LC is over along with any chance of getting back together

[Nappyloxs]

Well, we tried and it failed.

 

We were just talking and I made a sarcastic comment. She said she doesn't want to burn bridges (BS, because she is not friends with any of her ex.) I sarcastically said that its because "I am an attorney." She blew up and once again put me down by saying "your a broke attorney."

 

Funny thing, I had a conversation with my best friend this morning. He was in my exact same shoes. Attorney, started his own firm, had a girl that always put him down for it. He reminded (by basically yelling at me) that I don't need the sh&t. Its hard enough doing what I am doing, that I need a woman who supports me no matter what. Not someone who constantly puts me down. It shouldn't matter whether I am rich or poor. He reminded some things are just going to stay the same with this girl no matter how much I changed.

 

Perfect example; her reply "you're a broke attorney." (Funny thing is I have money in the bank. I once was, but not today.) Why should I want to be with someone who I am never going to please, no matter what I do? Why should I be with someone who is always going to put me down instead of trying to lift me up?

 

Maybe it was too soon for us to talk. She has a lot of her feelings still. But if she can't get past those feelings and believe that I changed. Then we can never be together. For her to again, put me down and just hang up, shows that it just isn't meant to be.

 

It hurts in the way that it is sad, but at least I know that know matter how much I have changed for the better, a relationship is a two-way street. My changing cannot fix all the problems. It can fix some, but if she is not willing to acknowledge and learn herself, even if I point them out to her, the relationship will not work.

 

Sadly, our relationship wasn't meant to be. It just means that I know a little more than I did yesterday about love, and about what I want in a woman.

 

I wanted it work out, but she need to too!

[newinvention]

Nappy - Sorry to hear...

[Leighton]

I completely understand you. It sucks, but at least you tried. Now it's time to let go.

[doiiiieeezie]

It seems like you two blow hot and cold and there is a lot of resentment involved based on the past.. it's like you want things to go one direction and it goes another.

 

Frustrating to say the least, but you need to realize something. She is holding in a lot of emotions, and so are you. You need to take her off this pedestal. Read any successful story here and you will see that many have had a lot of blow ups, periods of adjustment and frustration.

 

You are a broke lawyer, so what? You need to ask yourself these questions: why do you want to work this out with her? Are you looking to compromise as much as you think you can. Do you really love her? Can you see her being in your life 6 months or a year down the road? Will you both love and support each other fully?

 

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. I am trying to follow my own advice as I type this. Patience, patience patience in anything. Whether it's with her or anything else in life.

[jettison]

I can really, truly relate to this post. It's my understanding that when a woman becomes offensive and starts regularly putting you down and in your place, it's usually because she's feeling defensive. On whatever level, and for whatever reason, she is not at ease with you. You threaten her. She may feel judged by you in some way, or inadequate, or resentful. She may not even feel all of these things consciously, but if she is laying into you for seemingly no reason then you can be sure that she is insecure when it comes to you, and she is acts this way to feel ok about how you may see her.

 

You're an attorney. You've started your own firm. You're in an enviable position, and you hardly have anything to apologize about. Her trip is her trip. She could end up falling in love with a waiter (no offense to waiters), and she'll end up caring nothing at all about his money or status or anything else simply because he's able to make her feel good about herself.

 

The rub is that this isn't something you can just fix. If you feel bad about her or toward her then you simply do, and she'll be able to sense this from you. You can't sugarcoat it, lie about it, or just pretend like it doesn't exist or isn't there. That's why reconciliations are sooooo tough when there is still some residual hurt/pain left. There is nothing you will be able to do to be right in her eyes until her pain level is at zero.

 

I had a girlfriend who did the same thing to me. Nothing seemed right. If I didn't joke then I was too serious. If I did joke then I was too flippant. There was no happy medium. If I contacted her then she was upset, and if I didn't contact her then she was upset because I wasn't contacting her. Nothing I did could be seen as "right".

 

It wasn't until MUCH, much later, until after she had already gone through another relationship, that she could see me with her walls down, as equals again, and could see all the positive qualities in me.

 

Don't try to figure out a recent ex. There is no puzzle to solve here. This puzzle is missing it pieces, and you will drive yourself crazy trying to fix it. You can only recognize this for what it is, let go, and then luck out and meet her on better terms someday if it were ever meant to be.

[OptomisticGirl]

Sorry it didn't work out Nappy.

[curiocity]

Sorry to hear. But maybe in LC type of situation, sarcasm and deadpan humor should be avoided.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Patience, patience patience in anything

 

Now I have that Guns N' Roses song stuck in my head. LOL.

 

We were just talking and I made a sarcastic comment. She said she doesn't want to burn bridges (BS, because she is not friends with any of her ex.) I sarcastically said that its because "I am an attorney." She blew up and once again put me down by saying "your a broke attorney."

 

You started that ball rolling with your sarcastic comment. Sniping at someone leads to counter-sniping. You are upset at what she said to you..and I am sure she is sitting at home raging about how you threw "I am an attorney" in her face. By throwing that comment in her face in such a nasty way you set yourself up for the return barb. I don't know the history between the two of you regarding your career and her comments..but in this particular case you put your foot in your mouth. So both of you can apologize to each other for being sarcastic and biting and perhaps try this again with love, not barbs.

