Coversation after Break up-im left confused

[jenmar]

I am not too religious, But I sure do pray, and have been a lot because I really need strength and guidance, . I think I am going to take a long hot bubble bath and relax.

 

This isn't the end of the world. The ball is in his court all he can do is pass it back to me at some point.. if not then I guess I will cross that bridge when i get there.

[uncomfynumb]

I am not too religious, But I sure do pray, and have been a lot because I really need strength and guidance, . I think I am going to take a long hot bubble bath and relax.

 

This isn't the end of the world. The ball is in his court all he can do is pass it back to me at some point.. if not then I guess I will cross that bridge when i get there.

 

Who do you pray too?

 

That long, hot bubble bath sounds like a good idea. I may join you!

 

And you are absolutely right that this is not the end of the world.

[Tanzi]

Don't be too disappointed jenmar, we all do it. In no way are you alone in your actions. But the advice you have been given is good, solid, tried and tested advice and most probably based on the mistakes that we have made. We have learnt from our mistakes and we are passing our wisdom onto you. However, sometimes the only way to learn is to make your own mistakes so don't be too hard on yourself.

 

You have probably set yourself back more than anything. Go take that bubble bath and you are 100% right ... this isn't the end of the world. Whatever the outcome you will come out a winner.

[jenmar]

I pray to my Grandma. I know it sounds weird but i always ask for her help and guidance... I believe in God completely.. but for some reason when I pray they are directed toward her. She passed away about 6 years ago.

 

Still no reply.

This could be bad in my eyes.. who knows.. it just would have been nice to see a hello im doing good how ru or something...

 

I can't sit here and obsess though... its just making me more upset..

i cried a couple times today...

[uncomfynumb]

I pray to my Grandma. I know it sounds weird but i always ask for her help and guidance... I believe in God completely.. but for some reason when I pray they are directed toward her. She passed away about 6 years ago.

 

Still no reply.

This could be bad in my eyes.. who knows.. it just would have been nice to see a hello im doing good how ru or something...

 

I can't sit here and obsess though... its just making me more upset..

i cried a couple times today...

 

Do you have faith in grandma? Do you believe that she would steer you wrong?

 

That is what faith is about, its about knowing that you will be ok, and believing it with all of your heart.

 

If this doesn't work out, Grandma had bigger and better plans for you.

[jenmar]

She always had great advice and was a loyal Christian. I believe she always had the best intentions.

I have faith in God too.. and believe he would never give me more than I can handle.

I know that I will be ok, I know that I can survive this if it doesn't work out...

 

I am already heartbroken..I suppose its because I know that I caused the majority of this mess.. and I suppose if I dont get another chance I will be kicking myself in the butt for a long while.

I truly believe I fell in love.. and to lose that is absolutly awful.

 

I sort of feel I already have lost it...

[uncomfynumb]

She always had great advice and was a loyal Christian.

 

Well, then perhaps this is your Grandmother speaking to you...

 

Sermon Seed

 

An ancient story tells of Death coming to a city and being met at the gate by a man. The man asks Death what it has come to do. Death says that it will take 10,000 people from the city that day. The next day Death comes again. The same man is sitting at the gate again. This time, the man says to Death, “You said you came to take 10,000 people yesterday, but this morning’s news is that 70,000 died yesterday. Why did you do this?” Death answers, “I did take my 10,000—worry and anxiety killed the rest.”

 

We may think that worry and anxiety are unique to our culture and to our fast-paced days packed with high expectations. Not so.

 

Imagine the people of Jesus’ day. They press against Jesus, thirsty for answers. They wonder, Does he really care? Should they leave everything to follow Jesus? Did they do the wrong thing by leaving their work to follow Jesus? How would they feed their kids now? What would they eat and drink and wear tomorrow?

 

There on a hill beside the Sea of Galilee, Jesus points to the heavens to give an illustration his followers would never forget. On the shores of the Sea of Galilee were flocks of pelicans, flamingos, Indian darters, and giant herons, which inhabited only this region of Palestine. The birds would have taken wing at the approach of Jesus’ boat; if not, surely the “great crowds of people” would have frightened them.

 

To answer their concerns, Jesus simply points a finger to the air and says “Look at the birds of the air” (Matt. 6:26). Every eye looks up to the birds flying above. He continues, “They do not sow or reap or gather into barns”—an obvious fact. Can you imagine birds farming with a tractor or putting up hay? Of course not. Seeing the smiles on their faces, Jesus concludes, “Are you not much more valuable than they?”

