I'm so tired of being crapped on

[NightLily]

Call me retarded or something but the one semi decent present I got for christmas was a game. Everybody is my family decided they should all play it and when I go downstairs asking why somebody didn't ask or tell me, they get up on me and my mom says "you need to stop it!" and then I am like "OK then just take the game back with you because it obviously isn't mine"

 

My f-ing family is a family. I am not part of it.

 

I am SO TIRED of being crapped on 24/7!!!

 

I seriously think I might just kill myself just to spite them.

 

AHG.

[NightLily]

I feel like a friggin caged animal here

 

I can't leave, I can't even walk far away with a broken foot. I have nobody to call and pick me up.

 

This is so small I know but I get crapped on left and right. I wish I could just get out of here by any means.

 

I wish I could just go and start smashing all of their dishes with a sledge hammer and go break the game. I wish I could scream at them and say how S***** they have been to me.

 

I wish I could do something beside just sit in my room and cry

[renaissancewoman101]

Can't you just go and take the game from them when they are not looking and hide it from them?

 

Your family seems a bit mean to you, from what I have read of your posts

[NightLily]

It isn't about the game. I really don't care .. I mean I would have liked to have been the first to play it as everybody else got gifts they wanted and I just got like seriously grandma sweaters like seriously horrid horrid. I don't even understand. They weren't even my SIZE. And they were wool and I'm allergic to wool. It is like.. were you just trying to crap on me or something?

 

And if it was anybody else, they wouldn't be doing this. They all ban together and so I can't do anything. And then my youngest sister follows me as I am walking away to leave screaming at me that I play her games without asking. And i'm like wth... I never play ANY games on the wii. I have only ever played two games. None of which were hers.

 

Nobody is considerate of me at all.

 

My mom tells me I am going to hell on christmas? Like I was hoping things would get a little better.

 

And I'm stuck here.

 

And I don't know what to do.

 

And now everybody just says I'm crazy so it isn't them and it never was.. it is just all me.

 

Bipolar mary. WTH. I was diagnosed by some lady I had talked to for like 2 minutes>! And I have NEVER been MANIC!! Only depressed.. because my life has SUCKED.

 

 

[Miss Firecracker]

Then don't accept her diagnosis. If you've never been manic, you are not bipolar.

 

Get another opinion.

 

Someday you will escape from that situation, and I hope it is soon.

[NightLily]

Ok I am just going to take 1 sleeping pill and go to sleep

 

 

that is all I can think to do.

 

Maybe 2.

 

Just hope I don't wake up somehow.

 

No. 2 will make me vomit.

 

1

[jengh]

Ugh, god... I feel for you You don't have a car either, do you? I honestly don't know what to tell you. I've thought about suicide just to spite them too. Many, many times... but then I tried and realized it just annoyed her more than anything.

 

What do they do when you pretend to be happy and upbeat? My mom seems to hate it when I'm doing something positive, making something of myself... So, sometimes, I pretend like everything's perfect and she just leaves me alone.

 

I usually hide on my computer or pretend to sleep. Do you have any books you can read? Any friends you could call? Anything? Farmville?

[NightLily]

Right now I just feel like I am losing my mind. Temporarily.

 

 

I deal and deal and deal. I scrap by try to make it work. If I stay in my room i am bad. If I go out and say anything, I am probably going to get crapped on.

 

And I really just don't even like them.

 

So I don't feel like going out and pretending I'm all happy and crap with tears streaming down my face.

 

It is just a mess here.

 

I can't honestly say I could read a book right now. I just took an ambien. At least I get what is it called.. memory loss so like I just can calm down.

 

I might just stay in the room today and not leave to go eat or anything because i really don't want to see any of them.

 

I'm so past playing nice. What am I supposed to say is so great? There is nothing great going on.

 

I wish just not having the will to go on could end things.

 

I just have set backs. I probably just need to calm down.

 

It is just I'm tired.

[amipushy]

I think you over reacted.They are probably aware that they should have asked you first and even invited you but they got wrapped in the moment and were enjoying a family xmas together. It's nice that you have a family that want to play games at xmas, isnt it?. Forgive them and dont let this bring you or your family down any further... Its just not worth it.

