I cannot attract women.

[sweetdslollipop]

Women here have said you aren't ugly. So what does that mean?

[Mr. Franklin]

Women here have said you aren't ugly. So what does that mean?

 

.................oh

 

It's very simple. I have not met a woman who is attracted to me.

[xShannyx]

I apologize if I offended you. I know they are not facts. I do not see it as a fact. It's just a stereotype.

 

If I try girls who do not fit my standards then how is that not lowering standards?

 

I never said that I said that I am ugly. Can people please stop putting words in my mouth? I clearly said that WOMEN say I am ugly. Women who I went to high school, middle school, and currently college tell me that I am physically ugly.

 

That's ok. Ok maybe I didn't make that clear enough. Let's say you see a girl who is fat but has a cute face and she's staring and simling at you. Will you not approach her because she isnt slender, even though she's cleary interested? That's what I'm trying to say. And sorry I wasnt reading clearly. I have this same problem except I DO consider myself unattractive...anyway you seem to have a nice personality, but you've just been meeting the wrong girls. Everyone has a different prespective of what they find attractive so there WILL be a girl out there who finds you good looking or just doesn't care about how you look.

[Mr. Franklin]

No way. If a girl does not apply to my standards then I would only be her friend. Nothing more.

 

I'm not sure where to meet the right girls at. There are so many different type of girls everywhere especially at school. None of the different types of girls found me physically attractive. I tried asking out different types of girls. Pretty much no girl in school found me attractive. Not even the worst looking girls would look at me.

[Cminor7th]

I felt very much the same way Mr. Franklin as I've been stereotyped as an "oreo" too, but that is just how the world is at times.

 

Trust me, attitude is what will win over a majority of females. I'm not much of a looker either, but I changed my attitude, and it worked. Hell, look at how many busted-broke-down dudes pull women, and they don't have magic powers, it is just that they have confidence....

 

Do you have any hobbies/skills to bring out that confidence?

[MakestheBest]

I don't think I posted this in the opening post, but I am not attracted to most black women. I am not physically attracted to black women, and most young black women my age who I know are ghetto which is unattractive to me because I am an Oreo cookie.. I know I am black and some people criticize me of this.

 

you said in an earlier post that the comment you make is not 'self-hating', but it is let me see if I can explain this properly...You are black- right? you come from a 'home" that includes men, women, boys and girls. This is the group that you belong to. This is your 'home". You grew up in this "home", The people in your "home" made you breakfast, taught you how to ride a bike, read you bedtime stories, prepared you for college etc. The men, women, boys and girls in this "home" you came from.

 

But when you finally decide to find a mate ( start a new home of your own) You want only a mate that doesn't look, act, dress like the people in your own "home". She can't provide you with children that look the the children in your original "home", you feel like the people in your old "home" are not good enough for you. You decide to align yourself with people that come from another home.

 

That,my friend is self hatred.

[sweetdslollipop]

Oh the irony.

[Hikapo]

interesting topic.

 

You definitely have some issues going on there mr franklin. I used to not love myself and not be proud of my own race. If you pride yourself as 'Oreo Cookie', that means you are not embracing your own race.

 

Oh, and inter-racial dating decreases your chances by a bit. People are generally more comfortable dating their own race.

 

I am asian. I have asked a total of 15 women out that are non-asian, and gotten 2 dates from 2 women. Thats 2 out of 15. But both didn't work out due to our differences.

 

You have to get over the fear of rejection too. It took me a while to learn that, and even every now and then it creeps back into me.

[Mr. Franklin]

This has nothing to do with self hate. I am not attracted to most black women. That does not mean I am ashamed of my race. I don't have a problem being black.

 

When did someone change the law to decide I must date within my race? I never said I would never date a black woman. I have asked out a few black women who I found attractive. I have also asked out women of different races.

 

Who I am has nothing to do with self hate. I am who I am by my choices.

