My boyfriend has a room mate of the opposite sex, should I be upset?

[GrowingUp]

We just got back together and he lives with a girl. I told him I wasn't interested in being with him if he moved in with her as some type of way to hook up or something. He said that it just worked out perfectly that she lived close to his job and the rent was low. I met her before and she seems really nice and she has a boyfriend. Of course sometimes I think about how just the thought of my boyfriend living with a girl is bad but I don't know if my feelings are just me being insecure. What do you think? We have all hung out before and they don't seem like eachothers type or anything I just feel weird about it because it seems taboo or something. What do you think?

[hers]

I think you're being insecure. There's no reason to feel upset about this unless he's given you reason to.

 

I live with a guy and told my now-bf that when we started dating. Granted, my roommate is as gay as the day is long but I didn't tell him that immediately, as a way to base his reaction to see if that'd make him uncomfortable or jealous. It didn't and that's why he's great. Don't get upset over something that probably doesn't matter.

[hexaemeron]

We just got back together and he lives with a girl. I told him I wasn't interested in being with him if he moved in with her as some type of way to hook up or something. He said that it just worked out perfectly that she lived close to his job and the rent was low. I met her before and she seems really nice and she has a boyfriend. Of course sometimes I think about how just the thought of my boyfriend living with a girl is bad but I don't know if my feelings are just me being insecure. What do you think? We have all hung out before and they don't seem like eachothers type or anything I just feel weird about it because it seems taboo or something. What do you think?

 

Check out an ENA poster called princess5. She has a similar situation (though, her reactions to it are far more extreme) -- My advice for you is the same as her. If you trust him and you feel the situation is on the level, there's nothing more you can ask of him. Everything else must be done on your end.

[vertigoxo]

I highly doubt they'll do anything with each other in a sexual sense. Let it go.

[Jd1983]

I can understand why you would be bothered, but if this was already the case before you got together, then there really isn't anything you can do about it.

 

Although, I wouldn't like it if my bf had a roommate of the opposite sex, I think it would really have to be how you feel towards him and if you feel you could trust him. Nothing in life is guaranteed, and the same goes for relationships.

[GrowingUp]

There is something I can do about it, I can choose not to put myself in this situation and just let go. I just feel like I really love him and I don't want to break up with him over something like this if nothing is going on. Like you said I will never no so I'm sorta confused on what to do. I asked him before if they ever flirt or anything and he says no no no its nothing like that but its not like he would tell me anyway right? Its kinda hard to figure out.

[Jd1983]

Well, naturally he won't flat out tell you that he would flirt with her if that was truly the case.

 

However, ultimately it comes down to whether or not you trust him.

 

Do you? Has he ever given you a reason not to?

[dragon lady]

How well do you know your boyfriend?

 

I've had two male roommates in the past. Both were in relationships (one engaged) and both tried stuff with me. I thought it would be fine because I didn't want to live with single guys and I thought they seemed nice. Wrong. You have every right to feel insecure.

 

Then again, I have seen other women live with guys and there haven't been any problems.

[GrowingUp]

He's hardly at home anyway so its something I haven't even really had to think about, he's always at my place. I guess I just need to trust him until he gives me a reason not to?

[hers]

Of course. That's how all relationships should be.

[hexaemeron]

He's hardly at home anyway so its something I haven't even really had to think about, he's always at my place. I guess I just need to trust him until he gives me a reason not to?

 

Hole in one. This.

[GrowingUp]

So how do I subside these insecure feelings if in my heart I feel like he wouldn't even cheat on me with her?

[hers]

By making your brain agree with what you know is true in your heart.

[HeartGoesOn]

There is something I can do about it, I can choose not to put myself in this situation and just let go. I just feel like I really love him and I don't want to break up with him over something like this if nothing is going on. Like you said I will never no so I'm sorta confused on what to do. I asked him before if they ever flirt or anything and he says no no no its nothing like that but its not like he would tell me anyway right? Its kinda hard to figure out.

 

It doesn't sound like you have a lot of trust in him. Are you sure you were ready to get back together with him at this time? If you can't completely trust him, it will never work.

[GrowingUp]

I have always had trust issues throughout my life, I'm working on it, and thats one of the big reasons why we broke up in the first place. Its hard.

[FathomFear]

I think we all need to remind ourselves sometimes that we should assume people will behave like adults until they demonstate otherwise.

 

I would try to imagine a reverse scenario. If you were living with a guy, could you resist the temptation of cheating on your boyfriend? If so, there's no reason why you can't give that benefit of the doubt to your boyfriend now.

[GrowingUp]

I think we all need to remind ourselves sometimes that we should assume people will behave like adults until they demonstate otherwise.

 

I would try to imagine a reverse scenario. If you were living with a guy, could you resist the temptation of cheating on your boyfriend? If so, there's no reason why you can't give that benefit of the doubt to your boyfriend now.

I would never ever cheat on him, he has never cheated on me either.

[greywolf]

I think that whenever you feel insecure about it, you should remind yourself about what kind of guy your SO is. Remind yourself that he is a trustworthy and respectable person.

 

And if you don't think those things about him, then you might have to rethink the relationship. =/

[Lucius]

Trust is like a muscle; if you want it to grow, you've gotta use it. The more you trust, and the more that trust is rewarded with trustworthy behaviour, the easier and more natural it becomes.

[mattj]

I actually have 3 housemates of the opposite sex- my girlfriend wasn't impressed at first, but now she's alright with it, because she trusts me.

[jengh]

I have lived with so many guys...and not ONCE has anything happened.

[GrowingUp]

Hay thanks everyone I feel much better about this now!

[Kumatora]

My boyfriend lived with a SINGLE woman (of the same culture too) while he was away at med school. Not ONCE did I think or even worry about them hooking up behind my back. Nothing happened between them