[jengh]

I think you over reacted.They are probably aware that they should have asked you first and even invited you but they got wrapped in the moment and were enjoying a family xmas together. It's nice that you have a family that want to play games at xmas, isnt it?. Forgive them and dont let this bring you or your family down any further... Its just not worth it.

 

No, she didn't. This isn't an isolated event. (Go back and read her previous posts on her family for more background) Unfortunately, it goes a lot deeper

[amipushy]

No, she didn't. This isn't an isolated event. (Go back and read her previous posts on her family for more background) Unfortunately, it goes a lot deeper

 

At 22, life is what you make it.

[Lamour detruit]

Life is what you make of it, doesn't mean it can't be incredibly hard. This incident was definitely not overreacting in terms of the way her family is. They are rude, not respectful, bigoted, and most of all, the parents lack the proper care and love that every good parent should possess. this is just the incident that tipped the scale, not the cause of the reaction. I agree that she should get out of there, but its not that easy. It takes time and preperation. She is a tough and strong lady, so I know she can do it. Doesn't mean its not incredibly hard when there is no support from what is supposed to be your family.

[Wolf_22]

At 22, life is what you make it.

 

What exactly do you mean by that statement?

[Wolf_22]

OP: When things like what you're going through get too unbearable, find a way to be okay with yourself being by yourself by doing things like finding a book that you would like to escape into. I often do this as I'm frequently alone and were it not for those books and little tricks, I would've been gone a long time ago.

 

Take this time to reflect on the things you do have power to control and focus on that.

[NightLily]

Sorry everybody.. don't like to leave people hanging in such a forum. I didn't kill myself. I took one sleeping pill and have been either asleep or way out of it until I could type this.

 

I have been spending most of time in my room for about seven months now. Before I was able to leave from time to time and go see my then boyfriend.

 

amipushy- it is great they have a fammily that wants to watch or play games together. Notice how I say "they". I am not treated as a member of the family. There is so much water under the bridge you would be reading my response all day if I told you even half of what has happened. Sometimes it just weighs down on me so heavily. I have been going forward like a scout the best I can for a good while now. Had a set back.

 

At 22, my life SHOULD be what I make of it. Instead I have been manipulated to stay here (in a rural area) with no car. By manipulated I mean forced. You can say I can run away all you want, but leaving without health insurance when I have medical issues, student loans over my head, no car, nowhere to go. .. makes things hard. I probably need foot surgery and I think I need to just hold on at leaat until I get that.

 

Wolf: You are right. 6 years ago I decided I could control myself and become what would make my mom at least want me or admire me.. When you can't control anything else, just stop eating. Try to skinny. I had it half right I guess.

I can control myself so I should... paint *the* painting (as in my best.. masterpiece etc), think about self improvement. How am I going to do it.

 

I get these moments where hanging on is so hard but I know if I just don't do anything, then time will keep moving forward until I have calmed down.

 

I should probably get back in therapy and see what I should do in these scenarios. The sleeping pill does help. I feel much more relaxed right now. We'll see.

[In the Dark]

From the sounds of your tied down situation, you have to hang on till you have the opportunity to leave.....other than that is hoping there is someone out there who will help you get out of this situation which isn't really a great option.

 

You just need to get healthy enough first by the sounds of things before you can get away from what causes pain.

 

You are in a really unhealthy environment emotionally neglected.

I could carry on about mine being the son of a vietnam veteran but yours is a bit more severe in the way of emtional abuse rather than physical.

 

Just don't too many pills if it makes you wanna vomit

[Martin1]

Ugh that brings up memories

In my family I was also treaten like * * * * , for no special reason.. for example I wasn't allowed to eat at the table when my sis had a bf, cause he sat there then and they were so nice to him .. while when my gf died noone cared and before that my parents always talked down on her.

 

What really helped me was thinking about how much my life is going to be better when I finally get to move out. Like all the things I can do then and noone who makes me feel horrible every freakin morning.

So isn't there anything you can look forward to, suzy? or how much longer you think you gotta stay with your parents?

