Coversation after Break up-im left confused

[jenmar]

well I saw my BIL at my sons baseball game today- at first it wasn't a big deal... then I got a little sad, my ex always said how great it was that he is friends with my BIL because we could all hang out together.. again, just remembering all the things he said that made me feel good about the relationship.

But I sucked it up, and saw my son play ball, and he did really great.. so i forgot all about the little bit of sadness that I felt.

I really am feeling a lot better.. I think about him less and less... but when I do think about him im either annoyed or a little sad..

 

Again time heals.. it really does, I know this, but so far I am happy that time isn't letting me down. I see a huge improvement from a few weeks ago

[lavenderdove]

That's great Jen! Of course you'll feel lose sad moments, but the distance and experiences you put between you and him, the better you will feel. As they say, there is not way to go around the healing process, you have to go thru it, so you will feel significantly better in another month, and even better after that!

[jenmar]

well. New guy met someone else.

met her two days ago and now are in a "relationship"

I am so annoyed that he talked to me every single day up until yesterday, acted weird the entire day-- then today he sent me a message on facebook telling me how he met someone else.

changed his relationship status to in a relationship, and deleted me.

 

Its only been a little over two weeks since I saw him

I really dont understand why this stuff happens to me

[uncomfynumb]

jenmar,

 

It was probably for the best that the new guy met someone. You weren't really in a place to start something new any way and it wasn't fair to keep him hanging.

 

Chin up and smile today ok?

 

xoxo

[jenmar]

I know. By the looks of it, he wanted serious right away- which is what I am avoiding.. as my last experience wasn't too good with that.

I know im only 28- its just frustrating.. meeting people, dating as a single mom.

It is hard to find time.

 

boo

[lavenderdove]

If that guy was so anxious to replace you that it only took him two weeks, then he just wasn't that interested, or wanted someone to plug into the 'girlfriend' role right away. I don't see how ANYONE can really say they are 'in a relationship' after only dating a few times... it's really foolhardy.

 

Hang in there... remember there were some things about him you didn't like that much, so he wasn't a perfect match either... you just need to work on you for awhile, and when you're REALLY feeling better, you will meet someone who is right for you.

[jenmar]

So after thinking about it (and finding out he was on link removed the entire TWO weeks I took a little space) I figured that he just really was ready for a girlfriend, and that is something I wasn't ready for. I am not interested in rushing anything with any man... especially after my last experience.

For a guy to call someone his girlfriend after two dates shows me that he and I were definatly on two different pages, which is possibly why I didn't feel much of a connection with him.

 

Right now I am feeling indifferent, I dont miss my ex, I miss the relationship- I am not ready to move on.. not because i want my ex back, but because I just want to be fully ready- and I am worried that maybe I will not find anyone... It is so hard for me, I don't go out much because I work, have a son, and I will be going back to college in the fall.

 

Not that I am wanting to rush anything, I just get a little bummed sometimes because it really is hard to date, not just because I am a single mom, but because a lot of the guys I have dated are just...well... immature, I have a handful of single girlfriends, and they are all experiencing the same thing.

 

I have come a long way since Feb, I think its great progress to think of my ex and have thoughts of it was nice in the beginning, but he wasn't right for me in the end... parts of me do miss him, but there are parts of me that misses little things about all of my exes.. it doesn't mean i would ever want to be in a relationship with them again.

[incaangelique]

At least you have been trying to date. That takes a lot of courage after being hurt so badly. I do plan on dating eventually. Honestly, I think it will be months before I try to date. You have been seeing a therapist too. I saw a psychiatrist for meds, but have not gotten around to setting up anything with talk therapy. You have a lot of strength, and a desire to take care of yourself, and put yourself in scary situations. I want to be as brave as you are.

[lavenderdove]

Of course you're going to remember some things fondly about exes... in the same you you remember things about family members you've loved who have died etc. If you ever loved someone, there had to have been some good times to get that involved, and it is OK to remember them fondly, but the grieving process will eventually get to the point you can remember them happily and without pain.

 

It's OK to miss him a little, but don't let that drag you down other bad paths, like thinking you'll never find someone, or there'll be nobody else that makes you feel like that etc. That just isn't true. The heart has amazing recuperative powers, and when you do meet someone who really clicks, you will be happy and in love again.

 

And i think there is nothing wrong (in fact it is probably a good thing) to wait months before dating, just to process everything. When you generally feel good and are not obsessed with the ex, that is when you're ready to date again.

