live.laugh.luv Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Hey guys, it's been a few months since my last post. So here I am again. I'll just get right to it. First off, my husband takes his ring off when he works out and etc. Sometimes he'll forget to put it back on, no biggie. Saturday I noticed he wasn't wearing it, so I asked him to put it on. He put it on. Later that day he went over to a buddies house to play poker. Left about 6pm and got home bout midnight. I left the house about 4:30 and when I left his ring was on. Well when he got home he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. He came home drunk...like completely hammered. That didn't bother me at all, he never really drinks and he doesn't go out very often. What struck me is the fact that he wasn't wearing his ring. It really upset me. He was wearing it earlier so that means he intentionally took it off. I cannot help but wonder why he would do that. I didn't ask him at the time because he was so drunk it would be like talking to a wall. I also didn't bring it up yesterday because he was moody already. I didn't want to add fuel to the fire. So I am left feeling really hurt, bothered and insecure about it. My theory on wedding rings is you wear them to show the world you are married, you are not available. Being married and taking it off, lets off an inviation. Shows "hey im available...look at me." Why else would he take it off? He didn't shower or work out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 So he's drunk and driving? Sounds as if he may be cheating, but there is no way to know for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 i'm almost a little more worried that he's out drinking and driving and getting hammered (especially if this is not his normal habit!) the wedding ring doesn't keep away all women! many married men cheat while wearing their ring (Bill Clinton anyone?) and many without rings are not faithful. but looking at your situation with his going out, not putting on his ring for a reason other than the gym, yes, it sounds not good. i would ask him about what's going on. keep your eyes open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 My shotgun instinct is that he and his buddies are going to the bar or strip club or something and he's wanting to look single to interact with girls or something... Doesn't sound too great, but don't jump to conclusions. Have you two had other marriage problems? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I don't know if it will make you feel better or worse, but I can tell you, categorically, that a wedding ring is a female aphrodisiac. It simply is. I even have a crude buddy who, after getting married, said, "Now it's going to be so simple to get chicks." And honestly, a married man is not only more approachable for a many women, but also more attractive because some women will think, "Well, someone thought he was handsome, smart, and successful enough to marry so he must be." So, if he's occasionally not wearing the ring? As long as it's not a regular thing then if anything he's likely to get less female attention then he otherwise would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I don't know if it will make you feel better or worse, but I can tell you, categorically, that a wedding ring is a female aphrodisiac. It simply is. I even have a crude buddy who, after getting married, said, "Now it's going to be so simple to get chicks." And honestly, a married man is not only more approachable for a many women, but also more attractive because some women will think, "Well, someone thought he was handsome, smart, and successful enough to marry so he must be." So, if he's occasionally not wearing the ring? As long as it's not a regular thing then if anything he's likely to get less female attention then he otherwise would. I'm not so sure about this. Certainly there are women who love chasing married men and love that sinister feeling of roping a man with a ring, there hasn't been a movement of costume jewelry on men to bait singles lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I don't know if it will make you feel better or worse, but I can tell you, categorically, that a wedding ring is a female aphrodisiac. It simply is. I even have a crude buddy who, after getting married, said, "Now it's going to be so simple to get chicks." And honestly, a married man is not only more approachable for a many women, but also more attractive because some women will think, "Well, someone thought he was handsome, smart, and successful enough to marry so he must be." So, if he's occasionally not wearing the ring? As long as it's not a regular thing then if anything he's likely to get less female attention then he otherwise would. A wedding ring may entice some women...but the guy wearing the ring may make it clear that the ring means he is not interested in them. However, a guy who purposely takes off the ring when out on the town with buddies is very likely hoping to encourage female attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 My shotgun instinct is that he and his buddies are going to the bar or strip club or something and he's wanting to look single to interact with girls or something... Doesn't sound too great, but don't jump to conclusions. Have you two had other marriage problems? I agree with this. Is this your only problem? Does he get hammered often? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EQIQ Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 My father had lost his ring once and he went without a ring for years. Eventually when he had spare cash he bought a new set for himself and my mom. He was always faithful, so yeah not much of a problem there. Bigger problem however I think is the drinking.. etc. And what jettison said is quite true as well, I have heard more than once about how there are women that prefer married men to have hook ups. The reasoning I have heard from it is that if the woman is married herself they are both accountable and neither of them will want to spoil their family, so there is a two-way blackmail situation, where both will be quiet about it. If the woman is married and goes on a hook up with a single guy, it is too easy to get screwed over... So yeah, I guess a wedding ring can be an "aphrodisiac" like jet said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fLuiD Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 You all might be jumping the gun in suspecting he is cheating. I think this is something simpler. It shouldn't be a problem, but some men don't know how to handle bieng mocked by their friends about being married. There is a somewhat 'macho man' attitude you take around friends and its perfectly normal. But, the real man will know how to be a man, and still take on whatever jokes he gets about being married. Some men can't do this though, and that is a problem. Im willing to bet that he has been mocked once or twice already about wearing the ring, and although he is doing the wrong thing in giving in to his friends' jokes, I can see where he might be coming from. Go and find out exactly why he is taking off the ring. But, be prepared for anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 ^Certainly could be true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeepMe Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 It's a serious talk that I would have sometime soon, sooner the better! No use in letting him be moody if you are hurt. There is something definitely not right about this, and he really needs to be confronted. Don't jump to too many conclusions just yet, give him a chance to speak. If he can't come up with a good answer, and deep down you don't believe him you should tell him that it has broken your trust. Like another said keep your eyes peeled. You should follow your instincts, and don't settle for cheap unexceptionable answers. I hope this is nothing serious, and that he has been 100% faithful to you, but just in case he isn't for future advice if you find something you don't want to know, don't be too incredibly hurt by it. Consider this as a warning for you, and that you seen the signs early on. It just might help recover quicker if need be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
