MarkD Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 My now ex finally told me tonight that we arent going to be getting back together, we arent going to try and work things out. She is very stressed with school and said she cant be in a relationship that causes more stress and cant do the long distance thing anymore. She doesnt want to be in a relationship... I am devistated to say the least. Although finally getting an answer has somewhat helped. The guessing and not knowing was absolute torture...Ive lost around 20lbs, couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, couldnt think... Now I have hit rock bottom...I guess it is what I needed to move forward. It is such a lonely feeling and Ive been through this before and I know how long the road to recovery is. I am turning 34 next month and cant help but realize Im getting older and the women I see around have baggage. It's so hard to find a kind woman, no kids, not divorced, hasnt slept with every guy in the city. Im somewhat of an old fashioned kinda guy...and Im attracted to the type of girl that i can bring home to my parents. Wish me luck Link to comment
SnowFox Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Its hard to get that final door slammed in your face. Sorry you're going through this. It probably feels like a kick in the stomach. Hang in there!!!!! Link to comment
gardnergirl2 Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Hi Mark There are good women out there (althought they may be divorced or have kids), but right now, you need to heal. I know exactly what you are talking about as do so many here. In total, I have lost about 25 pounds due to my ex so to speak. Now, I needed to lose it honestly, but not that way. You are among company here as all of us are going through the stages of broken heartedness. People will say just move on, as it is the easiest thing on earth. It is not. Let the emotions out. You do get better, but it seems so hopeless at first.... pray and ask God to help you as well. He always cares. Link to comment
MarkD Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 yeah it sure is hard. I wish I hated my ex to make it easier to get over her... Thank God for my wonderful Mother and Father who have been helping me get through this....Dont know what I would do without them. All I get from everyone else is the ol "you need to take control of your life and get over her". Link to comment
SlowandSteady Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 You shouldn't let your age bother you...your are really young to be honest-you have plenty of time. I know you want to be in a relationship but you should definitely not feel like there is pressure or that time is against you. Also there are always plenty of options of someone to date...it just doesn't feel like it now because of the stress your under. You will be fine, you just need to get through the next few weeks, but you know the ropes. Just try not to add more invisible pain to the real stuff you are already feeling. Eventually you will be just fine. Link to comment
SnowFox Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Yeah, I would say to put thoughts about finding someone new on the back burner for now. You need to get through the pain of this first so you will be an emotionally healthy person for your next relationship. Link to comment
MarkD Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 yeah...Im definitely not ready for ANYTHING other then dealing with the pain right now. I have zero interest in other women. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 It's gutting to see yet another person heart broken like this. I understand how you feel when it seems like there IS no hope of finding the right one. As you know this is just the beginning of the hurt you are going to feel and I'm sure you realize that. I wish you luck. I wish all of us who deserve someone to love them the most luck anyone can give. Because I know nobody wants to be alone unloved when we pass on. Myself included. Link to comment
luminousone Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Hi MarkD, I agree that while it hurts now, it is almost a relief to have a definitive answer for the long run. Healing is the key, and time and care will help that along. I think that you will find, that once you have healed and you are in a healthier place, then you will attract women who are in a healthier place in their lives. But it might help to keep an open mind. Don't rule out women who are divorced or have kids necessarily... You might be pleasantly surprised. You will have waves of grief come to you, but in time the waves will be less frequent and less intense. And as far as I'm concerned you are lucky to be 34 -- I think it is a fabulous age to be dating! (at least it was 20 years ago for me...). There are some wonderful women out there who are single and ready to date. And you do not have to date a woman your age, although you will want to make sure she is old enough to have depth and maturity... But first, work on healing from this relationship... Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Mark, I'm single almost a year now, and although I do find a lot of women my age either divorced, with lots of kids etc, it is nice being the object of their affections however!! You'll find its a nice little confidence booster being the eligible batchelor!! Plus my Mum told me the other day, that my Dad was at his best (looks wise) when he hit his 40's. So bring it on, I say!! Link to comment
HeartBrokn Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Hi Mark There are good women out there (althought they may be divorced or have kids), but right now, you need to heal. I know exactly what you are talking about as do so many here. In total, I have lost about 25 pounds due to my ex so to speak. Now, I needed to lose it honestly, but not that way. You are among company here as all of us are going through the stages of broken heartedness. People will say just move on, as it is the easiest thing on earth. It is not. Let the emotions out. You do get better, but it seems so hopeless at first.... pray and ask God to help you as well. He always cares. Great words gardnergirl! Yeah brother lots of us are going through different stages of what you are going through and after a while we find ways of dealing with it better. It's very important to let your emotions out, talk it out don't think you can do it all in one day or in a short period of time. Do not find a replacement girl, ugh. Mistake!!! Just deal with your sorrow, and slowly build up your esteem, confidence and everything will fit in place over time. I am 30 and know the feeling about not being able to find someone because I am "old" but really 50 is not even old in my opinion it's how you look at life and I am really starting to see that right now. Patience is the key, heal yourself and things will get betta. Good Luck Link to comment
celestial262 Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 =( same thing happened to me Link to comment