[hexaemeron]

I really have to say, I find it ironic that "I've never had a girlfriend" is stated and then an inflexible, unforgiving laundry list of attributes to which a woman must 100% adhere is presented.

 

Hmm...

 

I guess, by this logic, you just haven't passed the test of any woman's inflexible, unforgiving laundry list yet.

 

Maybe if you, I don't know... relax on your "requirements" and open yourself up to an unexpected attraction, maybe you'd have that first kiss, first love and know what it's like to fall in love, and have someone fall back.

[Mr. Franklin]

I'm not opening myself to someone who is less than my standards. No one wants to date someone they find unattractive.

[Panther_Dude]

I'm not opening myself to someone who is less than my standards. No one wants to date someone they find unattractive.

 

First off, I seen your pics. You ears stick out a bit, but those women must be high as a kite on a windy day when they rated you. You look okay to me.

 

Second...sooner or later...you may have to be flexible with your standards. But this is what people say on tv shows and maybe in real life.

[hexaemeron]

I'm not opening myself to someone who is less than my standards. No one wants to date someone they find unattractive.

 

Then, respectfully, stop complaining about not being able to attract women, as you clearly aren't meeting their standards either.

[ItRainsItPours]

you're not attracted to black women and you identify your personality as "white". if that isn't being ashamed of your race I dont know what is. I'm half black and I am in medical school, when people say I talk or act white I fly off the handle. apparently speaking proper english and valuing education isn't very "black". and you did say you couldn't get women, its the title of the thread. honestly your looks are the least of your concerns, you seem to have a pretty crappy attitude and are extremely judgemental. for someone who considers themself unattractive Im surprised at how high your standards are. beggers cant be choosers, you should shoot for good personality not "slender with large breasts".

 

also you came onto this forum asking for help. everyone here has given you advice essentially saying the same thing yet you argue with us all. like my daddy always told me "keep doing what you're doing and keep getting what you've got". maybe if you went about things differently you wouldnt be 20 and waiting on your first kiss.

 

also the comments about race barriers I disagree with. I'm dating a korean girl right now who is very traditional. and I know a lot of non asian guys are intimidated by asian girls because they rarely date outside of their race but its all about attitude. I just thought "hey this girl is pretty cute, I bet I could get her to go on a date with me". and she did.

[Razze33]

Wow, I'm actually somewhat vexed after looking at your pictures. I can understand you coming to this site for an unbiased, honest opinion on your appearance and let me say that it's completely appalling how ignorant high school students and the general public can be.

 

With that being said, you look completely, 100% normal... that is without the jersey. Not being racist but the way you look in that picture completely fits into a "negative typecast." Your polo shirt is very long as well, perhaps try a size smaller?

 

Won't get into the mental aspects as from skimming this thread it seems that has been addressed, just wanted to offer my brief outtake on your pics.

 

Good Luck.

 

OK Edit: Didn't see the rest of your clothing apparel at the bottom. Dude you honestly dress like you're in middle school if you honestly wear those sports graphic tees. Go to link removed (neglect the douchey graphic tees and v-necks) and look around there, it's centered around late teens / early twenty's demographic. Get a couple pair of Levi jeans, nice shoes (pumas / sperrys for the summer), and some nice fitting polo shirts with good shorts (not nike lol) that won't be confused with highwaters. You're also incredibly lanky man... eat! Joining a gym would be a great option.

[Mr. Franklin]

I think I see the problem.

 

Is this how you usually dress for school?

 

I'm at an amusement. I said that above the link you clicked. It is pretty clear in the picture.](*,)

 

Please remove my picture. I posted links for a reason. My photobucket account is having problems. No one should be able to copy and save my pictures. The setting is setup for viewing only.

