I hate you all!

[AllDarkness]

If they are in the past and don't matter, what do they have to do with everyone thinking you're weird and no one liking you.

 

Scorpion likes you, and Scorpion doesn't like many people. Scorpion is also a dork and referring to herself in third person....anyway....

 

I'm trying to help you sweetie, and the more detail you give, the better my advice and help can be. Remember you are welcome to PM me anytime with anything you don't want to be public knowledge.

 

I don't know. It is just the only thing I know of. No one...NO ONE! Has ever called me normal in real life. So I must be a weirdo! Simple. And I know that some of you guys say that no people are normal. Well, yes there are!

 

Why, because you have it fixed in your mind that no one cared in the real world so no one here should care? I'm a firm believer that every person deserves compassion, happiness, and a chance at life.

 

I see a very unhappy person that obviously has been hurt by many people growing up but it doesn't have to be like that anymore. You don't want to be hated and judged anymore than we want to hate you or judge you.

 

Work with us. You have a band of supporters here that want to help you. We would like for nothing more than to see you come out of the dark hole you have buried yourself in and flourish. You have way more to offer than you think you do.

 

But how do you know that? What would I have to offer anyone? I have nothing! How could give anyone anything when I have nothing?

 

You keep saying you're a wierdo...

 

But you are very intelligent, articulate and determined. The only problem I see is the goal of the determination. If you could decide you will be determined to find a new path, forge a new future and find happiness and a friend or two, instead of being determined that it's hopeless, you'd find success I am sure. You just need to change your inner dialogue.

 

Wierdo is a label, nothing more. It says nothing of your value as a person. C'mon, I know you have it in you. Tell us something positive about yourself...

 

Maybe weirdo doesn't say anything to you...but it does to countless other people adult or not. Yeah, I shouldn't think about what other people think...but since humans has to find out who they are through comparing themself to others one have to listen to what they think!

 

AllDarkness,

 

What you need to realize is that weve all made mistakes and we all live to regret them. You can ask any person on here and they will have something in thier closets.

 

Dont let what you did in the past made the person you are today. Just by writing back in forth with you I know that you have a big heart and your aching inside. I feel like your finally taking some of the things on here and believing that you can make a differance with yourself you can make yourself feel better. Keep that going, try not to the dark side override so much. Wake up saying Im going to feel happy today.

 

College would be great for you, first it would get you out of the house and give you something to do. Next it will give you the oppurtuntity to make friends, I know you say that you cant make friends, but I made more in college than in high school. Im shy dont talk much in public, give it a chance.

 

Im glad your having good days, and just like scorpion I logg on sometimes just to see if youve posted.

 

I don't know what but you got friends because you had something special.

That is the only reason for friendship and relationships in general. You give something so they can give you something. Problem is...I have nothing to offer.

 

I personally care because I see so many parallels between my own past and what you are telling us about your situation here. So much of what you write resonates with what has happened to me. And I know that so much of what you are going through is painful...but that it can get better.

 

And yes, it can be a painfully slow process, but you can completely turn your life around if you are determined to do so. I would say that I've finally started getting a handle on my life and my own personal issues - and it has been a long, slow journey for me, but I am getting to where I want to be. I know you can do it, too, and that is why I care.

 

I hope so...

 

I can completely relate to you, I went through a very long period in my life where I had no one, no friends or family. My family would make fun of me for being anti-social. I have always been the black sheep of my family and no matter what I did everything I did was wrong to everyone besides me. Although the constant harassment from people stopped when I left high school, I still had trouble getting along with people and saw everything in my life as a curse. I felt that everything that happened that was bad was supposed to happen to me because that's who I became, it's who I was. I hated everyone and I hated my own life. I would pray to die and I ate things and did things that were bad for my health. Then eventually I realized that I had basically adopted negativity, it became normal, my depression actually became comforting. I realized that no matter what happened during the day the only thing that I'd remember were the negative events. I hope that one day you realize that even though you can't change the way other people think, or some of the things you've done in the past, you can leave it in the past, move forward and try to think positively and see the good in life. You might think there is no good in your life, no good people no good things but it's actually in your control. You choose who your friends are and you can go out to places, even by yourself and just enjoy life. And even though you might not have a good day or many, just remember that there is still tomorrow and no one has a good day everyday.

