So theres this girl...

[lostinhereyes]

So theres this girl, she is my best friend and turned out to be my first lesbian crush. After awhile I finally got enough courage to tell her how i feel and she responded by telling me that she likes me as well. We spend a lot of time together and have both vocalized that when we are together everything feels so right. We also always seem to have the urge to kiss each other and we constantly flirt.

 

Everything seems perfect doesn't it? I wish it was...

She has a girlfriend that she is in love with and has been dating off and on for the past year or so. We have had numerous conversations but never seem to come up with viable options.

 

Any ideas on what we should do??

[shuttlefish]

Any ideas to do what? you two aren't really being very fair to the third person in this equation (your crush's g/f)

 

You're crush on the other hand, has the best of both worlds, a g/f plus an admiring friend.

 

You should force her to make a choice, things are not going to change otherwise.

[lostinhereyes]

how do we continue to be friends without being unfair to her gf??

[norsewoman]

If she is in love with her gf, she needs to rein herself in. Since she is in a relationship already, why did you feel the need to divulge your crush on her? Time to learn some restraint, my friend.

 

If she dumps her gf for you, she can certainly do the same to you for another person. Sometimes, we need to keep our desires to ourselves.

[lostinhereyes]

any other suggestions?

[norsewoman]

any other suggestions?

 

LOL! Sure...go ahead and have sex with her, betray her gf, and then break up in a year.

[lostinhereyes]

no one said anything about sex

[FathomFear]

What are you looking to achieve? If your objective is to remain friends without being unfair to her girlfriend, you likely need to spend less time with each other so the feelings you have for each other decrease. But that's only going to be possible if you both can stop feelings from developing even with limited contact.

 

Of course, the other option might be to explore an open relationship. Or are you confident that everyone involved here wants monogamy/exclusivity?

[lostinhereyes]

We have a lot of trouble stopping our feelings from developing, i am pretty sure all of us want exclusivity which makes everything more difficult.

I've tried to distance myself from the situation but when I see her all my feelings for her hit me even harder. i really dont know what to do.

 

also i feel i should make it clear that we have not physically done anything.

[abitbroken]

It is just what I would advise if you were a girl and she were a guy who had a girlfriend. Set some boundaries. Don't be alone with her with no one else around. When she says something saucy, don't take the bait. If she pushes, explain that flirting just toys with your emotions and she has a girlfriend - so you don't want to continue with the behavior. Go no contact if you have to in order to get over her. Try different daily routines or whatever you need not to run into her all the time. I understand she is your best firend but you are not being friends to eachother by doing this all.

[norsewoman]

We have a lot of trouble stopping our feelings from developing, i am pretty sure all of us want exclusivity which makes everything more difficult.

I've tried to distance myself from the situation but when I see her all my feelings for her hit me even harder. i really dont know what to do.

 

also i feel i should make it clear that we have not physically done anything.

 

Then don't do anything. Avoid your friend until your feelings subside.

[lostinhereyes]

okayy, thank you

[norsewoman]

I know it sounds sucky, but I've been in your place. Young and lusting after a friend who's involved. It killed me, but I didn't act on my feelings and I'm glad I didn't. Sometimes, the heart wants what isn't good for us.

[lostinhereyes]

thank you so muchh

[Flux]

If you don't want her to be disloyal to her girlfriend, then the two of you need to talk. She needs to make a decision, one of the other.

 

If she chooses you, then thats great. If she chooses her girlfriend, then you need to become a stonewall in order to keep your friendship and ignore your feelings toward. When the two of you are together, brush off her flirtacious comments and set yourself some boundaries.

 

Or you could take the unloyal and dishonest route and not let it bother you that she has a girlfriend, though this would bring more pain to everyone involved - yourself included.