down the road, he realized how much it meant to me so he started to wear a ring.

 

I know a person can cheat, ring or not. I am not that naive. It's just a sense of what that ring represents. I just feel like when he is wearing it, he is respecting not only our marriage but myself.

[oooo35980]

I get bored and fidgity with my ring when I'm drunk, luckily my wife has been with me drinking most times, so I haven't lost it yet, he might just find it uncomfortable and not like to wear it, mines drives me nuts sometimes.

[doityourself]

Go with your gut, you know when something is wrong.....

[FarthestEdge]

Go with your gut, you know when something is wrong.....

 

Not necessarily...in a previous post, the OP has said:

 

I've never felt insecure in our marriage. And I think because I've gained a few pounds since we've been married that seeing this almost made it seem like he was looking at this junk because of ME. Because maybe I am not doing it for him. That maybe, just maybe he notices those 10 extra pounds I've put on. And I feel insecure because of it. I don't want to be that insecure wife. I've never been that way in our entire relationship --- and that's probably why we've made it as far as we have.

 

The OP is herself in a dark place right now. I've been there before, and her own insecurities could very well be grounded in nothing more than a refleection of her own dissatisfaction with herself. IMO, having been there, it's a form of self-abuse...you're not happy with yourself, so you begin to convince yourself that your spouse sees what you see, loathes in you what you loathe in yourself, and you believe he will cheat, because YOU'VE decided you deserve to be cheated on....

 

So you begin this vicious cycle of looking at things in a way you haven't before. Not because you are looking for assurance that he's NOT cheating, but because you are looking for proof that he is....because that little voice in your head is saying "You're not good enough for him...he is going to figure that out eventually, and sooner or later, he's going to cheat..he may be already"

 

I could keep going, but frankly I don't really want to share how deep the recesses of my mind went in that dark period of my marriage. Suffice it to say, it was all in my head, and I am lucky DH put up with my nonsense until I shook myself out of it.

 

I 'knew' a lot of things. And I was very wrong.

 

I don't know the OP or her husband, but based on what she has said here, I suspect this has more to do with her self-esteem than it does with his actions..

[live.laugh.luv]

When I came home from work yesterday he so OBVIOUSLY had his ring on ....

[lady00]

It really depends on what is important to you and how far you would like to go with it. If I were you, I would tell him the importance that wearing the rings to you. Don't try to get him to agree with you on that because he might not but you are free to have your own feelings about it and it's good to get that out there. Maybe it will reveal that he's just a bit absent-minded about the ring. I think if you get a lot of resistance from him that might be a sign that something is amiss--you can't necessarily expect the ring to be as important to him as it is to you (it may just be that in his mind, it does not matter) but you can expect to be able to have an open conversation about it and to express your wishes. I have sometimes done things for past partners even when it was not something important to me, simply because (1) they asked me to; (2) I didn't see any reason why not even though it was not something I would do on my own of for myself; and (3) it made them happy.