 

Though everyone has a good day when I have a bad day and vice versa...

 

This is real life, there are real people on here posting. Its just like texting or sending someone an email and trust me if you were close enough to meet with some of the people posting I know they would, I would and what exactly do you think makes you weird, could you give us some examples, I'm pretty sure someone on here would do the same things.

 

college is a lot different than high school too, in my orientation class there was a guy who dressed in all black with a trench coat gloves and those high boots w/ the straps around them, we all just started talking with out giving it a second thought and he was very nice.

 

I used to be anti social myself, then in my first year of college it was so easy to find someone to talk to in class or in the student lounges. yes it may be a slow process but you have to start some where.

 

Truth be told, I can't give any examples on my weirdoness or whatever it can be called. I am only saying what people thinks and what norms there exist in my surroundings.

 

Beside, who wants to talk to me? There are plenty of other people that you could have better conversations with than me! After all these years, I don't have any skill in keeping a conversation!!

 

I care,

 

I think if we didnt care we wouldnt be here trying to tell you that your life is worth living you just have to give it a chance. It may not all be smelly roses but it can be and have what you want if you work hard enough to get it.

 

I dont think your weird, nothing youve said has made me feel or think of you any differant. Your just confused and trying to find your way, we all go through with that emotion some time in our lives. Some struggle more than others.

 

Yes, they always tell you that if you work hard enough you will be where you want to be...all I know is that it is a bunch rubbish. Hard work is not important, Talent is! Talent/your natural inborned abilities are what matters. I was not borned with social skills!

 

To all: I know I am being difficult and I know that sooner or later you will give up leaving this thread thinking: "What an idiot, he certainly was a waste of my time! I could have used that time to help somebody else!"

So I know that just being here, complaining about things that I shouldn't complain about since there are people who suffering worse than me, I am inflicting pain on other people.

[ceez]

I don't have any skill in keeping a conversation!!

 

lol, I suck at conversations too. I can hold a good one for a bout five minutes, then it sometimes turns into an awkward silence. I usually just text people to so I wont have those awkward moments.

 

trust me, none of us feel like we're wasting our time, well I don't anyway. and I WILL NOT leave this thread. telling someone about people suffering worse then they are doesn't work for everyone, it didn't work for me and I don't really expect it to work for anyone.

[Scorpion Fury]

You say no one has called you normal. Have they actually said you are NOT normal? If they have, what led up to that? Besides the jerk off teachers that called you lazy.

[metrogirl]

To all: I know I am being difficult and I know that sooner or later you will give up leaving this thread thinking: "What an idiot, he certainly was a waste of my time! I could have used that time to help somebody else!"

So I know that just being here, complaining about things that I shouldn't complain about since there are people who suffering worse than me, I am inflicting pain on other people.

 

And what are you going to think or say when you see that myself, scorpion fury, farthest edge, and all the others that have stayed with this thread are still around a month from now, two months from now?

 

Are you finally going to see that we are on the up and up and truly want to help you? Will you talk to us then?

 

I don't know about the others, but I am not going anywhere.

 

Scorpion???? How about you?

 

Farthest Edge??? and you

 

Others that I may have overlooked, (my aplogies)?????? you guys??

 

 

You are stuck with me.....

[Scorpion Fury]

And what are you going to think or say when you see that myself, scorpion fury, farthest edge, and all the others that have stayed with this thread are still around a month from now, two months from now?

 

Are you finally going to see that we are on the up and up and truly want to help you? Will you talk to us then?

 

I don't know about the others, but I am not going anywhere.

 

Scorpion???? How about you?

 

Farthest Edge??? and you

 

Others that I may have overlooked, (my aplogies)?????? you guys??