civilservant Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I can say that, as a guy, my wedding ring is never coming off. That, along with everyhting else is a huge red flag. You need to talk to him. Now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeyboy Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 You all might be jumping the gun in suspecting he is cheating. I think this is something simpler. It shouldn't be a problem, but some men don't know how to handle bieng mocked by their friends about being married. There is a somewhat 'macho man' attitude you take around friends and its perfectly normal. But, the real man will know how to be a man, and still take on whatever jokes he gets about being married. Some men can't do this though, and that is a problem. Im willing to bet that he has been mocked once or twice already about wearing the ring, and although he is doing the wrong thing in giving in to his friends' jokes, I can see where he might be coming from. Go and find out exactly why he is taking off the ring. But, be prepared for anything. I highly doubt this is the case. With or without the ring, his friends would know he's married. I can't say he's cheating, but think that's much more likely then he didn't want to be mocked. OP, I think you should ask him why it was off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 I would find it odd if my husband took his wedding ring off when he went out with buds. I can see taking it off to work out or do stuff around the houes, I would too. Keeps the ring 'healthy' per say but it's a little weird... I don't think it's exactly cheating, but it could be the whole strip club/just wanting to be one of the guys, something harmless. The only way you are going to know though is to sit him down and talk to him about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 The fact that he didn't wear his ring, in and of itself, means nothing. Especially since he takes it off periodically for other reasons (workout etc.) The question is, do you trust him? The ring doesn't hold magical powers over him. It's not the ring from Lord of the Rings..He makes his own choices, ring or not. Girls may hit on him, ring or not, and he may decide to cheat or not. The ring will have no say in any event.... Do.you.trust.him.? Any spouse can leave the house with a ring on, arrive home with a ring on, and yet spend their evening 'ring-less'..and the other spouse would be none-the-wiser. That he didn't wear it at all, might mean nothing more than between the gym & getting ready to go out, he forgot to put it on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 What sort of person mocks someone wearing a wedding ring? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shortpants Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Yeah, my ex flatly refused to wear a ring from day one. It always really, really bothered me. He was downright nasty to me about not wearing one and berated me to the point that I felt like the bad guy for asking him to wear one. I did mention he was my EX, right? There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting the person you are MARRIED TO to wear the ring that symbolizes your vows to one another, to love, honor, cherish, and most of all TO FORSAKE ALL OTHERS. I know it is not a sure sign of infidelity, he could have innocently forgotten to put it back on after taking it off for some reason, but it is a little concerning. One of two options, you can either bring it up to him and see what his reaction is. If he is adamant about not honoring your wishes and continues wearing his ring when he sees fit, red flag. If he understands your concerns and honestly expresses that he will try to keep it on because he knows how much it means to you, that is a good sign. Or if you want to lay low, watch him to see if you can find any other signs of a more forboding reason he is choosing not to wear his ring... you may get more info that way (if you are concerned he actually may be stepping outside of the marriage). I am sorry you are going through this, I can speak from experience on how frustrating it can be to have your SO not want to wear a ring. It can make the mind monsters go crazy! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 What sort of person mocks someone wearing a wedding ring? My guess would be single men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jul-els Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Maybe because he was drunk the ring fell off if it's not sized well. Or maybe he just took it off in his drunken stupor. I think the fact that he was drunk driving and that his friends let him go is more of a concern than the ring, tbh. But maybe they were all smashed too. You should ask him about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Look, I get that to some people the ring IS and STAYS that important throughout your married life. And that's cool. I have a friend who never, I mean NEVER takes hers off- EVER. But it isn't that important to everybody. I am as committed to my marriage as anyone can be, but I don't feel I have to wear a ring to prove it to DH- and in the end, he is the only person who NEEDS to believe in my commitment, and he does. My wearing my ring has no impact on that whatsoever. But that's me. MY point is, you have to be careful to not assume that because YOUR ring is that important to YOU , that it MUST be that important to every married person, and therefore, his not wearing it MUST necessarily indicate that he isn't commited to his marriage, or worse that it's proof he's looking to cheat. You cannot impose your values on another person and then use your judgement on what that symbol means to YOU as an indicator of HIS motives... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 If the trust and connection isn't there, no band 'o gold will create a healthy relationship, that is for sure. I guess though, whenever there are abrupt behavioral changes that cause concern, things need to be discussed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shortpants Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Strangely enough FarthestEdge, I agree with you. LOL That is the only thing that got me through the 7 years with the ex, realizing it was a big deal to me, but not to him. I never suspected he was not faithful to me, it was just the flat out refusal to even entertain my point of view that was so hurtful to me. I know the ring was much more important to me than it was to him. Needless to say, I gave up on that battle, and he never wore a ring. It still bothered me, but I did move on. I think in this case, it is the bigger picture that is concerning. The occasional wearing of the ring, saying he takes it off to workout or shower, then not wearing to a poker game with the guys. One of those things that make you go hmmmm.... I know a true cheater will cheat, ring or no ring, and a band of gold really doesn't mean you are any less married than if you don't wear one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 The simple answer would be to ask him, and take it from there. You have little to go on, until you do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bedrocks Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 Saturday I noticed he wasn't wearing it, so I asked him to put it on. He put it on.. Asking him to put on his wedding ring is very controlling of you, and it's going to lead to problems in the relationship if it hasn't already. If he chooses not to wear his wedding ring then respect his decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.