metrogirl Posted July 21, 2011 Author Share Posted July 21, 2011 I think some men "shut down" when their women want to have a serious talk when the relationship is having problems. I've had more than one man tell me that scares the s**t out of them! Still, just because it makes him uncomfortable is no reason to avoid talking about it. I can't really give you any advice because I never got my bf at the time to talk about it or rectify the situation. I hope you guys do better, you have been through so much together. Thanks Jigs, your words always mean so much to me. Naturally I want my relationship to be a good one. I love him, there is no denying that. His being as sick as he is has definitely created a deeper bond at least on my side. I'm really so tired of crying, I'm really suprised my eyes haven't floated down stream already with all the water works going on. There was another brief attempt to discuss the matter and it didn't go well. It's probably a conversation that should be saved for a face to face anyway and not on the phone. Since I have to accompany him to his kidney specialist appointment tomorrow, perhaps we will able to talk some more when we get back to his house. If I feel the conversation is at a standstill or he wants to further invalidate what I am saying and feeling then I will just go home. I told him tonight it would be a really sad thing if I ended up walking out of his life because of his stubborness. I'm not asking for much, I not materialistic and I don't ask that he spend every free minute with me. I don't ask him to pay my bills or to do anything for me, all I want is to be made to feel like I have a boyfriend and not be treated as a friend. It's really simple, I just don't get why he doesn't see it. I really think it's the Taurus in him, he's so freakin headstrong and has to always be right. His stubborness is going to cost him everything if he doesn't get it together. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 You have done more for Jesse than most women would have done. Where would he be today if you hadn't been there. Once the crisis has passed it's easy to forget those who have helped you when the going was tough. I am thinking good thoughts for you, girl! You are one class act! Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I hope me asking this question is ok....but.... honestly, if he were not "sick" would you be putting up with this bull? It's "ok" to walk away. I know you care about him very much but this situation does not sound healthy for you. There were problems before he became ill, etc. You are not his wife and you have no obligation to stay and be his care taker. I feel like you need someone to tell you that it is ok to end the relationship if that would make your life happier. He would not be alone- his kids would have to step up and help him and stop acting like jerks. Right now life is very easy for them- they don't have to do anything because you are helping so much. They've already shown that they are disrespectful. It's ok to say "I've had enough. I'm done." ((Hugs)) I'll be honest, I've watched your Journal change from a upbeat happy documentary of you feeling good about yourself to you being upset and depressed and putting yourself last because of your relationship. How many sacrifices can one person make without any effort on the other end? You deserve to be happy. You deserve a man who loves you and wants to please you and who thinks you are sexy. I don't just mean sexual intimacy- you deserve a man that will wrap his arms around you and want to hug you and not let go. When someone you love is ill and you are taking such care of them, "thank you" hugs are at least in order. Forget the excuses. There is no reason why you can't be treated nicely. There may be more wrong with your BF than his physcial illness. He might have issues that are too big for you to try to fix on your own. It's not your duty to fix them. Your only duty is to find your own happiness and be true to your own values in life. Sorry, but I had to say it. Send him packing if he is isn't treating you right. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 Preach it, girlfriend!!! I happen to agree with you 110%, BellaDonna! This man is sapping the life right out of her. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 I hope mama Metro is gettin some much needed rest right now. We all want only the best for you Metro! Link to comment
sherryberrypie Posted July 22, 2011 Share Posted July 22, 2011 We definitely do! We all e-love you! If Jesse doesn't understand how good he's got it, then he doesn't deserve you. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 I love you guys, I really do. You are all like the sisters that I should have had but that my mother didn't give me. I want to say thank you to all of you that go through my pity party of posts and take the time to give me your thoughts and insights. It really does mean a lot to me. I can't say one way or another if I would be around if he wasn't sick. I know that sounds bad, it's hard when you love someone. You want to make it work, you think it can work, you wait for it to work. It was working for us for awhile, then things just sort of stopped working. At the very least I would like to see him through his treatments and ultimately his transplant. Will things change once he is medically sound, I don't know. I did talk with him briefly on Wednesday night, we agreed we would spend some time talking on Thursday after his appointments. Unfortunately there was a setback with his treatment which left us without time to really discuss anything as we had to make an unexpected trip back to the hospital. Am I willing to walk away at this very moment? No because I know his stupid family won't do anything for him and I can't just sit by and let him wither away. We have come so far, he wouldn't even be alive at this moment if it weren't for me. I just can't stop now. Some very nice people that I have met on another forum (Kidney Disease/dialysis related) have told me that what we are experiencing is pretty common. They made sure to let me know that some relationships don't survive the stress from it all but others can grow in time. I'm hoping that our relationship is one that grows eventually. I guess all I can do is take it one day at a time right now. He's coming by later to visit with my grandbabies, if we have some alone time perhaps we can discuss some of the issues a little further. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 He will avoid "the talk" as long as he possibly can. This is your decision and I respect that, but ask yourself, "Would he do this much for me?" Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Aw, my mamma met. I know what it's like to want to make it work and I already think very high of you but I think even higher of you for your desire to stick by him while he is sick. I think what's going on though is you guys had some unresolved issues before he got sick and then he got sick and you both went into survival mode. He to life, you to keep him alive. So those issues were put at the back of your minds but now that he is closer to getting healthier those issues are slowly coming back up and do need to be resolved, one way or another. We know you love him but also remember, first and foremost, we love YOU and YOU are who we are concerned about. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I can't say one way or another if I would be around if he wasn't sick. I know that sounds bad, it's hard when you love someone. You want to make it work, you think it can work, you wait for it to work. It was working for us for awhile, then things just sort of stopped working. At the very least I would like to see him through his treatments and ultimately his transplant Well keep in mind you can also do that strictly as a friend too. You can be there as a friend but still not give yourself as a romantic partner anymore. That leaves you to be there for him because you care about him but to also have your own life- and be available if you want to go out on a date with a guy that will want to share a romance with you. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 I second that! Friends are awesome and they can support you just as well as a lover, generally better! Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 3, 2011 Author Share Posted August 3, 2011 Well I am still around, just didn't update because I am still somewhat in limbo but not feeling as bad as I have been which is good I guess. I have been working a lot lately, actually almost 70 hours this week alone. I find if I am working, then I am not around him so much and he has to take more initiative to do things for himself. This has been working fairly well, he's been doing his own dialysis, going to his appointments without me and is finding out that he can survive without me by his side every single minute. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense. We were spending way too much time together. I don't want to spend every free minute with him, heck I don't want to spend every free minute with anyone. I like and very much need my own time for me. That said, a transfer opportunity has presented itself. A shift has opened up at one of the downtown LA locations. 1st shift with Fri-Sat off. It's listed as a temporary position but that could change depending on the reason why the other girl left the position. Should it only be temporary then I could move on to another shift of my liking. I really need to get off this erratic shift I have now. It is sucking the life out of me, I rarely have time for me and let's not forget that one of the reasons why I had to stop going to the gym was because of this stupid shift I have now. If I transfer to the other location, I will be able to start working out again which I need for mental and physical reasons. I have until Thursday to decide and it should be a no-brainer, I guess the only thing I am thinking about is the drive. It's not a killer commute or anything, I just don't like paying for gas. LOL Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 It sounds like even with a potential longer commute, that new shift would better for you and give you more free time to spend on you. I'm glad you are going to give yourself some alone time and attention. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 3, 2011 Author Share Posted August 3, 2011 It sounds like even with a potential longer commute, that new shift would better for you and give you more free time to spend on you. I'm glad you are going to give yourself some alone time and attention. Well I have to do something, the direction I was heading wasn't looking good. I'm overwhelmed to say the least and I really need to get back to something that feels normal. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Depending on where the job is in L.A., could you take the Metro to work? I know a couple of people who do that. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 As long as the commute isn't what you are paying for with the new position I say go for it. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 3, 2011 Author Share Posted August 3, 2011 Depending on where the job is in L.A., could you take the Metro to work? I know a couple of people who do that. I could, from my corner to the outside of the job site on one bus. It's do-able, I have gone much farther on multiple buses to get to work when I didn't have a car. Link to comment
petite Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 This is a great opportunity for you and hopefully it works out. You did make me giggle about the gas though - that's something my fiance would say. lol Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 Ok I did it, I submitted the paperwork for the transfer. Now all I have to do is wait until 3:00pm tomorrow to see if I got it. There could always be someone with more senority that wants it though, you just never know in this department. People move around all the time. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I've go my fingers crossed for you! Good luck! Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 Well the call didn't come in today about the transfer so I'm gathering someone with higher senority got the position. Now it could be that the person handling the manpower was not in the office today so perhaps the call will come tomorrow. Either way, I'm ok with it. If it didn't happen this time, it was for a reason. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Is there no one you can call and be like 'I applied for this transfer, is there any word on it yet?' Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 Yeah, I could call tomorrow. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I would, but that's mostly because I would want to know one way or the other, you know? Not be in limbo not really knowing yay or nay. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 I would, but that's mostly because I would want to know one way or the other, you know? Not be in limbo not really knowing yay or nay. Yeah I hear ya. I'll call tomorrow just to see what happened. If someone with higher senority got it then that means their spot will open up and it might be something I like. In this department, it's a waiting game. LOL Link to comment
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