 

 

You are stuck with me.....

 

 

I'm still here. You have managed to hold my attention, which not many threads do. I have a pretty short attention span most of the time and get bored of threads pretty early on. But not yours. Like I said, I like you kid.

[metrogirl]

^^ that's two people on your side now.

[BellaDonna]

^^ that's two people on your side now.

 

Add another person to that list.

[ayekasong]

I am a slow responder, but I'm not going anywhere either.

[doityourself]

Im here and will still try and make you see that you are a

 

GREAT CARING PERSON

 

or until you tell us to go F ourselves.

[ceez]

how are you feeling today?

[AllDarkness]

lol, I suck at conversations too. I can hold a good one for a bout five minutes, then it sometimes turns into an awkward silence. I usually just text people to so I wont have those awkward moments.

 

trust me, none of us feel like we're wasting our time, well I don't anyway. and I WILL NOT leave this thread. telling someone about people suffering worse then they are doesn't work for everyone, it didn't work for me and I don't really expect it to work for anyone.

 

I am just not much for small talk...and since the majority of people do small talk I am pretty lonely in that area...

 

You say no one has called you normal. Have they actually said you are NOT normal? If they have, what led up to that? Besides the jerk off teachers that called you lazy.

 

People called me weird, strange...I can't remember all the words but point is that they didn't consider me normal. Well, if you don't talk much you are weird, if you don't do what they do you are weird, it is all sorts of stuff. The funny thing is that these things people has called me are not only from school. They come from different sources and places. Everyone thinks something is wrong with me. It has always been that way...

 

And what are you going to think or say when you see that myself, scorpion fury, farthest edge, and all the others that have stayed with this thread are still around a month from now, two months from now?

 

Are you finally going to see that we are on the up and up and truly want to help you? Will you talk to us then?

 

I don't know about the others, but I am not going anywhere.

 

Scorpion???? How about you?

 

Farthest Edge??? and you

 

Others that I may have overlooked, (my aplogies)?????? you guys??

 

 

You are stuck with me.....

 

I would say that you are the most stubborn people I have ever met.

 

Still here....

 

I'm stubborn AD- And as determined as you are to be negative about yourself, I am just as determined to force you to say something positive about yourself..

 

You say you can't keep a conversation going? I see 268 posts that say otherwise.

 

Someone suggested you post some of your writing in the poetry section...I think this is a good idea. You have given way too much power to a few negative people in your life. You need to take that back somehow.

 

You know, I know a man whose HS guidance counsellor told him he should quit in grade 9 & get a job in a factory b/c he would never amount to anything...You know what? He became a VERY successful real estate broker, with his own firm. I know lots of stories like this...You are letting the past and negative, judgemental people tell you who you are going to be...It is not for them to decide- it is for you to decide.

 

Who are you going to be?

 

AD - No one is going to walk up to your front door and hand you a book deal for a novel you haven't written, a beautiful girlfriend and a group of loyal friends. You have to make your life. Telling yourself you can't change anything is only true because it stops you from trying, accepting setbacks and getting up to start again.

 

You need to decide what you want out of life

What are the best ways to go about it

What do you need to do to get there

What can you do right now to get started.

 

Things worth having are worth working and waiting for. There is no free ride.

 

Don't.Give.Up.

 

A few negative people? I my opinion they represent everyone! They are the ones people like. They are the ones who you want to be friend with! If any of you had to choose between them and me, anyone with a clear mind would choose them. THEY ARE FRIEND POTENTIAL!!! I want to be like them. I don't care whether they are bad people or not. Fact is that people like them!

 

Talking and writing posts is not the same...

 

I don't think I want to write ever again. Why should I? There is no point to it...

 

Why is it that so many people refer to these guys that were bad in school and still became successful? I am not those talented people! I do not have their qualities. Because if I had, I wouldn't be sitting here!

 

And yes, it is up to me what to do with my life. Problems is: I DON'T HAVE A CLUE ABOUT IT!! There is nothing that makes me happy.