 

When Jesus says that we are not to worry, he doesn’t mean we shouldn’t think about tomorrow. The Greek verb really means “don’t give anxious thought.” Jesus is not against thinking about tomorrow; he warns us against foreboding, not forethought. Again, a look at the birds illustrates this point. Like the birds in Boevé’s painting who are gathering their own food from the sunflower, birds work hard. They industriously scratch and peck all day long to find their food. But they don’t worry about it—they sense that their creator will provide.

 

This truth is the heart of life. God cares for us and all creatures everywhere—even the drab, pesky, and overpopulated sparrow and the bloodthirsty raven (Matt 10:31; Luke 12:24). Christians understand Jesus’ point even before he asks the question “Are you not much more valuable than they?” They know that if God provides for sparrows, God certainly cares for us.

[jenmar]

Thank you, those words can put worrying and anxiety into prospective.

 

Here is me worrying about something that may or may not happen 3 days from now...

 

Thinking about tomorrow and what the day will bring is okay... but what I am doing is not..

 

 

I really need to breath.. relax and understand that I have a life.. and I can not wrap it around him..

 

Thanks again.. I really appreciate everything.. this last post really hit home.. it i definitely something I could hear my grandma telling me.

[uncomfynumb]

You are welcome baby...

[Tanzi]

Still no reply.

This could be bad in my eyes.. who knows.. it just would have been nice to see a hello im doing good how ru or something...

 

Yes it would have been nice but if he had sent you a text asking how you were that would have incited a conversation and who knows where that may have led ... probably somewhere where he doesn't want to go right now.

 

I do understand how you are feeling, it does seem unnecessary to ignore someone but I think, for him, he is sending you a subliminal message by not doing so ... and you have to listen. Its frustrating, I know. The situation is out of your hands and there isn't anything you can do about it. The only power you have is to stop making the situation worse ... the rest, unfortunately, is down to him.

[jenmar]

That is what is making me so uneasy--- I was feeling a lot better prior to yesterday. I was feeling more positive about the fact that he was even considering working things out...

now all I can think are negative thoughts...is this sublimital message.. I dont want to talk to you anymore... or is it i am not ready.. i guess he is the only one who can answer that..

 

I dont want to work today, I just want to sleep..

I got up last night around 230 and couldnt fall back asleep. I cried..I keep thinking what if he says he doesn't want to do this..

 

as the days go on this is getting nothing but worse for me.

[jenmar]

I am succesfully at work.

sad.

cried on the way here. I am getting nervous for the outcome.. I cant think of anything else.

regardless of what I do to keep busy it is always on my mind.

[Tanzi]

jenmar, I have been where you are, still are of sorts ... a lot of us have ... it sucks I know but one thing is for certain ... no matter what you are feeling now you will get through this ... it does get better. There is an air of uncertaintanty hanging around your situation and that suspense is probably making things worse for you. Sometimes the not knowing is worse than anything else.

 

Also let this be a lesson to you why, when an ex or a maybe ex, has asked for NC its better to give them that ... completely. The only thing you have achieved is to make yourself feel bad. His message could mean either one of those things. No-one knows what is going on in his head, maybe even he doesn't know what is going on in his head. Either way you can't sway his decision, but you can help by giving him the time he needs to work it out properly as opposed to pushing him towards a decision that you wont want. It may go that way anyway but at least you will know that you did all you could to help the situation.

 

Just remember that one of the issues he had was that he felt smothered so, at this stage, any form of contact from you will bring those feelings to the forefront. He probably needs time to feel unsmothered before he can start thinking about what he wants. It may take more time that he has suggested so don't be surprised if you don't hear from him anytime soon.

 

And chin up. We are here if you need to vent.

[lavenderdove]

Here's something really important: If he is the right guy for you, he will stick around and work with you to get thru this. If he doesn't stick with you, then he doesn't love you enough and he's not the right guy, so good riddance!

 

Someone who really loves you will work with you and help you if you are trying to confront problems and issues, either inside yourself or that the world throws at you. If he doesn't love you enough to stick around and work through problems, then he just isn't the right guy for you.

 

So you should take a big breath and try to relax, and recognize that no matter what happens, the RIGHT thing is happening. If he wants to stay and work with you, then fine, but if he doesn't, that may hurt for a while, but it is fine too because he just wasn't someone who loved you enough to be a permanent partner. If he won't stick with you through this, then what would have happened if you got sick in future, or times were tough and you had financial troubles or whatever? You don't want a guy who dumps and runs when life hits a bump, you want a guy who sticks around.

 

You can and will eventually find that guy, and this will just seem like a bump in the road! In fact, this experience may be the thing that pushes you to get the counseling you need to build a great relationship in future, and to feel more happy and comfortable and less anxious in general about your life. It was worth it just for that, even if it doesn't work out with this particular guy.

