Louie3

when you said that we needed to work out our issues and I said how about we try again in three months and you asked me if I really thought 3 months would be enough for us to work out our personal issues, is that what you meant? Are you really working on yourself? Did you change your mind and decide I was the bad guy, and that my issues wre the only problem? I hope not. I hope you are taking care of yourself and working on your problems. I hope that one day I will get contact from you and you will say that you are sorry for what your end of it was. I wonder if you will ever write to me again, if you will be thinking of me 6 months from now. I wonder if you are thinking of me right now, if you ever dream about me the same time I am dreaming about you, or if you totally shut me out of your mind. I wonder if you write about me, the way you wrote of your ex when you guys broke up. I wonder if you didn't just find someone new and now look at me like I was the bad guy, speaking bitterly of me as you did of her. You blamed all of your fights on her, but all of our fights were not my fault, do you think they are now that you are out of the relationship? You said that you and her were not friends because she hated you, because she didn't want to be your friend. But you hardly communciated with me at all. Finally, I had to tell you not to contact me because the short messages where you still called my your baby and that you loved me, but not that you missed me, were too painful. I just want to go and drink by myself right now. I have not felt so low for weeks. I did everything you asked me to do. I am not take that medication anymore, I am trying to find other ways to deal with this terrible anxiety that I have. but right now, all I want to do, is take xanax and drink beer in bed and cry and listen to music until I fall asleep. When I wake up all I want it so do it again. And again and again until one day I wake up to you calling me and telling me I am your cosita preciosa and that everything is going to be ookay. That you are here for me and you always will be, but that you made a mistake and you would do anything to have me back in your life. I don't want to die but I don't want to live without you. I wsih that everything went back to how it was before, but that we could help eachother work through our problems instead of breaking up like that. It was so fast. What happened to us? Why didn't you want to be there for me when I was so culture shocked and scared and felt so alone there? you were all I had there, and you just turned yourself off and were unavailalbe and I was so scared and you didn't care. You didn't want me to meet your friends, you didn't want me to be in your life, why did you want me so bad to be a part off it til I got there? You hurt me so much. I wish you could tell me what happened, I feel like I should be in a hospital right now writing this I am just shaking and so scared and my heart is beating so fast. You were my family and now you are gone. So easily and so fast. I do'nt know what to do with myself this is so hard I just want to run away somewhere and never talk to anyone again and live somewhere in the middle of nowhere and just cry.

Wow. Where do I begin with you? First, I miss you incredibly. I miss your face, your voice, your touch. I had a dream about you last night, it was horrible to wake up this morning and realize I was not in your bed. I don't know why now I am thinking I want to get back together with you. Everything would be so different. Uncomfortable. But would it? I don't know. I'm so confused right now. I wish that you didn't have my things there, I really do. I wish that you didn't have the power because of that. You have the power to let this end and you won't. God, those dreams hurt so much. Finding condoms in your room, knowing that I was out of place, geez amor that really hurt. Do you think about me at all? Are you still in love with me, but feel like this would be too hard because of the distance? Would you contact me if you loved me, or are you scared that I don't love you anymore? I was doing so good, what happened to me? Why did I have to dream THAT dream? Why couldn't I have dreamt about us together, or getting in a fight? Why did I have to dream about you having moved on? I wish so much that you would just write me an email. I know I told you not to, and the truth is I don't want you to. I want to get an email from you telling me that you are in love with me and cannot live without me. Why is your friend emailing me so much? At first he was just saying friend, and now he is calling be beautiful and his little girl, w t f is that all about? Is it because you are telling everyone how you hate me? That you don't want to talk to me? All these doubts that I DIDN'T have before, I really have right now. I feel so bad about myself, I wish we were just together. I wish you had been ready, I don't know how to live without you and I really haven't felt that this whole breakup until today. I just feel useless and dead. Please come back with me I don't know how to do this.

i hate that i know i will have you on my mind on new years eve. I wish I could have a fresh start for the new year, hopefully I will wake up the next day and feel wonderful and refreshed. Hopefully my new move will do the same, and I won't just feel further away from you and more sad. I love you so much it hurts mi amorcito.

Man John, just come back. Fix you stuff and come back, I don't care when. I will be here. I swear to you I will be here.

I am missing you so bad right now. I feel like I am dying, literally dying. I can't stop thinking about the day that I left and your face and the emotions. I can't stop thinking about if you still love me or not. I can't stop waiting for you. I know I can't be your friend so I understand why you are not calling me, you don't cry like this and feel like this over a friend you miss. I miss us. I only hope that you did not jump into another relationship and that you are truly doing the things you need to do to better yourself before you CAN be in a relationship again, whether it is with me or with someone else. If you can be strong and fix your issues you will make a women so incredibly happy, I only hope that it can be me someday. I know I have not even started working on mine, I am too depressed, but thank you for making me realize that these are not something I should be living with. I only wish that I had realzied it before you so it could have been easier. I hate that my anxiety and your hard time talking are the two things that stood in our way. I hate that my anxiety has always stood in my way of relationships and I didn't really try as hard as I could to get rid of it before I met you, or at the beginning. I hope that whatever you are doing that you are happy, know that after I fix my problems I will still be here. Te sigue amando por la eternidad. I only hope that you will still be thinking of me after you come out the other side of your barrier. God I love you so much I feel like I love you more than I love myself. If only you could know.

feliz navidad mi amor te siguo amando pensando en lo que quieria darte hoy mi corazon y otras cosas siempre leo tus emails y no se porque estoy lastimandome ahorita misma como deseo que regresaras conmigo uff nunca senti tanto dolor ni pena en la vida porfis mis amor, regrese al sue;o conmigo aun estoy viviendo por alla deseo que podrias escuchar mis pensimentos como quiero que puedes sentir el amor que tenga por ti no es justo que nos esperabamos tanto tiempo seperados por ser seperados hoy no es justo que te ama dejanos arreglarla porfa danos la opportunidad se que necesito cambiar cambielos tus problemas y regresamos nos dijimos que no nos podriamos vivir solos, faltando el otro y la verdad no se si puedo siento muerta sopresame y llamame digame que me amas y que todo esta bien que siempre estaras aqui para mi dime que soy tu chiquitita tu princesa con las patas al rebes tu ratoncita la amor de tu vida uff en serio que no se como sobrevivir sin vos te aman tu cosita preciosa y el ticisito y mi ticofante, aun me ama a mi? por dios espero que si cada minuto cada momento te amo en serio que te amo tanto I always going to love you con todo el amor del mundo, Tu gringitica