 

Im here and will still try and make you see that you are a

 

GREAT CARING PERSON

 

or until you tell us to go F ourselves.

 

How do you know that I am great caring person? If I was caring person why haven't I helped anyone before?

 

how are you feeling today?

 

Worse!

[Scorpion Fury]

I had no clue what made me happy at 19 either. I thought I knew, and changed my mind millions of times.

 

You want to be like these people. Is it just in the sense that they are social and have friends, or are there other qualities about them that you admire and want to have?

 

I know that you are a great caring person by how deeply this affects you and how badly you want others to like you, and also how remorseful you are over things you have done in the past that seem minor to many people.

 

You may have helped others more than you know. At the very least, I am willing to bet there are others who feel just as angry and depressed as you do, that silently read your thread and relate to you, and know they are not alone.

[ayekasong]

Why is it that so many people refer to these guys that were bad in school and still became successful? I am not those talented people! I do not have their qualities. Because if I had, I wouldn't be sitting here!

 

I believe the people many of us are referring to are ourselves. I know several posters here have discussed how they were bad in school and are now successful.

 

As for myself, I got good grades in school, but I was the "weirdo." Yes, I was called that a lot. I didn't have many friends. I didn't have fashionable clothes. I had an accent that was "weird" to the people I went to school with. My hair was a mess. I had bad acne. I was heavy. As superficial as it is, these things isolated me and made me a "weirdo" with no friends. I did awful things to try and gain attention and make friends. I stole, lied, cheated, copped a horrible attitude, made fun of people - one person I made fun of ended up killing himself, and got involved in other sketchy things. I thought this stuff would make me feel better about myself or at least get me some friends. Wrong. I ended up in a severely depressed state and tried to commit suicide more times that I care to admit.

 

I still don't have a lot of friends. I still get called "strange" and a "weirdo." But I grew out of that person who cared what others thought of me. It's an incredibly hard thing to do, and it took me many years to do so. And when I stopped caring about what other people thought about me, an amazing thing happened - I made a few incredible friends who I am still friends with today.

 

Am I a successful, talented, billionaire today? No...but I do have a few wonderful friends and a loving husband who I wouldn't trade for the world. And I'm happy with where I am in life, even though it's far from perfect. In my opinion, that is the best success that most of us can hope for.

 

Anyway, the point of my long-winded post was that I was a bad kid who is now "successful," at least in my eyes. And I'm no celebrity or even someone with special talents. So I think you can be the person who grows up to be successful, too.

[ceez]

the bad kids in school probably got called worst things than weird or strange by many people. It's just the other kids who want to be like them that think their great and most of them act that way to fit in. the bad kids realize this after high school and want to turn their lives around by attending college and becoming successful. remember you have to take charge of your life and I'm staying here until you do

[Casperlady]

I am only catching up on this thread now, I am sorry you feel the way you do. I am not going to say I know how you feel or anything cause I dont, I do know what it is like to feel alone in the world, what it feels like to not to want to go on living, its not the easiest option but sometimes it seems the most appealing. I am gald to see you have opened up a little. People who have said those horrible things about are believe it or not losers, it makes them feel better to look down on everyone else, they need to have an opinion to feel important its their loss if they dont want to get to know you and believe me you are much much better off without getting to know them. Your teachers sound like mine complete idiots. Its up to you how you take their idiotic critisims either allow them to make you what into their opinion of you or prove them wrong. Its not easy but then nothing is. If you ever need to talk PM me I can promise I will listen and offer support and friendship and an advice I can

[ceez]

I've read online that it helps to right down a small list of things to improve your life that will help get through your depression which is something like what I did to get through mine. I sat down one and thought "what can I do to make my life better" and its working for me so far.

[AllDarkness]

I had no clue what made me happy at 19 either. I thought I knew, and changed my mind millions of times.

 

You want to be like these people. Is it just in the sense that they are social and have friends, or are there other qualities about them that you admire and want to have?