 

Look forward with excitement to your counseling. You are about to enrich your life and solve problems that have been causing you pain and trouble for a long time, and that is opening an exciting new chapter in your life. Whether this guy sticks around for that or not won't stop you from improving yourself and your life, and from having a happy future, with or without him.

[jenmar]

I didn't really look at it that way.

I mean he knows that I have established the issues i have been having and I have contacted professional help in order to sort these issues out.

If he doesn't come back to me with a positive answer I guess he really didn't love me as much as he said he did, or thought he did...

 

of course this will be heartbreaking...

 

Still at work

8 hours to go until I can go home exercise watch some tv with my little boy and go to bed.

 

I can't wait.

 

the past few weeks have been emotionally exhausting.

[jenmar]

hating this....

wanting to text him and say

 

lets go buddy.. lets just meet for dinner tonight.. ill cook.. i miss the heck out of you and i think we are a great pair, and I think , no I KNOW i can get past the issues i am having and we will be OK.

 

I hope you see that.

 

but i wont text him..

not going to do it..

[lavenderdove]

You're saying in the text you know you can get past this, yet you can't go more than a few days without melting down and texting him...

 

Remember, he can easily see the difference between what you say and what you do if you text him. You won't fool him. Don't do it.

[jenmar]

I read someone elses post.. about how her ex broke up with her because she was insecure..

 

I sat here (yes at work) and put myself in his shoes.... just for a day and pretended it was him picking fights with me... I would be so annoyed with him and this childish behavior.

 

yes my previous post is what I would want to say to him, but I am not going to ... i am not going to ruin my POSSIBLE second chance.

 

I really do not think yesterdays mistake (the text) would sway him one way or the other... or at least im hoping not.

 

to me today is a new day, I am happy he is taking time and really thinking and trying to see if he can give me a second chance.

 

I see now what insecurities do to couples, it breaks them down, ruins them.

[jenmar]

my friend is being negative

she said he is playing games and should know what he wants and shouldn't make me wait a week to decide.

 

ugh talk about a downer.

[Tanzi]

People don't always know what they want. Love isn't always black and white, sometimes we can hit grey areas. However there will come a point where you will need to get closure one way or the other.

[1guygirl]

hey jenmar

 

hope youre staying strong...i admire you for going to counselling...i too have issues in the insecurity area and am waiting to get booked in to see someone.

 

i figure if my recent relationship wasnt to be - at least my next one will have a better chance if i put the work in on me now.

 

they say what will be will be, and giving your ex space is the greatest gift of love you can give him. i asked my ex for NC space and he has given it to me, and i love him and his strength for doing that for me. Yes even tho i asked for it, i still want to be in contact but i know i am also putting me first by sticking to it this time round.

 

stay strong, and tell yourself when you have your finger on that send button "he will think MORE of me if I DONT send this, than if I did"

 

xxx

[jenmar]

Well everyone he called.

Nothing major was discussed.. we talked for about 20 minutes.

We talked about work, what I have been up to.. this and that.

 

then it happened.

 

I cried.. yes me, miss emotional I cried... he said awe don't cry (nicely not mean or irritated)

 

I told him I was just happy to hear from him.. when in reality I was truly happy, and sad.. sad because I miss his voice.

 

He didn't mention getting back together.. all that he said was he wasn't sure what he wanted to do as of yet. He said that it wouldn't be bad if we BOTH had time (another week or two) to sort out thoughts and see what we were going to do and how we were to go about it.

 

He said he is really happy I am seeking counseling, he thinks it will help me a lot.. and is taking this all into consideration. He assured me there is no one else, he is really busy with work and such, along with finding time to sort his thoughts he has no time to go out to find someone else.

 

The whole conversation was a blur to me.. it went by so fast. So I am sure I am missing a lot of details..

 

He said he would def. text or call me later on tonight.

hoping he does

[lavenderdove]

This sounds really good! It shows he is thinking about you and keeping to what he said, that he'd contact you within the week.

 

Now you have to show him that you are staying on plan, giving him space if he needs it and pursuing your counseling.

 

I think this is very positive!

[jenmar]

me too. he even mentioned not replying to my text yesterday- he said he was at his grandmas until later in the evening and figured I was in bed and didn't want to bother me.

 

I am still excited for my counseling appointment Thursday. I am very motivated to show him that I am keeping on track. and for me too of course.. I need to start feeling better about myself.

[lavenderdove]

yes, counseling is for you, but it benefits him also because it helps you learn how to function on your own and not cling to him...

 

it sounds wonderful! best of luck, it is going really well for you, and i think you will find the counseling really enlightening and helpful to you both!