 

Wish I could tell you something that really helps, always makes me feel bad and helpless when I read stuff I went through myself ;/

We don't know each other but seriously if you can ever think of anything a person on the internet could do to make you feel just a little bit better, then let me know and I'll try my best.

 

Hope your world already looks abit better once you wake up.

[NightLily]

I woke up and showered. I haven't had anything to eat all day so I ate a piece of turkey bacon and am about to try and eat an apple.. And I am sitting in the room with them with my lap top trying to "play nice" at the advice of ILMBC.

 

I don't know for sure when I will get out. I have to do it in such a way that it doesn't seem like I am trying to leave them or stop going to college. Otherwise the insurance and all... one more semester maximum.

 

The thing is.. I remember back when I was 16 and my life was so chaotic, so grey.. always on the verge of destruction because of the instability with my family.. my then, emotional train wreck of a mom who didn't even have the guts to take it out on herself so took it out on me.... sorry, THEN, I always looked forward to hold on. I thought I was out. Then life happened. Totally out of my control. And a long story.

 

Truth is, I don't know if it is really better anywhere else.

 

I know myself well enough to know that a majority of the time, if I just get through the impulse, then i will come to my senses and go back to think "stay positive.. what can you do". So.. sleeping helped at least with that.

 

Sometimes the only thing you can change is your perception.

 

I am glad I didn't take too many sleeping pills as I have abused them in the past. Took 5 once .. not too long ago and was vomiting in my sleep the next 24 hours. I had a massive panic attack (for GOOD reason). But yeah .. learned my lesson ^_^' .......

 

I don't look forward to much. I wish for the day that my foot heals so I can walk again through the woods down to the creek or down the coast. It would make me happy to get another dog one day and train him.

 

I can't think of too much else right now. But both of those thoughts are pure and without any.. negative thoughts attatched.

 

Well except remembering my loneliness wandering through the woods day in and day out without a single human companion.

[In the Dark]

Turkey Bacon?

Bird Pig?

 

Sounds tasty.

 

Yeah I see thats the issue at the moment.

When will you get out.

It appears that is stil a ?

 

Hey at least you can see there has been progress in your strength in what you're going through.

 

All I can say is you never know what the future holds.

Of course right now you can't see better as there is no certainty at the moment and you don't know really for how long.

 

Yeah....sleeping sometimes is needed when **** is going through your head.

It does become so exhausting that the only thing to do is fall asleep.

 

Good to hear you're takiung it easy on the sleeping pills.

At least now you know what happens when you have one too many.

 

How long has your foot been broken?

Is it being a pain to heal?

 

How is your dog if I may ask?

 

I've been thinking of getting another dog but also thinking about moving.

 

Well except remembering my loneliness wandering through the woods day in and day out without a single human companion.

 

.....did that yesterday walking around the lake taking photos.

[NightLily]

Turkey Bacon?

Bird Pig?

 

Sounds tasty.

 

IT IS. ... Ssooooo tasty. But nobody else seems to like it here. Guess it is too healthy or something -_-

 

Good to hear you're takiung it easy on the sleeping pills.

At least now you know what happens when you have one too many.

 

I guess it is kind of like.. drinking waaay to much and then realizing.. oi, never doing that one again. But umm that was the single most trippiest experience of my life. I should have recorded it. Would have been hilarious.

 

My foot has been broken since.. March. Nobody believed me that it hurt and so me being me, tried to suck it up and stop being a cry baby. It wasn't until about September that I found out it was broken and is still broken. And yeah, it is just sort of not healing. It used to hurt to walk all the time but now that isn't so bad a lot of the time. Obviously if I press that spot it hurts. Don't want to scream anymore when it happens though.

 

 

Frisbee is actually doing a tiny bit better. We got him some medication for his joints which has helped a little bit. And, he is eating again on a more regular basis. He definitely is not quite himself though.

 

I would be curious to see the lake photos! Of everywhere in the world, New Zealand has been my number one place to visit due to the hiking trails, skiing, the views (after watching LOTR and Narnia.. ^_^')

[In the Dark]

Yeah been there and done that with anti-depressants....

