I cannot attract women.

[easyguy]

Well I got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that a girl likes me and another girl actually thinks I'm cute. However the bad news is neither one of the girls are my type.

 

Well the girl who thinks I am cute is a good person, but not what I am looking for. She has a nice body, but she dresses down everyday. She is kinda nasty. I dress atleast decent and I expect the same from a woman. I've heard that she sleeps around with allot of guys.

 

The other girl works with me. I don't want to date an employee. She is just a friend of mine. She is not the type of person who gives me that "happy" feeling. She also has no personality.

 

Right on, man.

 

However, to take the advice from a couple buddies of mine, one of whom is in college and engaged to a woman 10 years older than him and a different race:

 

You are probably going to have to date different "types" of women to know what you want and don't want. It's easy to jot down a long list of what you think you want and don't want in a woman, and some of them are probably very important to you, but you don't know what kind of woman is going to really bring the best out of you. Dating is when you discover what your mind wants and what your heart wants. You won't know what your heart wants until you've gambled it with different women.

 

I'm not much for the "cold" approach either. I met my first girlfriend 6 months ago at a jam session where I was playing music. Actually, a friend of mine introduced her to me. We broke up recently, but that's beside the point. The point of it is that if you want to really increase your odds at meeting women in general, love who you are, don't obsess about getting a girlfriend (if you love yourself, a girlfriend is not your top concern), and express the traits that make you confident. I wasn't even looking for a girlfriend when I met her, but I guess that self-love kind showed itself. Women find self-confidence attractive.

 

You know what you love doing in love more than we do, so exploit it. Develop weekly hangs at places where men and women go to have a good time and relax. Make new friends. You never know when one of them will bring a lady along for you to meet.

 

No one has the secret for meeting and keeping a woman, but it's probably not going to happen if you are not absolutely, 100% comfortable in your own skin and could go either way whether you are single or not. Women will notice when you've got something hip going on inside you, like you're just bursting with happiness. Like Annie said, engage yourself fully in what you enjoy doing, and if you are sincere and obviously into what you do, then others will notice. One of my close friends is one of the most attractive human beings (not necessary physically, but socially... holy smokes) I've ever met. You can just tell he loves life, whether he is single or not. There's always someone around him, hanging, talking, whatever.

 

You've got to stop looking towards others for approval. I have never posted photos of myself for comments on whether people think I am attractive or not. It's not just about looks, but vibe. You have to manifest that yourself. I can't teach you how to be you. Only you can. Brand yourself, walk your own pace, dress in an appealing style and change your attitude. Get some kind of swagger. Not arrogance, confidence. I'm sure you'll attract women when you stop caring what others think about you. Right now, you seem a bit distant from that. It's not criticism, but an observation.

 

Just my two cents.

[annie24]

hey - that's great though. at least you attracted some women (even if they aren't your type.) keep looking. eventually you'll find someone who has what you want and vice versa.

[Mr. Franklin]

It actually is criticism.

 

Right on for attracting low quality women?

 

I'm not looking for any kind of approval. I am not asking for permission to do anything. All I asked do these clothes look good or not. That does not mean I will stop wearing the clothes.

 

I have to post my pictures for this type of topic. I can't say that women tell me that I am too ugly to date without showing pictures. How can people truly judge the situation without knowing what I look like and what I wear? Without them that would a huge hole in trying to solve the problem.

 

Well I am not too sure about what type of vibe I give off to women. They tell me that I have an attractive personality by being sweet, funny, social, and respectful. Then they tell me that I am too physically ugly to date.

 

I don't have any other social problems. I DO have friends and I meet new people on campus everyday because I work on campus. That is how I formed allot of networks. I have a good rep on campus by teachers and students. There are people on campus who know me and I have no clue who they are.

[Mr. Franklin]

I was interested in a girl on campus. I've seen her at the office where I work at on campus in late 2009. My friends know who she is. We had a party at the office and my friends invented her. They told her that someone was interested in her. She agreed to come. She also knows who I am. However she did not come, and I heard she went out of town.