 

you're not attracted to black women and you identify your personality as "white". if that isn't being ashamed of your race I dont know what is. I'm half black and I am in medical school, when people say I talk or act white I fly off the handle. apparently speaking proper english and valuing education isn't very "black". and you did say you couldn't get women, its the title of the thread. honestly your looks are the least of your concerns, you seem to have a pretty crappy attitude and are extremely judgemental. for someone who considers themself unattractive Im surprised at how high your standards are. beggers cant be choosers, you should shoot for good personality not "slender with large breasts".

 

also you came onto this forum asking for help. everyone here has given you advice essentially saying the same thing yet you argue with us all. like my daddy always told me "keep doing what you're doing and keep getting what you've got". maybe if you went about things differently you wouldnt be 20 and waiting on your first kiss.

 

also the comments about race barriers I disagree with. I'm dating a korean girl right now who is very traditional. and I know a lot of non asian guys are intimidated by asian girls because they rarely date outside of their race but its all about attitude. I just thought "hey this girl is pretty cute, I bet I could get her to go on a date with me". and she did.

 

I'm not ashamed of "black people". I talk to black people everyday. I just do not act like the stereotype black man. I refuse to act that way. Some friends criticize me because I do not listen to music made by black artist. I dislike rap, soul, jazz, and hip hop. It is the style and message of the music that I dislike. It has nothing to do with the racist of people who are singing.

 

If I am not attracted to the girl both physically and personality I will only be her friend. I never said a girl must have big breast.

 

 

Wow, I'm actually somewhat vexed after looking at your pictures. I can understand you coming to this site for an unbiased, honest opinion on your appearance and let me say that it's completely appalling how ignorant high school students and the general public can be.

 

With that being said, you look completely, 100% normal... that is without the jersey. Not being racist but the way you look in that picture completely fits into a "negative typecast." Your polo shirt is very long as well, perhaps try a size smaller?

 

Won't get into the mental aspects as from skimming this thread it seems that has been addressed, just wanted to offer my brief outtake on your pics.

 

Good Luck.

 

OK Edit: Didn't see the rest of your clothing apparel at the bottom. Dude you honestly dress like you're in middle school if you honestly wear those sports graphic tees. Go to link removed (neglect the douchey graphic tees and v-necks) and look around there, it's centered around late teens / early twenty's demographic. Get a couple pair of Levi jeans, nice shoes (pumas / sperrys for the summer), and some nice fitting polo shirts with good shorts (not nike lol) that won't be confused with highwaters. You're also incredibly lanky man... eat! Joining a gym would be a great option.

 

I've seen Express Clothing before and it is not me at all. Pants with holes in them look trashy. There is nothing on that site I will ever wear. If you like that style then good for you, but it is not me. I normally can't wear smaller sizes because they will be either too small or too short. Then again it also depends on the brand.

 

It annoys and offends me that people think a man who weights 164 pounds at 6 foot is incredibly skinny. I know that I am not built, but hell I'm not a stick. I can't see my bones like most skinny people. I DO EAT. All because a man is skinny does not mean he eats very little.

 

Like I said in the opening post I am going to the gym.

 

Then, respectfully, stop complaining about not being able to attract women, as you clearly aren't meeting their standards either.

 

I don't know what your problem is with me. I'm only asking for help. So I should stop trying because every woman I've met who is unattractive and attractive found me as the worst looking guy on Earth.

[annie24]

Mr. Franklin - reading through your post, it seems to me like you have a lot of good qualities. i think maybe you should try joining and organization or club where you can meet women with similar interests naturally. what about a church youth group? or sign up for dance classes or a book club. somewhere with a lot of women where you can get to know them in a more natural way than a 'cold approach' which i think is extremely challenging for many men.

[Mr. Franklin]

You are absolutely right. I'm not a member of any clubs. Recently in the Political Science there is suppose to be a meeting and they are looking for leadership and new members. This is my major so I'm thinking about going.

 

I was a member of the youth choir at church when I was in high school. The girls did not like me as boyfriend material, but I was only a member to actually sing. I did not meet their physical quota.