[Hopeless1234]

i really am sorry to hear that.

 

not to give you false hope, but if you truly love her, don't close the door completely. now that you've tried it your way, i really recommend you go back and read some of the comments/suggestions/advices that others had posted on your thread earlier on. i really felt like you were doing/saying too much too soon.

 

i think one of the HUGE advantages of forums like ENA is that it's a wonderful opportunity to read and to learn from everyone else's experiences, be it good or bad (and of course, to find empathy/hope from others when the world looks so bleak). in no way am i trying to say that i'm better than anyone else on here as i've definitely made my share of mistakes (both during the relationship and post break-up). however, i've just read too many posts on here where people get too excited and too hopeful by even the slightest contact/action by their ex and they act too quickly and do too much too soon and end up pushing their ex away even further. i think i'd probably act the same way if given the situation, but i really think that we all need to be reminded to slow down and just really take it one day at a time.

 

anyway, i digress. like i said, i'm really sorry that things didn't quite turn out the way that you had planned. for the time being, just do what you need to do and live your life to become that highly financially successful lawyer one day.

 

if you don't mind me asking, what kind of a lawyer are you? i've been contemplating eventually going into either patent or finance (specializing in merger & acquisition) law and so obviously, if you have any knowledge/experience in that area, i'd love to pick your brain.

[doiiiieeezie]

Now I have that Guns N' Roses song stuck in my head. LOL.

 

 

 

 

You started that ball rolling with your sarcastic comment. Sniping at someone leads to counter-sniping. You are upset at what she said to you..and I am sure she is sitting at home raging about how you threw "I am an attorney" in her face. By throwing that comment in her face in such a nasty way you set yourself up for the return barb. I don't know the history between the two of you regarding your career and her comments..but in this particular case you put your foot in your mouth. So both of you can apologize to each other for being sarcastic and biting and perhaps try this again with love, not barbs.

 

LOL- I've been walking the streets tonight.... just trying to get it right.

 

Anyway, I completely agree with this. Your LC started with her contacting you to give you closure, and then you went off from there... space is needed. She can't see that you have changed because the walls are up.

 

I actually agree with Jettison about not able to do anything right until both of you are back to ground zero. The hurt and defenses between both of you will continue if you allow it to... and this is why people need time to get over the pain and resentment. My past relationship was like this where he'd be joking while I was in a bad mood or he was serious while I wasn't. It all has to do with the emotions that are held within.

 

Do I think that you two could reach a balance? Possibly, but not immediately. I don't care what you do for a living or what she does... it goes beyond that. It's about the human heart. Let go of the fantasy and allow her to let go of the hurt... it could be a month or year from now, but it will happen. And if that opportunity arises, then you can look at it from a brand new view.

[surfNski]

Sorry to hear that Nappy. I tried to get my ex to work things out with me in the beginning but in the end she just decided not to. Its hard when that finally happens.

 

Good luck with the practice...

[Nappyloxs]

Update:

 

So I posted made this post right after the conversation, I was livid.

 

So we ended up talking, and we talked about it what I basically posted. I did not blow up on her, but simply told her that we can't be together if she maintains that attitude; the constant putting me down because she is upset. I told her it isn't healthy for me, her, or any possible relationship. She sincerely apologized and actually tried to understand what I was saying. So we ended up talking and kind of really reconnected. I basically told her, I am not going back into the same situation. That I have changed for the better, that I can shoulder a lot of the blame for the past, but that I am not going to take all the blame. That she needs to change, that I can't make her change, I can only suggest to her what needs to be changed. Basically that it takes two!!

 

I think it is starting to sink in with her. We brought up the breakup fight for an instant, and she acknowledge that I reacted. She never did that before. We'll see how long it lasts. It could just be temporary. But I think she is starting to open up, maybe because I told her that the opposite of everything I have been telling her. I told her I was willing to leave. Confusing, confusing, confusing. Reverse psychology may be the key.

[Superman87]

This is far from over and the end. I've read to many reconcilliation stories to know that situations like is are far from uncommon. It might take the pair of you to let go and I mean completely let go before anything can ever work again. It might take 6 months, it might take 9 months or it might take 12 months who knows.

 

All I want you to know is never say never, but realise that your life with or without this girl will be a brilliant one.

[gp913]

That's good that you guys got to talk again and she had better response to it... My ex and I tried for 2 months. We went too fast the 1st month and the 2nd month she wanted to date someone else at the same time. 3 weeks after that, I brought up that I was feeling confused and stressed -- I really had no clue what was going on -- she thought that I was trying to pressure her into making a decision and felt like I was attacking her. She misinterpreted a lot of what I was trying to tell her... I still haven't heard from her and this was about 2 weeks ago. She was still unsure about things. I'm hoping that we can clear things up since we had never had a blow up like that before during the 4 years we were together. I just think she is really confused in her life right now, but I didn't close the door on my end. I told her that I can't date her while she is seeing someone else at the same time, because I don't think it's healthy for us. It takes two to work things out and I don't think she was fully healed from the original breakup (where she dumped me).

 

That's good that you let her know that you won't put up with this type of treatment -- you stood your ground and appeared strong. I hope that things continue to go well.