 

A week later she my friends that she was going to come to the office, but she never did. Recently she added me on Facebook. I wrote her a message introducing myself, and she just ignored me. Not a single response. I have a good rep on campus. Me and her have not spoken to each other on a casual level. So I'm guessing my looks turned her off. I'm just going to move on.

[tso]

Franklin, do you think your standards are maybe too high? I'm a guy and I've seen your pics and you look an average looking guy. You're not ugly, but a 6/7 out of 10 on looks.

 

Reading your posts, you seem to be after extremely beautiful women. Don't we all? But you have to be realistic and perhaps settle for a bit less. I'm not saying get with a girl you don't find attractive, but if you find a girl reasonably attractive then why not give her a shot and see how things go?

[candykisses]

Every girl who has rejected has said I have too ugly to date. Girls who I did not asked on dates also said that I am the ugliest guy there is date. I am the worst of the worst.(Don't get confused, I am saying their opinions. I am not calling myself ugly).

 

 

In school girls always said I am the worst looking guy to get.

 

My girl friends told me that they don't know anyone who would even go out with me once. Some have told me to turn gay to find love.

 

All these girls for effin real?!?!?!?!?!?! Telling someone they're too ugly?!?!?!?! I am disgusted. Truth is they've probably got issues/insecurities of their own, so I wouldn't worry about them.

 

And since you asked, you look perfectly fine to me. You're only 20, girls who are your age tend to have different priorities than girls who are older. I know that when I was 20 I tended to be more superficial and immature -- if a guy didn't dress to my taste then forget it, etc.

 

Be patient. A quality girl who meets your standards will come.

[dr_styles]

I usually stay out of threads that have gotten a bit touchy but this one's an exception ...

 

Your look You look normal enough to me as well. Guess you've heard that enough from this forum enough and probably like most here it is quite an honest thing too, but I can understand how you might brush this all off as "supportive forum lies" to make you feel better, true or not.

I can see how the ears stand out though. A lot in the older shot but definitely the recent shots look fine. I will say if you want to do something about them then go ahead. I'm not a fan of major changes but it's clearly hurting your confidence a bit.

 

The blown-up race thing I don't quite get what all the hoo-haa is about either. Preferences are preferences. Hey I'm generally not attracted to darker skinned people either (a couple but rarely) but hardly influences my behaviour. I should add though I've never had to reject or ignore anyone either, which leads me to the next question.

Are your standards actually costing you, obviously?

In another thread I posted how it baffles me that people complain about being single and unwanted, then detail how they reject people left right and centre. So where do you fall in then ...

 

I'm surprised at how many people are seriously telling you you're ugly though. The truth is a hard thing to get these days.

[Mr. Franklin]

Franklin, do you think your standards are maybe too high? I'm a guy and I've seen your pics and you look an average looking guy. You're not ugly, but a 6/7 out of 10 on looks.

 

Reading your posts, you seem to be after extremely beautiful women. Don't we all? But you have to be realistic and perhaps settle for a bit less. I'm not saying get with a girl you don't find attractive, but if you find a girl reasonably attractive then why not give her a shot and see how things go?

 

I'm not asking out 10s. More like 7 and 8s.

 

All these girls for effin real?!?!?!?!?!?! Telling someone they're too ugly?!?!?!?! I am disgusted. Truth is they've probably got issues/insecurities of their own, so I wouldn't worry about them.

 

And since you asked, you look perfectly fine to me. You're only 20, girls who are your age tend to have different priorities than girls who are older. I know that when I was 20 I tended to be more superficial and immature -- if a guy didn't dress to my taste then forget it, etc.

 

Be patient. A quality girl who meets your standards will come.

 

Friends as of late have been telling me the same thing. Just be patient and things will change with age. I honestly don't see it.

 

I've recently was interested in this one girl who I have no classes with. She lied to my friends for about a month that she wanted to talk to me at work on campus, but never showed up. She told my friends that she was flatter that I was interested in her. Then she just ignores me after she added me on Facebook. I sent her a message introducing myself and asking her would she like to hangout on campus. Not one response.

 

I might see a girl walking past me and I say hi. They normally don't respond.