 

I know that you are a great caring person by how deeply this affects you and how badly you want others to like you, and also how remorseful you are over things you have done in the past that seem minor to many people.

 

You may have helped others more than you know. At the very least, I am willing to bet there are others who feel just as angry and depressed as you do, that silently read your thread and relate to you, and know they are not alone.

 

Well, they are social and have friends and that comes from the qualities they have. I don't know what it is, good looking, being outgoing people anything that make friends...

 

A caring person is a person who helps people not a guy who regrets his past.

 

I believe the people many of us are referring to are ourselves. I know several posters here have discussed how they were bad in school and are now successful.

 

As for myself, I got good grades in school, but I was the "weirdo." Yes, I was called that a lot. I didn't have many friends. I didn't have fashionable clothes. I had an accent that was "weird" to the people I went to school with. My hair was a mess. I had bad acne. I was heavy. As superficial as it is, these things isolated me and made me a "weirdo" with no friends. I did awful things to try and gain attention and make friends. I stole, lied, cheated, copped a horrible attitude, made fun of people - one person I made fun of ended up killing himself, and got involved in other sketchy things. I thought this stuff would make me feel better about myself or at least get me some friends. Wrong. I ended up in a severely depressed state and tried to commit suicide more times that I care to admit.

 

I still don't have a lot of friends. I still get called "strange" and a "weirdo." But I grew out of that person who cared what others thought of me. It's an incredibly hard thing to do, and it took me many years to do so. And when I stopped caring about what other people thought about me, an amazing thing happened - I made a few incredible friends who I am still friends with today.

 

Am I a successful, talented, billionaire today? No...but I do have a few wonderful friends and a loving husband who I wouldn't trade for the world. And I'm happy with where I am in life, even though it's far from perfect. In my opinion, that is the best success that most of us can hope for.

 

Anyway, the point of my long-winded post was that I was a bad kid who is now "successful," at least in my eyes. And I'm no celebrity or even someone with special talents. So I think you can be the person who grows up to be successful, too.

 

Well, lucky you...

 

the bad kids in school probably got called worst things than weird or strange by many people. It's just the other kids who want to be like them that think their great and most of them act that way to fit in. the bad kids realize this after high school and want to turn their lives around by attending college and becoming successful. remember you have to take charge of your life and I'm staying here until you do

 

You can stay here for a long time...I guess...

 

I am only catching up on this thread now, I am sorry you feel the way you do. I am not going to say I know how you feel or anything cause I dont, I do know what it is like to feel alone in the world, what it feels like to not to want to go on living, its not the easiest option but sometimes it seems the most appealing. I am gald to see you have opened up a little. People who have said those horrible things about are believe it or not losers, it makes them feel better to look down on everyone else, they need to have an opinion to feel important its their loss if they dont want to get to know you and believe me you are much much better off without getting to know them. Your teachers sound like mine complete idiots. Its up to you how you take their idiotic critisims either allow them to make you what into their opinion of you or prove them wrong. Its not easy but then nothing is. If you ever need to talk PM me I can promise I will listen and offer support and friendship and an advice I can

 

I guess that people have different perceptions of what it means to be a loser. In this modern society people who says horrible things...gets the upper hand in life! They are "open" people and what do people love? People who talks!

 

I've read online that it helps to right down a small list of things to improve your life that will help get through your depression which is something like what I did to get through mine. I sat down one and thought "what can I do to make my life better" and its working for me so far.

 

I have done that...countless time...each one a failure!

[AllDarkness]

Heck!

 

And then I google College and found this site:

 

link removed

 

College sounds like hell...

[metrogirl]

I would say that you are the most stubborn people I have ever met.

 

HAHA.....That's awesome.....I can deal with being stubborn.

 

I told ya' you are stuck with us!