[annie24]

i think you should stop thinking so much about 'meeting their physical quota' and just focus on the activities you get involved in. you sound like a smart guy with a good future ahead of you. You may not look like Denzel Washington, but you know what? I don't look like Megan Fox, so there you go. There are more important things in life. think of the good qualities you have and the good things you have to bring to a relationship. The right girl for you will see those qualities and love you for them. Since you want a girl who is christian, what about joining a church group that does things together - like weekend getaways, picnics, etc.... My friend met her fiance in such a church group.

[UserLain]

Ughh, people. Can we stop stoning this guy?? I dont see his preference for non-black or non-"ghetto" women as a matter of self-hate, people are 'PC'ing and psychologizing this wayy too much. Jeez, he just doesnt like girls with a ghetto-ish attitude/personality, it's simple! K.I.S.S.!! (it means Keep It Simple Stupid) Neither do I! Neither do a LOT of sensible people! Including many of you I'm sure. So give him a break, I've seen him being called defensive and -being- defensive, and rightfully so. That's quite fair, when people are OFFended or have their issues TOLD to them, especially if they know better, it's understandable how they should react.

 

Anyway, to you dude. I'll put it this way and I think it's accurate. Who girls are usually attracted to has a vast amount to do with culture. and being an "oreo" as you put it, might make you the odd one out. You're NOT ugly, you're the odd one out. But your only the odd one out if your in the wrong place right? Tell me something, you know the story of The Ugly Duckling? Have you found "home"? If not, you will eventually. Whether you call that home a wife or a group of friends, you'll find it if you're looking. Like someone said, getting involved in activities where you can meet people of like mind is a great idea and a very healthy one.

 

Don't get me wrong tho, the fact is yr not ugly at all. I can see a large amount of "types" of girls not being into you maybe and at your young age unfortunately, these types abound. The majority of people (younger girls anyway) are attracted to "types". It's easy to get a ghetto-ish girl if you're ghetto-ish. There's a million girls watching MTV right now drooling over *insert random hip hop guy here* and there's a million guys trying (consciously or not)to fit that mold and being successful at it. It could be a hip-hop mold, a rocker mold, a jock mold, prep mold, etc. Doesn't matter. Do you want to be one of those people? I doubt it.

 

Ya know, you have a little bit of a nerdy vibe in you maybe, and thats not a bad thing. There are definitely girls who like that. And those girls tend to be real sweeties too. AND sometimes those girls can be serious hotties as well if that's what you're hoping for. Not to toot my own horn but over the years I've gotten the impression that I'm a hot guy from what girls have said. and -I- can tell you that I love nerdy girls. I can imagine if i got involved with a nerdy girl who thought I was hot and maybe didnt think she was all that attractive might be surprised? There's this serious cutie with thick-ass glasses who works at walmart that I've been too shy to talk to as of yet. The point is ya never know what kind of person can be interested in you, and to believe the worst would be seriously self-defeating.

 

On the whole you seem like a "looking for one great woman to eventually settle down with" kind of guy, and think your PERFECT for attracting that type of girl. Because you seem stable and you've probably got your head on your shoulders and are going somewhere in life.

 

As far as your ears go, i'd say change only if -you- -reallyy- feel you need to. I really don't think you do tho, there's nothing wrong with em.

 

Like everyone said, your attitude, confidence and personality are the most important part of being an attractive person. I would certainly work on this. At the moment I dont recall all the posts to give you my own opinion on you, but make sure you've got yourself together in that department. Beyond that, there's nothing wrong with a bit of a make-over if you feel comfortable with it. Maybe bring a little more edge to your look, edge goes a long way. But ultimately you'll need some edge on the inside or your clothes won't take you far. Nothing will take you far if you don't having it going on on the inside.

You're a good looking guy and if you had the confidence you should have you'd be a pretty sly mofo and I'd be worried about ya if i saw you lookin at the girl I was interested in.

 

PS: Please stop -shaming- the guy for not wanting a fat girl. It's NOT much to ask to want a girl with a decent body and who takes care of herself. He has every right to want that. Leave the poor guy alone.