surfNski Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Thats rough man, I was there six months ago. She finally told me that its over and its not ever going to happen again. It hurts man, I know. I think our age makes it a little more difficult, the dating pool of decent looking women who dont have a lot of baggage is seriously shrinking. Add that to the fact the woman that we loved and saw a future with are gone and it can really get you down. Just keep on putting one foot in front of the other, it has taken me a long time to start really letting her go. But I was able to and you will you, it just takes time and a lot work. You can do it... Link to comment
j_cali_man Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Same thing here man. Sorry for your pain and to read about another guy being gutted. Coming upon 3 months and things are looking better, ex is looking much less "perfect" than before, well over 30 days NC, and moving forward.. It is HARD AS HELL to go though this stuff. Literally brought me to my knees. I am not religious but I ask God for help, work hard to reinvent me, and let myself feel what I needed to feel. Get out with your buddies and leave the other women alone for a while if you need to. I couldn't even look at ladies without getting upset. Now, I am noticing the abundance. I feel you on age...being 34 too. Use that fear as a motivator to hustle and become who you want to be in every sense. That will in turn attract what you want when you are ready. J Link to comment
No1 Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Mark, I feel your pain. I went thru the same thing and I am about 4 weeks into my break up and she broke up with me because of her situation. My beautiful girl just couldnt afford to live in my town and had to move back home. She had to go home to regroup, she had to raise her son, get a better job, improve on her life, solve her own problems. Now, I know she loves me and if she ever comes back to my town we will get back, but for now, I cant want that. I just turned 40 so I know what you mean about getting up there in age. I feel that I am old, unattractive, damaged, worthless. But it only takes one girl to flirt with you to make you feel better. Sounds like she just needs her space right now. She needs to focus her energy on other things and doesnt have the energy to deal with you. Take comfort in this. yes this is a good thing actually because you know what you have to do. All you can do is give her space. Give her time and just let her go for now. Know it has nothing to do with you and her saying "we arent getting back together" is just a reaction to her situation. She is overwhelmed. If you do talk to her, dont mention 'us' or 'we' or plan things 'together' all this will add pressure on her. Remember its about her. Whatever she says right now, whatever she does is irrelevant to you. You have zero control, dont try to regain it, let her go for now. Youll be okay, youll get back together. Just show her that you can give her the space when she needs it. Link to comment
MarkD Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 thanks for the support guys..it really does help. Im still kinda numb...cant really understand that its over right now. Link to comment
Louie3 Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 I wish I hated my ex to make it easier to get over her... Don't say this! You are who you are because you know how to love. If you hated her already, there would be something wrong. Be happy that you are not coldhearted, and that you are able to truly care for someone. As much as it hurts (my heart goes out to you, it is really hard) try to look at it in the light that you gave it your all, and she wasn't the right person for you. You are going to find someone who appreciates all the love that you have to give, and that will return in to you equally. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 I am turning 34 next month and cant help but realize Im getting older and the women I see around have baggage. It's so hard to find a kind woman, no kids, not divorced, hasnt slept with every guy in the city. Im somewhat of an old fashioned kinda guy...and Im attracted to the type of girl that i can bring home to my parents. Wish me luck I found that woman at 40...of course she brought me here! lol 34 is young man, really young. But I know what you mean, I wonder about all that too. It's hard not to after such a shock. Anyhoo look at the absolutely great women (and men) on ena! There is hope. There are great people out there we just have to meet them. As to baggage, we all have baggage of some sort. Don't let what appears to be baggage stop you from exploring someone you like. You just never know. Right? And you make your own luck! Remember that. =) Link to comment
MarkD Posted December 30, 2009 Author Share Posted December 30, 2009 very good feedback my friends... This is actually the second time Im in this situation in the last 5 years. Its just scary to know how long the road to recovery is, but I cant think like that right now. Time does heal...just wish time wasnt going by so slow right now Link to comment
No1 Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 very good feedback my friends... This is actually the second time Im in this situation in the last 5 years. Its just scary to know how long the road to recovery is, but I cant think like that right now. Time does heal...just wish time wasnt going by so slow right now I know your pain dude.. I was right where you are. You cant even imagine being with anyone else nor do you want her to be with anyone else. She is the one for you and you love her and care for her deeply. This might go against all man laws, but let her know that. You love her and you support her in what she has to do (you might not like it, but you have to let her go just for now) and tell her that you are not going to go anywhere and when she does what she needs to do, youll be right here. That doesnt mean you will be waiting or you will put your life on hold. Just shows that you are willing to be there for her still, support her and you are willing to let go and do what she needs to do. You are not alone, I am doing the EXACT same thing for other reasons. I had to let my beautiful X go and we talk every few days, we exchange text messages and pictures. Give your X room to grow, in the long run its going to make you two stronger. Believe she will come back and DO NOT mention your fears or mention "you will meet someone else, I know it" or something like that. If you mention it, chances are its going to happen. Link to comment
HeartBrokn Posted December 30, 2009 Share Posted December 30, 2009 Don't say this! You are who you are because you know how to love. If you hated her already, there would be something wrong. Be happy that you are not coldhearted, and that you are able to truly care for someone. As much as it hurts (my heart goes out to you, it is really hard) try to look at it in the light that you gave it your all, and she wasn't the right person for you. You are going to find someone who appreciates all the love that you have to give, and that will return in to you equally. Great words, you want to hate because it seems like it will help you deal with it better, but honestly it doesn't. Sorrow and sadness you feel after a break up is natural, expect to be down, expect to be shocked, and like another poster said all it takes is one sweet girl to talk and flirt with you to turn your life around, but again wait and don't rush for another just yet. Link to comment
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