[ceez]

college is pretty fun actually. they give you a lot of responsibility to prepare you for adult hood. you can still find help from councilors on campus and if you don't feel comfortable starting off at a big university then you should look up some community colleges. its pretty easy to transfer most of your credits to other colleges and there's more people to help you become more organized. plus I think getting caught up in school work might help you forget about your depression.

[ayekasong]

Heck!

 

And then I google College and found this site:

 

link removed

 

College sounds like hell...

 

Can I ask why you think it sounds like hell? Most of what I saw in that link reiterates how where you go in college is totally up to you. It also states what many of us have said here - that you have choices about how much and in what capacity you can be social.

 

College is a lot of work, but you are often doing a lot more work in subjects that interest you.

[doityourself]

AllDarkness,

 

life is never what you want it to be, no matter what you have you always long for more. Its human nature,

 

Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and since Im in such a terrible mood thats all I will say today.

[tina-rocks]

We all have to endure our own sufferings in life and they vary.. The things that make us stronger sometimes are those struggles..

 

You have to stop telling yourself its useless and be more determined and positive in thinking. I know at times it feels like the bottom of your world is falling out but honestly, if you could try just a little you will find you start to feel better within yourself.

 

I am here if you need someone to vent at or just to talk with.

 

 

Christina x

[AllDarkness]

Can I ask why you think it sounds like hell? Most of what I saw in that link reiterates how where you go in college is totally up to you. It also states what many of us have said here - that you have choices about how much and in what capacity you can be social.

 

College is a lot of work, but you are often doing a lot more work in subjects that interest you.

 

It is very simple. What it says about college is: YOU ARE COMPLETELY ALONE! NOBODY CARES!

 

And actually I forgot to mention something about college that I completely forgot: I AM NOT SMART ENOUGH! COLLEGE REQUIRES THAT YOU ARE INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO FIGURE EVERYTHING OUT ON YOUR OWN!

 

Look at my grades! Look at what I have ever achieved in school! NOTHING!

 

And all IQ-tests shows my IQ to be below 100!

 

And where does that place me:

 

115-124 - Above average (e.g., university students)

125-134 - Gifted (e.g., post-graduate students)

135-144 - Highly gifted (e.g., intellectuals)

145-154 - Genius (e.g., professors)

155-164 - Genius (e.g., Nobel Prize winners)

165-179 - High genius

180-200 - Highest genius

>200 - "Unmeasurable genius"

 

University students 115-124!

 

I think that concludes it...

 

AD,

 

What are you looking for here? Your attitude has improved a lot since your first post, but you are bound and determined to find the negative in everything, and convince yourself that no matter what any of us say, it is hopeless, and you are doomed to a life of misery.

 

You don't give us much to go on here. Vague generalities about "others" and dismissing any opportunities for change. It's hard to help someone who doesn't want help.

 

Do you want help?

 

Because if all you are looking for here is for us to tell you it's helpless, you're barking up the wrong tree. That's not what we are here for.

 

It's NOT helpless. There ARE things you can do. You are not the only person who has ever felt like a total loser at some point in their lives. So instead of offering a sarcastic "Well good for you" when someone opens up & shares their story hoping to inspire you, why not accept the encouragement in the spirit it is offered and actually consider if something IS helpful.

 

You seem to only respond to parts of posts you can argue, dispute or put down....

 

HOW does that help you?

 

I ask again- tell us something good about yourself. Forget what you've DONE in the past, and tell us WHO you intend to be.

 

Do you intend to be caring?

Do you intend to be kind?

Do you want to be stronger?

Do you want to accept kindness?

 

Come on- you wouldn't hate the world if you didn't feel the judgement you are so intent on percieving from it was unfair. If it's unfair, it's because the world doesn't recognize the person you could be, the person you want to be, the person you ARE.

 

We're not here because we're gluttons for punishment- we want to help you, to be a friend of sorts to you.

 

But you have to let us, or it won't work.

 

You are right...I give up...

[Scorpion Fury]

I gotta go do work son...but I will be back in just a bit and if not I will log in from home later tonight, just for you, cause I have some things I want to say.