[jenmar]

At least you have been trying to date. That takes a lot of courage after being hurt so badly. I do plan on dating eventually. Honestly, I think it will be months before I try to date. You have been seeing a therapist too. I saw a psychiatrist for meds, but have not gotten around to setting up anything with talk therapy. You have a lot of strength, and a desire to take care of yourself, and put yourself in scary situations. I want to be as brave as you are.

 

Thanks, that is really nice of you to say- I really appreciate everyones kind words and guidance through this whole journey, I know eventually I would have gotten through it, but I think my healing process has gone rather smoothly and I feel it has a lot to do with this site. I can come here whenever I want to type out feelings, and insecurities, and I get such great encouraging words.

I will continue to post here until I am fully healed

and after, I enjoy trying to help others as well when i can.

 

 

[jenmar]

well...

I did something that probably isn't recommended.

 

I texted my ex.

 

heres how it went:

 

Me: Hey

Him: Hi

Me: How have you been?

Him: good and you

Me: Good, got a second interview for a promotion at work.

Him: that is great

Me: Yeah I am excited, anything exciting going on with you?

Him: No, just work!

Me: ha, should have figured as much... So, are you done being mad at me

Him: Yeah... kinda.

Me: Well we both acted immature.

Him: I know. We can be friends.....

Me: ? oh, are you seeing someone.

Him: No, are you?

Me: No.. If you want to be friends then, Ok. but I realized a lot since we broke up, I guess I wish it could work idk.

Him: well maybe we can go out.

Me: that would be nice.

Him: Friday, mabe

Me: Ok

Him: Def. Saturday

Me: my son has an early game, so i can see if my mom can watch him for me. it shouldn't be a problem.

Him: ok great.

Me: what do you want to do

Him: It doesn't matter

Me: well just let me know

Him: Ok.

 

 

I didn't expect him to respond. I would like to see him, but I am worried that I will be disappointed. I dont have any expectations really. I have no intention on contacting him again- he will have to contact me if he wants to.

I do have to admit, I would like to see him....

 

Idk.

[LostLeo42]

Hello. I just joined here because I broke up with someone today. I read through your entire thread - what a journey! I was looking for threads of people that are getting over a breakup. I am not hopeful that it is going to be easy to get over mine. I'm crushed. Anyway, you seemed to be moving on and seemed to realize this guy wasn't right for you and your situation. What made you text him? You seemed to be making progress in your healing. What made you want to get involved with this person again and risk all that hurt again?

[jenmar]

I am not really sure.

I know that I miss him a lot.. I know I can not change a person, they have to want to change for themselves.. I realize that if I go (that is if he doesn't blow me off) that there is a risk that I would be sad again.

 

He hasn't texted me since yesterday- Im not really worried about it at the moment, since he said he would like to do something saturday, I have no urge to constantly text him or call like I did before, it is different.

[R_wants_R_back]

That is very good then! It sounds like you have a decent counselor and she can really help you...

 

Remember, you will be fine no matter what happens... even if he says he doesn't want the relationship, you are learning new skills that will help you have a great relationship in future. And if he doesn't want the relationship, he doesn't love you enough to be with you permanently, so best to let him go. People who really love you stick around to work thru things, especially if they see you are trying and taking steps to do so.

 

This is exactly the same situation i'm in.... almost to the letter

 

I've thought about it a lot since the break up 6 weeks ago and reached the conclusion that everyone has their breaking point. Granted my relationship was nearly 5 years and i promised on at least 6 different occasions that i'd change/get help, but she finally said it's over.

 

I do believe she still loves me but is just emotionally drained and i did it....

[lavenderdove]

Ah Jenmar, seeing him again will be like taking one little taste of heroin for a heroin addict.

 

Who do you think you are you kidding that you can be 'just friends' with this guy or that your impulse is to be 'just friends'?

 

And you already KNOW he's not good for you, he's not a family guy, he's not interested in that, he dumped you without a word. What is the point of trying to be 'friends' with him... to have him use you again or reject you again?

 

He'll probably be more than willing to sleep with you now and again, but you'll get more of the same and mess yourself up all over again. Good luck with that.

[FreedomRing]

Wow, I've read your thread, and quite surprised to see the latest update as well. You were doing so well.....

 

You can say you're not phased by not having any further contact since the texts, but the fact is, you are still expecting something....between now and your "date", right? You don't want to be in this position hun....also his responses seemed very non-committal and super nonchalant....whereas you came off very eager....

 

Gosh, i see this as a serious detriment to your healing...