 

I usually stay out of threads that have gotten a bit touchy but this one's an exception ...

 

Your look You look normal enough to me as well. Guess you've heard that enough from this forum enough and probably like most here it is quite an honest thing too, but I can understand how you might brush this all off as "supportive forum lies" to make you feel better, true or not.

I can see how the ears stand out though. A lot in the older shot but definitely the recent shots look fine. I will say if you want to do something about them then go ahead. I'm not a fan of major changes but it's clearly hurting your confidence a bit.

 

The blown-up race thing I don't quite get what all the hoo-haa is about either. Preferences are preferences. Hey I'm generally not attracted to darker skinned people either (a couple but rarely) but hardly influences my behaviour. I should add though I've never had to reject or ignore anyone either, which leads me to the next question.

Are your standards actually costing you, obviously?

In another thread I posted how it baffles me that people complain about being single and unwanted, then detail how they reject people left right and centre. So where do you fall in then ...

 

I'm surprised at how many people are seriously telling you you're ugly though. The truth is a hard thing to get these days.

 

I never rejected anyone before. There is this one girl who likes me at work, but never said it to me. She has told other people she has interest in me. However she does not pass a single standard of mines. I have not attraction to her at all.

[annie24]

hi isn't really starting a conversation though. when a girl is walking or jogging by. if someone says hi to me, i say hi, and keep walking.

[Mr. Franklin]

I know it does not start conversation. I was just pointing out how much women ignore me and avoid me.

[mmmd]

maybe you're too forward?

 

come on too strong?

 

don't know man, just hang in there.

[Go Habs Go]

You seem like any ordinary 20 year old. I would suggest looking at other places. You seem to be coming accross the shallow ones. And your girlfriends should be the last ones that you look to for advice in this area. Talk with someone that is successful with women and they'll give you some advice.

[newwave]

I know I shouldn't respond and the op is a younger guy, but I've seen this problem with older guys who should know better. Basically, there's these average (and sometimes below average) guys who don't want average or below average girls, they want above average girls. Sorry, but in most cases you won't get those types. I am an attractive woman, not really picky on looks, but am repulsed by guys who think they deserve someone like me, if that makes sense. However, if a less attractive guy treats me well he stands a chance to some extent. By that I mean he can't be obese. Maybe guys, if you lowered your standards you'd find someone.

 

Btw, I've had a few guys reject me because to them I wasn't pretty enough (ie, I wasn't blonde and a size zero). Need I say that these guys are still single and approaching 50? That's what happens to average and below average men who don't lower their standards.

[Go Habs Go]

Those guys are morons. I've never done what you've described. Actually, that's not completely true. I have discriminated against looks, though it was the best looking ones I ruled out.

[Mr. Franklin]

You seem like any ordinary 20 year old. I would suggest looking at other places. You seem to be coming accross the shallow ones. And your girlfriends should be the last ones that you look to for advice in this area. Talk with someone that is successful with women and they'll give you some advice.

 

My friends who are successful with women normally say just wait. Earlier today one was saying behind my back that my only chance at anything is to turn gay.

 

I know I shouldn't respond and the op is a younger guy, but I've seen this problem with older guys who should know better. Basically, there's these average (and sometimes below average) guys who don't want average or below average girls, they want above average girls. Sorry, but in most cases you won't get those types. I am an attractive woman, not really picky on looks, but am repulsed by guys who think they deserve someone like me, if that makes sense. However, if a less attractive guy treats me well he stands a chance to some extent. By that I mean he can't be obese. Maybe guys, if you lowered your standards you'd find someone.

 

Btw, I've had a few guys reject me because to them I wasn't pretty enough (ie, I wasn't blonde and a size zero). Need I say that these guys are still single and approaching 50? That's what happens to average and below average men who don't lower their standards.

 

How are my standards too high? Where do I stand on the rating scale? I honestly need to hear it from a neutral woman instead of just friends.

 

Average and below average girls are also repulsed by me.

[Go Habs Go]

My friends who are successful with women normally say just wait. Earlier today one was saying behind my back that my only chance at anything is to turn gay.