 

Good luck dude.

[helloladies21]

Well this conversation kind of got off topic, so I'll go back and try and address some of your original concerns. I can say for a fact that I personally know guys who are uglier than you (by a lot in some cases) and they get great looking girls. Better looking girls than I can get and I'm reasonably attractive!

 

It's all about the way you talk to girls. It's the style of jokes you tell them, it's the look on your face and in your eyes. It's your body language. It's your response to the things she says. It's the direction of the conversation, that you should be the one directing. It's your responses to their tests. There's so much that goes into whether or not a girl is sexually attracted to you, it really is a science.

 

The bottom line is that you shouldn't take these girls' statements as the truth. They might say it's your looks that turn them off, but it's different than that. It's something that they can't put into words, so this is the easiest thing they can place the blame on. Work on getting better skills at attracting women and you will have more women attracted to you.

[Mr. Franklin]

UserLain what you said really hurts, but I see what you mean. I'm not a "type". Media has not influence me to mock certain people and styles. With a larger amount of girls not being into someone like myself then that leaves only a few choices if any. Now I understand why friends tell me they don't know any girls who would like guys like myself.

 

I don't understand what you mean by "Have you found home?". I have friends and family.

[UserLain]

Home is where you feel....well hm.....I assume you know the story of the ugly duckling, i guess how that swan felt when it found its family of swans as opposed to being among the ducks?

 

Where you're appreciated for what you really are. Where people know who you really are deep inside and hold you in good esteem. As opposed to maybe "friends" who dont really think much of you even if they maybe hide it. Home's where you feel loved. Where you feel seen and highly valued for exactly what you really are and nothing cheaper or what you're not. It's being around people who are really like you and you feel a real kinship with them, they understand you, etc.

 

The best I can describe for now.

[UserLain]

It sucks that it hurts, sorry. You can either try to fit in more, or not. Or look for a more common ground to stand on? I dont really think you should tho. You're not the problem, you just haven't found the place where people (girls) really value you much. Instead of changing, just find them. I think that's a lot better. And aren't these the type of people who's company you'd prefer anyway? You like yourself right? I assume you do or otherwise you'd probably just choose the easy way and try to fit in more. Wouldn't you prefer beign around the people who see what YOU see in you? I would guess if you're that different than a lot of the people you're among. You very well likely might not think so much of THEM either. maybe? if so, find the ones who you do, who will feel the same towards you. In my opinion they're probably much more worthwhile people to have in your life. And you seem like a fine person that an intelligent and genuinely cool (instead of hip) person would value having in their lives.

[annie24]

UserLain what you said really hurts, but I see what you mean. I'm not a "type". Media has not influence me to mock certain people and styles. With a larger amount of girls not being into someone like myself then that leaves only a few choices if any. Now I understand why friends tell me they don't know any girls who would like guys like myself.

 

I don't understand what you mean by "Have you found home?". I have friends and family.

 

to me, your 'type' sounds like an intellectual guy with a slightly dorky side, but also an interest in sports and politics and religion. i think that's a good combo. you would probably do well with a girl with similar interests. ie, the kind of girl who is cute and smart, and would rather talk about world events than about fashion and movie stars.

 

by "home" i think userlain means like a home away from home. for me, it is in the dance classes i take. we're all friends (for the most part) and take dance classes and then socialize by going to parties together, or throwing dance events, etc.... it's not like i just spend 2 hours at dance class a week and go home, but i've become friends with those people and interact with them, and met their friends, etc...

 

i mean, something like that would be good for you. like my friend who met her fiance at church. they have a group where they get sunday afternoon lunches together after the service, and sometimes organize hiking weekends. i think that sounds like a good way to meet like-minded women.

 

how about the next time you see a cute girl in your class, ask if you can borrow her notes, or maybe ask her about the last test. you know, chat her up a bit about school.

 

good luck