My boss noticeing I was awwwway with the faries.....

In a state of numbed thoughtless bliss but since it impacted on my job I had to go back to the perscribed dosage....I know naughty.

But not needing it anymore

 

Then there is the whole hip flask of tequila then sculling half a bottle of someone elses wine but that errr another story.

 

Since March?

It's sad you have to just suck it up for so long

Is there ANY way you can get treatment for it?

 

Yeah medication does have it's side effects on any being.

Bing my long haired border collie gained weight when he started taking his diabetes meds which killed him in the end.

 

I'll send you the photos....I got some real good ones yesterday.

[NightLily]

haha uuuum I wasn't just .. off with the fairies. Oo

 

I was being watched so I can pretty much tell you what happened because I have no memory of it. Well i do remember the whole world starting to look quite odd. Things floating.. wood kind of bending and shifting. The rest I don't. Let's see.. I was singing for about 20 minutes and it made no sense, made out with my pillow, started just swaying my hands back and forth in circles above my head. Over and over. Until I eventually fell asleep. I have no memory of any of it oO

 

I am going to try and get to a better pediatrist. The last one just told me these things take a long time to heal, put an insert in my shoe and more pills. I can get antinflammatory shots . . he said a boot wouldn't help because it is surrounded in tendons (too hard to imobalize). So I am just supposed to stay off of it and see. I'm going to get crutches pretty soon here if there is no improvement. Most likely though, I wil need surgery. They told me they can just remove the bone and I will live without it. Oo

 

Pics would be nice

[In the Dark]

Ha ha ha!!!

I wish it was recorded!

 

The most buzzy thing I did on too much anti-depressants was when serving a client.

I went to set up the bill for them, they gave me thier card then i tried my pin number on thier card to pay the bill.

 

Can you only get just crutches?

How disabled do you have to be to get a mobility scooter?

 

Sorry random thought.

 

You got it sooo rough at the moment!

I'll send you the pics.

"Finest weed in all the shire"......little do people know how true that is.....not that I smoke it....

[Lamour detruit]

haha uuuum I wasn't just .. off with the fairies. Oo

 

I was being watched so I can pretty much tell you what happened because I have no memory of it. Well i do remember the whole world starting to look quite odd. Things floating.. wood kind of bending and shifting. The rest I don't. Let's see.. I was singing for about 20 minutes and it made no sense, made out with my pillow, started just swaying my hands back and forth in circles above my head. Over and over. Until I eventually fell asleep. I have no memory of any of it oO

 

 

That sums it up pretty well. The main thing being the singing and making out with the pillow. You have a tendency to do that with that medicine, however. Your normal routine consists of waving your hand around your face the entire time, and looking like you're intrigued like no other by it. Also, you often move your face closer and then immidiately further away, up and down, like you are trying to study your own face. Things always look "like a cloud" or like you have double, or even triple vision. And there seems to be a magical creature in the room that shrinks and largens certain objects.

 

I am going to try and get to a better pediatrist. The last one just told me these things take a long time to heal, put an insert in my show and more pills. I can get antinflammatory shots . . he said a boot wouldn't help because it is surrounded in tendonds (too hard to imobalize). So I am just supposed to stay off of it and see. I'm going to get crutches pretty soon here if there is no improvement. Most likely though, I wil need surgery. They told me they can just remove the bone and I will live without it. Oo

 

Good idea. A second opinion might be a good idea, since you never know what options are out there. Your foot is extremely important to your happiness, so some extra carefulness in terms of the docs works. Especially since so many don't seem to know what they are talking about.

[NightLily]

That sums it up pretty well. The main thing being the singing and making out with the pillow. You have a tendency to do that with that medicine, however. Your normal routine consists of waving your hand around your face the entire time, and looking like you're intrigued like no other by it. Also, you often move your face closer and then immidiately further away, up and down, like you are trying to study your own face. Things always look "like a cloud" or like you have double, or even triple vision. And there seems to be a magical creature in the room that shrinks and largens certain objects.

 

 

 

.

 

 

haha ha ha ..........