 

 

They're right. Rushing things won't work and settling is the worst thing you can do. I did that before and I was stupid to do so.

[annie24]

maybe you're too forward?

 

come on too strong?

 

don't know man, just hang in there.

 

it's not that saying hi to a random woman on the street is 'too forward' - more like it is a bit creepy. this is all in my opinion, but usually the random men who say hi to me on the street are like homeless or kind of creepy guys. most well put together men don't say hi to random women on the street. i can't imagine that any woman will stop and start talking to the guy in that context.

 

this is not to say that you, mr. franklin, are creepy, because that isn't the 'vibe' i pick up from you. but i do want you to know that most women will avoid men in that situation. why? because our parents taught us not to talk to strangers. usually a man who says hi to a random woman on the street probably doesn't have good intentions. which has been your experience with women avoiding you.

 

on the other hand, saying hi to women you know from class, from your dormitory, from church, that's ok, and to be encouraged! and you can go up and introduce yourself like, 'hey - aren't you in my poli sci class?' or 'were you at church last week - you look familiar.' that is fine and cool and friendly.

[Organs]

They're right. Rushing things won't work and settling is the worst thing you can do. I did that before and I was stupid to do so.

 

I can't believe you replied to "my friend said behind my back that I should just turn gay" with that.

 

Change makes a big difference. Maybe you need new friends? Or at least make more friends and see your current batch of friends less? Maybe find new hobbies, stores to shop at, gaming groups, book clubs, link removed groups, etc.?

 

Meeting and engaging with more people will fuel your perspective considerably. And who knows? Maybe you'll find some people who think you're just fine the way you are?

[Go Habs Go]

I can't believe you replied to "my friend said behind my back that I should just turn gay" with that.

 

Change makes a big difference. Maybe you need new friends? Or at least make more friends and see your current batch of friends less? Maybe find new hobbies, stores to shop at, gaming groups, book clubs, link removed groups, etc.?

 

Meeting and engaging with more people will fuel your perspective considerably. And who knows? Maybe you'll find some people who think you're just fine the way you are?

 

 

I wasn't referring to the gay part. ](*,)

[Organs]

I wasn't referring to the gay part. ](*,)

 

If his friends aren't helping his self esteem with blasé criticism, then how are you?

[Go Habs Go]

If his friends aren't helping his self esteem with blasé criticism, then how are you?

 

 

His friends said to wait and not to rush things. If he rushes, that's a sign of desperation. Only one said to turn gay.

[Anyway]

One important question came to my mind while I was reading your post: What do you think of yourself? Have you rated yourself yet? The way you see yourself, the world sees you. Looks do help in the dating world but for men attitude is way more important. Yes, it's about this fabulous confidence thing.

 

So, what are you going to do about your 'problem'? Do want to keep asking questions? Do you want to take action? I'm interested in your 'solution'.

[Mr. Franklin]

I would not say these are random women. Some are in my classes. Some of them I see at work(I work on campus) often.

 

 

 

Sometimes I feel that I am good looking, but then comments from women sink in my mind. Above average, average, and below average girls see me as the man NOT to date. "ew he's * * * * ing ugly", "I don't want a ear freak", "I'm not going to sleep with dumbo". I've pretty much heard of it all. These same women were not interested in me when I had confidence.

 

So far I've been working out for a few months. I have a doctor's appointment this month about my ears. At this point I have the choices to get surgery, or have no companionship.

[Organs]

His friends said to wait and not to rush things. If he rushes, that's a sign of desperation. Only one said to turn gay.

 

Even that's pretty sorry for advice. Sitting and waiting for things to just improve doesn't work. One has to actively try to improve one's life for things to change for the better.

[Mr. Franklin]

I just read some articles about my deformity( this is one of them link removed ). Looks like I have no choice but to get surgery. They're just unacceptable and are found very unattractive.

 

I'm planning on getting plastic surgery very soon. I was wondering if anyone has experienced plastic surgery before. What is it like? Did everything go according to plan? Also will insurance companies cover deformities that damage social, psychological, and personal lives?